I just sat there staring at the phone. I decided that I would go and see him. I think that even though they won the game, he was very disappointed in his performance. I assumed he needed a little bit of comfort.
It was around 5pm when I arrived. He answered the door in only a pair of workout shorts. He didn’t say hello or anything to me.
He didn’t look as happy to see me as I thought.
“Can I get a hello or something?”
He turned and walked away leaving me to close the door.
“Well hello to you too,” I muttered apparently to myself.
He stopped and turned to me.
“I don’t have time for small talk. Get the fuck upstairs.”
I sat my purse and my phone on the small table in the foyer. He was walking like a man on a mission. He had made it all the way into the living room.
“Move your fucking ass!” he yelled.
I picked up the pace and followed him through the living room and up the massive staircase to his bedroom. For some reason I felt uneasy about the situation the closer I got to his room. Yet I walked into the bedroom ready for some incredible sex.
“Take your clothes off and get on the bed,” he ordered.
I removed all my clothes and climbed on the bed waiting for him to join me. He pulled off his shorts, hopped on the bed and climbed on top of me. He hungrily kissed me. His kisses just didn’t feel the same to me for some reason. They felt empty and without any emotion.
I pulled back and he gave me a very strange look.
“Lay back.”
I eased back on the bed and he moved down my body forcefully parting my legs. His head dipped down and I could feel his tongue working my clit. It felt so good but there was something keeping me from enjoying myself.
It just didn’t feel right. I was starting to feel like a prostitute. I felt like he was paying me to be here and so I needed to just provide that pussy and get the fuck out. It hurt to feel that way.
While he ate my pussy my mind was not allowing me to focus on the pleasure I was feeling. I just could not come and he was down there for a while.
Finally he stopped and looked at me.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked. “You fucking David now and so you can’t fuck me?”
He didn’t give me time to answer even though I didn’t plan to say anything. He was still very angry and I knew his temper.
He got up and crawled to the top of the bed. He stroked his dick right next to my head expecting me to wrap my lips around him.
I rolled onto my side and opened my mouth giving him access. He reached out and placed his hand on the back of my head. He fucked my face and I did my best to get him off. It didn’t seem to work. He was no longer hard and what I was doing seemed to be in vain.
“Fuck!” he lamented moving away from me and climbing off the bed.
He began to pace the length of the room. I wasn’t sure what was going on with him. I knew that he was angry but he never had any trouble getting hard for me. I was starting to become afraid. Darkness washed over me and I decided that I should leave.
I climbed off the bed and began to put on my clothes. He stopped when he saw what I was doing and glared at me.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”
I turned then with one hand on my hip.
“Umm, I’m getting the fuck out of here,” I said pulling up my skirt.
“You’re not going anywhere,” he claimed grabbing my arm.
I yanked my arm from his grasp.
“Don’t touch me,” I said. “You’re acting crazy today and I’m leaving.”
He reached up and grabbed me around the neck. He pushed me as hard as he could into the wall. My head slammed backwards and I felt dazed for a few seconds. He moved and put his face so close to mine that our noses touched.
“You will leave when I say you can fucking leave.”
I started to shake with fear. I was afraid to move at this point.
“Where are you going anyway? You’re going to fuck your boyfriend?”
He made boyfriend sound so disgusting and he spit the words out like they were venomous.
I noticed at this point that I could not speak. He was squeezing my wind pipe so hard. I couldn’t breathe. I was starting to feel light headed and my survival instinct kicked in with a vengeance. I began to thrash about and he held me firmly. I struggled to release his hands from my neck but there was no use.
“I should fucking kill you,” he said.
I resolved myself to the idea that he was going to kill me. I stopped struggling.
Finally, he let go of me and I dropped to the floor coughing and gasping for air.
He bent down to the floor to look in my eyes. He was breathing heavily and I could tell I was in for trouble. I knew that because he was having such a hard time staying hard. He needs physical pain to make him hard. I was going to be the recipient of that pain.
I was proved correct when he spoke.
“You have been a very bad girl. You blew me off after the game, you have been fucking David even when you told me you were not and you made a fucking fool out of me.”
I didn’t want to meet his eyes but he made me tipping my head up so I could see the fire burning behind them.
“You are a smart girl. You know what happens when you break the rules. Say it!”
“You punish me,” I said looking him dead on without flinching.
“Correct,” he said.
Then he stood, but not without grabbing a fistful of my hair. He didn’t allow me to stand. He dragged me across the floor by my hair. He threw me against the bed post and ordered me to take my clothes off and get back on the bed.
“Put that ass in the air.”
I did as I was told. I took off my clothes and climbed on the bed propping my ass up in the air. I heard him grab the paddle and before I could brace myself I felt the paddle make contact with my bare ass.
I have accepted paddles from Keith before and they always ended with a sore ass. Yet today he really wanted to hurt me. He did not hold back. He beat me like I was a 300lb lineman.
He continued to paddle me not letting up. He hit me one good time and my legs gave out. I ended up sobbing into the sheets.
I cried not only for my physical pain but because I knew the more pain he inflicted the more pain he was feeling. He was reflecting that pain.
Finally he stopped.
“Get your ass back up. I am not done with you.”
I shakily propped my ass back up. The tears continued to flow and I gripped the sheets to brace myself. I stayed that way for a couple of minutes. He wasn’t moving and he wasn’t paddling me. That made me more afraid.
Then he spoke.
“Do you love me Hannah?”
There was a child like pain in his voice. I had never heard him sound so insecure and vulnerable.
“Yes,” I answered.
He swatted my ass again with the paddle.
“Say it!”
I took a deep breath and tried to speak through the pain.
“I love you.”
He swatted me again with the paddle. I began to sob loudly. He stopped when he heard that. He was breathing heavily and I heard a painful noise exit from him.
“I don’t believe you. You love him not me.”
I didn’t know if I should move, so I made my case from that position.
“Keith, I do love you. That is why it is so hard for me.”
He moved and rolled me over onto my back. Forcefully opened my legs and slid in-between them. He tried to fuck me but it was difficult. I was not wet anymore and he was now very hard. He pushed and pushed until he was completely inside of me. It was painful and that only turned him on further.
I didn’t say anything; however, eventually I let myself feel the pleasure. I didn’t think he cared whether it felt good to me or not. He pounded me and pounded me. He brought his face down to bury it in my neck.
He came
hard inside of me and fell to the side breathing heavily. I just laid there feeling the pain in my pussy and the soreness of my ass.
He rolled over and looked at me. His hand came over and pulled my face in his direction.
“Why can’t I just be enough for you? I even brought you other partners and still you lie and sleep someone with him.”
I was surprised at his question. He didn’t sound like himself. It was then I realized that he was no longer Mr. Hyde. He had transformed back into Dr. Jekyll and he was hurting.
“Keith I do love you.”
He lay on his back staring at the ceiling. I thought this would be the perfect time for me to go.
“Keith I am going to go home now,” I said rolling over and climbing off the bed.
I was in physical pain and I was afraid if I stayed this would not be the end of his punishment. I needed to go while I had the chance.
He sat up and looked at me.
“Baby, don’t go. Stay the night. Stay with me.”
I didn’t think that was a good idea. I would not be able to take anymore punishment. I knew that would happen if I stayed.
“Keith, I think I should just go home.”
He glared at me and I knew that Mr. Hyde was rearing his ugly head again.
“Then get the fuck out.”
I didn’t say anything. I just grabbed my clothes. He jumped off the bed as I picked up my panties.
He snatched them and the rest of my clothes from me.
“Get the fuck out.”
I just looked at him. He had this crazy look in his eyes and I just wanted to go but he was holding my clothes hostage.
“Keith, I’m trying but you have my clothes.”
“You can go home without them.”
I tried snatching the clothes from him and he threw them behind him across the room.
I sighed.
I tried to move behind him to grab my clothes. He came at me hard and strong snatching me up before I could react. He slammed me against the wall and I screamed.
He was still angry so he flung me across the room and I fell to the ground.
“GET THE FUCK OUT!”
This time I didn’t hesitate. I jumped up and ran out of the room. I didn’t grab my clothes. Completely naked I ran down the stairs grabbing my purse at the door. I ran as fast as I could to my car. I sat behind the wheel trying to catch my breath.
I started the car and drove all the way to my home naked and hoping that I was not pulled over. I was in shock as I drove home. I didn’t know how to feel. I felt numb and humiliated. I knew that was his plan.
I instantly began to blame myself. I knew something didn’t feel right when I arrived and yet I stayed. It was my fault for being there I kept telling myself. When I arrived at my condo, I just sat in the car.
I didn’t know how I was going to make it in the house without anyone seeing me. I looked in my backseat which was normally a mess and saw I left my old gym clothes that were in a crumbled pile on the floor. I put the dirty clothes on and walked as fast as I could to my front door.
I was fumbling with the keys because my hand was shaking so bad. I just could not steady them. Suddenly I heard someone call my name.
“Hannah!”
My goodness I thought, he followed me. I dropped the keys and tried furiously to pick them back up again.
David bent down and grabbed them looking at me worriedly. I just collapsed into tears. I was in a ball on the ground crying my eyes out.
He didn’t come to me at first. He used my keys to open my door and then he picked me up and carried me into my condo.
He walked over to the couch and sat me down gently. Then he walked over and shut the door.
He came back over to the couch and rubbed my back while I cried and cried.
“It’s okay baby. It’s okay.”
I could not stop crying. When I finally stopped, I turned and sat up to look at him.
“Why are you here?” I asked wiping the remainder of tears from my face.
“I came to talk about…,” he began and then he noticed the red ring that was forming around my neck. His eyes became very large and I could see anger growing there.
“Hannah, what the hell happened to you?” he questioned reaching out to touch my bruise.
I slapped his hand away.
“Nothing.”
“The hell it was nothing!”
He stared at me studying the marks turning colors by the second.
“Are those fingers?”
I didn’t say a word. I don’t think that I had to.
He turned his back to me and I knew he was trying to compose himself. Then he turned to me.
“Were you with Keith?”
I hesitated before I answered and I knew that gave me away.
“No,” I said quietly.
His face was red and his breathing was heavy. He was trying to contain himself but it wasn’t working.
“You’re fucking lying to me Hannah.”
“David…,”
“Fuck!” he yelled.
I flinched. I was still a nervous wreck from the events that happened tonight and I had enough of men blowing up on me.
“Why didn’t you listen?” he said coming towards me.
“I told you he was a fucking lunatic. I told you to leave him the fuck alone.”
He started to pace and I watched him. I was afraid of what he might do. He and Keith were team mates and no matter what he has to work with him.
“Fuck!” he yelled again and headed for the door.
“David, where are you going?”
He turned to me.
“Where do you think I’m going? I’m going to fucking kill him!”
I leaped off the couch and ran to him grabbing his arm.
“David, No!”
“Hannah, there is nothing you can say that will stop me from driving over to his house and beating the shit out of him.”
“David, please!”
It was all too much. I collapsed on the floor and started to cry again.
He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me.
“Damn it Hannah!” he said burying his face in my shirt.
He was holding me and I realized at that moment I had never felt so safe and so secure. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me and I knew he would take care of me. He was my knight in shining armor here to save me.
He loved me and I knew without a doubt that I loved him.
“Hannah, for once and for all just say you’re done with him.”
I moved pushing him off of me and traveled across the room.
“David I can’t.”
“Hannah, look at you. Look at your neck. He hurt you badly,” he said pointing at me.
“David, he was hurting. It was my fault. I love him yet I let you make love to me. I should never have slept with you.”
“He did this because you slept with me? He hurt you like this and you still love him? He doesn’t deserve your love baby he deserves to be put in jail for what he has done.”
That freaked me out. I could not call the police on Keith. That was the farthest thing from my mind. I was panicking inside and I needed to be alone. I stood and walked back to the couch.
“Hannah…,”
“David, just leave.”
He looked confused. He stood and stared at me.
“What did you say?”
“I said get out.”
“No,” he simply stated walking over to the couch and sitting down.
“David, leave!”
“I am not going anywhere. I am not going to let you push me away anymore.”
I didn’t want him to see me like this. I needed him to leave so that I could deal with my nervous breakdown alone.
“David, just leave. I just really need to be alone right now.”
He shook his head.
“No. The last thing you need is to be alone.”
We stared at each other for a minute and I pleaded with him with m
y eyes. My pleas persuaded him and he sighed.
He stood from the couch and walked toward the door.
“I’m leaving now, but only because I love you and I don’t want to see you in anymore pain,” he said opening the door.
“But I am not done with you. If it kills me I am going to make you leave him alone. Tonight you were bruised, tomorrow he may kill you. That is not happening on my watch,” he proclaimed as he slammed the door shut.
I collapsed on the floor and cried until there were no more tears to cry and I passed out right there in that spot.
Dear Diary,
Sometimes it feels like I am drowning. I sink and sink and can’t keep my head above water. The sadness in my heart and the pain that I feel weighs me down like a boulder chained to my ankle.
I was never taught how to swim. I can feel my lungs fill with water and I can’t breathe.
No matter how far forward I go I always end up back where I came from. I came from violence and pain and my entire life I have not strayed very far from it.
I can’t hide from it. Yet, I loved them both very much.
David has been my rock for almost a decade. He was always able to put a smile on my face when no one else could.
Keith knew what it meant to be damaged. There had to be something in his past that made him the way he was today. Was his situation similar to mine?
I never asked because I knew what it costs someone to admit something so painful.
I think that is what made me love him. I thought I could give him the love that no one gave me when I was young.
He helped me to see that even damaged and crazy people could still find love. He had me bound and gagged and loving every minute of it.
I have two men that love me and I realize that I do not deserve either.
-H
Chapter Nineteen
It was morning and I awoke on the couch sore and stiff. My head was killing me and my mouth was dry. I eased off the couch and walked into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. When it was done I sat at my kitchen table thinking about the night before.
I was very bad at this love thing. I was making a big mess of it as usual. I don’t know why I thought it would be any different for me. I had never been in this kind of position before.
Diary of a Wanted Woman Page 19
