“You’re wrong,” I said.
With a flash he had me by the arms with his face only inches from mine. His voice was calm but fueled with such heat and fire it made my heart pound.
“I am not wrong.”
He saw the frightened look on my face and he backed off and took a seat. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.
“Hannah, you mean so much to me and I hate to hear you say things like that.”
I sighed.
“David I understand why you feel the way you feel but if you knew…,” I stopped myself.
I just felt like I was repeating myself over and over again.
He squinted at me.
“If I knew what? Tell me baby.”
I shook my head.
“It’s nothing David. I just want you to take my word for it. I am not girlfriend or wife material. I can’t be that for you.”
He shook his head.
“That makes me sad to hear. I know you better than you think I know you,” he responded.
“I know you can be pessimistic and brooding sometimes. I know you hate being around lots of people. I know your favorite dish is tacos. I know you love it when it rains. I know you are most comfortable sitting around the house snuggled in your pajamas.”
He reached his hand out to me and I took it. He pulled me out of my seat and guided me over to sit on his lap. When I was seated he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me.
“I know deep inside, you want what I want.”
There was some truth to his statement. There were plenty of nights I wished I was different, that I was a better person. I wanted to be perfect like him and Stacey and have a family like they had, but the more I wished for all those things the more it was apparent that I would never have them.
That kind of life was reserved for people like them that were raised by parents like theirs. I never really felt like I belonged here with them. I was just counting the days until it fell apart. I know that it has been ten years but I still felt like it was a matter of time.
“David, sometimes it doesn’t matter what I want. You don’t always get what you want.”
He kissed me on my shoulder blade.
“Hannah it makes me sad to see you so unhappy with life and with yourself. I want to meet the Hannah that’s inside before all the worldly ugliness affected you.”
I folded my arms across my chest.
“That person never existed David.”
He squeezed me tighter with his face pressed against my back.
“I don’t believe that. I know she existed at some point and I want her.”
Listening to him talk only made me more depressed. I wish that person had existed. I wanted my life to be different but I knew that if I was to survive I had to leave in reality. I wasn’t meant to be happy.
“David, not every person was meant to be happy. Some of us were just meant to survive. I’m surviving and in a way, that makes me sort of happy. Maybe more content than happy.”
“I don’t believe that Hannah. Everyone is meant to have some form of happiness in their life. What is the point of living if you are just ‘surviving’? You don’t think you deserve happiness and so you do things to make yourself unhappy.”
“So you’re saying I make myself unhappy? I choose to be unhappy?”
“Yes, babe.”
I climbed off his lap and stood.
“Why would you say that?”
His comment made me angry for some reason.
He stood as well, towering over me. I had to look up into his eyes.
“For starters,” he began. “You tell yourself you’re not girlfriend material and that gives you an excuse to push good men away. Then you spend all your time sleeping around with men that don’t want anything from you other than sex and to treat you badly. Then you claim that all men are bad. You’re doing it to yourself.”
He sighed.
“Eventually, no good man is going to want you when they find out you’re just sleeping with every man that crosses your path.”
I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I knew my eyes were as big as saucers. I could not believe he was saying that to me. I didn’t want him to be here anymore. I was close to tears and I didn’t want him to see me cry.
“Okay, I am done with this little discussion. You can see yourself out.”
I said leaving him standing there and walked down the hall into my bedroom. I walked as fast as I could, wiping tears from my eyes.
“Hannah!” he called as he followed me.
I ignored him.
“Hannah!”
I walked into my room and started looking for my outfit for the day. He came into my bedroom and sat down on my bed. I continued to ignore him.
“Baby, would you look at me?”
I turned with one hand on my hip.
“Why? So you can insult me some more?”
“Babe, I am so sorry. You know I didn’t mean to insult you. That’s the last thing I wanted to do.”
He reached out and grabbed me around my waist. He pulled me into his arms and sat me back down on his lap.
“Can you forgive me Hannah?”
I turned and looked at him. There was no way he could think that I could stay mad.
“I forgive you.”
He poked out his lips indicating that he wanted a kiss. I leaned down and we kissed. I assumed it would be a quick peck on the lips but it instantly turned into more. His tongue sought mine out and they played with each other passionately.
“I have an idea of something we could do,” he said pulling back.
I looked up at him. He wasn’t giving up and I was too tired to fight today.
“Fine David. What do you want us to do?”
He smiled.
“I think we need to let off a little steam. So I figured we go back to my place, Get in a quick work out and have some lunch.”
That was his idea of having fun and relaxing?
“I’m down for lunch but when you mean workout, do you mean workout or work out?”
He laughed.
“I mean workout with weights and machines, but we can always make time for both.”
I rolled my eyes at him.
“So, get your stuff and let’s get going babe!”
He pushed me off his lap and walked out the bedroom.
Two hours later I found myself sweating profusely lifting 20lb free weights.
“Okay babe, you have to keep your elbow straight when you do that.”
I gave him an evil glare.
“David, I’m done.”
I said dropping the weights back onto their holder. I walked over to a bench and grabbed my bottle of water.
“You’re giving up?” he asked laughing.
“Yes!” I said taking a drink of water.
He walked over to his weight lifting bench and took a seat. He patted his knee indicating that he wanted me to sit on his lap. I smirked and got up from my seat and walked over to him. I attempted to sit across his lap and he grabbed my arm turning me around making me straddle him. He placed his hands on my ass and gripped it.
“You know, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.”
I laughed out loud.
“You are laying it on really thick.”
He smiled.
“It’s the truth.”
He leaned forward placing his lips on mine. His kiss was soft and sweet. His hands gently caressed my back and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“I have known you for years now and I see a woman that would be an amazing girlfriend and an amazing wife.”
The word wife left me speechless not that he gave me enough time to respond. He stood from the bench still holding me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he carried me over to a mat on the floor.
He gently laid my body down and began to kiss me again and I ran my fingers through his hair.
“I want you to be mine so bad baby,” he said taking off his shir
t and tossing it to the side. He stood then taking off all his clothes.
He came onto the mat and helped me to rid myself of my clothing. When we both lay naked, he spread my legs and buried his face between them. I threw my head back moaning as he devoured me.
He lapped at me while two fingers massaged my g-spot.
“Oh, David, you want to see me squirt don’t you?”
He didn’t reply. He just continued to eat my pussy. He sat up and kissed me on my lips. My juices were all over his mouth. He turned his attention to my breasts taking his time kissing each mound and sucking on each nipple.
My body was on fire. He was an artist when it came to me. He knew just what to do to take me over the edge and he did it so smoothly and gently.
Then his lips came back to mine kissing me as I was the life-blood that sustained him. He slid comfortably between my legs and I opened wide for him as he entered me.
He felt so good inside of me. He buried his face into my neck as he pounded my pussy completely filling me and making me beg for more.
“Please David, don’t stop!”
He began to lay kisses on my neck and whispered in my ear.
“I won’t stop baby. I want to make you feel so good.”
He began to relax his pace stroking me slowly. His hands trailed over my body as he gently thrust inside of me and pulled out gradually.
“Oh baby you make me feel so good.”
I blocked out his words focusing on the pleasure I was feeling. I could feel my orgasm building and building. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It flooded my body with electricity. I cried out digging my fingernails into his shoulders. He continued to stroke me slow for a few more minutes. Then he picked up the pace placing one of my legs over his shoulder.
“Oh Hannah,” he said fucking me hard now.
Then he came roughly inside of me collapsing on my chest and laying kisses all over me.
We lay in that position for a few minutes before he rolled off me and sighed. I was confused. We just had amazing sex and yet he looked…sad.
“Is something wrong?” I asked rolling over onto my side to look at him.
“Don’t you see babe?” he asked moving onto his side.
He swiped some hair out of my eyes.
“See what David? I don’t know what you are talking about.”
I saw a sadness flash in his eyes and again he sighed.
“You know what…never mind.”
He stood and began to put on his clothes. I stood also wanting to get to the bottom of this. I should have just let it go but I guess it would have come out anyway.
“David, tell me what’s wrong,” I demanded putting on my own clothes.
He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist and placed a long and passionate kiss on my lips. He leaned back still holding me and looked into my eyes.
He said to me with a large amount of sorrow in his eyes, “I can’t continue to be your friend and nothing more. It’s not just sex for me. I am in love with you and I want you all to myself.”
My breathing started to increase. I felt like no matter how hard I breathed my lungs were not filling up. I knew I shouldn’t have asked him. I should have just let it go.
The hardest thing would be to lose him completely. That would break my heart. Yet, I could not be the girlfriend he wanted either. I felt trapped.
“Are you giving me an ultimatum?
He sighed.
“I don’t want to but I have to. It’s all or nothing.”
How could he just throw away what we have? How could he put our friendship on the line like this?
“Can I think about it?”
He leaned in and kissed me again.
“Yes, you can think about it, but I can’t wait forever.”
I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tight. I had a feeling this could be the last time I get to hold him like this
Dear Diary,
We assume that we know what someone wants and who they are before we really get to know them. We assume that the way they walk, the way they talk, and how they dress defines who they are.
Someone’s lifestyle is fair game as well. We think we know what their desires are and what they want out of life just by the superficial coverings that we see only with our eyes.
When I laid eyes on Keith I made my assumptions just as I’m sure he made assumptions about me. I assumed he was a ladies man with women hanging off him. It didn’t help his cause that he was tall dark and handsome with long dreads and a gorgeous smile. He was a sexy young and rich bachelor with money to burn.
When he walked in a club the women could smell his money from a mile away. He was charming and flashy.
When I learned that he was into S&M I was convinced that he was doing what he was doing to me with girls all over town. I could not be the only one I thought. Yet that was fine with me. He wasn’t ready to commit and I wasn’t ready to commit.
But yet again I learned something. I learned you can’t just judge someone and make assumptions. You must venture deeper into their soul. You have to know what makes them tick.
Then you will see they are not as simple as you thought they could be.
It’s much more complicated.
-H
Chapter Nine
Avoiding David has been a job for me lately.
I couldn’t tell Stacey I was avoiding him. I thought maybe if I dodged him it would prolong the inevitable. I knew that I wouldn’t give him the answer that he wanted.
I was hoping that even if I would not be his girlfriend that he would still consider being in my life. The thought of not having him at all was killing me.
It was the reason that I stayed home today and didn’t accompany Stacey to the game this afternoon. I was still working on what I wanted to say to him. I decided to just watch the game on TV like most Americans.
After the game, I decided to take a nap on the couch. I was in the middle of the nap when I heard loud banging on my front door. I jumped up in shock and damn near flipped off the couch.
I walked to the door and peeked out the peephole. My eyes got big after seeing who was out there. I opened the door and stared into the eyes of Keith and to his left was someone very familiar to me.
“What are you guys doing here?” I asked.
Keith didn’t answer. He just walked past me into my apartment. I moved out of the way to let Jonas inside. They both stood looking around at my cozy apartment.
“It’s small in here,” Keith said plopping down on the couch.
Jonas followed suit laughing.
“Are you guys here to insult my place or do you actually have some business here?”
Before I could say anything, Keith jumped up from the couch, slammed me hard against the wall and shoved his tongue down my throat.
It all happened so fast I didn’t have time to think or protest. Not that I was going to. According to him he owned me now.
I gave in and buried my fingers into his long dreadlocks. He was strong and powerful pushing my body hard against the wall.
He pulled back and I looked over his shoulder where Jonas was sitting.
“You remember Jonas don’t you?” he asked.
Jonas stood and approached us.
“Yes, I remember him,” I said.
Jonas smiled and said, “Are you ready to have a little post game fun?”
My heart started to pound and excitement rose up inside of me. The realization dawned on me. I opened my mouth to protest but I closed it. Keith told me before that I had to trust him when it came to my pleasure and so I decided to see where this was going.
“Take us to your bedroom.”
He stepped back and they followed as I walked down the hall and pushed opened the door to my bedroom. When we got inside Jonas and Keith immediately began to undress.
“Take your clothes off so we can get started,” Keith demanded taking off his shorts.
I didn’t move.
“Are you
deaf?” he said. “Take your fucking clothes off!”
I stripped down removing all of my clothes and threw them to the floor. It made me nervous that Jonas was here. No one was supposed to know about Keith and me. What if Jonas said something to David? I didn’t want to think about it.
“Keith, does Jonas know not to say anything?”
Keith looked at me and smirked.
He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He leaned and kissed me gently on the lips. Then he released one arm and turned to Jonas.
“So Jonas, my girl is worried that you still have a big ass mouth. You’re not getting any of this good pussy if she can’t trust you.”
Jonas looked confused for a second and then he looked at me.
“I’m not saying a word.”
Keith addressed me.
“Does that make you feel any better?”
I looked at Jonas.
“No.”
Keith laughed.
“Jonas I think you need to do better than that.
Jonas looked at me.
“Look, I won’t say anything. I promise. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
Keith began to rub his hands up and down my back.
“Baby, I don’t think he will say anything.”
I looked at Keith and then I sighed.
“Okay.”
“Good.”
Then all humor left his voice.
“Get on your knees.”
I didn’t hesitate this time. I didn’t want to be yelled at again.
The two men stood with one man in front of me and one man behind me. They were both hard and erect waiting for me to pleasure them.
I had never been in this position before and I didn’t know who I should start with first. I decided it would be safer to start with Keith. I had a feeling he wouldn’t like it if I chose Jonas over him.
I took his large dark dick into my mouth. His hand instinctively came to my head and I slid his hard shaft in and out making sure I was getting it nice and wet.
I wrapped my lips around him and tried to take in as much of him as I possibly could. He was so big and long that I gagged a little completely overwhelmed.
“That’s right baby. Gag on my big dick!”
Diary of a Wanted Woman Page 10
