“There is no truth between us and that is why there can be no future for us.” Lucian rose from the bed and grabbed what was left of his clothing. He walked out the door, never looking back at the woman who lay crumpled in the bed drowning in her own tears.
II
Olivia sat in the rocking chair beside her bed trying to understand how such a perfect morning so rapidly turned into a painful reminder of the past—a past she would never be able to escape. She refused to shed any more tears for the dreams she would never realize. This was it for her. There would be no happy ending. It was time she resigned herself to that fact and focused on the few fleeting moments she might be able to enjoy before it all came to a bitter end for good.
The physical pain was stronger today than it had been previously. She blamed it on the stress, but part of her knew her body was failing for good. It was taking longer to heal from the drug and the reality was that she didn’t want to heal. Despite the pain, that tiny leaf provided her only comfort. It gave her what she needed—peace. The punishment for such peace was the excruciating pain that followed, but it was worth every moment of the bliss she experienced during those dreams. The reality she faced when she awoke left her with a lingering ache that ate away at her soul. She hated waking up to this emptiness when her dreams left her so fulfilled.
A gentle knock from the door got her attention. Her heart hoped Lucian had returned, but her mind warned her to stop setting herself up for disappointment. It was not Lucian’s scent waiting outside her door.
“Mother, are you all right?”
Julian. He had come to check on her. Olivia should have been more pleased by that, but she was still too numb. “Please come in,” she forced herself to say.
Julian cautiously opened the door and stood awkwardly by it. He looked at the bed and saw the broken headboard and sheets. He tried to hide his blush, but Olivia could see the embarrassment on his face. No child wanted to think about a parent having sex.
Olivia had attempted to clean up, but to do so would be to wash away that perfect time she spent in Lucian’s arms again. She desperately wanted to savor every moment of that bliss and to hold on to its memory, as she feared it would be the last time Lucian would touch her. The disgust in his eyes portrayed the regret he felt as he left her room.
Julian felt increasingly uncomfortable as he looked at the destruction in his mother’s room. He could also see the sadness in her eyes and he knew that despite whatever passion was unleashed in this room, his mother still did not find that elusive happiness. Another thing they had in common, he thought. They were both destined for misery.
He could not look her in the eye when he spoke. “I got a lead on Kaden’s case. I did some research last night while you guys went to the club. One of the girls killed was from Las Vegas. Kaden had spent some time there last year. The girl, Madeira, was a witch. I checked Kaden’s phone records and I hacked into the system and got hers as well. It looks like they knew each other for quite some time. They spoke on the phone at least once a week for the past year. She came here two months ago, I suspect to see him, and that’s when she was killed.”
Olivia tried to make sense of what Julian was saying, but her head was pounding too severely for her to decipher this puzzle. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“I don’t fully understand either, but Madeira was not some girl Kaden just met one night and killed. It seems like they were at least friends for a period of time. All of the other victims appear to be one night stands, but not Madeira. It doesn’t make sense. Why would he all of a sudden snap and kill her if they were friends? He could have killed her a year ago when they first met. I thought maybe he tried to seduce her and she resisted, but the evidence from the police report indicates they had sex, consensual sex. There’s no obvious motive for him to kill his friend. It’s not like he has many, or any for that matter, but for some reason, he was close to this girl.”
Olivia did not want to get too excited over this information, but this was the first lead that did not fit into the “Kaden is a serial killer” theory the Council was trying to spin. “We should talk to Kaden about Madeira. We need more information about his relationship with her.”
“I tried. He wouldn’t tell me a thing.”
“Why not? This is the first real lead that could help him.”
“I know, but it was like he didn’t care. I got the feeling he didn’t want to be helped. Look, I’m no fan of Kaden and I was truly convinced of his guilt, but when I confronted him about Madeira, I could see the regret in his eyes. He seemed really affected by her death. I think he actually cared about her and maybe he’s feeling guilty, but I don’t think he killed her. If he didn’t kill her, then it’s not likely that he killed the others.”
Olivia was relieved to hear Julian acknowledge that his brother might not be guilty of these atrocities. That was a huge admission for Julian, and she was so proud of him for seeking the truth even if it was not the truth he wanted to hear. “This is great news, Julian. Finally, a hopeful lead. We just have to figure out how to help him. I don’t know why he’s resisting, but we need to get through to him.”
“That’s why I’m here. I think you’re the only person who can.”
“I’ll try. Take me to him.”
Julian drove Olivia further up north near Albany. The ride seemed to take forever, and she felt incredibly weak, but she mustered up all the strength she had. Helping Kaden was the most important thing.
Julian was silent for most of the ride, but after two hours, he finally broke the unnerving silence. “Lorenzo is meeting us where Kaden is being held. Lucian wasn’t around. Lorenzo asked if I knew where he was, but I told him that I hadn’t seen him since this morning.”
Olivia was not going to volunteer anything. If Julian wanted answers, he would have to ask the right questions. This was hard enough without having to explain this mess of a relationship to Julian. “I don’t know where he is either.”
“Um, I saw him this morning at the house. He borrowed some clothes of mine.”
Olivia prayed they would arrive at the holding point soon; otherwise she might die from this conversation. “That was nice of you to share, dear.” Not the best response, she knew, but she really did not want to discuss her sex life with her son right now.
“I know you don’t want to talk about this, and frankly I don’t want too many details either. You’re my mother, after all, and this is just mortifying. Anyway, all I want to know is how you feel about him. It’s obvious you have known him for a while. I was wondering if you knew him before Dad. If he is the reason you didn’t love Dad.”
“Julian. Your dad is the reason I couldn’t love him.” Olivia caught Julian’s look of frustration at that response, but he needed to understand that her relationship with Daughton was never about love and never could be. “It’s true that I’ve known and loved Lucian since I was a child, but even if I had not loved him, I would not have loved your father. Your father made it impossible for me to love him. I know that’s hard for you to understand ,and I don’t expect you to believe me, but it’s the truth.”
“Dad used to say you were incapable of love.”
“I was incapable of loving him, but I have always loved -- especially you and Kaden. Remember the moments you and I shared? The nights I read you to sleep, held you when you were sick, made you your favorite foods on your birthday, cheered for you during all your games? Remember all those times you and I talked about anything and everything? Do you honestly believe that I didn’t love you? Was all of that an act? For what purpose? Why would I pretend to love you?”
Julian sat there in silence for what felt like hours, but was probably nor more than several minutes. “You may have loved me, but you seemed to love Kaden more. I know you have said that you loved us the same, but it seemed different—it felt different. I don’t mean to sound like some whiny brat begging for my mother’s affection, but I would like to understand why you connected more with Kaden. Was there som
ething about me that you couldn’t quite love as completely?”
“Absolutely not. It was never you.” Olivia paused searching for the right words to explain her complicated relationship with Kaden without revealing the truth that Julian did not need to know regarding his brother’s conception. “Kaden needed my love more -- at least, that’s what I thought, and I was probably really wrong about that, looking back at the situation now. At the time, I felt like I had to show him more love to make up for the love he never received from your father. Daughton looked for every opportunity to hurt Kaden by paying more attention to you. He would belittle Kaden and praise you constantly. Everything Kaden did was wrong and everything you touched was golden. Kaden felt alone and worthless and guilty for all the wrong reasons, but reasons your father entrenched in his mind. I hated to see what he was doing to him and the impact that was having on Kaden. I wanted to love him enough to make up for what he wasn’t receiving from his father.”
“In doing that, you took your love away from me. I felt just as alone and worthless around you.”
Julian’s words stung, but it was a truth she needed to hear. This was Julian’s pain that she caused and whether she intended it or not, she left him feeling neglected. Until this moment, she had never appreciated the depth of the pain she had mistakenly caused him by trying to overcompensate for Daughton’s cruelty to Kaden. She blamed Daughton for turning Julian against her, but now she realized it was just as much her own actions that pushed him away. She let him down.
“I’m so sorry, Julian. I never meant to hurt you. I wish I could make this up to you. I have made so many mistakes in my life -- and believe me, I’m full of regrets. I wish I could get a do over. A second chance to do things better, but alas, I’m stuck dealing with the messes I’ve made and the consequences to those I love. All I can say to you now is that I have always loved you with all of my heart and soul and I’m truly, deeply sorry that I failed to show you that love. I’m far from perfect and I make too many mistakes, but please know that I never intended to cause you harm. I’ve only ever wanted the greatest happiness for you. I hope one day you can forgive me.”
Julian sat there quietly for a moment and then he reached for Olivia’s left hand. He squeezed it gently as he turned to face her. “I’ll try. I want to.”
“Thank you.” Olivia knew she would never forgive herself for this. There was no atonement for a lifetime of mistakes and failures—not for her. The best she could do was make sure she was not around to cause any more pain.
III
“What kind of place is this? Why is my son chained up to the wall like an animal? Tell me what’s going on! Release him now!” Olivia demanded.
This was one battle Lorenzo did not want to face. He had warned Lucian that this was a bad idea, but Lucian would not relent. Lucian claimed Kaden could not be trusted and that locking him in chains was the only way to ensure the elusive Kaden would not flee.
“My apologies, madam, but there is nothing I can do. The chains are necessary to mute Kaden’s powers. Only Lucian possesses the key to unlock them.”
Olivia was incensed. Seeing her son locked up in this manner brought back painful memories she tried so hard to suppress. “Damn Lucian for this! Damn you both!”
“Would you like to see your son now?” Lorenzo asked calmly.
Olivia wanted to break something or someone, and Lorenzo’s calmness just irritated her even more. She knew there was no point in arguing with him, but today’s stress was too much for her and the constant pounding in her skull made her want to lash out at someone. “Of course I want to see my son. I certainly didn’t come all this way to talk to Lucian’s faithful servant.”
She saw a flicker of anger in Lorenzo’s eyes, but it passed so suddenly that she thought she might have imagined it. “I’m no servant. I’m just following orders as Lucian is my superior on the Council. I can assure you that Kaden has been treated equitably. He’s a murder suspect in containment. If anything, he has been treated better than most. I am sorry you are displeased, but I suggest that you address any concerns you have with Lucian. There is nothing I can do about this situation other than allow you time with your son. Would that be acceptable?”
He was just as stuffy as Lucian, Olivia thought. No wonder they got along so well. Even so, she hated to admit that he was right. Her anger was misdirected. She wanted to strangle Lucian and taking her frustrations out on Lorenzo, who was being nauseatingly polite at the moment, made her seem like a shrew. There was no point continuing a one-sided argument with Lorenzo. “Yes. That would be acceptable.”
Lorenzo unlocked the door and held it open for Olivia to enter. Olivia looked around the tiny cell with the peeling walls and cracked ceiling. She could see the faint marks on Kaden’s wrists where he clearly tried to claw himself free.
Kaden just stood there watching his mother closely with that aloof look in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Kaden. I asked you to cooperate with Lucian not realizing he would lock you up like this. If I had known…”
“You would have done nothing different. You would have given in to your precious Lucian no matter what it cost me.”
The bitterness of his words hurt. She could see the pain and betrayal in his eyes. Her guilt was magnified by the fact that while she was making love to Lucian her son was suffering in this prison Lucian created. “That’s not true. I’ve always chosen you first, which is why I stayed with your father.” Olivia regretted those words as soon as they slipped from her short-tempered tongue.
“Oh, so it’s my fault that you gave up your mate and stayed married to a fiend like my father.”
“No! You’re twisting my words around.”
“Am I, Mother? I think I’m just hearing you clearly for the first time.”
This is not the conversation Olivia intended. Her emotions were too raw and her body too weak to deal with any more stress. She needed to focus on the reason for this visit. There was no time for a verbal sparring match with Kaden. She was certainly in no condition to win such a battle. The blinding pain in her head grew stronger and it took all the strength she had not to collapse.
“Kaden, please. I need to talk to you about your friend Madeira.”
“I’d rather talk about why you look so ghostly pale at the moment. What’s wrong with you, Mother?”
“I need to eat. I should have before leaving this morning, but I rushed out of the house to see you.”
“This isn’t the first time you’ve looked this pale. You shouldn’t wait to the point of starvation before feeding. Assuming that’s the real reason you look so weak.”
“Who’s the parent here?” Olivia tried to lighten the mood. “I used to lecture you about eating as a child.”
“Follow your own advice, then.”
“Yes, sir.”
The tension of the room had eased. Kaden still looked uncomfortable in those chains, but he was less withdrawn and confrontational.
“I will talk to Lucian about releasing you,” Olivia promised.
“Don’t bother. I think he enjoys seeing me like this. He can’t punish Daughton, but punishing his son is the next best thing. Besides, I probably deserve it anyway. Who am I kidding? I definitely deserve it and we both know it. Being locked up in here has given me too much time to think about my sins. There are plenty to focus on.” Kaden slid to the ground and looked up at his mother with such an agonizing expression. “I can’t talk to you about Madeira. She was the second biggest mistake of my life and she is dead because of me.”
“Kaden. Help me understand. I know you didn’t kill her. If we can prove that, it would help us find the real killer. No matter what guilt you feel, you should not be punished for a crime you didn’t commit. Think about it, Kaden. If you take the blame for this, the real killer goes free, and how many other lives may be lost to this madman? Those other deaths would be your fault because you allowed a real killer to go free. Make amends for the mistakes you’ve made in the past, but don’t shoulder the blame
for a crime you did not commit.”
Kaden just sat there completely still. Olivia reached for his hand and sat there in silence with him until Kaden was ready to explain. “Madeira, Maddy, was this amazing creature that drew me to her from the moment I met her. She was a witch. She worked as a stripper at a club in Vegas. She was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen. I watched her dance and was mesmerized by her movements, but it wasn’t a physical desire. I know it sounds weird. I craved her, but not her body, even though she was divine. I just wanted to know her. After the club closed, I waited outside for her. I asked her to walk with me and she did. We sat in front of the fountains at the Bellagio for hours talking. I asked her to come back to my suite with me and she did. Oddly enough, we spent more time talking. We fell asleep in my bed, yet we didn’t make love.
“I never talked to a woman like that. It was always about sex, but with Maddy I felt like I finally had someone who understood me and I felt safe opening myself up to her. We spent eight months like that. I confided in her about some of my other mistakes and she gave me the courage to try to right the wrongs I had committed. I left her in Vegas to do just that; to make amends for some of my past mistakes. She and I talked several times a week. There was nothing romantic about us. She saw other men and I other women, but we remained close. I came here to try to work things out with Julian, but then the murders started. It was clear Julian suspected me and with that lingering over us, there was no way we could bridge the distance between us. I called Maddy to tell her about this mess here. I guess I sounded pretty lousy because she hopped on a plane and flew out here the next day. I was so happy to see her. I felt that instant peace again from her presence. We talked as usual, but this time it was different. She wanted more from me. I didn’t want to risk our relationship, but she said she needed me to be with her now. Stupidly, I made love to her and the next day, her body was discovered in the woods.”
Lover's Betrayal: Misfits of the Lore Series Page 14
