Dark Surrendering

by Chelsea M. Cameron

  Of course the night couldn't go by completely without a mention of him. Chloe and Marisol already knew about what had happened after the ball, so they were eager to hear of any developments.

  “Nothing. Nothing is happening. He’s still dealing with his own shit and therapy and being sober. He doesn’t need to add me to that,” I said, and Rory agreed.

  “But, um, we’re sort of hanging out as friends. Nothing serious.”

  “Uh-huh,” Marisol said, a smile on her face. “Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that.”

  “What? I can be friends with him,” I said, and that earned me some laughter.

  “You can’t be friends with someone that you have insane sexual chemistry with. It’s just not possible. You can be friends and have sex with each other, but you can’t just do the friends without the sex,” Chloe said. “It’s pretty much been proven by science.”

  “Oh, has it?” I said. I wanted to go back to talking about the awful singers, but they were currently taking a break before the next round went on stage so there was a lull in the action.

  “Pretty much,” Marisol agreed. “Honestly, I’m shocked you’ve lasted this long. I was ready to jump Fin within the first few hours.” Well, Fin was another case of a walking sex god. He was unbelievably hot and carried himself in such a way that made you know he was glorious in bed. Marisol was sketchy on the details, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out he was keeping her very satisfied.

  “It’s not that hard. I mean, sometimes I have to not look at him. And I usually have to do something with my hands so I don’t touch him. It’s not that bad, really,” I said. “I mean, he keeps his distance. He won’t let me come to his place and he won’t come to my apartment anymore.”

  “Yeah, because there are no other places to hook up,” Chloe said with a snort. “If you’ve only hooked up in a bed, then I’m sorry for you.”

  No, I hadn’t only hooked up in a bed. I’d hooked up in lots of places, but Ryder was different. I couldn’t seem to make them understand that.

  “Well, she’s doing the right thing,” Rory said, patting my arm. “Hey, how about I get the next round?” Everyone cheered, and I took drink orders before going back to the bar to get them.

  No one said anything about Ryder when I got back, and I had the feeling Rory had a little chat while I went to get the drinks. I gave her a look of thanks.

  Chloe ended up plastered, so Marisol and I helped her into a cab. They shared one since Marisol lived in the next building over and was going to stay with Chloe to make sure she got to bed okay.

  “Ready?” Rory was a little tipsy, but I was almost entirely sober. I just hadn’t felt like getting drunk tonight.

  “Yeah.” We also shared a cab, but Rory didn’t go down the hall to her place; instead she followed me into mine.

  “Are you in love with Ryder?” she asked, point blank.

  “No,” I said too quickly.

  “I know you are. I mean, I saw it when he was in the hospital, but I decided not to say anything. It was such a messed up time and it didn’t seem like the right moment to bring it up.” I didn’t like to think about it much.

  “I’m not in love with him,” I said, but every word felt hollow. “I’m not in love with him.”

  “You know, even if you say it a million times, no one is going to believe you. And I know you don’t believe you.” She crossed her arms and leaned on the back of the couch. I hadn’t prepared for this tonight.

  “I’m not in love with him.” I was just going to keep saying it. Because I wasn’t. I was attracted to him. I wanted to bang him. We were also friends. That was it.

  “Oh, Sloane.” Rory ignored what I had said and hugged me instead. “You can talk to me about it if you want. You were there for me through everything with Lucah and I want to be there for you.”

  I didn’t know what else to do, so I just hugged her back.

  “I’m not in love with him,” I said again. I couldn’t stop saying it because I had to believe it. Being in love with Ryder was just not an option right now.

  “It’s okay,” Rory said, rubbing my back like I was a child who had scraped their knee. She finally let go.

  “I’m going to go see Lucah. Don’t worry, I won’t tell him anything.”

  “I’m not in love with him,” I said one last time before she went through the door.

  “Shit,” I said to the empty room.

  I spent the rest of the night, Saturday, and most of Sunday repeating my new mantra. I wasn’t in love with Ryder.

  Rory didn’t say a word about it at all, and I was grateful.

  “You ready to go?” she said after I let her in on Sunday afternoon. Her parents always ate rather early on Sunday, and Rory always made her family dinners no matter what. Lucah was officially inducted into the Clarke family when he and Rory started getting serious. Her father hadn’t been so happy about it at first, and her mother was still holding out hope Fin and Rory would get together. One of those weird rich people things, where they decided that their kids were destined to be together, whether the kids wanted it or not. Sometimes I was glad I didn’t have to deal with anything like that.

  “Yeah,” I said, grabbing my jacket and putting it on over my conservative dress. I never dressed to please people. Except for Rory’s mother.

  Lucah had a suit and tie and was looking quite dapper. Unfortunately, he was a constant reminder of Ryder, both in looks and in mannerisms. He’d do something every now and then that would remind me so much of Ryder that my heart hurt.

  I wasn’t in love with Ryder.

  The drive out to Rory’s parents’ house was short, and we didn’t hit any traffic. Rory was the first one through the door, followed by Lucah. Then I snuck in behind.

  “Sloane!” Rory’s mother said, holding her arms out for me.

  “Hi, Eva,” I said, giving her a huge hug. I breathed in her perfume and sighed. I’d missed being hugged like this.

  “I didn’t know you were coming,” she said, stepping back. “Let me look at you. Oh, you’re just as gorgeous as always.” She hugged me again, and Rory’s father, Walter, came out to greet everyone and take their coats. Unlike a lot of their social set, they didn’t have full-time staff. They cooked their own meals and had a cleaning crew in sporadically, but only because their house was damn huge, and cleaning it would take way too much time.

  “Well, I decided I should come more often. I’ve missed you.” She put her arm around me and we walked into the dining room. Walter was busy chatting with Lucah, his almost future son-in-law about something or other. Lucah must have said something funny because Walter’s loud laugh boomed through the house.

  The place was huge, but it didn’t feel cold or empty like a museum.

  “Sit right by me, dear,” Eva said, patting the place on her right at the head of the table. Walter was at the other end, and Lucah and Rory sat across from me so they could sit next to each other.

  “Rory, you should have told me Sloane was coming so I could set another place,” Eva said, motioning for Walter to get another place setting.

  “It’s not a big deal, really. I should have called,” I said.

  “Nonsense. It’s lovely to have you here, Sloane,” Walter said, planting a kiss on top of my head. He was one of the jolliest humans I’d ever met. Like a real-life Santa. But mess with someone he cared about and he could flip the switch and wish you were never born.

  Rory was right, he did look tired. Worn around the edges.

  Everyone sat down and passed around the first course. Another thing I loved about Walter and Eva was that they cooked together, and their food was always good.

  “This looks amazing,” I said.

  “Coming from you, Sloane, I know that’s high praise indeed,” Eva said as she passed around a bowl of vegetables. “So, how is the fashion world?”

  “It’s the same. Cutthroat. I’m trying to put together a show and not go bankrupt.” And failing at it right now. I needed
a venue that wasn’t going to charge me a huge amount, and I was striking out so far.

  “Well, is there anything you need?” I told her that I needed a place to hold it for starters.

  “Let me see what I can do. I’ll get back to you as soon as I know something.” That was Eva. Always wanting to help those less fortunate than she was.

  “That would be wonderful. Thank you so much.” Rory, Lucah, and Walter were talking about something work-related, and Eva reprimanded them to include the rest of us.

  “Sorry. We were just talking about one of our employees. We’re done now,” Walter said. Wine was passed around, and I definitely partook. I wasn’t driving.

  “And how is your brother?” Eva said to Lucah. Ugh. I couldn’t escape Ryder even when I wasn’t with him. He was always there anyway.

  I wasn’t in love with him.

  “He’s doing well. He’s got a job and an apartment and is on the way to recovery. I’m keeping my fingers crossed,” Lucah said. “I just hope this time it will stick.”

  I looked down at my plate and pretended they were talking about someone I didn’t know. Someone I’d never met.

  Rory nudged my foot under the table. I nudged her back.

  “That’s got to be tough,” Walter said. “But he’s very lucky to have you. You’re a good man, Lucah.” Now that was high praise, considering that Walter was also Lucah’s boss.

  “Thank you, Walter,” Lucah said, his face going red. He took a sip of wine and cleared his throat. He reached out and took Rory’s hand. Oh, I knew where this was going.

  “I would like to make an announcement,” Lucah said. It seemed silly to be so formal since there were only five of us, but it didn’t matter.

  We all put down our forks, and Lucah coughed.

  “What I’m trying to say is that I’ve asked Rory to marry me, and she has accepted.” Rory started laughing and flashed her left hand, where the ring she’d previously been wearing on her right gleamed.

  Both Walter and Eva jumped to their feet to embrace their daughter and son-in-law to be. Feeling left out, I jumped up and gave Rory a huge hug.

  “So it’s official?” I said. She hadn’t told her parents about the whole pre-engagement, so this was the first they were hearing about it. Eva was crying and dabbing her eyes with her napkin, and Walter was red-faced and wouldn’t stop hugging everyone. It was a moment of absolute and pure joy.

  “I always thought you would end up with Fin, but this makes me so happy,” Eva said.

  “Mom. Fin and I aren’t going to happen. You really need to let that dream die,” she said, rolling her eyes like a pouty teenager.

  Eva sighed and wiped her eyes again. I knew she had mascara on, but it wasn’t running at all. I made a note to ask her what kind she used before I left.

  “I can’t say I’m surprised, but this is wonderful news. Wonderful!” Walter boomed. “We need champagne.” He and Eva rushed off to find champagne and glasses.

  “Congratulations, you two. I’m so glad that it’s official, official.” I gave Rory another hug and she squeezed me back.

  “I have a huge favor to ask you . . .” I knew exactly what she was going to ask before she even asked it. I’d been waiting for this moment for so long.

  “Yes, I will make your wedding dress.” We looked at each other and I couldn’t help but start to cry.

  “Good. Because I’m not getting anything off the rack. And I also wanted to ask if you’ll be my maid of honor.” I had a feeling she’d ask me that as well, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

  “Really?” I said, wiping my eyes.

  “Of course. Who else would I ask?” she said like I was crazy.

  “Oh well, I don’t know. I wanted to think that you would.”

  She threw her arms around me. “You’re ridiculous sometimes, but I love you anyway.” We hugged again, and Walter and Eva came back with the champagne.

  “To my baby girl getting married. Cheers to the happy couple,” Walter said, filling everyone’s glasses.

  “Cheers!” We all said and drank. It was probably a good thing Ryder wasn’t here for this.

  “And to my bride-to-be. The sunshine in my life,” Lucah said, and we toasted again.

  “And to my husband-to-be. The best administrative assistant I’ve ever had.” Lucah laughed and we toasted to that as well.

  “I should hope I’m good for more than taking messages and cancelling meetings,” Lucah said.

  “You’re good for taking out the trash too,” Rory said, patting his chest.

  “Welcome to marriage, my boy,” Walter said.

  I was so happy for her. I expected to be jealous, but the feeling just wasn’t there, for which I was pleased. I didn’t want to be jealous of her overwhelming happiness.

  “So,” Eva said, as we all sat down to our now-lukewarm dinners, “how did it happen? We need to have the story.”

  “Definitely,” I said. I was shocked Rory hadn’t told me already. I had underestimated her ability to keep a secret.

  “Well,” Rory said, her face getting a little red. “We were, um, in bed, and Lucah took my hands and moved the ring from my right hand to my left one. He’d given it to me a few weeks ago. It belonged to his mother,” she explained to her parents. I already knew about that part of the story.

  That was it? He just moved the ring? No grand gesture?

  “And then he grabbed his guitar and played the first song he’d ever sang to me at open mic night.” I remembered that night. Rory had been so pissed that he was there, but the second he started singing, I could tell that she was totally and completely taken by him. That was the first time I knew there was something stronger than just attraction between them. At the time, he’d interviewed to be her administrative assistant and totally rubbed Rory the wrong way. Mostly because she’d been so hot and bothered by him when she was trying to be professional.

  “How romantic,” Eva said with a sigh.

  “And then he asked me if I wanted to be his wife, and I told him I did,” Rory said, staring at Lucah. He only had eyes for her. It was like the rest of us weren’t even in the room. Only the two of them existed. The moment passed, but I found myself aching for my own moment.

  “I had a whole elaborate scene planned. I considered swans and fireworks and the whole works. Maybe even a viral video,” Lucah said. “But then I thought about you and how much I loved you, and I woke up in the middle of the night unable to wait for you to wake up so I could just ask you. I couldn’t take the waiting anymore.” He laughed, and Rory brushed away another tear.

  “I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way,” she said. “It was perfect.”

  “Well, I’d say that was an excellent proposal. And I appreciate you coming to me,” Walter said. That was news to me.

  “You asked my dad?” Rory said.

  Lucah’s face went even redder. I’d never seen him like that before. It was kind of cute, actually.

  “I did,” he said in a quiet voice. Rory threw herself on him, which was a feat, considering they were both sitting down.

  “If I hadn’t already agreed to marry you, I’d totally say yes again.” She gave him quite the kiss that wasn’t really appropriate with her parents there. I almost jumped between them to break it up before it got pornographic.

  They seemed to come to their senses realizing they weren’t the only two people there. They were both fairly red.

  “Well, this has been quite an evening,” Walter said, winking at his wife.

  “Yup,” Rory said, resuming her seat.

  “So, have you started any wedding plans?” Eva asked. Jesus, she didn’t waste any time.

  Rory sighed. “Mom. We literally just got engaged this morning. I’d like to enjoy this before I have to actually think about chicken or fish, and favors, and veil or no veil,” she said.

  “Well, there’s no harm in starting to think about these things,” Eva said, undeterred. This woman was relentless.

  “Sloan
e’s making the dress,” Rory said, smiling across the table at me.

  “Oh good. I was hoping you’d be able to. You’re sure it’s no trouble?” Eva said.

  “None at all. I’d be insulted if she asked anyone else. I might be able to squeeze in making a mother-of-the-bride dress as well,” I said. That had been my dream. Well, my dream was to do the entire wedding party, but I didn’t know if I had enough time for that. Still, it would be really cool.

  “Oh, would you? That would be just lovely,” Eva said. “You are just the best, Sloane.” I blushed.

  “What am I supposed to wear?” Walter asked. We all laughed.

  “I could make you something if you want, Walter. I’ve done my share of menswear.” Ryder had been great practice. Shit. I didn’t want to think about Ryder. I’d spent a whole half hour not thinking of him. That had to be some sort of record.

  “Can you make me look like James Bond?” he asked, a twinkle in his eye.

  “Absolutely,” I said. “Although, I’d say you’re much more handsome than James Bond.” He laughed and waved me off.

  The rest of the evening was spent with Eva trying to bring up wedding plans and Rory trying to avoid talking about them, and Walter and Lucah discussing business.

  I felt like an outsider. An interloper at a family dinner. I loved Rory’s family but didn’t feel like I belonged as much as I did a few years ago. That wasn’t anyone’s fault. Things had just changed.

  Rory and Lucah spent the drive back playfully arguing about their upcoming wedding.

  “We are not doing a dove release,” Lucah said.

  “Why not?” Rory asked. I knew she was just messing with him, but it was still funny.

  “Because it’s ridiculous. And probably inhumane. And where the hell are we going to find trained doves in Boston?” Well, that was a good question.

  “It’s called the internet. Aren’t you supposed to be a tech guy?” She stroked his hair then tugged on his ear. “You know I’m just messing with you. I don’t want doves. I don’t even know what I want, really. Every time I think about something, I can’t decide if I like it or not.”