“Look. I am sorry. I like you Jarrek. You do things to my body and treat me like a goddess, but I don't know you. We haven't spent any real time together, just talking and learning about each other. I can't and won't be with someone who cannot consider my wants. I have been down that path and it leads to heartache and depression. Is there a way to undo the bond? I never got to ask.”
Jarrek felt as though she was shredding his soul with her words. The happiest moment of his, life and it had just been broken into a billion pieces. Tears rushed to his eyes, but he did his best to push them back as he said in a voice made gravelly from the suppressed emotions, “You hate me so much, little bird? I thought that you had chosen me when you followed me into the cleanser and initiated our love play. I thought you were as happy as I am that we had found one another in the googolplexes of stars and planets in the galaxies. I am sorry that you do not find that I am good enough for you, but there is no way to undo the bond that is known to me.”
Jarrek stood up from the bed and straightened his shoulders. Going to the wall he dialed up another suit of armor; dressing he turned to her and gave a small bow and said, “I apologize Hailey, but I must attend to my duties at this time. I am neglecting my people. I will give you your space and will see if there is something that I can do to give you your freedom from me and dissolve our bond.”
Jarrek turned and strode from the room as fast as possible. He did not wish to unman himself by falling to his knees crying and begging her to love him as much as he loved her. Mayhap Loku could counsel him on where he had gone wrong. If there was anyone on this ship who knew everything about him, it would be his friend from boyhood and former lover. He also would not expect him to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall even now.
Hailey watched Jarrek leave and didn't miss the significance of his calling her by name. He rarely even used it. Preferring to call her Jabir minka or my little bird, which meant the same thing, but one she heard in English and the other in his language. It seemed to depend on how he said it to her. Hailey saw the stiffness in his gait when he walked out the door and hated that she had upset him. He would recover with time.
She knew that to most men, women were as interchangeable as batteries. He would find another woman that he could worship with his lips and hands and body. She ignored the fact that the idea of him with another woman squeezed her heart in a vise and made jealousy raise its big ugly head, curl her hands into fists for the fight and snarl a challenge.
Her heart already saw them as a couple. Her soul felt whole and complete when in his arms and presence, but too many times she had followed her heart and been crushed into the dirt. It was why she waited with Greg. Waiting until he proposed before she lowered her guard, and look how that ended. She had almost killed herself. She hadn't even told her momma just how close she had come.
If she could get the bond to break before it took hold, then she could escape before she gave any more of herself to Jarrek. If the bond couldn't be severed and Jarrek changed his mind, started asking her to lose weight or started criticizing her, than that would be the end of her. She would give in and just end it. He really had to find a way break it soon.
Hailey got out bed and went to the cleanup. Jarrek needed time away from her, she understood, but she wouldn't be stuck in this room while everyone else was working at something. There had to be something she could do. Finding her gown on the floor just inside the bathroom, she put it back on and stepped into the energy shower. She didn't know how to make another, so she hoped it would work on her gown as well.
Three minutes later, she was stepping out of Jarrek's room and walking down the corridor towards the elevator. Just as she was about to step inside she heard her name called. Turning around she was pleased to see Sidhawk and another man coming towards her.
“Hey Sid. I'm glad you found me. I was hoping to find something to do or someway to help contribute to the battle about to take place.” Hailey said.
“You wish to contribute? This is good. Let us go back to Jarrek's rooms so that I may converse with you. I have an idea on how you can help.” The stranger said to her.
“Um sure. Who are you? Have we met?” Hailey asked. He looked pissed at her, but she had never met him before. She looked at him closely trying to see if she had seen him somewhere on the ship. He would be handsome if he wasn't looking so angry.
He was taller even than Jarrek by about four inches with the deepest brown hair she had ever seen. With its black highlights it almost turned it all black. His skin was the same deep red of Jarrek's but he had obsidian and gold eyes. His mouth was pinched in anger so she didn't know how full his lips were, but he had a square jaw and hawk-like nose.
He was just a muscular as Jarrek, but looked even more dangerous. She wasn't sure she wanted to be alone with him. “Only if Sidhawk is present. I have not been introduced to you. I know Jarrek said that I was safe here, but I would rather not take that chance. I'm sure you understand.”
“My name, if you require it, is Loku Rai Trindon. I am the Senior First Officer of this battle destroyer. I am also Jarrek's best friend. I have been his companion since we were four ansis old. I will not harm you. To harm you would be to harm Jarrek and that is something that I would die before I do. This is something that you, apparently, do not know the meaning of, or feel. Now, let us go to your rooms.” Loku told her and began to lead her back the way she came.
Hailey pulled her arm from Loku's grip and stepped back. “I don't think so. If you have something, you wish to say to me, that’s fine. You can say it right here and right now and then go back to your duties, or just piss off.”
Loku looked down at the gorgeous woman in front of him and felt nothing but disgust. She held the soul of a man who would die for her, and she looked as though she did not care. She just took it and tore it, crushed it and then ground it under her dainty feet.
“Fine. I do not care if others hear. I was only trying to show you a common courtesy. Another thing you seem to be lacking. Yes, you are gorgeous, beyond compare, I freely admit it, but your outer beauty is only that, outer. You must be heartless and without a soul if you can treat my Prince in the manner that you have. This man sings your praises to all. Talks endlessly of your beauty, how much he loves you and what he wants to show you, or give you when we get back to our native planet. I am sick of hearing how much he desires you, but that he is scared that you won't be able to handle his passion, as you are a delicate blossom that he doesn't want to crush. You want to contribute and help this battle, well then you can take your tiny ass up to the bridge, get on your knees, and then apologize to Jarrek. I understand that you are his Cordisa and due some modicum of respect, but respect must be earned, and you have not earned mine. He is thinking of giving himself to Varill so that he can die and you can be free. You took the most precious moment of his life and turned it into something worse than his greatest nightmare. Now, he contemplates leaving our world without its next leader. Why, because he bonded your lives together and he did not, what? Did he forget to declare his undying love for you to all? Perhaps he forgot to make some grand gesture. Has he not shown you with every atom and molecule of his being that he will love you for all time? Please tell me.”
Inside Hailey was crying at the horrible words coming out of Loku’s mouth. Outside all she showed was pissed. “I must say that it sure is real nice to meet someone who is omnipotent. So omnipotent, that he knows of the horrors of my life and past. Knows of the things that remain buried deep and have never seen the light of day to anyone other than my nightmares, and yet, still sees me as heartless for wanting a choice. For wanting time to speak with Jarrek and find out who he is, what he stands for, believes in. That I am at fault for wanting some say in how my life is to be. I am sorry that I have broken his heart. I feel as though he did the same to me when he did not ask if I was ready to bond.” Hailey spewed angrily at Loku, embarrassed to feel a few tears slip from the hold she was trying to keep on them and slide dow
n her cheek. Swiping at them impatiently, she told Loku.
“Instead of standing here chastising me for something that is clearly not your business, why don’t you tell him how much better he is without me and help him find a way to break the bond without his death? I may be the evil bitch as far as you are concerned, but I care for Jarrek very much and would never want to see him dead. Now, unless your jealousy has more to impart, fuck off.” Not actually giving Loku a chance to spew any more vitriol her way, Hailey stepped around him and walked off down the corridor. She would find somewhere else to be.
12.
Conversation with a Goddess
Sidhawk looked over at Loku and contemplated hitting him. He was so angry that Loku had dragged him to witness that conversation. “I cannot believe that you forced me to witness that. What is wrong with you?” He asked.
“What? You know why I am angry. She told Jarrek that she wants him to find a way to undo the bond. She has rejected him. You know what this means to him, to all of us.” Loku answered. Completely taken by surprise with the amount of anger Sidhawk was showing him. The little engineer was normally the most placid of individuals. Rarely angry, he was submissive to Kirrek’s wants and desires.
“She was right, you know. We know nothing of her life. From the little bit of information gleamed from our conversations, she led me to believe that the men of her planet think her fat and undesirable. Now she finds herself in a situation that is the opposite and Jarrek has worshiped her. She would find that suspicious, in truth, so would you find it. I would if our positions reversed. Add to that the discovery of what the Krakill did to her body; something she was unaware of until that message came through. She then watched, as her body is debased, abused and violated. Not only to see, but know that a portion of the crew saw her in that position, would you want someone to see that happen to you? Take just that small bit into account, the small part of her life that we are aware. Would you be ready to jump headfirst into a relationship because someone said to you that it was fated? Theirs to love protect and bond? Jarrek is so in love with her that he considers what went on before he found her inconsequential; he has not necessarily dismissed those concerns, but knows that he can remedy them through their bond. She is not from our planet and they do not bond on her world. They only have a ceremony to join as a couple. Jarrek had not explained the bonding to her. I did when she asked and I know that I probably did a poor job of it. Tell me true Loku, would you then wish to bond? Would you not wish to return to what is familiar and known to you? No matter that, things are not ideal and you are unhappy?”
“Shivak loch croin! You know the answer to that already Sidhawk. I am a Cruvek and know it. I did not stop to think when Jarrek all but said that he was going to die to free her. I panicked and wanted to make her apologize and make him happy. He cannot die. Do the males of her planet really think that she is undesirable? The whole male population must be stupid.” Loku felt horrible now. Sidhawk had made him think of the situation from her perspective and he liked it not at all. He needed to return to Jarrek and convince him that not all was lost. To make the same points to Jarrek that Sidhawk had made to him. “I am off to try to convince our Prince that all is not lost. Say a prayer to the Goddess that this all turns out right. When it is, I will apologize to our Queen on my knees and offer her my head. Think you that will be enough?” Loku asked.
“I personally think that when Jarrek absorbs that memory, you will require more mercy from him. Good luck.” Sidhawk offered before taking off in the direction Hailey went.
Hailey had no clue where she was at, or where she was going. Ever since her abduction, all these stupid girly feelings were everywhere. She had cried more during this episode in her life, than ever. Even during her teenage crush years, she hadn’t been this bad. Edmondson women, didn’t cry, they got things done and cried in private. Yet, she had cried on Jarrek several times now and then in front of that big jerk. He was just jealous that he would need to find a new sex partner if they couldn’t break the bond.
Turning a corner she found herself in a front of a jewel encrusted door. Stepping forward the doors parted and Hailey sucked in her breath. She found herself in a beautiful atrium filled with flowers and growing plant life. The ceiling was at least fifty feet high and was covered in stars. Hailey wasn’t sure if it was a fresco painting or real stars it was so amazing. Continuing forward slowly, she ran her fingers over leaves, petals, and stamens. She leaned forward to see what they all smelled like. Each was unique, but blended together to perfume the air in an intoxicating bouquet. This place was gorgeous. She could spend hours in this room.
Hailey came to a columned archway with white velvet curtains tied open to reveal a garden and a statue of a woman who was curvy and as generously proportioned as she was. She could have been gazing at herself in the mirror, with the exception of facial features and hair. The only word that came to mind was, “Wow.” This was surely their chapel. Sidhawk had mentioned they worshiped the Goddess.
She stood proudly, with her shoulders back, her breasts pushed out to tempt a man. She had one hip cocked and the gown they had put her in, wrapped around her neck and crisscrossed her breasts tightly enough to show protruding nipples. It wrapped around her hip and pinned together at the joint there, with a small rope chain. Leaving the right side gaping and showing all of the right leg and ending at the left ankle. Her right arm was cocked on her right hip above the chain and her left hand was outstretched as if to greet a lover. Her expression shouted sexy, passion filled nights.
A curving bench in a semi-circle sat in front of the Goddess with pillowed cushions. At her feet were thousands upon thousands of letters. Some sealed, some open to anyone’s perusal. Hailey walked up to the statue and ran a hand over the Goddesses outstretched hand.
“So you are the Goddess, huh? They never told me your name. Wonder if they consider your name sacred, so don’t use it often. Well, I’m in a fix all right. Jarrek insists we are fated hearts, that you created us to be together, but where I come from, that kind of thing doesn’t exist. Well, some people believe in soul mates. I used to be one of them. A secret romantic, covered in snark and sass and destined to be hurt repeatedly until I threw in the towel and became a realist. I'm not sure I want to be bonded. I had Sidhawk describe it to me, ya know? Talk about scary! That is what a real horror story looks like to me. My planet delights in trying to tell stories that scare you and make you scream. Too bad I always either laughed so hard I almost peed my pants, or rolled my eyes because the storyline was ridiculous. All they really needed was the idea of bonding. To have no secrets allowed between mates, nowhere to hide the nightmares, every thought, feeling and experience to lay bare before another? That scares every cell in my body. You really should have thought about that a little more, my friend. No one really wants to know the truth of your thoughts. They want banalities, and for you to agree with the way they feel and think. Sometimes, all someone needs is just a body to listen.” Hailey finished tracing the statues hand and stepped away to recline on the bench. Just as she had reclined completely, she almost did scream. The statue lowered her arm and stepped towards her. “Holy crap!” Hailey cried and moved to roll off the bench and run away when the statue spoke to her.
“Darling there is nothing holy about crap. It’s just shit. We all must on occasion. Now please don't have a heart attack dear, as I must be brief. Yes, I am really talking with you. . I am Annikatalamenaria. You may call me Annika or Goddess. I have animated this statue for a brief moment so that I can try to smack some sense into your southern head. Yes, I know who you are and your life story. Can we skip the disbelief section and go right to the Jarrek is your mate section and move on? Thank you. Yes, my daughter, I made Jarrek just for you. I am sorry that your life was toughI am sorry for Greg and all the other idiots. Some were destined and some were unfortunately life on your planet. You reached a little closer to the edge than I liked, so I sent your mother to help pull you away from it. I loved your sna
rk to Loku. He needs more of it and just waits until he sees whom I have destined for him! Girl you are going to laugh so hard you pee!”
Annika slapped her knee lightly at that, and sat down next to her. She put on a serious face and said, “However, you made some good points that I don't think that you realize should have also applied to you. Did you stop to think, what Jarrek was feeling or going through? He has been waiting for fourteen hundred years for the gift that you are to him. You have waited a measly, well we won't discuss age. It's rude between women. He knew what a bond entailed, grew up praying to me about it. Looked forward to a day when he could meet and love you with everything that he is, even if he had to cross over to the other side without finding you here while he was alive. As soon as his body let him know that you were that promise, he loved you. Jarrek will take all that has happened in your past, every horror visited upon you and they will be as nothing to him. They will be something to avenge, another excuse to hold you and love your body to replace those horrible things. To share the burden until it is as light as a feather and easily discarded. That my dear is a bond. You will know, with every fiber of your being that he loves you, lives for you and will lay a universe at your feet if you need it. He thought you had decided to accept him as you came to him in the cleanser. He didn't stop to think of the vishna and the affect it had on you, even though he was warned of the possible side effects. He was elated to be able to bond you and spend his life loving you. By the way, vishna is ten times worse than tequila dear. It will wipe away all you inhibitions. Quite delicious stuff, I know. I pop over to Jarrek's estate whenever I need another case.”
Knight in Shining Alien?: Athrian Warriors Book One Page 11
