To his surprise, Karein smiled fondly and pecked his nose. It was a gentle gesture that held honest affection that had very little to do with the burning lust between them. “I like it when you do that,” he said.
“Do what?” Sari asked, confused.
“You arrange your clothing and play with your hair when you’re nervous, frustrated, or anxious. I love it. It’s sexy.”
Sari had some trouble in processing that answer. He was a little embarrassed at having such a quirk exposed. He’d never realized he even had it, which was likely kind of silly. But most importantly, hearing the word “love” in Karein’s mouth made butterflies flutter their wings wildly in his stomach. He couldn’t be too hopeful. Karein hadn’t said he loved him. And besides, they might be mates, but they’d only just met. They still had so much to learn about each other. Karein desired him, yes, but the mate pull was legendarily strong for draechen. For the moment, Sari needed to take a step back and think things through, before his excitement and infatuation made him fuck up.
In spite of the fist clenching around his heart, Sari smiled at his mate. “I’m glad I please you,” he said neutrally. Seeking some topic of conversation that wouldn’t involve how much he wanted to be with Karein, he fumbled around the door and found the light switch. His senses were far better than that of a human, and he could make out the shape of a couch and a desk in the darkness, but he wanted to see it better. He suspected he knew where Karein had taken him.
As he pressed the button, light flooded the room. The first thing Sari’s gaze fell on was a portrait of the two princes that had been a topic at dinner. “Is this your office?” he asked, quite pointlessly, given that he already knew the answer. “We’re in the imperial wing?”
Karein nodded. “Don’t worry, though. It’s safe, and separate from my father’s wing. No one ever comes here without my permission. Well, no one except Hareem. He tends to overstep his boundaries at times, but mostly, even he knows better.”
His lips twitched in a ghost of a smile, and Sari’s gaze was drawn to that impossibly sexy mouth. Jenarra above, he was hopeless. Quickly, he looked away, focusing on the painting, which really didn’t help, given that Prince Kaelezrin was a lot like Karein. And then Karein gripped Sari’s chin and forced their eyes to meet. “Don’t hide from me, Sari,” he said. “I know I was a little brusque. I wish you could see inside me right now so that you’d know how much I want you. But we have to be careful.”
“I know we do.” Sari couldn’t have looked away from Karein’s face to save his life. “I just want to be with you, to learn you. We don’t have to do anything. Just… Don’t push me away.”
For a few moments, Karein didn’t say anything. His face went completely blank, and that non-expression hurt Sari like a thousand daggers through his chest. At last, Karein took a deep breath, and that strange look vanished. “I’ll try, beautiful. I can’t promise it’ll happen overnight, but I’ll try.”
Sari beamed brightly. It wasn’t a promise of undying love, but they were definitely making progress. If he could get Karein to fully open up to him, the rest would be a piece of cake. There were still too many secrets between them, but in time, that would change. Sari would make sure of it.
Chapter Six
It was dark, too dark. Eanera tried to scan the void, seeking answers to the questions hidden deep within her heart. She sought the comfort of the goddess she believed in with all her might. But her faith was no longer enough. Eanera wanted to see Sari. She wanted to know what would happen to her dear child. Where are you? Where are you, Jenarra? What are you keeping from me?
She knew it was unfair and irrational of her to make demands. The visions came and went as Jenarra wished. Eanera had no control over them, and while she could ask questions, whether Jenarra replied or not was strictly at the goddess’s discretion. This time, Eanera’s inquiries were falling to deaf ears, much to her despair.
A stirring at the back of her skull alerted her that her presence was required elsewhere. Eanera opened her eyes and found herself facing her king. “The emperor is requesting that the wedding be held at the end of the week,” Selbrian said without preamble.
He sat next to her on the couch and sighed heavily. “I wish there could have been another way.”
“We knew it would happen,” Eanera replied. “And we know that Prince Shtamakarein will care for and desire Sari.”
Jenarra hadn’t kept them completely in the dark. Before Sari’s departure, Eanera had been granted several visions, and all of them seemed to suggest that Sari would eventually become close to the draechen prince. In fact, a small part of her was daring to hope that the two of them were mates. She couldn’t be sure, as Jenarra hadn’t confirmed it one way or another, but it made so much sense. Alas, since Sari had left, not even the briefest flash had come to Eanera. It unsettled her.
Unfortunately, Selbrian knew her well, far better than she’d have liked, and he saw right through her. “You’re worried,” he said.
“I am,” Eanera admitted. “Jenarra has been quiet. I miss Sari, and knowing he’s there, in the proverbial lion’s den… I hate it.”
“Do you wish to come?” Selbrian inquired. “I’m going to have to go to Draechenburg. Do you want to join us?”
Eanera hesitated. Yes, she wanted that so much. She should be with her son in such a difficult moment. Even if Sari’s half brother and half sister were with him, he was, right now, essentially alone among strangers, he who had only ever left Rose Noire to go to Eternelle. He was so naive and so fragile. The draechen could break him so easily. Jenarra, what had she been thinking when she had allowed this?
“Eanera?” Selbrian asked when she didn’t immediately answer. “Are you all right?”
Selbrian brushed a finger over her cheek, and Eanera realized that she was crying. As she met his gaze, he saw genuine concern and affection in his eyes. She wanted so much to take what he offered, but contrary to what most people—Sari included—believed, they’d only shared a bed once. Eanera might loathe Onyerre for her treatment of Sari, but the fact remained that Onyerre was married to Selbrian. Eanera had no right to take another woman’s husband away. Jenarra had given her a beautiful gift in allowing her to even experience Selbrian’s passion for that beautiful night, and more importantly, in the product of their union, Sari. She could ask for no more.
Still, just this one time, would it be so bad if she allowed herself the comfort of his embrace? Eanera squashed that thought viciously just as it appeared. Yes, it would be bad. It would be terrible. She was High Priestess. Whether other people believed her to be Selbrian’s concubine or not, she had to respect her position, and his. She couldn’t afford to be just a mother and a woman. She was Jenarra’s chosen envoy, and that would never change. No matter how much she wanted to be with Sari, her place was here, in Rose Noire, in Jenarra’s temple. Not with her child, in Draechenburg. Not with the man she loved, in the Rose Noire throne room. Here, alone with her faith.
Steeling herself, Eanera wiped her tears and shook his head. “I cannot. You know it’s forbidden for me to leave the temple, let alone Rose Noire.”
“I could grant you special permission,” Selbrian replied. “It’s Sari’s wedding. No one would deem it improper.”
Eanera smiled sadly. “You forget, My King, that it isn’t just tradition keeping me here. The High Priestess needs to stay within the citadel. We cannot afford to disperse our troops as we once did, and no matter what happens, I, as head healer and the most powerful fae mage, have to remain here. Sari’s departure is already a serious blow. The safety of Rose Noire and of our people has to be a priority.”
That was the law, ever since Eternelle’s destruction. Back then, the healer mages of the former fae citadel had spread out all throughout the world in an attempt to control the spreading plague, but it had left Eternelle vulnerable. Only the sacrifice of Princes Talrasar and Kaelezrin had saved them all from ultimate disaster, although the city itself had still been destro
yed. When Rose Noire had been erected, the legislators had vowed to never let that happen again.
Selbrian released a heavy sigh. “As always, you’re right. I do wish things were different, but it can’t be helped.”
“I’m going to send Sari a message,” Eanera replied. “He’ll understand.”
He always did, and that was perhaps the worst thing of all. Sari never blamed either her or Selbrian for the fact that they hadn’t been able to fully protect him from Onyerre. He never made irrational demands, and the few times he’d asked for favors, it had never been for himself. It hurt, but Eanera knew Sari didn’t even expect her to come. Her absence would pain him, but what else could Eanera do? Even if she hadn’t been a priestess, she was a Myrthylar. Protecting the fae was in her bloodline. Her family might no longer be the ruling dynasty, but that didn’t change her duty, or Sari’s.
Selbrian didn’t reply to her words. He got up and nodded silently. Briefly, he brushed his lips over her cheek. It was the most intimate contact she had allowed ever since that night they’d spent together. As he pulled away, he finally said, “Just remember that whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
Eanera left the couch as well, arranging her robes as she did so. “So I shall, My King.”
Selbrian kissed her hand, and without further ado, left her quarters. Once he was gone, Eanera knelt on the floor. She thought about her son, about how fearful and uncertain he’d looked the last time she’d seen him. She thought about how many things she wanted to say to him, but she couldn’t. A tear slid down her cheek, burning her skin as it fell. As it fell, it solidified into a white, perfect pearl that landed in her palm.
Eanera murmured a word of thanks to Jenarra. Speaking to her son like this wouldn’t be enough, she knew that already, but she had to believe in Jenarra and Sari. Ivenia itself was at stake, and Eanera’s emotions, no matter how intense, didn’t matter. They never did.
* * * *
“Kael, we have to do something. I don’t think there’s any other way.”
Kael held onto his mate tightly and kissed the fae’s forehead. No, there wasn’t, but just the thought of what they were planning made Kael sick to his stomach. “I don’t want to lose you, love. I can’t lose you. The world needs your light.”
Talrasar hugged him back. “We’ll still be together.” His voice was trembling, as if he was holding back tears. “I promise I’ll never leave you. But… Oh, Jenarra, Kael… My shields are falling. We need to decide now.”
The werewolves and the vampires were closing in on them. They were so many, too many. Not even Kael could take them all out. His power drained energy, and by rights, he should have been able to hold back the advance of the enemy forces by stealing their life force. But even he had his limits, and there was only so much energy that a mortal body could contain.
Meanwhile, Talrasar was desperately trying to shield the remaining survivors of Eternelle from the attack. But reinforcements hadn’t arrived. King Amarion was likely still on the front himself and wouldn’t be able to send aid in time. Kael couldn’t expect further help from his own people. Therefore, he and Talrasar were on their own.
There was one last thing they could do, one final desperate step that could save their world from falling. Here and now, the vampire and werewolf armies had gathered as a crushing force meant to eliminate one of the greatest powers on Earth. It was the perfect chance for a devastating counter-attack. But to do so, to fight back, Kael had to die. He’d have eagerly given his own life in service of his people and his duty, but this spell, this enchantment would imply Talrasar dying as well. And that was something Kael simply could not accept. His dragon roared angrily inside him, protesting the thought. Let everyone else die. He didn’t care as long as his mate was safe.
And then, Talrasar pressed their lips together, and Kael felt something stir inside him. He saw a flash of a different time, of a different man, embracing someone else. It was so brief, but it gave him hope. For this world to survive, for that future to be possible, Kael had to sacrifice the thing he treasured most. He had to kill his own mate. He’d have never done it, but a soothing light filled him, whispering unintelligible promises in his ear. Talrasar was right. They would still be together, no matter what happened.
As their lips parted, Kael met Talrasar’s gaze. “I love you so much. Please forgive me.”
“I love you, too, and there’s nothing to forgive.” Talrasar smiled. “We’ll find our way back to each other. I’m sure of it.”
Everything would be over. Their lives, their world as they knew it would be gone. But they had no other choice. Without giving himself another moment to hesitate, Kael reached for the thread keeping him anchored to Talrasar. Only he and his chosen mate could ever break it, but it would shatter them both. Closing his eyes, Kael sent another “I love you” to his mate and tore the bond.
* * * *
Karein roared as his eyes shot open. For a few moments, everything was darkness. His energy flailed wildly out of him, crashing futilely against the metal walls. Finally, as his own identity settled into him, his vision cleared and he could see again. Great. Another of those fucked-up death dreams. It was the last thing he needed right now.
Groaning, Karein got up and fumbled with the pattern on the door. With some effort, he managed to open it and stumbled into the bedroom. What were these dreams supposed to mean? The day before, he’d gone to his supposed bed feeling a little more at peace with himself. After all, he’d finally found his mate, his other half. In spite of everything still standing between them, it was certainly good news. And now, this dream. It was one of the worst nightmares to date, which was saying a lot, given how many times he’d seen Kael and Talrasar die together.
He tasted bile in his throat as a flash of those final moments passed through his mind’s eye once more. He barely managed to reach the bathroom before it got too much. Karein dropped to his knees and threw up. As he heaved over the toilet, he tried to exorcise the guilt and death of another man and focus on his own priorities. He couldn’t do this. He hadn’t had such a bad reaction to a nightmare since they’d first started, nearly two centuries ago. At the time, Karein had only been a hatchling. It was unforgivable for him to act like this now. For fuck’s sake, he was a general, the most feared shifter on Earth. What would his foes say if they saw him weak and on his knees because of a dream? What would his mate think?
The thought snapped him out of his trance. He began to recover, and the dry heaves stopped. He struggled to his feet and washed his face, grimacing when he noticed his reflection in the mirror. He looked like he’d been through a battle with twenty-five werewolves and lost. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, the image of his own face vanished, melting into the one painted in so many portraits Karein himself had commissioned. Kaelezrin’s face.
With an angry roar, Karein punched the mirror, sending shards of glass flying all over the place. Fortunately for Karein, his skin was quite tough even in human form, so he wouldn’t be cut, not that Karein would have cared either way. He was angry and frustrated, sick of having his happiness shattered like the mirror he himself had broken, sick of asking himself what it all meant and of the darkness encroaching on his mind at the worst possible times. Damn it, he had a little time left. He hadn’t hit his two hundredth birthday yet. Why was he being plagued by the memories and pain of someone else?
All right. He had to stop it. He needed to focus. This wasn’t anything new, and he could handle it. Nodding to himself, Karein gathered the glass and threw it in the trash. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in one of the shards. Kaelezrin was gone. Karein was just himself, the son of Kavehquader and Rowenasheb Tersain, general of the Chrysalidian Wyverns and Sareltae Norrenddare’s mate. He was also Hareematek Tersain’s brother, and as all those things, he had a thousand and one things to do. He couldn’t afford to fall apart.
Already feeling a little better, Karein returned to his room and dressed for his day. For the moment, Har
eem refused to consider returning Taryn to his people, so that matter would have to wait. But Sari couldn’t. Karein desperately wanted to see the fae, to make sure Sari was all right. After finishing his preparations, Karein stalked out of the room and headed directly for the guest wing.
He changed his mind at the last moment. What was he going to do, just knock at Sari’s door? Would that even be appropriate? Of course it would, his dragon replied. Sari belonged to him. By rights, they shouldn’t have slept apart in the first place. Karein frowned at his own thoughts. Once he got married, he and Sari would have to share a bed. What would happen if he had one of those horrible nightmares while Sari was next to him? Overlords, Karein didn’t even want to imagine it.
And what if the voices from his childhood returned? Karein was studiously ignoring their possible cause, but that didn’t change the fact that it had been there. More importantly, it didn’t wash the blood off Karein’s hands.
It was all so very confusing. Karein had never figured out the true connection between his episodes of near schizophrenia as a child and his nightmares, if there was one. Did it even have any link to his steady advance toward his two hundredth birthday, or was it something different? Karein didn’t know anything anymore, except for the fact that he was a complete mess. Sari deserved much better. He might not be safe at Karein’s side.
Karein was so lost in his horror that he didn’t even realize his steps had carried him to one of the numerous dining rooms until he was already walking inside. There, his eyes fell on his mate, sitting at the table with Prince Misael and Princess Charlize, as well as with Karein’s own siblings.
Hareem greeted him cheerfully. “Good morning, brother. We didn’t expect to see you at breakfast since you never eat with us.”
“I decided to make an exception,” Karein replied. He sat down next to Sari, ignoring the puzzled looks the rest of the fae threw his way. Obviously, the aftereffects of his bad morning were still showing.
Draechen's Mate [Chronicles of the Shifter Directive 2] (Siren Publishing Epic Romance, ManLove) Page 8
