by Noelle Adams
Even now that she’d had time to think it through and realize she’d been wrong to cave the way she had, she couldn’t make herself bring it up. It didn’t feel like the right time. It seemed like her chance to address his behavior had passed.
She had no idea what she should do, but she just didn’t feel right about the whole thing.
A half hour later Allison tried to pull out of Rob’s arm, but he wouldn’t let her. “Don’t go,” he murmured a little thickly. He was looking down at her face, reading her expression.
“I need to go to the bathroom, and Mitch needs another beer.”
“He can get his own. You don’t have to wait on my friends.”
They were both speaking very softly to keep the conversation private. She smiled at him. He was really very sweet at heart. Maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe it was just her lingering insecurities that were making her so uncertain. “I really don’t mind occasionally—just to be nice.”
“You’re plenty nice. You need to relax and enjoy yourself sometimes.”
Since he was clearly trying to think of her, she didn’t mention that watching sports wasn’t her ideal way to enjoy herself. She stretched up to give him a soft kiss. “I really do need to go to the bathroom.”
“Hey,” Keith called out, without turning away from the TV, “none of that mushy stuff during the game.”
Allison chuckled and finally pulled out of Rob’s arm.
She went to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands. Her hair was braided, and she wore one of Rob’s T-shirts and a pair of leggings. She had no makeup on, and she wasn’t wearing shoes.
She didn’t look anything—not anything—like the woman who had walked out on Arthur nine months ago.
She wondered if she’d changed as much inside. Or if, despite her altered appearance, she was still just a trophy wife at heart. Not quite so young. Not quite so gorgeous. But still vulnerable and dependent deep down—as Arthur had always insisted.
Shaking her head to dispel the thoughts, she walked into the hall and called out, “Rob? My feet are cold. Can I borrow a pair of your socks?”
“Sure. They’re in the drawer.”
She shuffled into the bedroom and opened the top drawer of his dresser, where he kept his socks.
The first thing she saw was an engagement ring.
It had to be an engagement ring. It was a gold band with a pretty diamond solitaire in a delicate setting. It wasn’t incredibly expensive—at least not by Allison’s old standards—but it was good quality and lovely and looked full of history.
It was an engagement ring.
She stared dazedly for a moment, until she heard Rob’s voice, sounding like it was moving down the hall toward her, “Actually, you better just grab some out of the basket,” he was saying.
Reacting quickly, she closed the drawer and turned away from the dresser. She was staring at the laundry basket when he entered the room.
She saw his face, the rush of relief when he saw her. “All the socks in the drawer have holes,” he explained.
He hadn’t wanted her to see the ring.
She managed a smile and leaned down to dig through the clothes in the basket until she found a matching pair of socks. Rob took her hand and pulled her back into the living room, away from his bedroom.
She sat in the recliner with him again and pulled on the socks. Then she cuddled up beside him and pretended to watch the game.
She saw nothing on the screen.
There was no way that Rob was about to propose to her. No way. It was way too early for them, and Rob would know that.
Maybe that ring was just a family heirloom or something he kept in that drawer. It looked old, so that would make sense.
But then why had he been so urgent about her not opening the drawer and seeing it. He’d jumped out of his chair and rushed down the hall to keep her from finding it.
There was still no way, though. He wasn’t going to propose. Not anytime soon. He still wouldn’t open up to her all the way. He still wouldn’t let her help him in any way. He’d left her last night to go to Dee, when he must have known he shouldn’t do so. He’d been running away from the conversation they’d been about to have. He would know that they weren’t ready for such a step.
She satisfied herself with this conclusion. She was sure he wasn’t about to pop the question.
She couldn’t help but still see that ring, though, and the visual shot right down to that low-level anxiety she’d been feeling and stirred it up into real fear.
Rob wanted to be married. He wanted a happy, stable marriage like his parents’. He wanted a traditional family and a sweet, small-town wife and a bunch of happy kids.
But she wasn’t ready to be a wife again—not when she wasn’t yet sure that she could really make it on her own. She still caved when she felt like he was displeased with her. She was starting to say things he wanted to hear—or not say things that he didn’t.
She still couldn’t get him to trust her with his deepest feelings, lean on her when he felt weak, or even admit that he needed her in any way. That wasn’t the kind of relationship she wanted.
She would become another trophy wife. Rob was a better man, but maybe the problem had always been her.
She was growing more and more upset as the time passed and was doing the best she could not to show it. Finally the game ended, and Mitch and Keith got up to leave.
To hide her expression, she gathered up the empty bottles and took them to kitchen, telling the guys goodbye as she went.
She heard Rob chatting with his friends about getting together later to work on Mitch’s car.
Rob was like that. Always helping people. Always being the shoulder to lean on. Always being strong and competent and solid. It was the way he lived his life, and it wasn’t going to change.
He was never going to let her be someone he leaned on too. He didn’t even want her to be that person.
The guys were still talking on the front porch. She could hear them through the door. Mitch called out a “See you later,” and then Keith was saying, “Hey, don’t think I’ve forgotten. I owe you a hundred bucks.”
This surprised Allison so much that she paused to listen.
“You don’t owe me—” Rob began.
“Hey!” Keith interrupted. “I never welch on my bets. It was a hundred dollars that you couldn’t get her to go out with you in three months. Well, three months was last week, and you’ve done way more than go out with her.”
Allison blinked.
“Would you shut up?” Rob muttered, his hushed voice growing fainter, like he was pulling Keith farther from the front door.
He didn’t want her to hear this, exactly as he didn’t want her to see that ring in his drawer.
They must have made some sort of bet that Rob couldn’t get Allison to go out with him.
And he’d won. He’d won her. So now he could put her on the shelf like another trophy.
She knew the thought wasn’t fair. She knew that if he’d made that bet, it would have been before he’d really known her. She knew she was the one who couldn’t be anything but dependent and it wasn’t really him at all. But the knowledge crystallized all the chaotic fears and conclusions swirling inside her.
She knew what she needed to do now. She had to do what was best for both of them, even if it meant giving up something she was just now realizing she desperately wanted.
She took a deep breath and walked back to Rob’s bedroom. She’d left some of her things there over the last few weeks, and she needed to get them.
This time she was going to be strong. She wasn’t going to cling. She wasn’t going to end up in another strong man’s arms because she was too weak to do what she knew was right. She wasn’t going to cave and say the things Rob wanted her to say. She wasn’t going to change her mind.
—
Rob waved at Keith and then headed back into the house to find Allison.
> Something still didn’t feel quite right with her. She must still be upset about last night, so he needed to fix it.
He’d been stupid to leave her the way he had. He’d been weak and cowardly—trying to escape from a hard conversation. Dee might have needed him, but Allison had needed him more.
He’d hoped, when she didn’t confront him after he came back to bed, that it wouldn’t be a big deal. But it was. He knew it was.
He didn’t see her in the living room or kitchen. “Allison?” he called.
She didn’t answer, so he wandered down the hall until he found her in his bedroom. She was collecting an armful of her clothes that had been left in his room over the past few weeks.
“What are you doing?” he asked, trying to read her expression and failing.
“Getting my stuff.”
“Why?” His unsettled feeling had shifted into fear, but he didn’t know why.
She didn’t answer. She just straightened up and gave him a ghost of a smile. “So you made a bet about me, did you?”
Damn it. She must have overheard Keith out on the porch. What the hell had Keith been thinking, saying something like that when Allison was around? “It’s not what you think,” Rob began quickly.
“I know. It was just a silly bet you made before you knew me.”
He released a rough sigh. “Yes. That’s it exactly. It was stupid and insensitive, but it didn’t mean anything. I’d never use you like a bet. You know that.”
“I do know that.” She wasn’t meeting his eyes, and she leaned down to pick up a shirt of hers that had slipped out of her hands.
“So why are you getting all your stuff?”
She straightened up and met his eyes. “I’m leaving.”
The words were like a blow to the gut. “What? What? Why?”
“This isn’t going to work.”
It took him almost a full minute to realize she was serious, to process exactly what she was saying. Last night had been a failure on his part, but otherwise things had been going really well between them. Rob knew he wasn’t imagining it or sugarcoating it with wishful thinking.
They were good together. He wasn’t choosing the wrong kind of woman the way he had before. He was happier with her than he’d ever been with any other woman. He’d genuinely believed she felt the same way about him.
But she was actually walking out on him. She must have almost reached his front door.
Recovering his ability to move, he strode down the hall after her. “Now, wait just a minute. You can’t just tell me it isn’t working and walk away!”
She’d taken off his socks and put on her flip-flops. She was reaching for the storm door latch. “I have to, Rob. I’m really sorry.”
He caught his breath and willed himself to be reasonable when what he really wanted to do was grab her, throw her over his shoulder, and carry her someplace where she would never leave him. “If you need some time or whatever, then I get that. I know I messed up last night, and the bet was really an asshole thing to do. If you need time, I get that.”
“I don’t need time,” she told him, her face pale and her eyes almost empty of expression. “This isn’t going to work.”
He stared at her blindly as she walked out his front door, across his porch, down the front steps, and along the driveway.
She meant it. She was really leaving him. Without even giving him a real explanation.
Once this thought had sunk in, he was spurred into action. He ran after her, catching up to her at her front door.
“Rob,” she said, her voice breaking as he grabbed her arm. She shook his grip off as she walked into her house. “What are you doing?”
“What am I doing?” he rasped, his whole body throbbing with urgency. “You’re dumping me—without even telling me why. Without even telling me why!”
She was really upset. He could see that now, even beneath the frozen composure she was trying to maintain. “Of course I’ll tell you why.”
“Then tell me!” He was being too loud. Too forceful. He was going to scare her if he didn’t rein it in.
She made a strange sound, like she was choking on something. But then she straightened her shoulders and said, “I thought we could just be together, enjoy each other for a while. Like we’d said at the beginning. I thought it would be safe if it was casual, because I never really intended to stay here in Fielding for very long. But then things started to get serious.”
“I know that.” He still sounded almost mean, but at least he wasn’t shouting at her now. “That’s what happens in relationships when two people are into each other.”
“I know.” She must have heard her voice wobbling, because she took a deep breath before she continued more evenly, “But things weren’t right from the beginning. I want a real relationship. An equal relationship.”
“That’s what we have. Of course it’s what we have.”
“No, it’s not. It doesn’t feel equal to me. I’m not blaming you. It’s me doing it to myself—turning myself into another trophy wife.”
“That’s ridiculous! You’re not going to be another trophy wife. I’m not thinking about a wife right now. I just want to be with you.”
“You say that, but I know that’s not true. You have a ring in your sock drawer, and you want to give it to someone.”
The words slammed into him like another blow, and he turned away instinctively. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath. “Shit, shit, shit.” She’d seen the ring after all. It was like the entire world was conspiring against him today. “Allison, my mom just gave me that old thing. I wasn’t planning to propose. What kind of idiot do you think I am that you think I’d ask you to marry me so soon?”
She covered her face with her hands for just a moment. “I didn’t think you were going to. It’s not that.”
He let out a muffled roar, about to lose it completely. “If it’s not the bet and it’s not the ring, then what the fuck is it?”
“It’s us!” she burst out, no longer able to control her emotions. Tears were streaming down her face now. “We’re not right. We never were.”
“We are right.” He realized he was going about this all wrong, so he tempered his voice and leaned in closer to her, putting a hand on the wall beside her. “Allison, I know you’re scared, but we are right. We’re so good together. If we need to go slower, then I completely understand, but don’t just run away because you’re scared.”
She stared at him with huge, sad eyes and didn’t say anything.
“Allison,” he murmured huskily, hope flaring up that he could take care of this after all. “You know we’re good together. Just tell me what I need to do to make you feel better about us.”
He thought for a moment he was getting through, that she was softening, but then suddenly she pushed him away. “You can’t fix this, Rob. You can’t fix everything. That’s not what a relationship is about.”
He blinked, growing still as he registered what she was saying. “So this is about last night?” he breathed.
“No! Yes. I don’t even know. It’s about everything!” She was clearly about to lose it completely. “I just know where this thing between us is going. I know what’s going to happen. You’re going to keep not trusting me with who you really are, pretending you’re always strong and in control. And I’m going to let you because I want to be with someone like that, because I’m so used to being dependent and going along with what a strong man wants.”
He suddenly knew exactly what she was saying, and he knew why she was saying it. She’d tried to tell him before. She’d tried to tell him last night. And she wasn’t the only one who had tried to tell him that he could never let himself feel vulnerable or risk humiliation with a woman again.
He had to clear his throat over the pressure of guilt and knowledge in his throat. “I know we both still have issues to work through, but that doesn’t mean we have to break up.”
“Yes, we do. Because we might say we’ll work on them, but we w
on’t. And we’ll just go along the way we’ve been going. It’s exactly what happened to me before with Arthur. And it will keep happening to us until I’m just another trophy on another man’s shelf. And I can’t do it. I won’t do it.”
Rob couldn’t even move. “I don’t think…” His voice didn’t sound anything like his own. “I don’t think of you like a trophy. I don’t.”
“It’s not something you’re doing, Rob. It’s what I’m doing—trying to be the person you want me to be. And it’s just wrong.”
He couldn’t even speak anymore. The world was spinning around him far too fast, making him dizzy, making him sick. Because something was happening here that he couldn’t stop, couldn’t fix, couldn’t make better.
“I’m so sorry, Rob,” Allison concluded in a hoarse whisper. “But I want out.”
“You…want out.”
“Yes.” She was wiping away the tears as they fell, but she didn’t lower her eyes.
She meant it. She’d seen him for who he really was, and she didn’t want him anymore.
He’d been humiliated enough in his life. He wasn’t going to do it to himself by begging her to reconsider, by spilling out how much he loved her, how he was going to be miserable without her, how he’d change anything about himself if it meant she’d be happy and stay.
If she didn’t want him, then he would accept it. He’d done just fine before she’d moved in across the street and disrupted his entire existence.
“Okay, then,” he mumbled, taking a few ragged breaths. “Then I’ll go.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again, but he could barely hear her.
He was walking out, walking away, leaving her behind.
Eventually he made it all the way across the street.
The hot, humid day and his messy house seemed no different than they had an hour ago—except that the whole world had changed.
Chapter 11
