by Nina Levine
I gathered up a pillow and blanket, and settled onto the couch for some sleep. My body was weary and I knew it wouldn’t take me long to fall asleep, not even on this pain-inducing couch.
My last thoughts as I drifted off were that I could do six days without Scott; of course I could. But they’d be some long days filled with worry, and spent missing him. I’d miss his reassuring presence. On the days I doubted myself, Scott gave me wings, and I hoped the physical distance between us wouldn’t change that.
5
Harlow
“Baby, wake up.”
I attempted to roll over, but the pain shooting through my hip and up along my back caused me to wince and halt my movement. Not a good way to start a day. After a few moments, I tried again, and this time was able to roll over. When I opened my eyes, I found Scott crouching next to the couch I lay on. “Morning,” I mumbled, my voice all groggy and my thoughts jumbled as to why I was asleep on Michelle’s couch.
“Fuck, I knew I should have stayed here and let you go home,” he muttered, his voice sounding as annoyed as his face looked. “Can you move?”
I nodded. “Yes.” But even as the word came out, I knew it was a lie, or at least, a partial lie. I could probably move, but it would hurt.
“Bullshit.” He called me out, and I simply smiled at him rather than arguing with him about it.
Wincing as I sat, I placed my palm against his cheek. “I love you for caring, baby, but I will be okay. Once I get going and have a shower, the stiffness will ease. How did you sleep?”
The way he paused momentarily told me everything I needed to know; he hadn’t slept well. However, he tried to reassure me. “I’ve had enough sleep.” He’d placed his hands on my thighs when I sat, and he now ran them up my legs to my waist. Gripping me there, he said, “Fuck, I need more time with you, but I’ve gotta go.” My disappointment matched his.
I took hold of his face as I nodded. “I know.”
Pressing his body into mine, he caught my lips in a kiss. I hated the fact I had morning breath and that this would be the last kiss we’d share for a week, but there was no time to change this, so I kissed him back. He didn’t seem to care because he deepened the kiss to the point where he had me panting for more. But again, there was no time for more.
When he finally ended the kiss, he growled, “Fuck…I need to fuck you before I go.” His eyes were all over me, and his hands moved to slide under my ass. “A week without you is gonna fuckin’ kill me.”
I knew how he felt – I felt the same way. My hands moved to his belt. “I need you, too.” God, how I needed him.
Our hands were a wild tangle of fighting against the clock to get enough clothes off so we could say goodbye in the one way we both needed. Sex was the glue that held us together at the moment in a way that nothing else could. Even when I felt like the words I spoke were all wrong and not useful in moving us back together after I’d held him away, the sex reassured me that we’d be okay.
“Harlow.” Lisa’s voice cut through the darkness and my body stilled.
Shit.
Scott pulled away from me and quickly did up his pants before standing. Turning to face her, he said, “Hey, darlin’, how you feeling?”
He moved towards her as I gathered my thoughts.
“I think I’m going to vomit,” she admitted, sounding disoriented from sleep.
Moving fast, he took her to the bathroom and I could hear his soothing voice as he looked after her. Eventually, I stood and stretched my body. The pain had eased a little, allowing me to move without too much trouble.
Knowing that Scott had to leave, I joined them in the bathroom. “You should go,” I suggested as his eyes came to mine. “I’ll take over with Lisa.”
Conflict sat heavy in his eyes. He was clearly torn about leaving. When his phone sounded with a text, he muttered, “Fuck.” After checking it he found my gaze again. “I hate leaving you like this, but that was J…I gotta go.”
I nodded. “I know,” I whispered.
We swapped positions so I could take over with Lisa. His hand settled around my waist for a moment and he kissed me goodbye. God, what a way to say goodbye – standing in the toilet as you waited for a child to vomit. And both of us frustrated by no goodbye sex.
He rested his forehead against mine and remained silent for a beat. When he finally lifted it, he said, “I swear, I’m gonna make this asshole pay for dragging me away from you.” His tone made it clear he would follow through on that promise.
I squeezed his hand. “Okay, you should go before I try and stop you from leaving.”
He hesitated for another minute and then blew out a long breath. “Yeah,” he said gruffly.
After saying goodbye to Lisa, and after giving me one more kiss, he left us. My heart constricted and I wondered again how I would get through the next six or seven days.
You’ll be fine and he’ll be home soon.
And yet, a sense of foreboding had lodged itself deep in the pit of my stomach.
What if he isn’t as invincible as he thinks he is?
* * *
I was supposed to work at the café that day and then at Indigo that night. My dilemma over this centred on the fact Lisa and Michelle were both sick. If I’d believed Michelle was well enough to care for Lisa, I would have had no problem leaving them to go to work. But she was far from being well enough to do that.
My saving grace appeared in the most unlikely form.
Scott’s mother.
She phoned me a couple of hours after Scott left, to see how I was doing.
“Madison told me that Scott and J left for Adelaide this morning. I’m just calling to see if there is anything I can do to help you while Scott’s away,” she said.
I sighed as I slumped down into a chair at Michelle’s kitchen table. I’d just gotten Lisa back to sleep after giving her more Advil. My weariness caused my tongue to loosen in a way it never had around Sharon. “Can you work some shifts for me at my mum’s café and then at Indigo? That’s my biggest worry today,” I blurted out, not really meaning for her to do what I’d asked – it was more a way for me to get my frustrations out.
She was silent for a moment, probably trying to process my strange request. And then she came through for me. “I’ve got the day off today. I can help however you need me to, Harlow. What’s going on?”
I sat up straight. “Really? That would be awesome, because Lisa and Michelle are really sick and I feel like they need someone to stay and help them. Maybe you could do that while I go to work.”
She didn’t hesitate. “I can be there in half an hour.”
Relief coursed through me. “Thank you so much, Sharon. I really appreciate it.”
“I’ll see you soon,” she promised and hung up, leaving me staring at my phone with a mixture of surprise and gratitude.
“Well, I’ll be damned,” I murmured before dragging myself off the chair so I could go home and get showered and dressed for work.
* * *
Just after half an hour later, Sharon turned up and I let her in as I combed my wet hair.
“You look exhausted, honey,” she said as I led her into the kitchen. I’d spent a little bit of time with her since she and Scott had started rebuilding their relationship, but the awkwardness I’d always felt remained. I wished it away, but figured that would just take time.
I finished combing my hair and gave her my full attention. “I do feel really tired. I’ve been working a lot of double shifts lately because Indigo is short-staffed and need me.”
She turned thoughtful. “You know, I could take on some of those shifts for you, if you want.”
I stared at her. She could definitely do those shifts because she knew everything about working a bar after Layla had trained her. “That would be great. I’ll mention it to Wilder today and get him to contact you to see which ones match up with your schedule.” Why had I not thought of this already?
Her face spread into a smile as if I�
��d made her day. “Okay, I’m glad we got that sorted. Scott would never have asked me; he doesn’t like to involve me with the club much any more.” Sadness weaved its way through her words and touched me. I’d noticed that about Scott also.
A flash of boldness overtook me and I acknowledged the elephant in the room. “Sharon, why have we never taken the time to get to know one another?”
Uncertainty filled her features and she hesitated with her reply. “That’s on me, Harlow. I know you tried to reach out to me a few times over the last year, but for one reason or another, I was reluctant to get close. My relationship with Scott went to virtually non-existent while I was still living in denial over Marcus, so I kept myself away. Probably because deep down I knew Scott wanted to push me into facing who his father really was, and I wasn’t ready to face that. And now after Marcus’s death, I’ve struggled to find myself. It’s stupid, really, because you’d think his death would be the perfect opportunity for me to start over, but change and me don’t do well together.” Her honesty and willingness to be vulnerable inspired me to lay myself out there for her, too.
“I’ve learnt that finding yourself is hard work,” I said softly. “It’s like this never-ending struggle with doubt, and fear, and hope. And it’s like a rollercoaster ride of feeling good about yourself one day and then down the next. God, some days I can be up and down five times in one freaking hour. Drives me insane.”
She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I know that feeling all too well.”
I cocked my head, feeling reflective, and glad to be having this discussion. Not everyone liked to admit their struggles; I always felt relief whenever someone opened themselves up like this. “Why do we do it to ourselves?”
She sighed. “I have no idea. And you’d think that by my age I should, but I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever get to a point where I’ve got all this shit about myself figured out.”
“Let’s start over,” I suggested.
“You and me, you mean?”
“Yes. Let’s put everything that has happened over the last twelve months behind us and start afresh. I want you in our lives, and so does Scott.”
Her face creased in a frown. “I think Scott and I have a lot of work ahead of us before he’ll let me back in fully. But I’m happy that you and I can get to know each other now.”
“Scott’s a moody bastard, you know that. Take my word for it – he might not tell you or show you very well, but he wants you in his life. He might need some gentle encouragement, though, to acknowledge it.” I gave her a huge smile and then added, “I’m so glad we got to have this conversation today. I’ve been a little nervous about our lunch date.”
The tense set of her shoulders disappeared and she returned my smile. “Me too. Now, tell me what you need me to do today.”
I filled her in on Lisa and Michelle, and took her over to their house. They were both sleeping, so I woke Michelle up to let her know what was happening. She was so ill that she only nodded her agreement and then fell straight back asleep.
After I made sure Sharon had everything she needed, I headed back home to finish getting ready for work, and then drove to the café while ignoring the tickle in my throat. I had no time to be sick.
* * *
“I spoke with Sharon,” Wilder said to me that night after I arrived at Indigo for my shift. I’d told him that morning to call her. “She’s gonna pick up some of your shifts at Indigo.”
“Thank God.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you coming down with something?”
“No, I’m just tired, that’s all.” I followed him into the office and asked, “Have you heard from Scott or any of the boys?”
“No. You?”
I shook my head. “No.” I’d tried not to think about them all day, but it had been a futile attempt. I’d also struggled to think about anything else besides Lisa and her mother.
Wilder stopped what he was doing and came to me. “Harlow, you don’t need to worry about Scott. He’s got this shit covered.” Wilder was a good guy and the way he spoke to me, with care, just reinforced what I already knew.
“I know you’re trying to reassure me and I appreciate it, and I’m trying not to worry, but it’s just my nature to always think about those I love. I have faith that he’ll be okay, though.”
His gaze held mine for another few moments and then he nodded. “I’ll let you know when I hear something, but my bet’s on him calling you before he calls us.”
Smiling at him, I said, “Thank you.” Taking a step backwards and out of the office, I added, “I better go get ready for my shift.”
“I’ve gotta head out soon, but I’ve got Rogue stationed out front keeping an eye on security. Just let him know if anything strange happens, yeah?”
“Will do,” I agreed before leaving him to head to the staff room.
I ran into Rogue in the hallway, not loving the way his gaze zoomed in on my chest. “Hi, gorgeous,” he greeted me. His voice grated on me as much as his gaze did.
Fixing an icy glare on him, I said, “Don’t call me gorgeous. And I don’t appreciate your eyes on my chest.”
He raised his brows. “You’re fuckin’ kidding me, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not fucking kidding you,” I snapped, my irritation jumping to record levels. It took a lot to piss me off, but this guy had managed to do it both times we’d come in contact.
Anger clouded his features. “If I want my eyes on your tits, that’s exactly where I’m gonna have my fuckin’ eyes. I don’t appreciate club whores telling me what the fuck I can and can’t do.”
My blood boiled to the point where I thought it could blister my skin. “You need to get your facts straight, asshole, because I don’t appreciate club members calling me a whore when that is so far from what the hell I am.”
His hand shot out and he gripped my bicep as he shoved me against the wall. Bending his face to mine, he snarled, “Bitch, I really don’t give a flying fuck what you are. Stay out of my way if you don’t want my eyes on your tits and my hands on your body.”
My heart beat faster and my breaths grew shallow, but I’d be damned if I would let him threaten me like this. Shoving him hard so he stumbled back, I warned, “Don’t ever place your hands on me again. I can guarantee you that you won’t like the repercussions if you do.”
The way he sneered sent chills along my spine and I fought not to wrap my arms around my body in an attempt to shelter myself from him. I refused to give him the satisfaction of that.
He opened his mouth to speak again, but at that minute, Wilder came our way. “Everything okay with you two?” he enquired, a frown on his face.
Rogue flashed a huge smile at him and nodded. “We were just getting acquainted. Everything’s good here. You going home, man?”
Wilder stared at Rogue for a moment before turning his attention to me. “You good, Harlow?”
I regained control over my breathing and nodded. “I’m good. And I just had a call from Scott who asked me to let you know he wants Rogue stationed over at Trilogy tonight. He’s called Blade to send someone else here for the night.”
Wilder’s face pulled into a frown. “Really? He hasn’t called me about that.”
I watched Rogue carefully, taking in the way his face contorted in anger. Fuck you, asshole. Holding his gaze, I nodded and said, “Yeah, he said he didn’t have time to make two calls and - ” I turned my gaze to Wilder and hit him with a sweet smile, “ – I guess you were right when you hedged your bet that he’d call me first.”
Wilder grinned. Bingo. Way to a man’s heart – tell them they were right about something. “I knew he would, babe.” Looking at Rogue, he said, “Okay, brother, I guess you’re off strip club duty. I’ll catch you later.”
Once Wilder had walked away, Rogue got in my face. “What’s your fuckin’ game, bitch?”
I squared my shoulders. “You wanna fuck with me, expect me to fuck back with you. I’m no club whore; I’m the Pr
esident’s old lady, and I roll over for no one, asshole.” I spat my words out before turning on my heel and stalking away from him. My heart had begun beating a million times faster than it usually did; well, at least that was how it felt in my chest. Threatening a man like Rogue wasn’t something I had ever done, but as far as I was concerned, it had to be done. I had to show him I wouldn’t be a pushover.
As soon as I was safely in the staff room with the door locked behind me, I called Blade.
“Harlow, what’s up?” He answered on the second ring.
“Blade, can you spare me a guy tonight? For security at Indigo. Our guy can’t make it now.”
Without hesitation, he replied, “Consider it done.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding in. “Thank you.”
“I’ll have someone there within half an hour.”
We ended the call and I relaxed back against the door as my breathing evened out. Now all I had to do was figure out how to keep Rogue away from me while Scott was away. I refused to burden my man with anything else so there was no way I’d share with him what had happened today. Not until he got home, at least.
6
Harlow
Knives slicing my throat.
That’s what it felt like the next morning when I woke up. Rolling over in bed, I almost cried in agony as I swallowed. By the time I’d made it into the bathroom and grabbed painkillers from the cupboard, my whole body had alerted me to the fact it was also in a great deal of pain. Every muscle ached, and I could have sworn that every bone did, too.
Once I’d taken the pills, I pulled out my phone and texted Sharon who had stayed overnight next door.
Me: You okay? And how’s Lisa and Michelle?
Sharon: I’m good. Michelle is doing better today but Lisa is still sick. I’m going to go home and shower and have some sleep in my own bed before coming back to check on them. How are you?
