“I ask her that question all the time,” Stacey said.
My first instinct was to give my standard answer that I was waiting for the right person to come along. I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by David.
“So Hannah, answer the question,” he said with his eyes intent on me.
He was staring me down and I knew he was egging me on trying to get a rise out of me. To add insult to injury right there in front of everyone, he leans over and kisses Kim. This was no ordinary kiss. He slipped his tongue in her mouth and they intimately kiss.
My pain and heartbreak turned to anger very quickly. I was jealous and I was angry that he would do this to me. He was using her to piss me off and it was working. It was working better than he expected I think because I suddenly ended up with a case of loose lips.
“I’m seeing someone already,” I confessed to everyone’s and my own surprise.
When the words left my mouth, I wanted to grab them back so bad. If I could snatch them out of the air I would. But now they were out there and all hell broke loose.
Everyone at the table looked surprised except for David. He looked livid. He was no longer tonguing Kim down. He was staring intently at me.
I just kept saying “holy shit” in my head. I don’t know what came over me. I just saw David with Kim and everyone had someone and I just opened my big mouth. Damn!
“Really?” said Stacey folding her arms across her chest. “Is that why you’ve been so secretive lately?”
“You’re lying,” David said practically leaning across the table.
I could tell he was praying that I was lying. I should have just lied and said it wasn’t true but I was still angry at the way he was flaunting Kim in front of me and when I am angry I can’t think straight.
“I’m not lying,” I said staring him down the way he was staring at me.
“So who is he?” John inquired.
I could lie and make up a name. In my head I was thinking of names to say but I knew David would see through a lie. Instead this is what I said.
“Keith Morgan.”
I still wish I hadn’t started this.
“What!” Stacey and David said in unison.
“Thee Keith Morgan?” Mr. Castor asked astonished.
“Yes.”
“And how long has this been going on?” Stacey asked.
I expected her to be upset as well but she looked elated. She was actually happy for me. Her brother on the other hand was far from happy.
“Yeah,” said David. “How long has this been going on?”
He was breathing heavily and his blue eyes were on fire. I knew if he hadn’t had any self-control, he would have leaped across the table and choked me.
I was equally as pissed. I wanted to hurt him the way I knew I was hurting at the moment.
“Months,” I answered.
“Well isn’t that wonderful. I am so happy for you Hannah,” Mrs. Castor congratulated oblivious to the tension in the room.
I think she might have been the only one. The tension was thick. It was hard to breathe. I knew that David was seething and he could not wait to get me alone so he could rip me a new one.
I didn’t look up I just continued to eat. Kim and Mrs. Castor were engaged in a conversation but I didn’t want to look up. I could feel David and Stacey’s eyes on me.
After a while I couldn’t take it anymore. I excused myself to the restroom and high tailed it out of there. I needed a moment alone to get my thoughts together. I was trying to figure out what I was going to say to Stacey or David.
I took a few deep breathes hoping I could make it through dinner without any more problems. Stacey I could handle but David…David was going to kill me. I took one more deep breath and opened the door.
David was standing there by the door leaning against the wall. I was frozen and for a second I was tempted to close the door in his face.
I began to panic on the inside.
He didn’t move. He just stood there staring at me. I knew that look. I could tell from his body language that he was trying hard not to explode. He knows that I don’t respond well when someone explodes on me.
He continued to glare and I continued to stand there afraid to move.
Finally I decided to say something.
“You and Kim look happy. Any more public displays of affection you want to rub in my face?”
Okay, so I was still angry too. I guess all his efforts to stay calm were in vain because when he did speak to me, there was so much anger and venom spewing from his mouth.
“You are a fucking liar and you turned me into a fucking fool!”
“Wait a minute,” I said holding up my hand.
“Who are you to be so angry with me? You tell me you love me and two weeks later you are fucking somebody else. Did it really matter if I was seeing someone or not?”
I thought he would explode, but he began to laugh. He laughed very hard.
“So you’re mad at me?”
I didn’t like him laughing. That only made me fear him more.
I wasn’t sure how to respond. I swallowed the lump in my throat and waited for what he had next.
Suddenly the laughter stopped.
“You looked me in the eye and lied to me. You fucking liar!”
“David, I…,”
He held up a hand and stepped closer to me.
“I’m talking. You are listening,” he replied.
I closed my mouth and took a step back.
“I pour my heart out to you and you tell me you don’t want to be in a relationship. You say you can’t be committed to someone and low and behold not only are you committed to someone, you are fucking one of my teammates, something you also swore you wouldn’t do.”
He takes a deep breath and I could see tears forming in his eyes. This was a shock to me. David wasn’t the crying type. He was strong and macho and he never cried.
My anger started to subside. I had never seen him like this. It broke my heart.
“How can I trust you? We were supposed to be friends.”
He looked so hurt and upset. I had to say something.
“David, I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut. My statement only made him angrier. He squinted at me and gave me a look like he wanted to kill me.
Strangely, it started to turn me on.
“So what did you mean to do Hannah? Tell me.”
I just stood there looking like a lying idiot. My mind went blank and I had nothing. This was not a good time for that to happen.
He shook his head.
“So, you think I’m stupid.”
I sighed.
“David, I don’t think you are stupid. I didn’t mean for this to happen. What Keith and I have is not exactly what you think.”
“But it is a relationship, right?”
I didn’t know how to explain my relationship with Keith to David. He would really think I was crazy. I ran it through my mind and I decided against it.
I didn’t think I was going to get out of this unscathed. David was angry and when he got this way, there was no reasoning with him. I just never thought he would be this angry with me ever.
I ran through more lies and excuses in my head and settled against them. The last thing I needed to do now was lie some more.
“You adamantly told me you didn’t want me. I tried everything to get you to see that I loved you and you told me you would never be with me. I thought it was time that I moved on. It’s hard being in love with someone for almost 10 years and never have them return your affection.”
His last statement shook me to my core. Did he say he loved me for ten years? I could not fathom that. I could feel tears fall down my cheeks. Ten years?
“David I didn’t know.”
“I know you didn’t know. You never noticed or maybe you never cared. It was always about you. I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you and now you treat me like shit. ”
I didn’t understand why he was saying that. He was one of my best friends and I would never treat him badly.
He cocked his head to the side.
“Hannah, it was so easy for you to sit there and lie to me. You know how dumb that makes me feel. Have you been lying about everything? What else don’t I know?”
There was so much he didn’t know and I really needed to keep it that way.
He moved closer until our bodies were only inches away from each other. It made my heart pound.
“The moment Kim met me she wanted to take our relationship somewhere. I liked her but I loved you. When you told me you would never be with me, I decided that maybe I should move on. I thought maybe you were right. Maybe you and I being together would ruin our friendship. Now I know it was just an excuse for you.”
Suddenly he turned away from me. When he turned back around I could see he was fighting back tears.
“Hannah, I thought we were better than that. I thought we had this bond and we were so close. I thought we meant a lot to each other. I thought that even though we may not be together you were still my friend and I could trust you.”
I could feel my own tears running down my cheeks. It felt like our souls were synced and I could feel what he felt. I could feel his pain and my own.
“I don’t know what hurts more, knowing I can’t trust you or knowing that you are with another man.”
I didn’t realize that this would hurt him so much. I needed to explain to him.
“David, I wasn’t trying to lie to you. What Keith and I have is nothing like the kind of relationship you wanted from me.”
“I know that it is nothing like I want with you because I know Keith. I have known him longer than you and he doesn’t give a damn about you Hannah.”
He grabbed me by my arms and brought me close to him.
“I know you probably won’t listen to me but Keith is a crazy asshole. I have seen him use and abuse women mentally and physically time and time again. I don’t know how you feel about him but I would stay away from him if I were you.”
I knew why he was concerned. Keith could be a little whacked out at times, but I can be too.
“David I know what I am getting into.”
“Good,” he said letting me go.
“I hope he makes you happy. You got what you wanted. I moved on and I don’t want you anymore. I don’t need you anymore. You are worthless to me if I can’t trust you,” he said walking down the hall away from me.
He might as well have punched me in the face.
I knew he was angry and upset but that hurt me more than he knows.
It pained me to hear him say that. I always knew that I was worthless but it wounded me to hear him say it. I wiped the tears from my eyes trying to get myself together. It was no use. I stood there sobbing with my head in my hands.
I could not bear to go back to the dinner table. I just left without saying goodbye to anyone. I was close to tears and if anyone spoke to me I would break down.
I drove home still in tears and completely angry with myself. David will never forgive me. I came here to make things right and succeeded in losing someone I truly cared about.
As I drove, I realized that now that David knew about Keith, Keith would find out that I told David and I’m sure he will know I didn’t stop sleeping with David.
I knew this was going to get worse before it got better.
Dear Diary,
I remember reading “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”. It is a story about an investigation into the strange occurrences between two immeasurably different men.
One good and one evil.
It was always a surprised to find out that in the end all the emotions were found in one man.
The book has been associated with split personality disorder. It involves someone with two personalities living within them.
I had never met someone like that in person before, yet the longer I got to know Keith I had to wonder if he suffers from the disorder as well.
There are times when he is being nice and gentle with me and then he changes in a flash into a totally different person. He is mean, aggressive and abusive at the drop of a hat.
Don’t get me wrong. I find both personalities sexy. I just never know which one I am going to get at any given moment. I can never be prepared.
Dr. Jekyll cares for me and wants to make sure I am okay and that I have everything I need. When Mr. Hyde is around I obey and follow all the rules because if I don’t…it all goes downhill from there.
-H
Chapter Thirteen
I sat on Keith’s beautiful canopy bed and watched him rummage through his trunk of toys. I was already naked, wet and ready to go, but I have been sitting here for 15 minutes waiting for him to get ready.
He promised me he had something special for me today.
His curtains were drawn and it was very dark in the room. He was crouched over the trunk and I could only see his silhouette. There were a few candles lit in the room and they were the only source of light.
I saw him stand and move toward the bed.
He sat a pile of toys down along with an enormous box.
“I have something special for you,” he said grabbing the box and bringing it over to me.
“So you said. What is it?” I asked anxious to see what he bought me.
He handed me the large box that was wrapped with beautiful gold wrapping paper, black ribbon and a matching bow.
I tore into the wrapping paper and threw off the top of the box. There was tissue paper and I threw that out of my way also.
Lying at the bottom was a diamond encrusted collar.
“What the fuck is this?”
He laughed.
“It’s my gift to you.”
I was confused. What was I supposed to do with this? I didn’t own a dog or any other animal that would wear this. I looked up at him and he was still smiling. Then it hit me.
“I’m supposed to wear this?”
He reached in and pulled it out.
“Of course, what did you think it was for?”
He was crazy if he thought I was wearing a collar.
“I am not putting that on my neck,” I said laughing.
He didn’t look amused. I was starting to think that he was serious.
“You can’t be serious.”
Before the words were fully out of my mouth, he leaped on me and knocked me back flat on the bed. His face was inches from mine. He looked menacing and scary.
“It’s either the collar or my fucking hands wrapped around your neck. PUT THE FUCKING COLLAR ON!”
I was too afraid to argue with him. He moved off me and I sat up. He held out the collar and I took it from him with shaking hands.
I put it around my neck and he secured it locking it in place. He took the key he had and placed it on the side table. He reached into the pile of toys and grabbed out an item.
“Climb to the top of the bed,” he ordered.
I climbed to the top of the bed wondering what he had in store for me.
“Hold out your wrists.”
I held out my wrist and winced when he slapped on a pair of handcuffs. I hated being handcuffed. That was one pain that didn’t turn me on, but I wasn’t going to tell him to stop.
“Lie on your back and spread your legs,” he said.
I didn’t hesitate but it was more difficult than I thought it would be with my hands cuffed. I fell backwards laughing but he didn’t see anything funny about it.
“What the fuck is so funny? Spread your legs and shut the fuck up.”
I wiped the smile off my face and spread my legs. He reached for another larger object and smacked it against his hands. It was the paddle. I realized then that he planned to punish me. It made me wetter.
He climbed on the bed and got close to my legs. He ran his fingers up and down my thighs.
“We are going to have some fun baby?”
He climbed on
top of me and kissed me softly on the lips. He leaned over and whispered in my ear.
“Just so you know,” he began. “The safe word is ‘off sides’.”
My eyes got big at the prospect of needing a safe word.
He sat back on his heels and lifted the paddle again. He began to rub my thigh with the paddle softly. Then he pulled it back and swung. The moment the paddle made contact with the sensitive skin of my thigh I could feel my body go numb for a split second and when that second was over my entire body radiated with pain.
I screamed.
“I think that means you want more,” he said swinging again and making contact with my other thigh.
“OH SHIT!” I screamed.
He laughed. He was enjoying it.
“Now, for some real fun.”
He raised the paddle, not very high, and brought it down only slightly gentler on my pussy.
“You like that?”
Oh my goodness I thought. I didn’t understand how that could hurt so badly and still feel so good. It took my breath away and I could not answer. He didn’t respond well to that.
“Answer me!” he said smacking my thigh again harder than the first time.
I was trembling at this point and having a hard time speaking but I forced myself to say some words that hopefully made some sense.
“Yes,” was all I managed to say.
He smacked my thigh again.
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, I like it!”
He laughed.
“Good girl. You are doing so well.”
He sat the paddle down and I was grateful. There were large red marks on my legs and I knew that one of them would be a bruise in the morning.
He placed his face between my legs. He began by kissing my pussy lips gently. It felt so good and my clit started to throb.
My eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head when his tongue slid between my lips and began to make small circles on my clit.
“Oh…,” I moaned.
He mastered my pussy, licking and sucking like I had been his to devour all along. His tongue consumed me with such eagerness and enthusiasm. I could hear his slurping noises lapping up every ounce of the juice that gushed from my tight wet hole.
Diary of a Wanted Woman Page 14
