“Why?” Domini cleared her throat and tried again. “Why did you do it? You don’t want to marry me.”
“I had my reasons.”
“More secrets, Luke?”
It was the pleading that reached him. “Would you believe me if I said I did it to protect you?”
She studied him for several minutes, somewhat surprised that he stayed still and waited. “Do you consider me a child as Amanda—I mean, your mother—”
“Don’t ever call her that!” There was a blaze of anger in his eyes as he hauled her to her feet.
“She never wanted me. And never once—ah, hell, forget it. Finish what you were gonna say.”
Her fingers trembled as she lifted her hand to cup his cheek. “I want to believe you. I want to trust you.”
“But?”
She looked away from his intense gaze. Her hand slid down and she pushed against his chest. “Let me go, Luke. I’m confused. I need time alone to sort this out.”
“Toma,” he said, giving her a rough little shake, “isn’t gonna give you much time. And if you’ve got any thoughts of leaving, forget them. What Grady said in there,” he grated from between clenched teeth, nodding toward the door, “means that no one but no one will leave the ranch now.”
“Not even you.”
“Not even me.” He gazed at her bowed head, and desire—that strong possessive force that made him want to rip Matt apart for touching her—rose until he could feel himself shake.
“Domini?” The moment she looked up at him, his mouth descended on hers. He was thorough, and not particularly gentle. But then, he wasn’t feeling any gentle, tender emotions. All the antagonism raised by his coming back, raised by Toma’s grand scheme and what was between him and Domini, was there in that kiss, but it was charged and explosive with more. Much more than he wanted to name.
When Luke released her, Domini, flushed and breathless, took a step backward, leaning against the settee. Her legs were trembling so much she was in danger of collapsing on the floor.
“Don’t ever—”
“No more, Luke.”
His hand rose and brushed against her breast. “Matt will never make your heart pound like that.”
Mutely she stared up at him, seeing the mockery fade suddenly from his eyes, watching them grow curiously intent as his hand moved with new purpose on the swell of her breast, his fingers seeking the tumescent nipple through the thin cloth of her bodice. She shivered with awakened desire.
Luke dropped his hands to his sides. “Don’t expect me to apologize. Just remember what I told you. Toma’s a bastard, Amanda’s a bitch, and Matt’s their son. I wouldn’t take bets on a nest of rattlers surviving the three of them.”
“Then I will need to pray very hard for strength, Luke.”
“If it gives you comfort, go ahead. Lock the door.”
Domini nodded and heard him cross to the door. She almost called out to him, but bit her lip.
Domini didn’t rise to lock the door; she couldn’t move from where she huddled at one end of the settee. Watching the fire, she finally admitted to herself that the Indian troubles made her a virtual prisoner on the ranch.
It did little good to berate herself for not making a firm declaration that taking vows was her true vocation. The convent and the life it offered had always been there, security, protection. Now, by her admission she had lost it. Innate honesty forced her to acknowledge that she had told them the truth. And to herself now, she added that the time she had spent with Luke had influenced her. She couldn’t seem to put aside as easily the desire she felt.
But desire had not prompted Luke’s offer. He didn’t want to marry her. Could he have told her the truth, that he had offered to protect her? Was she in danger from Toma, Amanda, and Matt?
Rubbing her head, feeling the tension that made it pound, she stared into the brightly burning fire. Amanda had planned to use her all these years. She was the foolish child the woman had called her, but no one could force her to marry. She had to cling to that. Toma could threaten all he wanted, yet there was no way he could force her to repeat wedding vows to either of his sons.
Could he?
Domini woke with a crick in her neck from the awkward position she had slept in on the settee. A knock at the door roused her as she blinked at the sunlight flooding the room. The fire had been reduced to ash, she saw, stretching the aches from cramped limbs.
Hearing Lucy call out and knock again, Domini rose and went to the door. Lucy waited with her arms full of clean, pressed laundry.
“Miz Colfax would like you to join her for breakfast soon as you’re dressed.”
Domini watched the efficient, tall young woman make her way to the dresser. “Did she say why, Lucy?”
“No. She wouldn’t be saying much to me.”
“But you know, don’t you?” When Lucy hesitated, then looked at Domini, her plain features almost without expression, Domini knew she was right. “I imagine there are few secrets kept from you and the other members of the household.”
“I don’t gossip.”
“I didn’t ask you to, Lucy. I simply wanted to know—”
“She sent for you. That’s all the reason she needs.”
“I see.”
“Soon as I fetch hot water, I’ll help you get dressed.”
“That won’t be necessary. I’m not comfortable having someone wait on me.” Domini walked to the window, and found that it faced the back of the house. She could make out the corrals and the crowd of men around one of them. She thought of Luke’s deal to break horses. And with that reminder came the memory of the scars on his back. And last night…
Toma saying, “I’ll skin your hide,” and Luke’s reply, “She already tried that.”
She bit down on her hand to keep from crying out. Dear Lord, what had Luke lived with in this house? How could anyone survive such hate? How could a woman hate a child she had given birth to? What hold did Amanda have on Toma that he would have allowed her to whip his son?
Secrets.
Domini found herself rubbing her arms against the inner chill that rose inside her despite the warmth of the streaming sunlight.
“I’ll come back and take you to Miz Colfax,” Lucy said.
Delving into questions would serve her no purpose now, so Domini turned away from the window. Lucy had filled the washbasin behind the screen with hot water. Spread on the bed that Domini had not slept in was her clean chemise and petticoats. A pair of ladies high-button shoes rested on the floor. Next to the stockings on the bed, Lucy had put out a two-piece printed calico polonaise. It was the only other presentable gown that Domini had to wear. Eyeing the shoes again, she was surprised that Amanda had not commented on her moccasins.
Foolishness! Yes, but she needed to concentrate on such foolish items or the pain would be back in full force. She needed her mind clear to deal with Amanda.
Hurrying to strip off her wrinkled gown, Domini refused to dwell on the reason for Amanda’s summons. Nor could she form a plan of action. The image of Luke’s back kept coming to mind. Domini felt anger swell into rage against Amanda as she washed and dressed.
She ignored the shoes and laced her moccasins on. The long, ruffle-trimmed skirt hid them. She buttoned the bodice that extended past her hips, its drapery looped back to form the polonaise. She wasn’t vain about her appearance—vanity was not indulged at the mission—but she did take the time to inspect herself while she brushed out her hair. The gray background of the cloth was enlivened by tiny yellow flower sprigs. She found the matching yellow ribbon and used it to tie her braid. Luke had kept the hairpins he had taken from her last night. She was disappointed to find herself appearing a young schoolgirl, when she wished to meet Amanda as an equal. Squaring her shoulders, Domini heard Lucy at the door. She followed the maid not to the dining room, as she had expected, but to Amanda’s suite.
The drawing room Lucy led her to was opposite the fro
nt parlor. Gold drapes were pulled across the front windows, but it was light enough to see that everything in the room was gold and white. Gilt furniture, the lines delicate, was covered in a variety of white embroidered materials. White on white. Domini thought it strange. It was not a room that welcomed anyone to sit and be comfortable. But then, she reminded herself, Amanda wasn’t a woman who made one feel welcome and comfortable.
Tabletops were crowded with porcelain figurines, crystal, and glassware. Domini had the impression that Amanda had invested a great deal of effort to remind anyone entering this room of the Colfax wealth.
Lucy opened a door at the end of the room where she waited. Domini hurried forward. This was a smaller sitting room, again furnished in white and gold. A round table was set for two in the middle of the room. There was no sign of Amanda, and when she turned, it was to see Lucy close the door behind her.
Domini was drawn to the gilt-framed portrait above the fireplace. It was Amanda, a much younger Amanda, hair flowing free over a white gown. Pink roses were scattered around the gown’s hem, but it was the face, more precisely Amanda’s eyes, that captured Domini’s attention. There was a hint of a smile on Amanda’s lips, but the eyes sparkled. The artist had caught the first moments of laughter.
The more she stared up at the painting, the more saddened Domini felt. What had happened to make Amanda such a bitter, vicious-tempered woman?
“I was seventeen when that was painted.”
“And happy,” Domini said, turning around to find Amanda, dressed in a blue silk morning gown, lifting the silver covers off the serving pieces.
“Yes. I was very happy that day. My father had accepted a proposal of marriage from someone I loved. Come join me. I am sure you will find that Ellamay is an excellent cook.”
Domini took the place across from her, hands folded in her lap while Amanda served poached eggs over steaming biscuits.
“So tense, Dominica? There is no need. I invited you to join me for breakfast, not to be the meal.”
“Why?” Domini blurted out, realizing that Amanda was right. She was drawn tight with tension.
Setting aside a delicate china cup, Amanda sat back. “Everything went wrong last night. Toma is not a man who will ever understand subtlety or acquire patience. My hopes were for you and me to have an opportunity to know one another. I also wished for Matt to have a—”
“Amanda, I’m not marrying Matt.” Domini gave up any pretense of attempting to eat.
“I am sorry to hear you say that. In the absence of your parents I had hoped that you would be willing to allow my knowledge and experience to guide you. I simply did not want you to make the same mistake I did.”
Domini glanced at the painting, then back at Amanda. “Toma wasn’t the man who you loved.”
A statement, not a question, but Amanda answered her. “No. Toma was not the man I loved. He was a man I lost due some unfortunate debts my father accumulated within months. When my fiancé discovered the extent of debt, he called off our engagement. I was broken-hearted and humiliated. Seventeen is such a dangerous age for young women who believe that they know what is best for them.
“Toma was visiting his cousin. We met, and while he was older, much older than any man I had been attracted to, Toma had one advantage none other could give me. He was leaving for the western territories to try his luck at mining. I decided to go with him.”
“You weren’t in love with him?”
“No. Love at that time was vastly overrated. A fickle emotion suitable for children to dream about. I was attracted to him. He was handsome, wild enough to be a little dangerous, but very tempting. As I said, Toma’s most attractive feature was his intent to take me away from painful memories.”
Amanda shrugged and reached out for her china coffee cup. “I admit it was not a good reason for a marriage, but it was one that made perfect sense to me at the time. I refused to listen to my mother’s warnings that I could never change him. I was not wise enough to hear her counsel about his temper. I certainly was beyond having respect for my father’s opinion.
“You see, Dominica, I blamed my father for losing my love with all the foolish blindness that the young are capable of doing.”
“Why are you telling me this?” She watched Amanda take a delicate, cat-like sip of her coffee.
“I see within you the same spirit I once had. If you choose the wrong man, Dominica, it will be snuffed like an unwanted, unneeded candle.”
“Last night you said that you knew what my father wanted for me. How could you? Weren’t he and Toma alone in these mountains looking for gold?”
“Is that what they told your mother?” Amanda’s short laugh was bitter. “No, they were not here alone. Toma had built a small cabin on the very spot where this house now stands. We were living here when he returned with your father.
“I know how angry you are, Dominica, how betrayed you feel. Did it ever occur to you why your father left you and your mother behind in California? Left you both alone to fend for yourselves while he chased after a dream of finding gold? Toma dragged me from one mining site to another for almost fifteen years—”
“You and your sons?”
Amanda’s fingers tightened around the cup until her knuckles showed white. Very carefully, as if she was afraid she would break it, she set the cup down on its plate. Her gaze was chilling as she stared at Domini.
“Yes. He dragged me and my son with him. I am trying to help you avoid my mistakes. What has—”
“Amanda! Stop denying Luke! He’s—”
“Never, do you hear me, Dominica, never dare to raise what has passed between Luke and myself as a subject of conversation again. Toma Colfax claims him as his. I will not speak about this again. Do you understand?”
“Perfectly.” But Domini didn’t. Amanda’s voice was shaken. Last night Luke refused to have her named his mother. Secrets. She was beginning to hate the twists and turns of the Colfaxes.
But Domini couldn’t shake off the feeling that this was something she needed to know to understand Luke. He wouldn’t tell her, and now Amanda refused to discuss it. What could have happened to make her hate her own son?
Looking up to find Amanda thoughtfully studying her, Domini pushed the matter aside. There had been so much more that Amanda revealed. The question of why her father had left them behind begged an answer.
“Amanda, how well did you know my father?”
“He lived with us for eighteen months.”
“I see.” Fussing with the placement of her silverware, Domini tried very hard not to read into that answer more than Amanda stated. But she thought of her mother’s tears, the loneliness she had suffered, the poverty they had both endured, and found that she was not blessed with the gentle goodness that Sister Benedict claimed she had.
“Dominica, I doubt that you fully understand. Your father was very different from Toma. James was a kind man, a most compassionate one. He loved to read. We shared many enjoyable hours with the few books I managed to keep. All those months learning to laugh again made me realize that the marriage I thought myself reconciled to was a failure. I grew bitter with Toma’s verbal abuse, with his women—oh, yes, there were women, Dominica. And then there was his drinking.”
Domini closed her eyes briefly, praying for some guidance. A few moments of silence passed, then she opened her eyes and stared at Amanda.
“What are you telling me?”
“Exactly what you came here to find out.”
Chapter 16
Domini denied Amanda’s words. Eighteen months? If her father had lived with them that long, then Luke had known him very well. Yet she recalled that while Luke admitted knowing who her father was, he had given the impression that it was a casual acquaintance. The deeper she probed into the past, the more secrets turned up to confuse her.
She rubbed her head, feeling tension return to begin the pounding behind her eyes and at the base of her neck. Ha
d Luke actually lied to her? Dear Lord, she couldn’t remember.
“Dominica, did you hear me? That is why you readily agreed to come? To find out about your father’s life and his death?” Amanda nodded and sat back when she saw that she once more had Domini’s attention.
“Yes,” Domini whispered. “Damn you, yes!” She rose and threw her damask napkin down. Bracing both hands on the edge of the table, she leaned forward. “Yes, Amanda, I do want to know the truth. I had to watch my mother die! Do you know what that does to a child? To be made to feel helpless? To know that there was no one to turn to?
“No, how could you know? You’ve been safe and secure here, wrapped in your Colfax money, playing with my life.” Shuddering, Domini closed her eyes, struggling to regain some control. She had been screaming. When she looked across at Amanda, hate rose in a terrifying force. The woman remain unmoved, not a hint of emotion in her eyes.
“Are you finished?”
Domini couldn’t answer her. She was afraid of what she would say or do.
“It is likely that you have a great deal more to say. But please, Dominica, let me answer a few of your questions. Toma did not kill your father. I did not kill him. As for the rest, no, I do not know what it is like to watch a parent die. But I pray that you never experience death of self.”
Amanda rose. “We will speak again. I do believe you are too upset—”
“Bitch.” The moment the word escaped, Domini clamped one hand over her mouth. But when Amanda offered a curt nod and a cold smile, then turned away, Domini realized that she had meant it. The woman was a bitch just as Luke called her. How could she remain unmoved? How could she just walk away?
At the door to her bedroom Amanda turned. “Dry your eyes before you leave, Dominica. There is no point in allowing the servants to have more gossip to spread.”
It wasn’t until the door closed behind Amanda that Domini managed to lift one trembling hand to her face. She was crying.
Her only thought was flight. She ran blindly out to the hall, only to see through her tears that Matt was coming toward her. Domini bolted for the front door just as Mr. O’Malley came out of the parlor.
Whisper My Name Page 16
