Healing Tides

by Lois Richer

  “I don’t think that will happen, Sister. I’m here to work.” It was ridiculous how much she wanted another afternoon with him.

  “He’s a fine man, Glory. His heart is so big.”

  “I know.”

  “He thinks locking himself up here will make it easier to deal with his loss. But true healing only comes when you let go of the pain, reach beyond it to give of yourself.”

  Silence stretched. Glory leaned back, let her eyes droop closed.

  “You could help him see past his anger, GloryAnn.”

  “No. I came to learn his grafting technique so I could practice it when I return home. Only, he won’t do it anymore. Not since that little boy died.”

  “He blames himself.” Sister accepted a sip of water then lay back against the pillow, her frail body too weary to hold her up. “He’s lost so much.”

  Emotions had twisted Glory’s heart ever since Jared had dropped her off at her cottage. Now they came pouring out.

  “When he’s not pushing himself to exhaustion, he’s really fun. He loves the children, though he tries not to let them get behind his barriers. He works harder than anyone to make sure they get every opportunity they need, receive the best care he can give.”

  “But?”

  “But I can’t allow any personal feelings because in five months I’ll leave here, return to the Arctic, as I promised I would. That’s the calling God placed on my heart, why I have to focus on my patients.”

  Sister Phil fought her way through a coughing fit, proof that her lungs were not functioning optimally. “What else?”

  “Rest,” Glory ordered, worried by the pallor of her skin.

  “No. Tell me—the rest.”

  “Bennie. He has no family but—I feel like I’m his family. Like he’s my son. Isn’t that silly?” Tears tumbled over her cheeks. Glory ignored them. “I tried to stay away, to be strictly professional when I’m with him, but I can’t do it.”

  Glory pulled her bag near, tugged out the things she’d bought.

  “Look. We were in the market yesterday and all I could think was, ‘Bennie would love this. Wouldn’t Bennie get a kick out of playing with this?’” She shook her head. “I was going to give them to him tonight. I actually considered waking him just to see his eyes light up. Isn’t that crazy?”

  “That’s love.”

  “Of course I love him. But I can’t adopt Bennie. Even if I had time to care for him, I’m leaving. Anyway, he needs Jared’s procedure before he can fully heal. I’m already torn knowing I’ll leave him behind, knowing I’ll never see him or Jared again. How can I deal with that?”

  Sister visibly gathered her strength. After several minutes she was able to speak, though only softly.

  “God’s calling is a very precious thing. Make very sure it’s His voice you’re following and not something else.”

  Sister closed her eyes, drifted off to sleep. Glory sat by her side as the pummel of waves rising and falling against the beach surrounded her. In the deepest recesses she heard her mother’s voice, begging her to return to the Arctic and minister to the Inuit. The challenge was as clear today as it had been all those years ago.

  Glory would go home, set up her practice and keep her promise.

  God had not changed His call on her life.

  As darkest night gave way to dawn, her mind spun scenarios from her day with Jared.

  God hadn’t changed his mind, but had she?

  Jared paused in the doorway as Glory twirled in front of Bennie. The other children watched but it was Bennie’s approval she craved.

  “Pretty,” he murmured as he reached out to touch her new dress.

  “Thank you, darling.” She laughed a sweet light trill of pure joy before brushing her lips against his cheek. “I’m glad you like it. I’m going to a party but I’ll come and tuck you in when I return.”

  While a nurse urged the others into bed, Bennie stretched up one thin arm. The other was probably too sore from the wound on his shoulder. Jared shoved the guilty pang away, watched the child lean into Glory’s hug, raise his chubby cheek for her kiss.

  “Love you,” the husky voice murmured.

  “I love you, too, Bennie.”

  Anyone could see she did. Glory smiled, mossy-green eyes tender, her hand gentle as it brushed back his hair.

  Though Jared had warned her many times, Glory had let herself grow too fond of this child. And that would mean trouble ahead. But for once, Jared didn’t care. For once he simply wanted to relax and Pono’s party offered the answer.

  Glory tiptoed between the beds, her heels tapping against the floor despite her best efforts. She jerked to a halt when she saw him.

  “Am I late?”

  He shook his head, drew her from the room. “I’m early. And Bennie’s right. You do look beautiful.”

  A rose-petal pink wash traveled up her throat at breakneck pace and suffused her face in a flush that only enhanced her beauty. “It’s the dress.”

  Jared held her gaze. “It’s you. Shall we go?”

  “Yes.”

  She filled the drive to Pono’s with meaningless chatter. Jared put it down to nervousness. He was experiencing a little of the same. Maybe it was the dress.

  “This is the most beautiful front yard I’ve ever seen,” she said as they reached their destination. “But since Pono loves to garden, I should have expected it to be.”

  Jared parked in the driveway because there was nowhere else on the street to park.

  “It looks like the whole neighborhood is here,” he muttered.

  “Yes, it does.” Glory shifted in her seat, as if she could hardly wait for him to open her door. The green silk hissed and rustled a reminder they were slightly late.

  They walked together up the driveway. Jared placed his hand on the doorknob, then paused.

  “You look very beautiful.”

  “You said that already.”

  “It was worth repeating.” He twisted the knob, smiled at her surprise as the big koa-wood door swung in. “Nobody knocks at Kahlia’s parties. She wouldn’t expect it.”

  “Oh.”

  Maybe it should feel odd to take her to his in-laws’ party, but Glory didn’t look the least bit uncomfortable. She claimed that Kahlia’s warmth and generosity of spirit reminded her of the Inuit back home. Jared introduced Glory to the birthday boy, who placed a gorgeous white lei around her neck, then enveloped her with the same warmth as his wife as he teased Jared about hiding such a beautiful woman at Agapé.

  “Thank you for inviting me. I wish you many happy years, Pono.”

  “It is I who must thank you both for giving Kahlia a job.” Pono leaned toward Jared. His brown eyes shone. “She’s been so lonely. Helping out lifts her spirits.”

  “Credit Glory, Pono. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t think of the idea,” Jared admitted. “Dr. Cranbrook has been shaking up the place. I guess we all needed it.”

  Glory frowned as if unsure he was offering an endorsement of her approach or a criticism.

  “I understand you grow orchids,” she said. “I don’t suppose you’d be able to help the kids with a small garden project, would you?”

  Pono’s face went from surprise to excitement in a second.

  “I would be honored.” Then a worried expression flitted across his face. “It’s okay with you?” he asked, studying Jared.

  “I would be delighted.” Jared thought he’d schooled his expression quickly, but Glory’s troubled look proclaimed otherwise. “She hasn’t told me what the project is yet, but better you than me. You know how awful I am with plants.”

  “Yes, I do. You forget them and they die. I will come.” Pono patted Glory’s cheek. “Now go, find some food. Enjoy the luau.”

  The house brimmed with people who seemed surprised to see him there. Jared chatted with them, introduced Glory and watched the speculation begin. Same old, same old. A while later he steered Glory to the garden where Kahlia had a long buffet table stacked with
delicious food.

  “Is that—a pig?” Glory clutched his arm.

  “Don’t worry, it’s not alive. Roast pig is a traditional luau favorite. They cook it in an underground pit.”

  “With the head on?” Her wrinkled nose showing her feelings.

  “Yes.” He lifted her fingers from his sleeve, snuggled them in his hand. “Aren’t you the woman who wanted to go to a luau? And didn’t you, Dr. Cranbrook, remove a gecko from a table outside the cafeteria just this morning?”

  “That was different.”

  “So is this.” He set a plate in her hands. “Try some. I promise you’ll like it.”

  She pointed to a big platter.

  “Mano. Shark.”

  Glory shuddered, ignored his amusement and moved down the table toward the fruit. With their plates filled, they found two chairs and a secluded table near the rear of the garden. Tiki lights lit up the garden, flickering in the breeze so the shadows danced over the burgeoning orchids.

  “It’s beautiful.” She closed her eyes and inhaled. “I can’t believe I really live here. If only for six months.”

  He couldn’t believe he’d come back to this house.

  “What are you thinking about?” When he didn’t answer, she leaned forward. “Please tell me.”

  “I was thinking of Nicholas. My son.” He lifted his shoulders, sighed. “He used to love jumping off that rock into the pool. You had to watch him every minute.”

  “Which wasn’t a hardship.” Glory’s voice brimmed with yearning tenderness.

  “No, it wasn’t.” He grimaced, pushed away his plate. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get maudlin.”

  “It’s not maudlin to remember your loved ones. I often do it myself.”

  “Who do you remember?”

  “My parents. My memories of my mom are fainter now, but I can still hear her voice telling me she loved me. I hope I’ll never forget that.” Kahlia interrupted, asking everyone to gather round while Pono opened his gifts.

  “I do not need gifts when I have friends like these,” he announced, but his wife would not be swayed.

  None of the gifts were lavish or expensive but rather a teasing combination of pranks and puzzles that made everyone laugh, including the one Glory had helped Jared choose.

  “Mahalo, all of you. This is a wonderful birthday. I am blessed to have so many friends.” His speech was cut short by Kahlia’s entrance. She bore a huge cake with many lit candles. “I cannot be so old,” Pono complained.

  Accompanied by the cheers of the group, he blew out the candles then began passing around pieces of the cake. He declared Kahlia the best baker he’d ever met.

  “They seem very happy together.” Glory’s gaze dug past his facade. “You don’t think it was a mistake to involve them at Agapé?”

  “I think it was an inspired idea. Kahlia’s been at a loss ever since Diana died. I’m ashamed to admit I’ve tried to push her away.”

  “Why?”

  Jared sighed. “I guess I wanted to bury some of the pain. Her presence and her constant reference to them kept reminding me of what I’d lost. I would have moved away if it weren’t for Viktor.”

  Glory frowned. Jared rushed to explain.

  “Maybe it’s a cop-out, but it would be so much easier to escape the memories and the reminders away from here. Kahlia phones me on their birthdays. We have to go to the cemetery and put flowers on Diana’s grave, balloons on Nicholas’s.”

  “I’m sure she means well.”

  “I know that. But it’s meaningless. I don’t need to go through the motions.” A wash of bitterness hit hard. “Believe me, I’ll never forget those dates.”

  He was still in love with his wife.

  Glory gulped as the knowledge washed through her heart. She covered quickly when Kahlia and Pono begged them to stay after their other guests had departed. She smiled politely, answered questions and pretended nothing was wrong.

  But it was a relief to finally get into the darkness of the car interior and leave.

  “Do you mind if we stop by Sister Phil’s for a minute? Her doctor prescribed new meds. I want to see how she’s accepting them.” Jared glanced at her before returning his attention to the road. “Besides, I’m sure she’d like to see you in your new dress.”

  “I don’t mind stopping.” Glory didn’t know what else to say, couldn’t think of another topic to while away the time, so she remained silent.

  “Was it too much?” He pushed a CD into the player and leaned back as Handel’s “Water Music” played in the background. “I know they can be pushy and—”

  “They aren’t pushy at all,” she told him sincerely. “I enjoyed the party. I’m looking forward to seeing more of them at Agapé.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  She could hardly say she was surprised that he loved his wife. Jared suddenly pulled off the road.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Something’s bothering you. I want to know what.” He must have realized he sounded like a drill sergeant. “Please tell me.”

  Glory scrambled for a topic, something that would appease him, or better yet, get him back on the road. She did not want this intimacy.

  “I’m worried about Bennie.”

  “Bennie?” He frowned. “He seemed fine earlier.”

  “Physically, for now, maybe. But what happens when he leaves?” This was something she could talk about. “Why can’t you do the operation on him, Jared? There aren’t any medical reasons he shouldn’t do well in surgery.”

  “I told you, I don’t do the procedure anymore.”

  “Yes, I heard you. I just can’t believe you’d waste an opportunity to help a child. He doesn’t have to remain physically scarred.”

  “Stop it.” His voice brooked no argument. He revved the engine, veered back onto the road and took the turn to Sister Phil’s. Once they pulled up in front of her little cottage he got out, opened Glory’s door then took her arm when she stumbled over the uneven ground.

  His touch burned her skin yet she loved it. Glory was glad when they reached the cottage and she could pull away. No doubt Jared noticed her reaction, but he pretended to ignore it, though a tightness appeared by his mouth that hadn’t been there before.

  Glory headed straight for Sister Phil’s bed while Jared spoke to a former nurse whom Kahlia had asked to stay with the patient.

  “How are you, Sister?”

  “I feel much better seeing you all dressed up. You look lovely, GloryAnn. I hope Jared told you that.”

  “Yes, he did.” Glory could feel the heat behind her, knew he was standing there listening. Ignore him. “We went to Pono’s party. He’s going to help me out with a project for the children. And Kahlia’s helping in the wards.” Feeling like a schoolgirl, Glory finally got a grip on her tongue and sat down.

  “You’re so good at drawing in others, my dear. It’s a real talent. I can just imagine how it will aid you in your work in the Arctic when you return.”

  Glory steered the subject back to the party, described the many gifts Pono had received. Jared, restless in the background, kept checking his watch.

  “Do you need to be somewhere?” she asked him when the nurse came with medication.

  “A friend was going to call me tonight. At home.”

  “And you don’t want to miss it.” She rose, bent to kiss Sister Phil’s paper-white cheek. “I’ll be back,” she promised.

  The crepe-thin eyelids lifted for a second, then drifted closed again.

  “She’s asleep. Let’s go,” she whispered to Jared.

  “I’m sorry if I rushed you,” he apologized once they were back in the car. “But I really can’t miss this call.”

  “A patient?” Curiosity burgeoned at the change that had come over him. His forehead furrowed, his mouth was tense and he gripped the wheel as if it were a lifeline.

  “No.”

  He didn’t want to tell her.

  But he didn’t have to. She
knew.

  “It’s about Viktor, isn’t it?”

  “Yes.” He steered the car up the long driveway, stopped in front of her house.

  “So you want to forget the past, to move beyond it? You’re thinking of moving?”

  “Yes. But Elizabeth hasn’t found anyone for the mission and I’m not sure Kahlia and Pono are ready for me to walk out of their lives just yet.” Jared got out of the car.

  “Baloney.” Glory opened her own door, climbed out and slammed it closed, angrier than she’d been since the day she arrived.

  “I really—”

  “You don’t lie to your patients, Jared. You don’t lie to the nurses, you don’t lie to me. Why do you lie to yourself?”

  His eyebrows lifted. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Don’t you?”

  She would regret being so blunt when morning arrived. But tonight, with the darkness to shield her, Glory felt brave as the truth burst out of her, as clear as the moon above.

  “You’re not staying at Agapé for Elizabeth or the children or for your in-laws,” Glory told him. “You’re staying because you haven’t got the guts to leave, because it would mean you’d have to forget about your vendetta against a man so grief-stricken he lashed out. You’re staying so you can deny him recovery.”

  “My family didn’t recover,” he snarled.

  “Will making him suffer change that?”

  Jared pinched his lips together.

  “Is not operating on the children really because you think the procedure’s unsafe? Or is it to protect yourself from adding more blame to the already immense load you’re determined to haul around?”

  “How dare you criticize me?” he yelled. “You have no idea what I’ve been through!”

  “Haven’t I?” She thought of her mother’s death, of her father. A sad smile tugged at her mouth. “What I know is that you’ve come through, Jared. With God’s help, you’ve managed to keep working, keep cherishing a few precious memories from the past.”

  “No thanks to Viktor.”

  “Don’t tarnish the legacies of Diana and Nicholas by turning them into hate,” she begged. “It will eat you up and eventually, inside, you’ll be just like him.”

  Before he could argue she turned and walked away, closed the door to her cottage and hurried out to the garden where no one would hear her soft muffled sobs.