I tried to turn and look at him but he was squeezing me so tight.
“David, I like to use my own money to shop. I don’t want you to buy me anything. You know how I feel about that.”
He rested his head on my back.
“Hannah, I know what your rules are but I don’t understand them. I just want to show you that I care about you. I just want to do something nice for you. You are always so cranky and moody…”
“That’s not a nice thing to say.”
He laughed.
“It’s true. You’re always so moody. I like to see you with a smile on your face.”
It was such a sweet gesture but it was leading some place I wasn’t prepared to go. The whole time I have been friends with him, he has bought me things but nothing as expensive as the bracelet and he has never taking me on a shopping spree. It had me anxious and nervous.
“David, I’m concerned that the things you are doing for me is something you would do for a girlfriend.”
“So?” he answered nonchalantly.
“Well, I’m not your girlfriend.”
He kissed me on the back of the neck.
“You could be.”
I was shocked that he even said that to me.
“David!”
“Well you could! You could be mine babe.”
“I just don’t think we should take our relationship to that level,” I said trying to wiggle out of his grasp.
He wouldn’t let me. He continued to hold me tightly.
He just sat still for a few minutes and I just waited for him to respond. I could feel the tension in his body.
“Why not?” he asked.
His voice had changed and he didn’t sound as cheerful anymore.
“You know why not,” I answered. “I am not looking for that right now.”
He held me tighter.
“When will you start looking?”
I didn’t like this conversation. First I should not have been sleeping with him in the first place. Stacey asked me not to get involved with him.
Plus, if I get into relationship with David, I had to give up what I had with Keith. I wasn’t sure I was ready to do that. I had yet to completely explore all that Keith had to offer me.
“David, probably never. I’m no longer interested in relationships.”
He loosened his grip on me and began to rub my back gently.
“What happened baby? What is it that makes you run away from a good thing?”
I just didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore.
“David I should get dressed. I have to make that appointment.”
He didn’t let me go.
“Don’t leave baby. I know you have a few more minutes. This is the last time I get to see you for a while. I have two away games back to back.”
I didn’t move but I was uncomfortable there.
‘I didn’t mean to upset you babe. I just want to do things for you. I want to be with you. I don’t see why that is so bad.”
My bitterness began to betray me.
“David, have you thought that maybe I’m not a good woman?” I mumbled under my breath.
“That never crossed my mind because it’s not true.”
I smiled.
“How do you know?”
He pulled me back against him wrapping his arms around me once again.
“I have known you for ten years. You are sweet, kind, a little moody, but an incredible woman and person.…,”
“You’ve known me as a friend David but not as a girlfriend. I’m a terrible girlfriend,” I interrupted.
He paused for a second.
“I find that hard to believe.”
“It’s the truth.”
“It’s not the truth.”
I laughed.
“I’m flattered David that you have so much faith in me but I want to spare you the heartache. I can’t be faithful.”
“You haven’t met the right man. If the right man came along like me, I think you could be faithful,” he said.
We were quiet for a minute. He caught me off guard. I didn’t know how to respond. Maybe I should have thought it through more before I actually opened my mouth.
“You don’t have to worry about that because I would never be in a relationship with you,” I said laughing.
I didn’t mean that he was not worth my time I just meant that I didn’t want to ruin the friendship that we had or have to hide and run from his sister if she ever found out.
I could tell what I said angered him. He was quiet for a few minutes.
Finally he released me from his grasp and practically pushed me from his lap. He stood and walked toward his bedroom door.
“You’re going to be late for your meeting,” he said walking out the room in a hurry.
I just sat back down on the couch. It was no way that I could deny it anymore. I am not dumb. He wants something more from me than what I am willing to give.
This changes things.
Dear Diary,
Masochism.
It was a word that I had never thought of and would never have thought to use it to describe what I fantasized about.
I have been told that you can never know someone completely.
You can never really know who they really are.
I could say that I knew that statement to be true. I knew there were so many people that did not know me as well as they thought they did. I had so many skeletons in my closet that I’ve started to bury them in the back yard.
Yet, I never thought that there would be things about myself that I had yet to discover.
What if you never really know yourself?
Is that even possible?
Who would know you better than you?
I didn’t think there were still things that I could learn about myself.
A masochist is a person who is gratified by pain or degradation self-imposed or imposed by others. It was someone that finds pleasure in self-denial or submissiveness.
I didn’t know that I could enjoy being in pain so much. I never knew there was such a thin line between pleasure and pain and I would enjoy riding the line.
When I was younger I felt nothing but pain, physical and emotional. So when I was an adult I was obsessed with pleasure and focused my time on seeking out men that could give me that pleasure.
I never knew that putting the two together would give me such a euphoric sense of being.
They say there are people that can bring out the best in you. I have yet to meet that person but I have discovered there is someone that can take all the monsters in my head and materialize them right before my eyes.
Keith brought something out in me that I didn’t know existed. I came alive when he made me suffer. I was willing to do anything to feel him abuse me or treat me like shit.
It was something that when it was done and over with I always felt ashamed of myself and could not understand why I liked it so much.
I noticed that he liked it too. I figured out that he would be considered a sadist. He was fascinated by the numerous amounts of things he could get me to do and how far he could go with me.
And, I continued to go back for more again and again.
I was a masochist and he was a sadist. We were perfect together…
-H
Chapter Five
It was a very warm afternoon but it wasn’t bothering me. I was sitting on a couch in the family room in Keith Morgan’s house. He decided that he wanted to do business with us and I came right over to get the contracts signed so we could get to work.
I must admit, I rushed over for another reason as well. Since the last time I saw Keith I had been very interested in getting back in his bed. There was something very foreign and very dangerous about him. He commanded my attention when I was near him and I was always at a heightened state of arousal when I was in his presence.
I watched him sitting in dark blue shorts and a very tight T-shirt that showed off his taut and muscular body. He took his time
signing each page and not before reading every word. I sat back with my legs crossed and watched him.
“Done!” He said slamming the pen on to the wooden coffee table and collected the papers.
He handed them to me and I slid them back into my folder and safely tucked them into my bag.
“Looks like we are all set,” I said
I made a move to stand and he put a hand on my leg.
“Don’t rush off yet.”
I leaned back against the couch.
He followed suit draping his arm across the back. He looked at me and smiled.
“I’ve been thinking about you ever since you walked out of my house.”
He looked me up and down.
His eyes on me were turning me on and I took a deep breath.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Why is that?” I asked.
He moved his body closer to mine.
“There is something about you. I could tell you liked it when I spanked you.”
It had been hard to believe it myself but I had been thinking about how much more it had enhanced my sexual pleasure. I tried to repeat the process on my own but it was no use.
“Yes, I did.”
He smiled.
“I have just spent so much time thinking about all the bad things I could do to your body.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. I just knew that my pussy was throbbing and it was making it hard for me to focus.
He continued to stare at making me slightly self-conscious. It was as if he was studying me. Then finally he spoke.
“How many orgasms have you had in one night?”
The question caught me off guard and I didn’t know how to respond.
“I am not sure what you mean?”
He smiled moving even closer until there was no more space between us.
“In one night, how many times has your pussy clinched sending waves of pleasure through you and your mind and body were flooded with bliss?”
His mouth was inches away from mine when he spoke as I stared at his lips anticipating them touching mine.
“Only about twice in a night.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“What if I told you I could make you come for me five to six times in one night?”
I almost choked on my own saliva. My mouth was watering at the prospect. The thought of coming that many times in a night sounded amazing. Though I had heard of women who have come more than that, I had not been so lucky.
“That sounds incredible.”
He bent down and kissed me softly on my neck.
“Would you let me?’
I nodded.
“Good, but I won’t do it unless you agree to my rules and stipulations,” he said leaning back and folding his arms across his chest.
Rules? I didn’t realize that there would be rules.
“What rules?”
“Well, I don’t fuck around with this. I want your body and I want all of it. If I am going to give you all that I’ve got, I expect that and more from you.”
My body was hot and I needed release. I would have agreed to anything at this point. I wanted him to take me now and make me come five times.
“How do I do that?”
He licked his lips and any trace of a smile was washed from his face. He was serious and though I knew there was still desire in his eyes, I knew he wasn’t joking.
“You will be under my control. I will practically own your body. You come when I tell you to. You do what I tell you to and you only sleep with me.”
That threw me for a second. I had to only sleep with him? Okay, that has always been a problem for me. Then I thought about it. I didn’t think this thing with Keith was going to last forever so I could hold out for a second to see what’s up.
Then I thought about David. Do I stop sleeping with him? I mean, he wanted more from me than I could give and I shouldn’t have started anything with him in the first place. Yet, I could not bring myself to end it.
However, the thought of my body being under Keith’s control sounded so hot!
“I have to only sleep with you?” I clarified one last time.
He squinted.
“Yes. Is that a problem?”
“No,” I lied.
I figured I would make sure no one knew about Keith and me. Plus, David and I were already keeping our relationship a secret. It would work out perfectly.
“I have to do what you say?”
“Exactly. I get complete dominance over you. And it’s all confidential.”
“When you say confidential is that on both ends.”
He stared at me.
“Why? Do you have someone you don’t want to know about this?”
I sure as hell didn’t want David and Stacey to find out about this. Especially not David.”
“Yes.”
He laughed.
“Do you have a boyfriend because I won’t continue with this if you do? You either need to leave me alone or break up with him.”
That wasn’t a problem. David was not my boyfriend, yet I still felt uneasy about our situation.
He gazed at me for a second and then he smiled.
“I guess the rumors are true.”
I was confused. I didn’t know that there were any rumors about me except maybe that my pussy was good via Jonas.
“What rumors?”
“That you and Castor are together.”
What in the world was he talking about? Was David telling people we were together?
“Why do you think David and I are together?”
He rubbed his face with his hand and sighed.
“He doesn’t shut up about you. When I saw you in the tunnel I didn’t know you were his girl. I asked around and figured it out.”
“David and I are not a couple. We are just really great friends…”
“With benefits?” he interrupted.
I averted my eyes. He laughed.
“Are you willing to end that to spend some time with me?”
What he had to offer me had better be the best sex in the world. David wasn’t forgettable in bed. He was amazing. I needed to know if what Keith had would be worth it.
“It depends,” I said.
He smirked.
“On what?”
“What do I get?”
His hand reached behind my head and he pulled me into a strong passionate kiss. He pulled back and smiled.
“You get to have the most spectacular orgasms and feel the most pleasure you will ever feel in your life. I will cause you immense pain and intense pleasure. You will beg for mercy and you will beg for more and I will give them to you when I am ready to.”
I was so weak in the knees with sexual excitement that I wouldn’t have been able to turn down his offer even if I wanted to. I wanted him to lead me into a world where the line between pleasure and pain were blurred. It excited me and I knew my panties were wet.
“What’s it going to be?”
I nodded.
He smiled.
Then he leaned back placing his arm on the back of the couch.
“So, baby, how bad do you want me to fuck you?
He said “fuck” with a particular emphasis to the word making it sound even more filthy and indecent. It turned me on to hear him talk like that.
“Badly,” was all I could say.
“That is what I like to hear.”
He moved placing his hand on my knee.
“Hannah.”
I looked into his eyes. There was intense lust and desire there.
“If my hand was to travel up your thigh and I reached your panties what would you do?’
“I would let you?”
He laughed.
“You would let me? Hmmm…,” he said.
“Would you have a choice?”
I shook my head and he smiled at that.
“Good. You’re learning.”
I watched as his fingers tr
ailed up my thigh pushing my skirt further up. He reached between my legs and stopped at my panties. I was breathing heavy at this point.
“’You like it when I touch you like this?”
I nodded.
His fingers trailed further up and they grazed my pussy. I shuddered with pleasure.
“If I place my fingers in your panties. What will I feel?” he asked.
I squinted an eye at him.
“I don’t know,” I said.
His fingers were trailing a path through my panties and I found myself unable to think.
“I know what I want to find,” he said.
Two fingers slid underneath the lace of my panties and glided in-between my dripping wet slit.
My breath caught in my throat.
“Exactly what I wanted to find. A wet juicy pussy.”
He pulled his fingers from my panties and got on his knees in front of me. He didn’t say anything. He just pulled my panties down to my ankles. I stepped out of them and he threw them over his shoulder. He used his hands to spread my thighs. He was so strong. He grabbed my legs and brought me closer to him so he could have a better angle.
He parted my lips with one hand and used the fingers on his other to apply a small amount of pressure to my clit.
“Oh…,” I moaned.
“You are so fucking wet.”
He dipped his head inside my splayed thighs. He licked my pussy slowly and deliberate. His tongue traveled from my wet hole to my clit gently in one flick.
I was in heaven. It felt so good that I was not able to make a sound. My breath was caught in my throat and I was afraid that if I spoke I would interrupt the pleasure.
He stopped abruptly and sat up. He stood grabbing my hand and lifting me off the couch. He led me through the family room and up the stairs. He didn’t say a word as we made it into his bedroom.
The lights inside were dimmed and my eyes had to adjust to see my surroundings. I looked around and noticed there was something new in the corner of his bedroom that was not there before.
Before I could figure out what it was, he grabbed me and pulled me into a deep intense kiss. He had to bend way down to connect with me, but he did. He moved away. I looked up at him and saw his dark brown eyes were shining with a dangerous light.
“Take off your clothes.”
I hesitated at first but then I felt my hands move and I realized they had a mind of their own slowly removing my clothes while he watched.
Diary of a Wanted Woman Page 6
