Then Sara appeared on the steps, and Jake felt as if someone had smacked him in the solar plexus with a fist. She was a vision--lace, softness, innocence. What kind of marriage could they have when he felt such mixed feelings about her?
For the past four years, he'd thought about her--when his defenses were down, in the dead of night, when he came home to an empty house after a business trip. He'd thought about their months together, that one night....
Sara had been a virgin when they'd made love so he'd never had a doubt Christopher was his son. Christopher's birth date coincided with that night exactly. What Jake didn't understand was how Sara could have thrown away what they'd shared...how she could have run out on him...how she could have kept his son from him for so long.
Even though their courtship had been a whirlwind of emotions and passion, he'd thought he'd known Sara, despite their views of the world--hers slightly naive because of her age, his more cynical because of his age. At the time, the ten year age difference hadn't mattered. He'd fallen in love with Sara because of her fresh enthusiasm, her optimism. But now he realized he hadn't known her at all.
He was marrying a stranger.
His bride paused at the bottom step and took her son's hand, her smile saying she was not at all perturbed Christopher hadn't stayed in his spot beside Jake. Sara's smile did as much to arouse Jake as her curves subtly outlined by the lace. When she faced him, her smile faded.
Jake turned toward the minister, ready to listen to the words that would change his life.
The ceremony took mere minutes. A greeting. Vows. The exchange of rings. Sara's eyes glistened, and again Jake wondered who she was, what the future would bring. He wasn't thinking beyond a life with his son, beyond the chance to nurture and safeguard this little boy in a way he hadn't been able to nurture and protect Davie.
At the end of the ceremony, the silver-haired minister said, "You may now kiss the bride."
Jake looked down into Sara's sky blue eyes. Eloise, Nathan, Christopher and Gillian--who was cuddling her baby--waited expectantly. Sara's perfume wafted around him. Her soft skin beckoned him. Her dress asked for his touch. He pressed his hand against the small of her back as he bent his head. The brush of his lips on Sara's was fleeting, a heartbeat, but enough to shake the foundation of his control.
Straightening quickly, he stepped away. He would not give in to desire that could lead to heartache. He would not show Sara he was vulnerable where she was concerned. He would not give up his heart another time.
Eloise hugged Sara and kissed her as the minister shook Jake's hand. After Nathan and Gillian congratulated the couple, Eloise announced, "Refreshments are in the dining room. Help yourselves to punch while the bride and groom cut the cake."
Standing close by his side, Sara murmured to Jake, "If you don't want to do this, we don't have to."
"Your aunt went to a lot of trouble. Let's not disappoint her." He crossed to the dining room and the cake on the table, waiting for Sara to join him.
After he handed her the knife, he covered her hand with his as they cut through the layers. When he withdrew his hand, Sara managed to shift the slice to a white paper plate. She broke off a piece and held it between her thumb and forefinger, then offered him the rest. He, too, broke off a piece.
As Sara's fingers came closer to Jake's lips, he fed her. She opened her mouth, and he placed the cake inside. Her lips touched his fingers, and he felt the velvet softness of her tongue. His breath hitched, but he didn't have time to do anything but open his mouth. Somehow her finger got caught between his lips.
She pulled away, but not before he vividly remembered tasting her lips and her neck and...
Sara's world reeled. The taste of cake, icing and Jake was enough to make her dizzy. The man beside her was her husband, but he didn't seem happy about it. The past week he'd been remote, and today was no different. Jake had always been an introvert, but now he seemed even more distant--at least with her. With Nathan and Gillian and even with her aunt, he didn't appear to have a problem making conversation. And certainly not with his son. But with her...
She and Jake both took a step back as if the cake and the meaning behind it were too incendiary to accept. She saw Nathan Bradley exchange a look with his wife, and she wondered what Jake had told the couple about this marriage.
Christopher sidled up beside Sara. "Cake, Mommy?"
As it had for the past four years, Sara's focus shifted to her son. She tweaked his nose, grateful for the surge of love that always filled her when she looked at him.
The reception didn't last long. Without Eloise's conversational maneuvers and Christopher's chattering, the hour or so would have been even more awkward. The minister left first, then Nathan and Gillian. Jake tugged open his tie, unbuttoned his charcoal suit coat and shrugged it off. He tossed it over a chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves. "Where are your suitcases?"
Sara touched the pearls at her neck. "Wait until I change and I'll help you."
His gaze slid over her. "That's not necessary." He crooked his finger at Christopher who came running, the white jacket that matched his pants flapping as he ran. "How would you like to get out of these clothes and get comfortable before we go home?"
Sara crouched down beside her son. "Remember I told you we're going to move in with your daddy?"
Christopher nodded then stuck one finger in his mouth and talked around it. "An' I c'n bring Teddy?"
Jake also bent down to his son's level. "You sure can. And your cars and everything else, too. My house will be your new home."
Christopher looked up at Sara. "We're gonna live with Daddy and see Aunt El--but not Nana. Nana's in heaven."
After an awkward moment, Jake said, "Yes, she is." He clasped his son's shoulder. "Would you like to go pick out a swing for my backyard?"
The three-year-old took his finger from his mouth and broke into a grin. "Yeah!"
Jake smiled, adding, "And when we do get to my house, there's a surprise for you."
"What?"
With a wink, he ruffled his son's hair. "You'll just have to wait and see."
"Soon?"
"As soon as you change clothes and we pick out a swing."
Christopher grabbed Sara's hand. "C'mon, Mommy. Change."
"I have to clean up..."
Eloise had overheard the conversation. "I'll take care of the cups and crumbs. Go on. The sooner you change, the sooner you can begin your new life."
Sara looked down at her son who couldn't wait for his surprise. If only starting a new life were that easy.
#
Not only did they shop for a swing set, but Jake let Christopher pick out a sliding board and jungle gym, too. While their son tried out the swing that was set up in the store's parking lot, Sara nudged Jake's elbow. "Try not to go overboard." His shoulders stiffened and his jaw set. She realized she should have been more tactful. "I just mean--"
"Sara, I will buy my son anything I damn well please."
Patiently, she returned, "A swingset and jungle gym won't make your house into a home."
"A swingset, jungle gym and anything else Christopher might enjoy will help him feel comfortable. Just because you might not have been able to give him everything you wanted, doesn't mean I can't."
"Jake, we have an agreement."
"Yes, we do. I did not make a unilateral decision. You're here with me."
"But you're not listening."
"I heard you. You want me to not buy Christopher a jungle gym because it will make you feel better in some way. Tell me why he shouldn't have it."
"I don't want you to spoil him. I don't want you to think buying him presents will make you a father!" As soon as she said it, she regretted it.
Jake's voice was as cold as the end-of-October day was warm. "I expect I can read some books on the subject since my practical experience is lacking. We both know why it's lacking, so maybe you should take that into consideration when I want to buy my son something."
&nbs
p; There was nothing Sara could say to that, nothing to defend her position. She couldn't prevent Jake from wanting to make up for the years he'd missed. Jake didn't wait for a response from her as he strode toward his son, waited for him to jump off the swing and climb onto the glider also attached to the cross bar.
Sara watched them together--father and son--and wished she had never run away, wished she had faced Jake with the truth before Christopher was born. Jake's resentment then couldn't have been any worse than his anger was now.
A short time later, despite whether Jake wanted her help or not, Sara carried the last of her belongings into the house. She had brought her car over yesterday, and Jake had driven her and Christopher to Eloise's last evening.
Jake took her suitcase and garment bag to the guest room at the end of the hall. Christopher followed on his daddy's heels, lugging a small carry-all with his miniature cars.
After Sara set her cosmetics case on the dresser, she hung her wedding dress in the closet.
Jake beckoned to Christopher. "C'mon, sport. I'll show you your surprise."
Christopher ran down the hall after Jake. Sara heard, "Look, Mommy. Come look!"
As curious as her son, she quickly followed him and stood in the doorway of the second guest bedroom, surveying the interior which had changed drastically since she'd seen it last. "When did you do this?"
"The furniture came this morning."
A youth bed with a bookcase headboard stood against one wall. A table with four chairs, Christopher's size, was placed beside a chalkboard and toy box in the shape of a football. A toy bulldozer and steamroller decorated the shelves where a variety of books also waited.
Christopher opened the toy box. "Wow! Cars and..." He lifted out a red stuffed toy. "Elmo!"
Jake's lean face showed obvious joy over Christopher's pleasure. His gaze connected with Sara's. She walked over to the bed. "Think you'll like sleeping here?"
"You'll be over there?" He pointed to the room where Jake had deposited the suitcases.
"Yes, I will. And your Daddy will be right across the hall. I brought your night light, too. We'll plug it in before you go to bed."
Christopher sat on the bed and bounced a few times, obviously happy with his room.
Sara smiled and Jake smiled back. The simple exchange made her feel better about the wedding that didn't seem like a wedding, about the separate rooms, about their past.
Jake asked Sara, "Where would you like to go for supper?"
"That's up to you," she deferred, still feeling her way, not knowing what Jake had in mind.
"There's a nice restaurant a few miles from here. Quiet, stained glass windows. The service is good. I don't think it would be too long for Christopher to sit. Or if you'd like, we can order and I'll go get it."
"I'd like to go out. Especially since it's our wedding day," she said quietly.
Jake's brown eyes darkened.
"Do I need to change?"
His jaw tensed as he surveyed her royal blue blouse and slacks. "You're fine the way you are. I'll change and we can go."
Sara had always felt as if Jake could see right through her. Since she knew he knew what was underneath the clothes, she couldn't prevent the heat flushing her cheeks.
Jake didn't comment but went into his bedroom, a room she'd shared with him one night long ago.
Christopher's day had been a long, exciting one. His eyelids started to droop by dessert, and he fell asleep in the car on the way home. Jake carried Christopher up to his new bedroom. Sara undressed the little boy while Jake found a pair of pajamas in the suitcase.
"Sleepy, Mommy," Christopher grumbled.
"I know, honey. Let's go to the bathroom and then you can crawl right into bed."
Jake helped Sara put Christopher into his pajamas. He held a sleeve as Sara guided the little boy's hand through. While she buttoned up the shirt, he plugged the night light into the receptacle by the window.
Sara found Christopher's teddy bear at the foot of the bed and tucked the toy in beside the little boy. Then she leaned close and kissed his cheek. "Good night, little one. Happy dreams."
Sara saw Jake look down at his son and brush his fine brown hair across his brow before following her into the hall and down the stairs. She wasn't sure what to do next.
Conversation seemed preferable to the awkward silence.
There was something she knew she had to say. "Thank you for Christopher's room."
His brows arched as if her thank you surprised him. "You're welcome. You really think he likes it?"
"I know he does. Especially the toy box. It was thoughtful of you."
"Not excessive?"
She shook her head. "No. Jake, I'm sorry about what I said..."
Bracing his hand on the wall above her head, he admitted, "I thought about what you said, and you're right. Buying Christopher presents won't make me a father. I have a feeling it's going to be trial and error."
She smiled and her heart raced at Jake's closeness. She could still smell the scent of his soap mixed with his own male scent that made her stomach quiver. "Aren't most things?"
"I suppose." He straightened and towered over her. "I have some work to do that I put aside this week. I'll be in my office if you need anything."
"Oh." She couldn't hide her disappointment.
He heard it. "What?"
She shrugged. "I thought maybe we could talk for a while."
His brows arched. "About?"
"Anything. Jake, this is our wedding day."
"And I'm doing the best I can with it. What do you want? Champagne and toasting each other by candlelight?"
"A toast to our future would be nice."
He ran his hand quickly over his face. "Sara, I'm still so angry about what you did--"
Before she thought better of it, she clasped his arm. "You didn't want children. Can't you understand I thought I was making the best decision for both of us?"
He glanced down at her hand and she took it away, but not before she felt the muscle, the springy hair, the pure maleness of him.
"Why now, Sara? Why after all this time did you decide to tell me? Because you can't make it on your own?"
"No! I'm sure I can find another job, especially here. And Christopher and I have always had what we needed. I came back for lots of reasons. Over the years I've missed Dad terribly. He died at such an important time in my life--right before I started high school, when I was beginning to look at boys differently, when I had so many doubts about myself, what I wanted to do with my life. The last three years, parenting Christopher alone, I realized how difficult those years must have been for Mom. Especially when I lost her so suddenly, I realized Christopher needed more than me, more than visiting Aunt El now and then. He needed a connection with his father if that was possible."
"You really thought I might not want that connection?"
"I honestly didn't know."
Jake looked down at her, searching her face, his gaze lingering on her lips. "You didn't know me."
"Maybe not," she whispered.
"And I never knew you. I never suspected you could hide something so important."
His brown eyes held disappointment and sadness, too much for him to disguise. When she'd walked out on him, had she killed his love for her? She bit her lip. "I'm sorry."
He shook his head. "Sorry isn't good enough. It won't make up for the years I've lost."
"What can I do?"
"That's just it, Sara. There's nothing you can do. Maybe time will help. I don't know."
She struggled to hide the emotions coursing through her, but especially the way she still felt about Jake--although he obviously had lost all feeling for her, except his anger and resentment. "And you think we can still have a marriage?"
He jammed his hands into the pockets of his black shorts. "We can be parents to Christopher."
"Don't we matter?"
"Not right now."
Fighting back tears, she made one last attempt at
some kind of relationship. "At least let me be your friend."
"I trust my friends, Sara."
What he didn't say was clear. He didn't trust her. She swallowed hard, trying to ignore how much his words hurt, trying to look at their life together realistically. "I usually make breakfast around eight. Is that all right?"
He studied her for a moment. "Eight is fine. I usually just grab a cup of coffee but that might change with Christopher around. I went to the store yesterday and stocked up on everything I could think of. If you can't find something, just ask."
Her gaze met his. "I will."
Familiar gold sparks flashed in his eyes. He reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair away from her cheek. "You looked beautiful today, Sara."
She had no answer, no murmured "thank you," because all her emotions jammed as the heat of his fingers scorched her cheek, as remembered tenderness was evident in his touch.
Dropping his hand, he said, "I'll see you in the morning."
All she could do was nod, watch him walk away, and wonder if marrying him was an even bigger mistake than running away when she was twenty.
Chapter Four
"Mommy! Mommee--"
Sara came awake and was on her feet instantly. Without bothering to grab her robe, she dashed toward her son's cry, sliding onto the bed beside him and holding him in her arms. "What's wrong, honey?"
The hall light went on and Jake's shadow fell across the bed. He waited there, watching Sara, watching his son.
Christopher tightened his arms around Sara's neck. "I wanna sleep wif you."
Sara hugged him then leaned away. "Okay. But can you tell me why?"
"'Cause...I don' know. I just wanna sleep wif you."
"Did you have a bad dream?"
He shrugged.
"Are you afraid to sleep in here by yourself?"
He nodded.
"You have Teddy with you," she soothed.
"I wanna go wif you."
Sara combed his hair back from his forehead. "You can sleep with me if you're sure that's what you want to do. Or I could stay here with you until you fall asleep again."
Jake's Bride (Search For Love) Page 6
