I don’t know how to proceed with her.
I want her, but I need to respect her. I am afraid if I sleep with her too soon—I’ll do what I always do…bail.
I don’t want to hurt her but fuck if I don’t want her.
Chapter 12
Hattie Mae
Zane wanted to treat me to dinner, but I drew the line there and told him some other time. What I really need is a long hot bath and an evening in with a book boyfriend. I feel exhausted between getting drunk last night and riding today. My legs are wobbling like Jell-O. I run my bath water, adding in some relaxing lavender bath salts. That stuff is magic. After getting my hair pulled up from my neck, I sink down in the tub with a glass of wine and the newest motorcycle romance from my favorite author, Dawn Martens. I am too tired to wash my hair right now. It probably has twigs and bugs in it, but I just don’t have the energy to care.
Sinking into the warm water, I already feel much better. I get comfortable and open my book. I have a feeling this is going to be a good one. A hot tattooed biker with a beard, hell yes! I get two chapters in when my reading time and relaxation is interrupted when I hear my front door shut and Kiesha calling out, “Hey, bitch!”
She comes on into the bathroom when she spots me from the hall. She really has no respect for privacy or boundaries. At first, I was put off by her, but now she has grown on me.
“So…tell me how your date went today. And don’t even deny it. I already ran into Zane and he was all smiles. So, spill it. I need the juicy goods.”
Groaning, I hand Kiesha my book, so it doesn’t get ruined. She lays it on her lap. “Fuck, maybe I need to start reading. This bearded tattooed hottie on the cover is sexy!” She mock fans herself. “But tell me, how was he?”
“The book? I haven’t gotten very far but I am loving it.” I grin and sink further down in the water knowing she meant Zane, not my book.
“Come on, Hattie. Wouldn’t you rather tell me rather than I hear it from Sienna?”
“I am sure whatever story she has will be more exciting. Nothing happened. He slept on my couch and we went mudding.”
“Zane took you mudding? That man doesn’t take women anywhere. He is sweet on you, girl. I gotta get to work and I am so borrowing this.” She takes my book with her as she goes.
“Kiesha, bring that back!” I yell at her, but I hear the door shut. “Argh!” I smack my fist down and water splashes in my eye. Damn it. The lavender is burning my eyeball. I try to reach the towels, but I can’t. I stretch my fingers, begging them to reach just a bit further.
“Damn, do you need some help?” I stiffen, that is not Kiesha’s voice.
I squint, trying to keep my eyeball from being on fire.
I see Zane trying not to stare at my tits on display. I am beyond mortified.
“If you can show me something I haven’t seen before I’ll give you fifty dollars,” he teases, stepping into the bathroom with his head turned away from me. Handing me a towel he then steps into the hall and closes the door for me.
“Uh, Kiesha was coming out as I was getting ready to knock, she told me to come on in. I didn’t realize you were, uh, naked,” he calls from the other side of the door.
Who knew Zane could show such manners. After getting the sting out of my eye, I wrap the towel around me once I am out of the tub.
Cracking the door open, I peer out into the short hall to see him sitting on my couch. I make a quick run for my room and throw on some comfortable clothes. My favorite gray yoga pants and a black tank top that just so happens to make me boobs look great.
“So, what are you doing here?” I ask, flopping down on the couch next to him. Now that my evening has been interrupted, I might as well make the best of it.
“You left your phone in my truck. Here,” he says while getting up and digging in his pocket. “It kept chiming, so I figured I’d bring it over.”
“Thanks. Have you had dinner yet?” I am trying to act natural and ignore the fact that Zane has now seen me partially naked again.
“No. You hungry?” He sounds nervous.
Interesting.
“I was thinking of ordering a pizza and watching TV since Kiesha stole my book.”
“You inviting me to join you?” He grins at me.
“Yeah. That’s what friends would do, right? I’ll order while you find us a movie. Help yourself to my collection. I keep my movies in the bottom drawer of the TV stand.”
Swiping my thumb across the screen of my phone, my face pales when I see the missed calls and text messages from Justin. The messages are vague. Just saying he needs to talk to me. We have nothing to talk about. He made his feelings pretty damn clear when I walked up on him and that bitch sucking face.
We have nothing to say.
I’ve moved on with my life and I am in a good place.
I’m happy here.
Chapter 13
Zane
Trying to find a movie in Hattie’s collection is tough. She has mostly romance movies based off Nicholas Sparks novels. I see she has the first season of a zombie show and decide it looks like a safe choice. I don’t want to risk anything romantic. I’m trying to show her we can be friends. The last thing I need is for her to think I am trying to seduce her by picking something overly romantic. Holding the DVD up to her, she gives me a thumb up as she orders us a pizza. Delivery charges for here at the trailer park can get a bit pricey, but it’s well worth it. Papa’s Pizza has the best sauce in all of Deadman’s Drop.
I can’t help but notice Hattie keeps looking through her messages on her phone with a pained expression on her face while the previews play. “Hey, you okay?” I squeeze her knee gently. “I can go if you aren’t into this.” I can tell her mind is a thousand miles from here right now. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. I already scared the shit out of her by barging in the bathroom on her. I wouldn’t have just gone in on her like that. Kiesha told me to go on in and said she is in the back. I didn’t know she was in the bathtub. My mind instantly flashes to her breasts all wet and soapy.
I look over and the top she has on is pushing them up. Fuck, her tits are nice.
I just want to suck on them while she rides me.
Quit thinking about her tits dude or you are going to get hard, I scold myself mentally.
“No, I’m sorry I am being so rude. I want you to stay.” She puts her phone on the side table and smiles weakly.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really…it’s my fiancé.” I stiffen, and she corrects herself by throwing in that he is her ex. “I was so blind. I was so stupid. We’re friends, right?” I am not sure if I really want to hear about her and some other dude. She did say he was an ex, but they were engaged, so it must have been serious. He must be the loser that hurt her. I need to put my feelings aside and be here for her. I meant what I said about being her friend.
This is my chance to prove it to her.
“Of course, whatever it is, you can talk to me. I’ll listen.” I try to reassure her. But the thought of her with another guy pisses me off and makes me want to punch him. I know I haven’t spent as much time with her as say a fiancé would, but I care about her.
She hits pause on the show and turns into me. “Well, since you are a dude maybe you can give me some perspective. Justin and I had been together since middle school. He was my everything. My first kiss, my only boyfriend, all of it, there was only ever him. As we got older, he would put me off when it came to intimate things. He would, ya know…God, this is so embarrassing. We would fool around but it never went further than kissing and touching on occasion. Eventually we had sex, but it wasn’t that all-consuming passion I had always imagined. Then he cheated on me… and I walked away. Now he wants to talk.”
A knock on the door interrupts her story. I get up and pay the guy while she gets plates ready. We get our slices and settle back on the couch.
“Any man that would ever step out on you or even look at another woman when
he had you is an utter fool. Hattie Mae, I have seen you. You’re kind, smart, and so damn beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you.”
“I guess that was the problem, he didn’t want me. He wanted someone else.” She looks away from me. “The day I picked up my father’s ashes I walked up on him kissing some dude outside of our apartment.”
I was not expecting that, at all, but it explains why a man would cheat on a girl like Hattie. “Damn, that had to be rough. But you must know his sexual preference had nothing to do with you. It doesn’t mean there was something wrong with you. You know that, don’t you?” I scratch the back of my neck, unsure what to do or say. I’d love to kiss her and show her that a man would appreciate what she has to offer. Fuck, I’d show her that I could appreciate her. Make her feel wanted. Show her desire.
“I do know that, Zane. You know that night I first came here, when I kissed you? It was because I wanted to see if I could get a rise out of a man like you.” Her cheeks are painted red right now, but it so damn sexy.
I brush her hair back from her face. Our show has long been forgotten and I am sure the pizza is getting cold.
“What kind of man am I?” I ask in a husky tone, fighting the urge to claim her lips and her heart right now. I know it’s too soon though, but God do I want to kiss her again.
She turns her face toward mine. My heart is hammering in my chest. I am going to just go for it but then she cuts me off. “The kind that better eat his pizza before it gets cold,” she says, grinning and starts the show back.
Her phone continues to vibrate, and she eventually powers it off and shuts down any further conversation about this ex of hers. I feel that I should say or do more, but I don’t want to push and freak her out.
The way I feel about Hattie is strong, but I don’t know how she feels about this ex of hers and if it has messed with her head so much that she isn’t willing to trust anyone. I decide to keep my mouth shut and enjoy my time with her. Now that her phone is off, she is back to being relaxed and comfortable with me.
By the end of the third episode, she is asleep on my lap and I hate to move her, but I have an early shift tomorrow at Rowdy’s doing inventory. I slide out from under her easily enough. Her arm curls around the pillow I place under her head. I go into her room and take the blanket from her bed to cover her with and I turn the TV off for her. Flipping the lights off, I lock her door from the inside and pull it shut. “Goodnight, Hattie,” I say quietly into the night.
Chapter 14
Hattie Mae
I awake sometime late in the night after Zane has gone home. It was sweet of him to take care of me. I hope he doesn’t go blabbing to anyone about what a loser I am…about Justin. I don’t think that he would, but people here love to gossip. Zane is the first person I have told about Justin. Kiesha doesn’t even know about him. Gah, Justin. I get up and switch my phone on and the last message he sent me stops me dead in my tracks.
Justin: I am driving down to Texas. I need to see you.
Me: I don’t want to see you.
Justin: I miss you. I think about you all the time. I was so stupid.
Me: Justin please don’t say things like that to me. You lost the right to miss me the minute you chose him. I am going to bed. We can talk tomorrow.
I turn my phone off before he can say more. I don’t know what he wants. What does he expect from me? Does he think he can just show up here and say he was stupid and that makes his betrayal void? Life doesn’t work that way. I’m not wired that way. Once a cheater always a cheater in my book. My dad was a serial cheater. He couldn’t keep it in his pants according to my mom. And by the stories Bethel has told about him he wasn’t faithful to Mary either.
I toss and turn all night as Justin’s betrayal invades my sweet dreams of Zane.
We were back on the four-wheeler and he was grinning at me with mud streaking his face. His blue eyes were gazing into mine, sucking me under his spell. I wanted him to pull me under and consume my mouth with his tempting lips.
Holding my face in his palms, he leaned forward, being slow and gentle. His breath tickled my nose as he moved in, mere centimeters from claiming what I wanted to give him and then poof he vanished into thin air and I was face to face with Justin.
I woke up clutching my chest and drenched in sweat.
I’m not ready to see him.
I don’t know if I will ever want to see him.
I loved him truly, but maybe not as madly as I thought because when I am around Zane I feel so much passion. So much sexual tension.
Maybe it’s only lust.
That’s okay because I don’t need forever. I only need a good time.
I need to be wanted not loved.
Unable to lay around any longer, I climb out of bed and start searching for another job. Summer is almost over, and my job will be too.
Rowdy’s is looking for a waitress.
I wonder if it would be awkward if I did get a job there.
I circle the classified with my pen and add it to my maybe list.
*—*
It’s Sunday and I volunteered to bring the wieners for the neighborhood cookout. It’s mostly the older couples and young families that come to the gatherings, but I like it. It makes me feel like I belong here, that this is now my home.
Even though I didn’t know my dad, I feel a closeness to him here. It’s kinda nice to hear stories from people who have sweet things to say about him. Stories that don’t involve what a cheating scoundrel he was but stories about how he would lend a helping hand to anyone in need.
He may not have been able to be a dad to me but that doesn’t mean he was a bad person. Through his friends I have learned that he was giving. He was kind. He was funny, and he was one damn fine bull rider.
Bethel said she has video of one of his rides somewhere and when she finds it, it is all mine. I feel like I am finally beginning to understand who he was and the life he lived.
I’m sad that I didn’t know him personally and wish we could have met. I think I would have liked him and been proud to call him dad, but he did give me the gift of a fresh start. A new place to call home and a crazy group of people who though they get on my nerves at times for being all up in my business they care about me.
When Lucas comes over to help me serve the hot dogs, I know what I need to do with my father’s ashes. I want to spread them here at Wild Horse Acres.
“Will you take me out on the water? There is something I need to do.”
“Okay, we can use my paddle boat. But, Hattie after we do this thing…can we talk?”
“Sure.” I nod and give him the tongs I was using to cook the wieners on the grill. “I just need to run back home to get something.”
He gives me a tense smile. I don’t know what he wants to talk to me about, but I hope it isn’t because he knows I have been spending time with his brother.
A I am walking back from my trailer with the urn a woman I haven’t met yet stops me. She looks a bit cartoonish with her purple hair and big red lips dressed in a yellow Mumu. Thick beaded bracelets clang on her forearm as she grabs my wrist. “I hope you know what you are doing with the Rowdy brothers.”
I squint at her. “What are you talking about?”
“Them guys who work at the bar. Around here we call them the Rowdy brothers. You can’t love them both. Just one.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“My name is Zelda. I can see things. Could tell you who you are supposed to end up with, but fate doesn’t like me getting too involved in her affairs.”
“Right. Well, I’m gonna go now. You take care.” I got to walk away but she grips my arm tighter.
“Lucas is a nice guy, but he isn’t the one for you.”
“Okay. Thanks for the chat.” Her fingers release me, and I can see the indentions from where she held onto my arms so tightly. Crazy lady.
I shake my head but then I remember Zane telling me some nutty story about fate wanting us to be
together. Whatever kooky punch they’ve been drinking I need to avoid it. He can’t possibly buy into that hocus pocus nonsense.
I find Lucas waiting on the edge of the beach with his paddle boat.
As I walk toward him. Zane calls out my name.
“Hattie Mae.” The way he says my name just does something to me. I’m addicted to the sound.
I turn to face him and can see the questioning look in his gorgeous eyes. “Lucas is gonna help me with something.”
“You don’t owe me any explanations. We’re friends, right?” he shoves a hand in his pocket and shuffles on his feet.
“Right. Friends.”
I give him a sad wave and walk back in the direction of his brother and somehow it feels wrong. Each step I take away from Zane has my feet feeling heavier.
I glance back over my shoulder and Zane is still watching me.
“Zane…” He looks up. “You want to come?”
His gaze shifts down the beach to his brother and I wonder what caused such a rift between them. It has to be more than me.
“Better not. You go ahead.”
Chapter 15
Hattie Mae
Turns out Lucas wanted to take me up on my raincheck for the movies. While we were spreading my father’s ashes in the center of the lake didn’t seem like a great time to tell him I am into his brother. Maybe it was me being a coward or being selfish and not wanting to lose the friendship I am forming with Lucas, but I agreed to the movie.
Now I am back at my place getting ready to go to out with the brother of the guy I am crushing on.
What’s wrong with me? I should have said no, but I need fun and Zane said we are just friends. There is nothing wrong with going out and having fun. Guys do it all the time.
Making Her Mine (Rowdy Brothers Book 1) Page 6
