He moved closer to me on the couch and placed his hand under my chin. He lifted my gaze until we locked eyes. He placed a kiss on my lips. He deepened the kiss sliding his tongue into my mouth and capturing mine.
He buried his fingers in my hair kissing me like he had never kissed me before.
I could feel my body heating up at his touch and I wanted him to lift me up and carry me into his bedroom. I didn’t know how to explain the feeling that came over me. I felt a wave of guilt. I thought about Keith and the promise I made to him. I wanted to be with Keith and I wanted to show myself that I could be faithful to him in our special way.
I knew what I had to do and it just made me sad. It was a sadness that I could not explain. I knew I had to tell him before this went any further.
I pushed away from him.
He didn’t look happy that I had done that and he glared at me.
“What?” he asked folding his arms across his chest.
“I have something that I want to say.”
He sighed.
“Why do I have a feeling that I am not going to like what’s about to come out of your mouth?”
I took a deep breath.
“David, I have an answer to your ultimatum.”
He looked down for a minute, and then he looked up at me.
“So what’s it going to be?”
I ran my fingers through my hair. I could feel my eyes fill up with tears.
“I just can’t be your girlfriend.”
He was silent for a few minutes. I just sat there looking at him waiting for him to speak.
He sighed.
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”
I didn’t answer. I just looked down at my hands. I wasn’t sure what I could say that would not hurt his feelings. I am not known to have very much tact.
“I had a feeling that when I told you I loved you, you might run. For some reason you are afraid of being hurt. I am convinced it has something to do with your past but you never say.”
“It has nothing to do with me being hurt. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He just didn’t seem to get it. Either that or he just didn’t hear me.
“Why do you assume that you are going to cheat or hurt me? What makes you think you can’t be a good girlfriend?”
I want to shout to him that I could love him but I could not just settle for a sexual relationship with him for the rest of my life. I could not do it with Keith either and he realized that and was willing to sacrifice to have me.
“David, I’m just not capable of it.”
He looked at me suspiciously.
“Hannah, be honest with me. Are you seeing anyone else?”
I was shocked that he would ask that question. Did he know about Keith and me? Did he know about our strange relationship? Keith and I agreed to keep things between us private.
“Why are you asking me that?”
“Well, Stacey said you have been taking quite a few private phone calls lately and skipping out early a lot. I thought maybe you were seeing someone else.”
“So you guys have been talking about me,” I said trying to distract him.
“Don’t get offended. It’s just a conversation between two people that really care about you. We worry about you and a lot of the bad decisions you make. So are you seeing anyone?”
I didn’t want to lie to him but I didn’t want to tell him the truth either. If he knew I was sleeping with one of his teammates there might not be any salvaging of our friendship.
“No, I am not seeing anyone,” I lied avoiding his eyes.
He sighed as if he were relieved.
“Hannah, I love you and I want to make you happy. You just keep trying to hammer into my head and your own that you can’t be a good woman to me when I know you are. You are a great friend and I know that you would make an amazing girlfriend. I just think that if you were happier you could see what I see.”
He didn’t think I was happy? I mean I am not all smiled and bubbly all the time but I felt like I was pretty happy.
“What makes you think I’m not happy?”
He sighed.
“Hannah I look at you and you put on this front that you don’t cry and you are so strong and beyond-everything. It’s all a front.”
“I am happy and I make my own decisions. I don’t need anyone telling me what to do.”
“Hannah, I get that. I really do. Yet, that doesn’t mean that all your decisions are the right ones.”
He grabbed my hand and held onto it tight. I could tell his mood changed and he was serious.
“You know I would look at you and I would see this happy woman with really sad eyes. I always wondered what you were hiding and why you weren’t really happy.”
“David, I am not hiding anything from anyone,” I continued to lie.
“I don’t believe you. Only people that are unhappy do things that would only make their lives worse.”
I pulled my hand back.
“Whatever David.”
“Look,” I said standing from the couch.
I turned to him.
“I just came here to let you know that I care about you. You are like family to me but I can’t do more than that.”
He stood and we were standing face to face. Well, not face to face. More like face to stomach.
“I am not satisfied with that?”
He was really not going to give up on this. It was draining me and I didn’t have the strength to deal with this. I was hoping he would forget about his ultimatum.
“David, we have been good friends for years now and I don’t want to mess things up. I don’t want our friendship to end over this.”
He cocked his head to the side.
“I don’t think it will mess things up. I think it will only get better if you’re with me.”
I shook my head.
“David, you can’t know that.”
He laughed.
“Baby, I do know that. I know how good it gets when two people are made for each other. I know how happy you make me and I know how happy we will be together.”
I was ready to cry but I tried to hold it inside.
“David, I can’t!”
I didn’t mean to get loud with him but I felt like I had to be clear as much as I possibly could. Plus I wanted to drown out the little voice in my head that was pleading with me to give in to him.
He looked a little sad when he walked over to me and placed his hands on my arms.
“Baby, I want to give you the world. I want to make you the happiest person on this planet.”
I knew that he could. I knew he could make me happy. That was never in question. I just knew that one man was just not enough for me and the sooner he knew that the sooner he would understand.
“David, are you willing to be with me and let me see other men sexually?”
I cannot begin to describe the look on his face. He was shocked, confused and disgusted at the same time. I didn’t like his look. I could feel a tightness growing in my chest.
“I don’t even think I should justify that with an answer,” he said running his fingers through his hair.
“Fuck no! Why would you ask me a stupid question like that?”
I wanted to cry at that moment. It made me very sad to think that I now disgusted him. I for sure could not tell him about Keith and me now.
I sighed.
“Then we can’t do this. I can’t do this.”
He reached over and tipped my face up to look into his eyes.
“Do you really feel that you can’t love me enough to be faithful to me?”
I didn’t think that love factored into it. I loved him but it I knew it would not keep me here. I could not open my mouth to say those words however.
“Hannah, can you really look at me and tell me you feel nothing for me.”
“That’s not the point David.”
He sighed.
“Hannah,” he began calmly. “I love you. Can you
honestly say that you don’t love me?”
I loved him. He knew that I did. Yet, that didn’t mean it was going to work. I was with Keith now and what Keith was offering sounded promising. I couldn’t walk away from it.
“David, I love you, but…”
“No buts!” he interrupted.
“Hannah, I would never hurt you and I don’t think you will ever hurt me. I just want you for who you are nothing more, nothing less.”
He was not giving up and the longer I stayed here the more likely it was that I could give in to him. He looked so upset and I hated to see him that way. I just wanted all his pain to go away.
“David I’m sorry,” was all I was able to say.
“Oh, you will be,” he said snatching me up and lifting me over his shoulder.
“David!”
He laughed.
“There is no point in arguing with me Hannah.”
He continued to carry me over his shoulder up the stairs and down the hall into his bedroom.
When we reached his room, he laid me gently down onto his bed. He slowly began to undress me. He kissed every part of me once it was exposed. He then climbed off the bed and began to undress himself.
He came back to me, with lips hungry for mine. I never said the man didn’t know how to make me feel good. I just knew that I would do nothing but cause him pain.
His lips left mine and began to trail down my body. His hands followed that path and threatened to make me come just from anticipation. His hands were warm and soft.
He stopped his exploration at my navel for a minute dipping his tongue inside before traveling further downward.
He finally reached my pussy which was already wet and ready for him. I should stop him I thought. I didn’t stop him. I just let myself for the moment pretend that we could be together and that I could be the woman he needed.
The fantasy was increased the moment his tongue touched my clit. He knew just what I liked and did not stray from it. I had to give it to him. David was all about my pleasure and did whatever he could to please me.
He was tender with my body and took his time bringing me close to my orgasm. His hands caressed my body the whole time.
Suddenly all the sensations came together and my orgasm engulfed my mind and my body and I just knew my moans could be heard from his neighbors three blocks away.
Before my orgasm could subside, he was inside of me gently thrusting as he buried his face into my neck. His moans and heavy breathing were in my ear. He sat up placing his lips on mine. He kissed me like this would be the last time. I returned the kiss with the same passion.
Then he came whispering his love for me in the process. When he was done, he collapsed and rolled over onto his back staring at the ceiling.
I didn’t move either. I wanted to savor this for a little while longer.
We laid that way for a few minutes begging our minds and bodies to come back to reality. He rolled over eventually and began to caress my body with his fingers.
“Can you seriously walk away from this? What we have is magical. It’s damn near perfect.”
I could tell that reality had not hit him yet. We could not be together. I could not make this work. In essence I had to choose Keith over David. I would only hurt David. Deep down though, I didn’t want to make a choice.
“David I want this to work. I wish I could love you the way you need me to but I can’t. I have to walk away.”
“Hannah we’ve known each other for so long. You know me and I know you. We are so good together. Most women would kill to have a good man.”
I knew he was a good man and I knew he was amazing in bed. I never worried about him hurting me. I knew David would be faithful and loyal to the woman he loved. The last thing he needed was a woman that could not do the same for him.
“David, you are a great man. That is why I am walking away. You deserve a great woman. I’m not that.”
He stopped touching me.
“Hannah, I don’t know why you can’t see what I see.”
“David,” I said rolling onto my side to face him. “A relationship between us will never work.”
He sat up from the bed. I knew he was angry. He started to walk toward his bathroom. He turned around and faced me.
“I can’t believe you are doing this. I just hope one day you will see what we have here and I hope it’s soon because I am not going to wait around.”
He said slamming the door shut.
He’s angry now, I thought.
He just doesn’t know I just saved him.
Dear Diary,
At least Keith was true to his word. He told me he would give me an open relationship and he was intent on proving to me that he was willing to have as many partners as I wanted.
He assumed there were no limits to my sexual obsession. At some point in your life you just have to draw a line and say “This is it. I cannot go any farther.”
Everyone’s line in the sand is different.
I had a line.
I had a line that I would never cross. That was until I met Keith. Every encounter with him has me erasing my line and drawing a new one.
I think that gets him off. His mission in life is to see how far I will let him go. He vows to try any and everything to push me farther and farther past my starting point.
No matter what he has done, to his surprise and mine, he has not been able to find my end point.
I have lost all limits.
That is exciting for him. It gives him the freedom to let his infinite imagination come up with all kinds of wild ideas.
It’s no problem with me. It seems like I’m game for anything…
-H
Chapter Eleven
Work had really slowed down today and I was ready for 5pm to arrive so that I could get out of here. I guess it was a good thing that no one was having problems today and all of my projects were either on schedule or early.
Yet idle hands always find trouble and I was itching to do something bad today. I stared at my silent phone happy that no one needed me but oh so bored.
I was sitting at my desk swirling around in my chair when my phone finally rang. It was Keith telling me that I needed to come over now.
“Keith, I will be there when I get off.”
He didn’t take no for an answer.
“Get your ass over here!”
He hung up and I knew that wasn’t a good thing. I was asking for a punishment. Actually I was. I needed something that would take my mind off things.
I put my phone down and began to pack up my things for the day. Just as I was grabbing my purse ready to leave, Stacey walked in my office.
“Who was that on the phone?”
She had been watching me close lately for some reason. It was starting to irritate me. I don’t like being asked too many questions.
“Stacey, it was no one,” I said sliding my phone into my pocket and sitting some folders in a drawer closing it.
“Geez, what’s with you?”
I walked around the desk toward the door.
“Nothing,” I said walking past her and out the door.
“You’re leaving early?”
I looked at my watch. It was 4 pm.
“Yep, I’ll just come in early tomorrow.”
She squinted at me. I ignored her and walked down the hall past the receptionist desk and out the door to the parking lot.
I arrived at Keith’s house an hour later. Traffic was terrible and I knew he wouldn’t like the fact that it took me so long to get there. He takes this dominant- submissive relationship very seriously. I was always punished whenever I disobeyed.
That didn’t bother me however. I liked the punishments. It was something that was embedded in my DNA that made me want to please him and to be punished. I purposely disobeyed him sometimes just so he would get rough with me.
I was let into the house by his housekeeper that informed me Keith was upstairs in his bedroom. I made my way upstairs and slowly o
pened the door. When I entered I was stunned at what I saw.
There was a dark-skinned black woman sprawled across the bed with her face buried in Keith’s crotch. She was clad in only her bra and panties and he was squeezing her ample ass as she serviced him.
The scene bothered me. I felt jealous. Who was this woman?
I could feel myself getting upset.
“Excuse me,” I interrupted leaning against the door frame with one hand on my hip.
He looked up at me and smiled. The young woman finally pried her lips from his dick and looked at me wiping saliva from her mouth.
Keith climbed out of the bed and made his way over to me.
“Get the fuck over here and join the party.”
I shook my head.
“It doesn’t look like you need me.”
He looked at me no longer with a smile. I could tell I just made him angry.
He was coming for me.
“Did you just tell me no?”
I didn’t get a chance to reply. He grabbed me quickly and with all his might, he shoved me against the wall and wrapped his fingers around my throat. His body was pressed hard against mine and he bent down so that his face was only inches away from mine.
“You’re late and have a fucking attitude with me? Did you forget who the fuck I am? You have the nerve to tell me no?”
He squeezed tighter cutting off my air supply.
“Are you crazy? I thought we went over this. You do know that I will fucking hurt you if you ever tell me no, right?”
I tried to nod my head but he was squeezing my neck so tight I could not move. He lowered his voice and continued his lecture to me calmly.
“You know I don’t like it when you tell me no right?” He said kissing me on the forehead.
“It makes me a little crazy. You know that right?”
Suddenly he loosened his grip and let me go. He smiled and leaned down placing his lips on mine. It was sexy and terrifying at the same time.
He looked at me and smiled again.
“If you would stop bitching you would see that she’s not just for me.”
He stepped away from me and walked over to the bed. He grabbed a handful of the girl’s hair and jerked her head back.
Diary of a Wanted Woman Page 12
