‘I hate it, too.’ Kate sits opposite. She knows that Guy would not want her to tell Cass all his private thoughts and plans, so she decides to take another tack. ‘I think Oliver has the right of it but we might have to sit it out a bit longer. It’s great that they met up with the Trehearnes, isn’t it? Bad news about poor old Lady T, though. Gemma didn’t know too much about it except that she was taken very ill just as they were finishing tea. Gemma and Guy simply gathered up the boys and cleared out quick.’
Cass takes the hint at once. If there are to be any important personal disclosures made about their children’s future then they must come from Gemma. Well, that’s fair enough.
‘Oliver didn’t tell me much,’ she says. ‘I know they were all going down to the Tamar for lunch but that’s about as far as we got. Tom was furious that they didn’t come to us. I hadn’t heard about Lady T.’
To be honest, she doesn’t care much about Lady T. The thing is, with Tom in this tiresome mood, she’s begun to feel oddly lonely; this wretched question of the divorce, which lies between her and Kate, has made her realize how much she misses the old unconditional friendship. Nothing’s ever been off limits between them before: children, husbands, lovers. Now they tiptoe round each other, each unable to be too honest in her criticism of the other’s child lest the relationship should break under the strain. She wonders how Kate copes on her own with nobody to let off steam to when things go wrong, or to have a hug with when she wakes up in those bleak early hours with despair in her heart. Tom might be a bit of a pain at the moment but at least he is there and, to be fair, a great comfort when the chips are down. Of course, there is Bruno …
‘How’s Bruno?’ she asks. ‘Did you have a good weekend?’
‘He’s fine,’ answers Kate. ‘He’s just begun the research for another book.’
She wonders what thought process has led Cass to Bruno but at least she’s sheered away from Guy and Gemma. Her heart lifts with a tiny surge of joy as she remembers what Guy said here in this room less than an hour earlier.
‘I haven’t seen Cass and Tom,’ Guy told her. ‘It would probably do more harm than good. I’m looking into coming home, Mum. I’ve decided I want to but it’s not quite that easy.’
Her delight was so great she was unable to speak. She simply nodded, longing to propose all sorts of schemes and possibilities that could help bring it about, but wisely remaining silent. His rare smile and a hug that was barely more than a prolonged pat was her reward. There was certainly nothing about Guy to suggest that he was in touch with his feminine side and briefly she was seized with sympathy for Gemma.
Cass is watching her. ‘I’m sorry, Kate,’ she says, genuinely repentant. ‘It was utterly selfish to arrive so soon after Guy went. It was just not knowing what was going on and I suddenly felt quite desperate. But it was too bad of me. It’s been so long since you saw him and then you had – what? – an hour with him on your own?’
Kate relaxes; as usual Cass disarms her. ‘It’s fine. At least Gemma gave us the time alone. That was thoughtful of her. I wish he’d let us know he was coming home. Madness, coming all that way without a word to anyone. Oliver saved the day.’
‘Yes.’ Cass sits back in her chair. ‘I just wish he and Tom didn’t get across each other so much. I never thought that Tom would turn into such a grumpy old man. Mostly it’s funny but just lately it’s become very wearing. I know he’s thinking about Charlotte so much at the moment and then I feel so guilty and so miserable.’
‘Why particularly about Charlotte just now?’
‘Oh,’ Cass shrugs, ‘you know what it’s like with Tom. Charlotte was always his favourite. She was so much like him, and she was so gentle and biddable with him. When she got older she began to be more independent. She needed to disapprove of me a bit. I think it can be like that with mothers and daughters, but she was always on Tom’s side. Well, I didn’t mind that. I thought it was rather sweet. The thing is now, though, Gemma’s muddle has reminded him of that terrible time and brought back all the guilt and grief. It’s never very far from the surface, one just learns to live with it, but now Gemma’s problem has opened all those old wounds and they’re very raw and painful. It wasn’t just me who’d been having an affair, remember – he had too – but Charlotte would never have believed that. We were both guilty but because Tom doesn’t really want to admit his own guilt it’s easier to blow it all out in bad temper on Gemma and me.’
‘I never realized,’ Kate says after a moment, ‘that it was as bad as this. I didn’t see the connection with Charlotte.’
‘Why should you? We’ve hardly talked, have we, because it’s so horrid having this between us. As Gemma’s mother I want to put the blame on Guy. As Guy’s mother you want to blame Gemma. But we both know, deep down, it’s not that simple. It makes it so difficult to talk about anything because it always comes back to this, doesn’t it? And I can’t talk to Tom because he’s furious with Gemma and it’s like walking on eggshells. Even Oliver is being cagey because he’s in Gemma’s confidence. Of course I want Gemma and the boys back here rather than so far away but I’d honestly rather Guy was with them, Kate. I know he and I don’t exactly hit it off but I also believe that Gemma loves him, and so do the boys.’
‘I know,’ says Kate. ‘Of course, I know that. Look, the crucial thing is that neither Gemma nor Guy wants a divorce. That’s got to be a good starting place. And, after all, Gemma and the boys are back for good, aren’t they, so you can’t lose now.’
‘Yes, I can,’ answers Cass sadly. ‘Because if Guy doesn’t come back things will never be quite the same between you and me. And I know that Gemma and the boys won’t be happy either.’
‘Divorce smashes things and affects so many people,’ Kate says. ‘I see that now. It’s like war. Nobody really wins so there has to be a very good reason for it in the first place.’
‘So what can we do?’ asks Cass. ‘They still love each other. There is no good reason in this case.’
Kate hesitates, unwilling to break Guy’s confidence. Gemma must be the one to tell Cass their hopes and plans.
‘We’ll simply have to wait,’ she says.
Cass looks at her; she remembers Oliver’s words: ‘I think it will work as long as nobody interferes,’ and pulls herself together.
‘OK,’ she says cheerfully. ‘Shall we have a drink?’
‘It’s barely three o’clock,’ protests Kate.
‘So? Is there a rule which says we can’t have a drink at three o’clock?’
‘And you’re driving home.’
‘You always did have these frightfully dreary fits of conscience,’ sighs Cass. ‘Tea then. And then you can tell me all about Bruno.’
* * *
Hardly has she waved Cass off than Oliver drives up and parks outside.
‘Do you feel as if you should set this place up as a refuge?’ he asks. ‘First Jess, then Guy, then Ma – not to mention me.’
‘Don’t tell me you’ve been hanging around waiting for her to go?’
‘Not quite, but nearly. I simply cannot cope with Pa just at the minute so you must take pity on me. Seriously, the bad news is that Lady T is dead.’
‘Dead?’
He nods, watching as she mechanically collects the tea things together as if she were in shock.
‘But Gemma told me that she’d just been taken ill and Johnnie asked if they’d take Will back to school with the twins.’
‘Well, it was another heart attack. She is dead, and it’s possible that Jess might seek refuge from all the funeral arrangements.’
Kate sits down at the table. ‘It’s weird but I feel quite sad. She never much liked me and I was terrified of her but it’s just…’
‘Don’t say, “It’s the end of an era”,’ he says, ‘or I shall wish I’d gone back to the Rectory. I knew at once just how Pa was going to go on about it. All the memories and the anecdotes and the dear old shipmates.’
Kate can’t prevent herse
lf from laughing. ‘You are completely heartless.’
‘No, I’m not,’ he protests. ‘I barely knew her. As far as I know I met her for the first time a few days ago.’
She looks at him curiously. ‘A few days ago?’
He looks back at her warily. ‘Mmm. She was in bed. Guy and Jess and Johnnie had gone out sailing. Sophie took me up to say hello.’
‘Really?’ She is still watching him, half smiling, half frowning. ‘How … odd of her.’
‘Oh, I don’t see why,’ he says carelessly. ‘I’m very nearly part of the family now, you know.’
‘What a fast worker you are,’ she observes. ‘So you stayed with Sophie while the others went sailing?’
He beams at her. ‘Do you have a problem with that?’
She laughs. ‘Not a bit. I thought it was Jess you fancied.’
‘So? I’ve never heard that it was against the rules to fancy two women at once.’
‘You sound just like your mother. Do you want some tea?’
‘That would be kind. Shall I make it? You still look a bit shell-shocked.’
‘Yes, please, Ollie,’ she says. ‘And then come and tell me about Lady T and Jess and Sophie.’
She sits at the table thinking about Lady T and Johnnie, when she’d seen them in the Bedford and the old woman’s expression when they’d talked about Juliet and Mike, and then again when she took Jess to lunch to meet them all and how Lady T stared at Jess with such intensity.
Oliver is back with two mugs of tea. ‘The thing is that poor old Jess was with her when she died. It’s been a huge shock for her. She thinks it’s all bound up with her looking like Juliet and so Jess thinks she’s partly responsible. It got Lady T a bit worked up about the past and with her weak heart it just pushed her over the top.’
‘Oh God, poor Jess,’ says Kate. ‘I’m beginning to wish I’d never asked her down here.’
‘Don’t start feeling guilty. I think Jess is loving it on the Tamar, only she might feel that she’s in the way just at the moment. I expect all the family will come home for the funeral.’
‘Well, of course she can come back here. It’s one of the reasons I got it all up and running, though I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t bought this place either.’
‘Oh, but why? It’s a super little house.’
Kate sighs. ‘I know it is, but now decisions have got to be made about all sorts of things. I hate making decisions.’
‘Do you mean a decision about living here or in St Meriadoc? Does it have to be one or the other? Couldn’t you have the best of both worlds? A cottage on the coast and one in the town?’
‘It sounds good, doesn’t it?’ she agrees. ‘The perfect answer. Don’t think I haven’t thought about it. The trouble is it doesn’t always work like that. Quite the reverse, in fact. It can be a bit divisive.’
‘You mean when you’re at one end you feel you should be at the other and vice versa?’
‘Something like that. I’d love to be laid-back about it but I know I’d be at St Meriadoc wondering if I ought to be looking after the garden here and when I’m here I’d be worrying about whether I’d left a tap running in St Meriadoc. And the very book I suddenly longed to read would always be in the other place. Oh, I know it sounds completely crazy but I know what I’m like.’
‘You’re loco, Kate. You know that?’
‘Of course I know it. And, anyway, it seems rather silly for one person to have two houses.’
‘The problem is which one you’d choose.’
‘Exactly. This one at least is mine, and now that Gemma’s back and the twins are just up the road at school it’s so convenient. And Cass and Tom, too, not far away. And being able to walk into the town.’
‘But? I feel that there’s a “but” coming.’
‘Crazy, isn’t it? The last three years have been like a holiday. I’ve been really happy renting the cottage and being a part of St Meriadoc. After David died there was so much to sort out and wind up. So many decisions and things to come to terms with, like selling the house in Whitchurch, which was far too big for just me. And then I met Bruno through a mutual friend and his cottage was available, and it was as if a whole new life had begun. I suppose it’s been rather like a dream and so it couldn’t possibly last.’
‘Why not?’ Oliver asks almost crossly. ‘Why do you have to look at it in that negative way? Why should it have to be a dream simply because you’ve been happy? Why can’t happiness be reality for a change? You’re still seeing your family and your old friends; you haven’t simply turned your back on life. OK, so now you’ve bought another property, but it’s an investment property, so make it work for you. Rent it out. You’re only about an hour and a half from here, you’ll still be close enough to be part of the scene.’
Kate thinks about what he is saying; it’s all quite rational. She tries to pin down the flaw in it but it sounds too foolish to voice it.
‘Your problem,’ he tells her, reading her mind as usual, ‘is that you worry too much.’
‘I suppose I feel I’d be rejecting them all, you see. I’ve got a wonderful chance to be close to them all again but I say “No, thanks”. Something like that, anyway.’
‘So why did you buy this cottage?’
‘Giles was very anxious that I should buy again while the market was so low. I think he was worried about me. He pointed out that I might not always be able to rent the cottage in St Meriadoc or, even if I could, there might come a time when I needed to be less isolated, if I couldn’t drive, for instance. This was such a sensible thing to do, he said, and everyone agreed with him. And anyway, I had really good vibes about it, too. Then Jess won David’s Award and I suddenly thought that it would be great for her to come down and stay here for a bit. She was taking a year out and it seemed to be such a perfect answer. She had nowhere to go and wanted to come down, and I really believed it was all kind of meant.’
‘A sign or a portent?’
She laughs. ‘That’s right. What I wasn’t expecting was that she’d hit it off so spectacularly with the Trehearnes and want to be with them. I’m glad about it – don’t think I’m not – but it’s rather thrown me. It’s great, isn’t it, that they’ve taken to her? But how very sad for poor old Lady T to die just now. What a shock for Jess. The Sunday-out party came to a bit of an abrupt end, apparently.’
Oliver is silent; he is trying to think of some way of raising the subject of the photograph without breaking his promise to Jess.
‘Guy was looking well,’ he says. ‘I think he’s weakening, don’t you? I think we’ll have him back here before too long if only he can decide what he can do. He seemed to be very thick with Johnnie.’
Kate glances quickly at him. ‘How d’you mean?’
Oliver shrugs. ‘You know. Talking about boats and stuff. He’s got a great set-up down there, hasn’t he? I love it and I’m no sailor. I like old Johnnie and I’ve met Fred. So I know the whole gang now. Well, almost. There was Johnnie and Fred and Pa, wasn’t there? And Al and Mike and some other guy. Do you know who he was?’
‘What other guy?’ Kate looks puzzled.
‘I can’t remember his name now. Johnnie said he was part of the old gang. I think he mentioned that he was invited to the reunion supper. Do you know who was going?’
Kate frowns, trying to remember. ‘Johnnie did talk about some ex-submariners going,’ she says. ‘And then Tom was racking his memory for people who would have known Juliet and Mike. Oh, I know. I think they were going to invite the Mortlakes.’
‘Mortlakes?’
‘Stephen was a submariner.’ Kate is silent for a moment, remembering that Cass had had a brief fling with Stephen Mortlake many years before. ‘They live in Buckland Monachorum,’ she says. ‘I think Stephen was very much part of the gang when they were at Dartmouth.’
‘Back in the day?’ Oliver drinks some tea.
Kate smiles – and then sighs. ‘Yes,’ she says. ‘Back in the day.’
* * *
Later, after Oliver has gone, Bruno phones.
‘So what happened?’ he asks. ‘How is Guy? Is he back for good? I hope you realize I’ve been sitting here all day, wondering what’s going on, completely unable to concentrate on my research for this wretched book?’
Kate begins to laugh. ‘I wish you’d been here. First there was Guy with all sorts of ideas about sailing schools and goodness knows what. I haven’t seen Guy so animated for years. Oh, it was so good to see him, Bruno. I’m not supposed to breathe a word yet but he’s definitely coming home. He’s got to go back and sort things out first but he’s made up his mind. Then he and Gemma set off for London and Cass arrived seeking refuge from Tom and wanting to know what Guy’s plans are. It’s awful not being able to be open with her but Guy’s such a private person and he hates anything going public until he’s absolutely certain what he’s doing.’
‘Well, that’s fair enough,’ says Bruno. ‘Especially in his situation, when there’s been this question hanging over his marriage, and Gemma leaving him and taking the boys. He’s not likely to want to have cosy chats with his in-laws just at the moment, is he?’
‘That’s what he said. He hasn’t been to see Tom and Cass at all. Tom’s not very pleased about it but Cass understands. I shall be so glad to get this over so that she and I can resume our old comfortable relationship. It feels all wrong to be at odds with Cass. Anyway, then Cass left and Oliver rolled up. I was telling him about my dilemma about where I should live.’
There is a little silence.
‘And what did he say?’ asks Bruno.
She thinks about her conversation with Oliver and condenses it. ‘He thinks I should stay in St Meriadoc and rent this place out.’
‘Sensible fellow, Oliver,’ says Bruno. ‘And are you going to?’
‘Well,’ says Kate hurriedly, ‘then, after Oliver left, Jess phoned to ask if she could come back to stay with me for a bit. Poor old Lady T had another heart attack and died yesterday, and Jess is in shock and says that she feels a little bit de trop with all the family coming back for the funeral. So of course I’ve said “yes”.’
The Sea Garden Page 19
