“Damn,” he muttered.
“To add insult to injury, our mother has dropped off the face of the earth. From constant talking and returning calls, Mother has disappeared on Halley. Completely.”
He wiped his hands across his face, rubbing his eyes with both palms. “So she feels betrayed.”
“Pretty much. She stopped payment on the check, so that’s something. But she’s devastated, and it’s our mother’s fault for fracturing the strength Halley was starting to build. Now she thinks you deserve someone stronger than her, someone who isn’t afraid to live. She just wants to go back to the way she was and curl into a little self-protective ball, paint, eat, and barely live.”
His stomach churned at the thought. “How she was when we met.”
Phoebe nodded. “Exactly.”
“I have to get her past what happened with Liza, first.”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t. Halley’s a lot of things but she isn’t stupid. She knows you and she told me about the woman’s behavior at the Blue Wall. Like I said, deep down she doesn’t blame you.”
He hoped to God that was true.
“This is all about getting her past her fears and believing she can give you everything she thinks you deserve in life,” Phoebe said. “Remember, the only two people she’s stepped out of her shell for were our mother… and you. Our mother’s a lost cause, but in her heart, she knows you aren’t. She just has to believe in herself again.”
“I’ll do whatever I can to bring her out of this,” he swore.
Phoebe shook her head. “Frankly these are Halley’s issues, not yours. I’m not certain there’s anything either one of us can do to get her past it. It has to come from her.”
Kane nodded, pain slicing through him as he realized Phoebe was right. He couldn’t change Halley’s fears and insecurities. Only she could tackle those things. Which meant all he could do was settle in and wait.
* * *
Halley walked down the aisle of the grocery store, filling up the cart with necessities for her meals. Her fridge was empty and she needed food to survive. These days, she wasn’t doing much else beyond living, breathing, eating, and painting.
But her painting sucked. Nothing came out right. The colors were bland, the expression nonexistent. All the gains she’d made this summer were gone.
If the New York City gallery owner called with interest, she’d have nothing to give him, because her paintings matched her mood. Her life. Sure, she had things stocked up from the short time she’d painted with freedom in her heart, and she could give those, but what she was doing now was different. Stale, she thought and sighed.
She turned her cart into the produce aisle and nearly hit a shopping cart with her own. “Sorry!” she said and glanced up and into Joe Harmon’s gaze.
“Hi, Mr. Harmon.”
“Halley, good to see you.”
“You, too.” Except it didn’t help her mood that he looked so much like Kane, from his facial features to the color of his hair, albeit his had a sprinkling of gray.
God, she missed Kane.
“How are you?” she asked when he didn’t move on with his cart.
“Sucky,” he muttered, and she tried not to chuckle at his grumpy word choice. “Andi’s moving out. And she says I have to start doing things for myself so she knows I’ll be okay on my own. So here I am, buying healthy food,” he muttered.
Halley bit the inside of her cheek. She’d known Kane and Andi were having this talk with their father, but she hadn’t had a chance to find out how things went. And she’d been too wrapped up in her issues with her mother to think about Kane’s situation.
Embarrassment and shame filled her at the thought. He’d probably needed someone to talk to and she hadn’t been there. More proof he needed someone less self-absorbed, someone more giving than she could be.
“He’s miserable, you know,” Joe said, taking Halley off guard. “And if you think two unhappy Harmon men make for a good working situation, you’re dead wrong.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry for that, Joe, but I’m just not ready for a relationship.” Her greatest fear was that she never would be. That she’d never be able to trust her instincts enough to open her heart to love someone, and be loved in return.
“He told me about that Liza woman. She attacked him, you know. Grabbed him hard and sealed her lips over his. He couldn’t extricate himself without doing her harm. And my son’s a decent man.”
Halley swallowed hard. “I know,” she whispered. And she’d pretty much come to the same conclusions about the situation herself. It wasn’t Kane holding her back, it was herself.
“I loved my wife,” he said in reply.
She didn’t understand the subject change. “I’m sure you did,” she murmured.
He inclined his head, studying her.
She gripped the cart tighter in her hand.
“I gambled while she was alive. It’s just that she made it better for the kids. I wasn’t perfect but I loved her and she loved me back despite my failings. Whatever failings you think he has, they can’t come near mine. And if my wife could love me despite it all, why can’t you do the same for him?”
God. The poor man thought the kiss was the reason for the breakup. Because she hadn’t told Kane why she’d come to end things. So he was clueless, too. Why hadn’t she realized that before now?
Selfish, she thought. Wrapped up in her own head, the way she’d been her whole life.
“Promise me you’ll think about what I said?” Joe asked.
“I promise,” she murmured.
They parted ways and she was shaking, confused about what to do. She wanted Kane more than she’d ever believed possible. She just didn’t know how to get past her fears.
* * *
A few weeks passed, weeks during which Halley returned to her normal life except for the fact that she had a show at a New York City gallery to plan for. While she was excited, realizing her dreams were coming true, she felt empty inside. It didn’t help that she’d had to choose paintings to send to the gallery, and though she had a few special ones she hadn’t already given to the place in town, the bulk of her stored work came from the ones painted before the summer—before Kane had entered her life and opened up her world—and the ones she’d done recently, after she’d deliberately closed herself off again.
The show was a mixed blessing. She’d hoped a gallery would pick up her work and not want the artist to attend an opening event, but that wish had been futile, and deep down she’d known better. So she’d spent most of August talking herself into believing that she could handle the attention and the people, that stepping out of her comfort zone for this one thing was the right move. It was the only way to advance her career and keep her self-supporting and since she didn’t want to live on family money, she was going to do the show. Somehow.
For the first week after they’d broken up, Kane had tried to text and call, but she’d decided cold turkey was the way to go, and after a while, he’d gotten the hint. He’d stopped trying to contact her, and he hadn’t come to fix her deck, either. What did she expect when she’d pushed him out of her life?
Monty had become her comfort. If she’d thought an emotional support animal was a good idea when Kane was in her life, it was an even better one now.
* * *
Kane kicked around the office, alternately yelling at his father for getting under foot and griping at Jackson for not finishing cars on time even though they were ahead of schedule. He was in a piss-poor mood and had been for weeks. He’d have thought he’d get past it by now, the longing and the missing Halley, but the more time that passed, the worse he felt.
Jackson thought he should pick up someone at the Blue Wall tonight, but the thought of being with any other woman turned his stomach. He tried to refocus on the receipts in front of him, but he couldn’t concentrate, so when he heard the sound of heels clicking, indicating a woman was walking into the office, he looked up,
eager for the distraction.
The woman with the pale blonde hair and business suit took him by surprise. “Phoebe,” he said, covering his shock. “Something wrong with your SUV?” He grasped onto the most mundane reason for her to be here.
Why jump to Halley when she wanted nothing to do with him?
Phoebe shook her head. “I shouldn’t be here but I thought you would want to know.”
Worry suddenly filled him. “Is Halley okay?”
“If miserable is fine, then yes. She’s just great,” she said sarcastically.
He supposed it should make him feel better to know she was as unhappy without him as he was without her, but it didn’t. He wanted her to have the life she desired, not be sad.
“So what can I do for you then?” he asked, rubbing a pen between his palms.
“Halley has a gallery opening in Manhattan Friday night. Her paintings are being shown and… well… I thought you’d want to know.”
Wow. Her dreams were coming true. He wasn’t surprised. She really was talented, and he was thrilled someone in the position to know and help her succeed had recognized that fact. “I’m happy for her.”
Phoebe nodded. “Me, too. Here’s the gallery information in case you want to take a trip.”
He glanced at the card. The city was an hour or so from Rosewood. If he wanted to go, he could easily drive in and return home. To support her, nothing else.
He had no expectations where Halley was concerned. Enough time had passed that he realized if she missed him and wanted to get in touch, she would have.
“Thanks for letting me know,” he said, uncertain of what he’d decide to do.
If showing up to support her was the right move, he’d do it in a heartbeat, but if he’d just upset her with his presence, he didn’t want to ruin her big night.
“I think it would mean a lot to her if you showed up,” Phoebe said as if reading his mind. “You know, so she isn’t so alone. You know how uneasy strangers and crowds make her feel.”
He nodded. He knew. Which meant if she was stepping out of her comfort zone to do this event, it meant a lot to her. More than he did, since she was unwilling to take that leap of faith for him.
“Just think about it,” Phoebe said.
“I will. I’m just not making any promises.”
Phoebe nodded in understanding. “Bye, Kane.”
“Bye, Phoebe.”
* * *
The time for her show arrived, and though Halley had her sister and her aunt to accompany her to the city, she was a bundle of nerves.
Phoebe came over a few hours before they had to leave to help her pick out a dress, and they’d been at it for the last thirty minutes.
“Go bold and bright,” her sister said.
Halley pinned her with an are you serious stare. “This from the woman who wears white, winter white, beige, and cream as staples in her wardrobe.” She raised an eyebrow at her sister.
“I’m not the star of the show.”
“Don’t say that.” Just thinking about it made Halley want to puke.
“Okay, what about this?” Phoebe pulled out the pretty blue chambray halter dress she’d worn when Kane took her out to celebrate her first big sale.
Although the sight of it made her sad, it also made her feel closer to Kane, and she agreed, pulling the dress against her chest.
“You’re not wearing those flat sandals you love, either. I brought you two pair of heels to pick from.” Phoebe gestured to the shopping bag in the corner of her bedroom. “This is Manhattan we’re talking about. You need to step up your game.”
Halley sighed. “Okay. Heels it is.”
“What about makeup? Want me to help?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not completely incapable of putting myself together,” she muttered.
“No, you’re not. But can I curl your hair?” Phoebe asked hopefully.
Halley laughed. “Yes, that you can do.” They’d missed out on sisterly things like that growing up, and she was thrilled Phoebe wanted to do it now.
“Aunt Joy said she’d pick us up and drive us to the city.” It was an hour’s trip away, and Halley was grateful her aunt didn’t mind weaving in and out of Manhattan traffic. It wasn’t something she wanted to do herself.
They changed and dressed together, and Phoebe put some soft curls in her hair. She went a little heavier on her makeup than she normally would even for a night out and chose a nude pump from the two pair of heels her sister had brought over.
Before she knew it, she was standing at her own exhibition in New York City, her paintings on the walls and a glass of champagne in her hand, trying not to have a panic attack while she spoke to the owner.
Marc Renault, a good-looking man in his late thirties, with salt-and-pepper hair, was introducing her to someone interested in, surprisingly, one of her older paintings.
She caught her sister’s eye. Phoebe gave her a thumbs-up, and Halley took a deep breath and managed the conversation with them both with a smile on her face.
She turned to give Phoebe a return thumbs-up when she caught sight of Kane standing beside her sister, Andi along with him.
Shock rippled through her at the familiar sight of him in dark jeans and a black tee shirt, fitted tightly over his well-defined muscles. He looked out of place among the men in suits and ties, and oh so welcome to her. How had he known to come tonight?
A glimpse at her sister’s guilty face and Halley knew. She ought to strangle her sister for arranging for Kane to be here. As much as she wanted to see him, it hurt so much to meet his gaze and know he was no longer hers.
You made the choice, she told herself. He’s better off, and in the long run, so are you. Except when he started toward her, she had a hard time believing anything she told herself for preservation.
“Hi,” he said, coming up beside her.
“Hi,” she murmured. “Thank you for coming.”
“I wouldn’t miss your first show. I know how much tonight means to you.” He met her gaze, his dark brown eyes lingering on her face.
He was so sweet and such a good man. “Thank you. How have you been?” she forced herself to ask, hating the awkward pleasantries between them.
“Doing well.” He was lying. He had the same dark circles under his eyes that she’d had to cover with makeup under hers. “You?” he asked.
“I’m… good.” She choked the words out. “Getting this show was incredible.” So why didn’t she feel as happy as she ought to?
“I’m glad. If this makes you happy…” He waved an arm around the gallery. “Then this is what you need to do.” He leaned in, his warm, familiar scent beckoning to her, and kissed her on the cheek. “Good luck,” he whispered before turning and walking away.
At the sight of his retreating back and the ghost of his lips on her skin, her throat clogged with tears. His words echoed in her mind. If this is what makes you happy, then this is what you need to do.
But she wasn’t happy. Not without him. Everything that had given her satisfaction before Kane was empty without him in her life, including her salvation, her painting.
All her reasons for pushing him out of her life, all the things she believed he deserved, that she hadn’t thought she could give him… that was all she wanted to do now.
And the tears pouring down her cheeks told her that her excuses had been just that—a lie to cover her own fears. Well, what did she have in her life now besides those fears? Not a damned thing.
Because she didn’t have Kane.
It had taken painful time apart and seeing him show up for her tonight to make her realize what a fool she’d been. She’d been so destroyed by her mother’s betrayal, she’d crawled back into her shell and pushed away the one person who had shown her life, love, and true happiness. She needed to fix things if that was at all possible.
The next few hours of the exhibit were the longest of her life. She was contractually obligated to be here, and so she stayed until the bitter
end, all the while second-guessing herself and her choices.
And if she thought the show was long, the ride back to Rosewood was interminably longer. Phoebe and her aunt chatted about her success and how proud they were of her—and Halley appreciated it, she did, but all she wanted was to get back home, change out of these uncomfortable heels, get in her car, and drive over to Kane’s.
She didn’t know what awaited her when she got there, whether or not he’d welcome her or turn her away. She’d hurt him badly and didn’t deserve a second chance. But she desperately wanted one, and she would do whatever she had to in order to convince him she was sorry. She understood now how much she’d lost and desperately wanted him back.
For the first time in her life, she wanted to be brave. She wanted to be fearless. For herself, and for Kane.
* * *
Kane dropped Andi off at her house. She’d taken the night off from work to go with him to the gallery opening, and he was grateful. Their father, who, after his initial grouchiness, had been on his best behavior, had volunteered to watch Nicky while they were gone. Now Kane was back home and more tortured than ever.
Seeing Halley, in the same blue dress she’d worn the night he’d taken her to celebrate her first big painting sale to a New York City gallery, had been a punch in the gut. She’d looked beautiful, with her hair falling in soft curls around her face, but she’d also appeared fragile.
He knew the stress of a public showing had to have taken its toll on her. Had her sister been there leading up to the event to hold her hand? To reassure her she could handle it? He hoped so. Still, despite her fears, she’d accomplished her huge goal, and for that he was damn proud of her.
It’d been a long drive to and from the city and bed was calling him. He pulled off his shirt and was about to shed his jeans, as well, when a knock sounded at his door.
He assumed it was his father. Who else would visit at this late hour? He pulled the door open.
“Halley.” He breathed out her name, shock rippling through him at the sight of her.
She still wore the blue dress, though she’d changed out of the heels that were so unlike her he’d assumed they were Phoebe’s doing. And she’d pulled her hair into a ponytail, which meant she looked more like his Halley than she had earlier tonight.
Fearless (Rosewood Bay Series Book 1) Page 15
