by Drew Elyse
I wouldn’t give up my Emmy for anything in the world.
Not even Gabe.
Not even to spare myself everything that had happened since I left.
That knowledge, though it didn’t erase the pain, got me through each day. And it got me off that step and back inside.
Four days later, I was at the clubhouse for the first time since my return. The building serving as the headquarters for the Disciples was once a warehouse for a chain furniture store that went belly-up. The location was relatively remote, no other warehouses or businesses nearby, nothing much at all around for a couple miles. The bank that seized the property was desperate to move it and got no takers, so Dad told me the club got it for a song. Good thing, too, because they had to sink a lot of money into making the large, cavernous space into a proper clubhouse.
Now, it housed a huge lounge area with several couches, TVs, a top of the line sound system, bar, pool table—everything the guys wanted. Decorated in bikers-don’t-do-frilly chic, the furniture, showing the wear it received, was very comfortable, though not exceedingly attractive. Beyond that was a huge kitchen with twice the counter and storage space of an average home, though it was not done up like a true industrial kitchen. There was also a large room that remained locked at all times where the guys had church—their private, members-only meetings. Then, halls led to a variety of rooms.
All the guys had their own rooms at the clubhouse. If they didn’t want to go home, partied too much to make it, or were on a club-wide lockdown, they stayed there. A few might be all-out living there at any given time. It was up to them. The rooms were large, with big beds and plenty of space for furniture including a desk and such. Each also had a private bathroom.
There were extra rooms, too. These might go to new prospects, be available for guests, or they might be rooms where guys fucked particularly skanky club girls they didn’t want in their own rooms. When I was younger, I had my own room next to Dad’s. When I was really little, if we were to stay at the clubhouse, I would share his. As I grew up, he claimed one just for me.
That refurbished warehouse, even more than the farmhouse we were staying at, was like home to me. It was where I had spent most of my time as a kid, besides school. Dad and I had a house in town, but club business had no set hours and even when there was nothing to do, Dad liked to have us both around his brothers. Our house was more a place where we slept than a true home. Where the Disciples were—that was home.
Being back was difficult. Being back with all the Disciples in attendance was even harder.
The club was having a party. The guys did this often enough. I was reassured it wasn’t for Emmy and I, but I wasn’t buying it, mostly because I had gotten different answers. Roadrunner told me it was just for shits and giggles. Tank told me it was because Cami and Gauge were back from their mini-Honeymoon. That was the reason I found more suspicious since the club had just hosted their wedding and reception at the farmhouse the weekend before, and they’d been back for a couple days already. The Disciples might love a party, but two that close together weren’t likely.
I didn’t say anything. Emmy was exuberant, whether the party was for her or not.
The party had been in full swing for a few hours, the sun mostly set and big fire pits lighting the yard. Everyone wandering around the land behind the clubhouse had drinks and increasingly empty plates of smoked pork.
“I love this,” Deni cheered from beside me.
I turned my attention back to the picnic table I was sitting at. Across from me was Deni, a tiny blonde like me, but with far more attitude, who was married to Slick. Slick had been with the club since he was just eighteen, and he and Deni were together when she was still in high school. She didn’t grow up with the club, but I knew her for several years before I left. Now, she and Slick had a little girl, Jules, who was one, and Deni was pregnant with their second. Next to me was Cami. The new bride was a bombshell with long brown hair and a curvy body. Her son, Levi, was sitting in her lap. Cami had been like a cousin to me growing up and the excited way she greeted me and fawned over Emmy told me that hadn’t changed for her, even though she left several years before I did.
I looked to Deni, questions clear on my face, and she explained, “Both of you being back. I was the only permanent woman around here for a while, now I have you both. I love it.”
Cami laughed, and I forced a smile. I wasn’t going to explain—again—that this was temporary for Emmy and me. I looked around the yard for my girl. Last I’d seen her, she’d been attached to Daz. I wasn’t sure what to think of that, but he seemed to be behaving himself when she was around, for the most part. Now, Daz was nowhere in sight.
The part of me used to being alone in keeping an eye on Emmy started to panic a bit when I didn’t know immediately where to find her. Then, like a homing signal, I narrowed in on her infectious giggle.
Across the yard, near one of the big fire pits, Emmy was in Sketch’s arms.
She was laughing while he grinned at her. When she had become comfortable with him, I didn’t know. He’d gotten her water the first night we were there, but I didn’t know of it being anything more than that. Since that night, Sketch had not been around. I assumed he was staying at the clubhouse. Whether he was avoiding both of us or just me, I hadn’t been sure. The way he was holding Emmy in that moment was my answer.
I didn’t know how to react to the sight of them together. All I knew for sure was the burn flaring in my chest wasn’t entirely unpleasant.
“Alright, ladies,” Roadrunner rumbled from behind me, shattering my attention on Emmy and Sketch. “Looks like it’s about time for me to get the little ones out of here.”
Roadrunner had volunteered—or insisted, demanded—to watch the kids for the night so all us parents could stay and have the night off. Cami had argued most when she first got to the party. Apparently, Gauge had agreed without discussing it with her. She’d been up in arms about how they had just gotten back a couple days ago from leaving Levi behind when Gauge grabbed her and started whispering in her ear. Well, it was almost whispering. More like growling. I heard more than I needed to, including something about her getting drunk and his hand on her throat.
Like I said, I heard way too much.
I’d been hesitant to agree. Emmy had never spent the night without me. Jasmine had been a godsend in watching Emmy for me, but she’d never done overnight. This was mostly because I never had a need to ask her.
Emmy didn’t share my hesitation. She was thrilled to have her first sleepover, even if it was with a burly biker and two one-year-olds. Her absolute conviction when telling me it was something she wanted to do had me agreeing. Still, I wasn’t going to be drinking much. If things went south, I wanted to be clearheaded and good to go get her.
“I’ll go get Emmy,” I told Roadrunner.
Walking toward Sketch was enough to have my heart pounding, but I tried to keep my face clear. I was just getting my daughter so I could say goodnight. There was no more to it than that.
“Momma!” Emmy called when I got close.
“Time to get to your sleepover, baby,” I said, my eyes staying on her. It didn’t matter that Sketch’s face was a foot away from hers. I was laser focused.
“Yay!” She looked to Sketch. I did not. “I have to go. Me and Roadrunner is having a sleepover.”
“Are having a sleepover,” I corrected by rote.
“Right. We are having a sleepover. Jules and Levi too, but they’re babies,” she explained to Sketch.
“Have fun, princess,” Sketch rumbled. I felt the breath wheeze out of me. Princess?
I watched in a removed way as he set her down and forced myself to pull it together when she opened her little arms to me.
“Have a good night, baby,” I said as I knelt down and hugged her. “Be good for Roadrunner. No telling him what to do. He already knows all the rules, including bed time, so don’t try anything.”
“I’ll be good. I pwomise,” sh
e said. I’d believe that when I saw it.
“Give Momma some lovin’.” She delivered right away, giving me a sweet little kiss.
Then, Roadrunner was there. “You ready to go, baby girl?”
“Yes!”
“Don’t hesitate to call,” I told Roadrunner.
“Don’t worry, Ash. We’ve got this under control. Right, Emmy?”
“Yep!”
I wasn’t so sure, but I let it go. If Emmy got upset, I knew he would call.
I watched as they walked away, feeling an unfamiliar unease. Maybe Emmy wasn’t the one who was going to struggle with the overnight separation.
“I want a paternity test.”
Wait. What?
I wheeled around, having completely forgotten Sketch was still standing there.
“What?”
He leveled me with a dark stare. “I want a paternity test.”
Crap.
“I…”
Sketch cut in before I could figure out anything to say. “She’s mine. I fucking know it. I want proof, and then I want her to know me as her dad.”
“I…” I tried again.
“Make it happen. I’ll pay whatever it costs.”
With that, he walked away.
Crap.
I couldn’t do a paternity test. I couldn’t see those results. I couldn’t know.
I couldn’t…
“Ash?”
Blinking out of the daze of fear, I looked to my left to see Cami there.
“Huh?”
“You okay?” she asked.
“Yeah. Fine.” I turned my eyes back in the direction Sketch left. He’d made it halfway across the yard before finding something new to hold his attention. Namely, a brunette in an unreasonably short dress. The club girls had started showing up a bit ago. That was why Roadrunner had determined it was time for the kids to go.
Watching the woman cozy up to a willing Sketch hardly penetrated. In the back of my mind, I knew it was something I didn’t want to see. In any other situation, I knew it would make me sick to see it, but after he just demanded a paternity test, a test I couldn’t have done and couldn’t explain the reason why, it was just an ache I could barely identify.
“Ash, you don’t need to watch that,” Cami said, her tone gentle. She assumed I was upset because Sketch was going to fuck that brunette. Not a bad assumption, so I didn’t correct her.
“Yeah,” I agreed.
I was going to let her lead me away like she was trying to with a soft hand on my arm. I was going to bury the emotions and get through the night. I’d figure out what to do next when I was alone.
Then, the brunette tossed her hair over one shoulder and I got a look at her face.
God hated me. It was the only explanation.
“Tori,” I whispered.
“What?” Cami asked.
I turned away, but not fast enough to miss Sketch leading her toward the clubhouse. “I need to go. Now.”
“Talk to me,” Cami insisted.
I didn’t want to. I wasn’t sure I could get the words out, but I could tell she wasn’t going to let me go until I explained. So I did. In a rush, I told her the whole story. I told her exactly who Victoria was to me, who she’d once been to Sketch.
Crap. I was going to lose it.
“I need to go,” I repeated. “I can’t be here.”
“Babe, I don’t think you should be driving like this.”
“I can’t be here.”
“Shit,” she muttered. “Stay here. Please, just one minute. I’m going to get you a ride home. Okay?”
I gave an absent nod.
Sketch with Tori. He was in there with her. He was going to kiss her. Fuck her. I couldn’t stop the images from forming in my head.
“Ash?” I made myself focus on Cami and the younger guy next to her. He had a prospect patch on the front of his cut. He wasn’t a full brother yet, but he was earning a place among the Disciples. I was pretty sure I’d seen him at the farmhouse once, but we hadn’t been introduced. “This is Jack—” she cut herself off quickly. “Sorry,” she said to him, “I keep forgetting.” To me, she started over, “This is Ace. He’s going to drive you home.”
Home. Yeah, I didn’t really have one of those, did I?
“Nice to meet you,” I said.
He gave me a chin lift. So, he was the quiet type. Fine by me, I was too. Even better, he got me out of there right away. As far as I was concerned, Ace was wonderful.
I sat in my room at the clubhouse for a while, nursing a beer. I’d kicked…whatever her name was out before we’d even made it back here. The giggling and strong perfume might not have been deal breakers before, but after being near Ash again, I couldn’t take it. Ash didn’t do that annoying giggling thing. She laughed sometimes, but only when she actually thought something was funny. And her laugh was more of a chuckle than a giggle. It was quiet and deep and always went right to my cock. She didn’t bathe in perfume either. Didn’t even wear the shit. She had a vanilla soap she liked. You could barely smell it unless you got close in a way only I had the privilege to. When you were right up against her skin, she smelled like frosting.
She tasted even fucking better.
Shit, I was giving myself a fucking boner after I sent that easy piece home.
Ash had been back in town for five days, I had barely been around her, and she already owned my balls again.
Wonderful.
Fucking peachy.
I got to my feet. Sitting in a room, alone, thinking about her was not what I needed. I needed more fucking booze and to see if I couldn’t find another chick to scratch the itch once I was a little more chill.
Back in the yard, I saw the buffet of options for distraction had increased by a lot. Disciples’ parties stayed relatively calm during the day, particularly now that there were kids around again—family time, essentially. At night, that went out the window.
Family.
I’d gotten to be around Emmy again for the afternoon. Christ, that girl was something else. She had so much personality. With how shy Ash always was, it was surprising her daughter was just the opposite. Emmy loved attention. She loved to be around people. She made people want to be around her.
Fuck, she was cute.
The more time I spent with her, the more I watched her laugh and held her in my arms, the more that voice in my head shouted she was mine. She had to be. Down to my bones, I knew it was true. I didn’t care if it freaked Ash out; I was going to get the proof.
Okay, yeah, I needed to stop thinking about that shit, too.
While pulling a cold longneck from a drum of ice, I was confronted with every man’s least favorite thing: pissed off female.
“You’ve got a lot of nerve,” Cami snapped at me.
Yeah, I was not in the mood for that shit. I didn’t want some woman I was getting it regularly from being snippy with me, I certainly wasn’t taking it from some chick whose pussy was firmly off limits.
No fucking thank you.
“Yeah, I do,” I said back, walking away while using a key from my pocket to pop the cap off the bottle in my hand.
“How could you do that to her?” she said before I got more than a couple steps away.
I tried to swallow it down. Out of respect for my brothers—both her dad and her new husband—I tried to hold it in, but I was done.
“How could I do that to her?” I returned. “How could I get some fucking pussy even though she’s around? Guess what? I’d gladly have not gotten that from anyone but her for fucking years. She’s the one who took off. She’s the one who left me here. She’s the one who kept that fucking little girl away when she might be my goddamn daughter!”
“I know that,” Cami whispered.
“Then what the fuck did I do that was so fucked?”
She shook her head. “Did it have to be her? Of all the women in the world—hell, of all the women here tonight—did it have to be her?”
“What are you talkin�
�� about, Cam?”
A look of surprise passed over her face. “You don’t know. You didn’t remember her.”
I waited for a second for some more explanation before I warned, “Cami.”
“Did you get her name?”
Valid question. “Veronica? Valerie? Something with a V?”
Cami looked sad before she informed me, “Victoria.”
Victoria?
I turned it over in my head, trying to understand why that mattered.
Victoria…
“Tori,” Cami offered.
Tori.
Fuck.
“No.”
Cami nodded in a sad way that only confirmed what I was realizing.
My head whipped around, searching the yard for Ash.
“She left,” Cami informed me. “Right about the same moment you took the bitch inside.”
Fuck.
“She went home?”
“Yeah. Ace drove her. She wasn’t good to drive herself.”
I extended the open bottle her way with a jerk. “Take care of this?”
The moment her hand wrapped around the beer, I started to move around her. Good fucking thing I’d only had two beers all day. I’d been preoccupied with Emmy.
“Sketch,” Cami called.
I stopped, but I wasn’t giving her long. I needed to get out of there.
“I know you’re still pissed at her, but she’s hurting. Not just about Tori, about all of it. Go easy on her.”
Anyone else would have gotten a “fuck off” and nothing more. Cami grew up with us. She knew as well as I did how sensitive Ash was, how easily she shut herself in.
“She’s my girl, I won’t hurt her.”
Without giving her a chance to respond to that, I hightailed it the fuck out of there. I blew out of the clubhouse lot on my bike, the memories from years ago reminding me just how much I messed up.
Six months back, Gunner finally delivered on the promise he made me years ago. When I turned sixteen, if I kept my nose clean, he would move me out of the trailer with my fucked up parents to live with him. I kept up my end, and the day after my birthday, he kept his.
