Ever.
Now his greatest fear was that it was happening. He was becoming vulnerable and setting himself up for a whole lot of hurt.
He went into this relationship knowing he was already at a disadvantage. But he had such an instant attraction to Paige, he thought it would be worth the risk.
Looking at them now, he realized how wrong he might be.
Not only was he still living in their house, Paige and Connor continued to function mainly as a couple, instead of a threesome. He wasn’t sure if they were even aware of it.
From the beginning, he’d been envious of their intimacy, their partnership, and had wanted to become a part of it. Needed to become a part of it for the relationship to succeed. But even after months, it wasn’t quite where it should be. At least in Grae’s view.
Plus, he wasn’t the most patient man.
Nothing made the division more clear than the other night when Connor came home and said he was invited to dinner with the owner of his engineering firm. So, of course, he was taking his wife. Because of their unconventional relationship, it shouldn’t have bothered him, but it did. And Grae did not like that feeling.
It had been three months since he’d moved into their house, a change that was supposed to be temporary, but Grae still didn’t think the time was right to broach the subject of permanency. With moving them into his house. Or with their relationship.
Now, looking at his two lovers cozying up together outside, he figured he was right in waiting.
Three months had been more than enough time for them to gel as a threesome. To be something more than just sex.
When Grae was younger, he never thought he would ever want to settle down. He had the world by the balls. He was young, healthy, in shape, and had a very lucrative career in front of him. Now, being older, he thought about nothing but settling down. Even if it would be in an unusual relationship.
So, if it wasn’t going to happen…if the relationship was going to fail, now would be the time to walk away. Before it got any harder.
Grae closed his eyes, his hands clutching the edge of the sink.
The problem was he allowed himself to get attached to them. To feel something. Was the feeling as strong as what Paige and Connor had for each other? He wasn’t sure. Did they even have any type of feelings for him?
Yes, they cared about him. Yes, they wanted him in their bed…
He let out an explosive curse.
“Are you okay?”
Grae cursed again, but this time, he did it under his breath.
“Are you in pain?” Paige looked concerned.
Not the pain you’re thinking of, Grae thought. “I’m fine.”
She stopped inches in front of him, hands on hips, and searched his face. “Don’t give me that bullshit. Is it your heart?” she asked.
Grae wanted to laugh. If she only knew. He shook his head. “No.”
“What is it then?”
Grae hesitated and regarded the woman in front of him. He didn’t realize how strong his feelings were for her until that precise moment. His attraction and uncontrollable possessiveness of her had transformed in the past few months.
Did he want this woman for himself? Hell, yes.
Would it be easier if Connor were out of the picture? Of course. But Paige made it quite clear in the beginning they were a package deal, and he had accepted that. Anyway, he would never try to steal away someone’s wife. Share her, yes. Steal her, no.
His gaze raked Paige from her long, dark hair hanging loosely around her shoulders, over her nipples which were discernable through her tight tank top, over the curve of her hips encased in khaki shorts, and down her legs, all the way to the polished toes of her bare feet.
His heart squeezed again, making him take a long, calming breath.
He didn’t know if he could walk away from this woman. But he didn’t know if he could live with how things were either. “Is me being here just an excuse for you to have an affair, Paige? Or am I only here for Connor’s exploration?” He knew the answers to his questions, and he regretted them as soon as he asked them. But he wanted someone else to share the pain he felt right now. Fair or not. It was petty, but at the moment, he wasn’t feeling magnanimous.
Her eyebrows shot to her hairline, confusion crossing her face. “What the hell are you talking about, Grae?”
“Am I just a temporary thrill? I see you two out there…” He stopped. He sounded like a scorned lover and he didn’t feel proud that he’d let himself stoop so low. To let his doubts control him.
Paige’s gaze flicked out the window to where Grae could only assume Connor still waited for his wife. “I don’t understand…” she trailed off.
Yes, he believed her. He knew she was confused and not sure where he was coming from. He knew it because he felt confused himself. “I’m aware that I’ve come into this relationship late. But I was hoping it would smooth out sooner than later. If I weren’t here, you two would still do what you do… have sex, date, have a complete life. Why am I here? Why do you even need me involved?”
Paige stared at the man in front of her like she’d never seen him before. Because she hadn’t. Emotions were overtaking him and in the three months that they’d lived together, slept together, ate together—besides the anger of her going behind his back to watch the game tape where he collapsed—she’d never seen this type of reaction from him.
It not only caught her off guard, but it scared her. Had he been bottling this up?
And why now?
Paige’s gaze went back out to Connor, waiting for her to bring him a beer. Had Grae been watching them?
She thought about what the two of them had been doing out there. Not only enjoying the beautiful day but each other. Then that’s what couples in love did, right?
Fuck.
It dawned on her about how she was thinking. She and Connor were the problem. They still acted as a couple. Probably causing Grae to feel left out when they hadn’t meant to.
“You call each other honey and baby. We have no pet names for each other.”
Once again, his words surprised her. “I didn’t realize you would want a pet name. You don’t seem the type. You’re not the kind of man I’d call snookums.” She was being facetious, but honest. “What do you want me to call you?” she asked carefully.
“If you have to ask…”
Paige rolled her eyes and stepped away from him, her anger flaring. “I never thought you’d be one to play emotional blackmail, Grae. Never. I can’t imagine what’s sparking this now, except for jealousy. Is that what it is?”
Grae’s expression remained blank, his eyes not wavering, nothing in his body moving except for a tick in his jaw.
“Are you jealous of me? Or of Connor?” she asked him. Her gaze raked his face for any little sign.
“I’m jealous of what the two of you have. I didn’t think I was, but I am. And jealousy, even doubts, don’t work in this type of relationship.” He shook his head. “They just don’t.”
Paige slapped her palm against her chest. “I know that. I know that because I’m surrounded by polyamorous relationships. But, tell me… How do you know that?”
Other than common sense, of course. But now it was time to find out the truth. To find out what Gayle hinted at and what Paige suspected. She was tired of him holding back. She jammed a finger into his chest. “How? Tell me what happened when you tried this before.”
“I never said I’ve done this before.” His nostrils flared, and his mouth became an angry slash.
His avoidance of his past pissed her off even more. “Don’t lie to me. I can feel it in here.” She pointed to her own heart this time. “And your sister let it slip!” Graedon didn’t respond, making her even more frustrated. “Why won’t you talk about it?” she practically shouted at him.
His face darkened. “Because I don’t need to. It’s not us!”
Paige was surprised when he raised his voice. He normally kept his composure, no
matter what happened. But this was affecting him much more than she realized.
He grabbed her hands and lifted them to his lips. “That’s not us,” he said more softly. “I don’t want it to be.”
“Help us make this work, Grae.” She sounded desperate, begging—and she was. Because what she saw so far in this kitchen wasn’t a good sign for their relationship. Paige did not want this to go south. She swallowed hard, willing her panic to subside.
“Paige…” he whispered.
“No.” She shook her head. “Tell us what we need to do to make this work between all of us. Please.”
He closed his eyes and nodded. When he opened them, they were filled with pain and sadness.
This was so not the Graedon she knew. No. This was a peek at someone different. An old piece of himself, maybe.
“Paige, I want you and Connor in my life. But…“
“But?” Her heart stopped, and she held her breath.
“But you were an established couple. A married couple. You had…have an existing relationship. It feels like you cracked that open just to wedge me in. We need to be a whole. A unit. Not you two as an entrée with me as a side dish.”
If his expression weren’t so serious, she would’ve laughed at his analogy. But what was happening wasn’t funny. Not at all. It was breaking her heart. “I’m sorry.” Her eyes burned, but she wasn’t going to cry, damn it! “I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt that way.”
“It’s hard not to when the two people you love already loved each other, knew each other inside and out, knew each other’s habits and pet peeves.”
Jesus, he just admitted he loved them, so why was this such a problem? People who loved each other should be able to iron out any wrinkle that came along. “But you knew that was an obstacle to overcome when we began.”
“You’re right. I did,” he said, solemnly. “I also didn’t expect to fall in love with you so quickly. To bond so deeply with Connor. I think that was my hiccup.” He released a loud breath.
Paige fought not to scream her next words. “That’s not a hiccup! I hate hiccups!”
“Did you say you love us?” Connor’s voice came from the doorway to the patio.
Grae hesitated for a moment, regarding Connor. “I did.”
Connor stepped closer, wearing a frown. “And are you thinking about leaving?”
Paige’s panic rose again. “Grae, you cannot leave! Holy shit!” She spun away and moved to the other side of the kitchen, her heart now pounding furiously, her body beginning to shake.
No. No. No.
Grae could not leave. Especially after he just said he loved them. Not just her, which she suspected, but Connor too. She didn’t know if it just slipped out or he had planned to tell them. Although, she strongly suspected it wasn’t planned since that emotional bond hadn’t been discussed between the three of them. Paige closed her eyes. She realized now, she and Connor said it to each other all the time. Even in front of Grae.
Fuck.
She couldn’t imagine being in a triad where only two of the three people told each other that they loved each other on a regular basis. In the beginning, it’d been different. She knew it was attraction and lust binding them together. But now…
In the last three months, it became way more than that. And she couldn’t pinpoint when.
She wondered how Connor felt about Grae, but she hesitated to ask him in front of the other man. Especially since Grae was at a tipping point. If Connor faltered with his answer for even a second…
“Maybe I just need to step back for a bit. Let you two decide if this is something you really want. If you can love me as much as you love each other.”
Paige shook her head, biting her bottom lip. Neither she nor Connor had ever indicated that this was something they didn’t want. They had never said they didn’t love him.
But they’ve never told him they did, either.
Fuck. And here she thought everything had been going smoothly.
“Look. I need to go on the road anyway. There are some summer college football camps I want to attend to scout some players.”
Paige wondered if he was simply looking for an excuse to take a break. He didn’t have to go. He could send one of his people to do that.
“If that’s what you need to do…” Connor said, leaning against the counter, studying Grae.
Paige shot him a deadly glare. He shouldn’t be encouraging Grae to leave, even it ended up being temporary.
“Paige, don’t give me that look. If Grae needs to go, he needs to go. He needs to do what’s best for him.” Connor looked at Grae. “Just know that we don’t want you to leave. But we respect your decision, and we’ll be here when you get back.”
Grae’s expression relaxed a bit.
Paige wanted to drop to her knees and desperately beg for him not to go. Maybe Connor was right; Grae needed space. She tried to collect her racing thoughts. “How long are you going to be gone?”
“I figure a month. I’m going to hit as many camps as I can.”
“When are you leaving?” Connor asked quietly.
Paige realized he wasn’t happy about all this either.
“Tonight. I’m going to head home, pack, and hit the road.”
“Wait. Did you have this planned?” Paige asked, her head spinning. How long had he known he was going away?
“No. But it’s something I need to do.”
Those words hit Paige hard, and she realized they had a double meaning. She nodded and accepted the inevitable. She tried to console herself with the fact that it would only be a month.
Hopefully.
Chapter 11
You need to come home. Paige pushed Send on her cell phone.
She felt lonely and missed Grae so much her heart hurt. The ache in her chest couldn’t get any worse.
It had only been two weeks since he’d been on the road in his hunt for talent. Or, what Paige supposed was to get “clarification” on their relationship.
Whichever was the real reason, Paige knew what she wanted. Connor also knew what he wanted. They’d talked about it every night until they were both exhausted from discussing it.
It was bad enough Grae left, but he wasn’t communicating with them either. He’d cut off all dialogue. Leaving was the cut of the knife, silence—the twist of the blade.
Connor became quiet, sad. So unlike himself. Even so, he told her to leave it alone. Let Grae have his space.
Paige had a hard time doing this. She’d even been tempted to call Grae’s sister, Gayle, to find out what really happened in his last relationship.
Grae would probably never forgive her for sticking her nose where it didn’t belong.
And she wouldn’t blame him.
As the minutes ticked by, Paige paced, constantly looking at her phone, willing the damn thing to make a noise indicating an incoming text.
After a few more minutes, she sighed and reluctantly put the phone on the coffee table, turning on the TV. She needed to get her mind off Grae. She laughed at herself. Like that was going to happen.
She settled on the couch and flipped through the channels, too restless to find anything she could concentrate on. She chewed on her bottom lip. A typical Grae reprimand popped into her head and she stopped. She used to appreciate an empty house, time to herself. Now, not so much. Both the house and she felt hollow, empty.
Did Grae even miss them at all?
She started when her phone dinged and scrambled to grab it, looking at the screen.
Why? Because Connor is gone?
How did he even know Connor was on another business trip? Were they talking?
She felt tempted to call Connor to ask him, but since she had Grae’s attention, she needed to try to convince him what he meant to them, why this was important to her and Connor. Prove to him their relationship was more than just sex, physical pleasure, and release.
Grae’s leaving had left them with a missing piece in their relationship, something Paige neve
r thought could happen to their tight marriage. A hole that surprised both her and Connor.
Until he left, she didn’t think either Connor or she realized how important he was to them.
How selfish they’d been.
How stupid they’d been by constantly telling each other that they loved each other but not including Grae in on the sentiment.
She blew out a breath and typed a text. No. Because we miss you. You’re a part of us.
Paige stared at the screen and willed him to respond. The seconds seemed like minutes, the minutes like hours, as she waited for an incoming text. She flopped on the couch, laying on her stomach, and tucked her head into crossed arms. She wanted to scream, kick her legs, have a temper tantrum. Instead, she worked on slowing her breathing in an attempt to control her anxiety. She desperately wished Connor was here.
Hell. Both of her men were too far away. She needed them now. She needed to touch them.
Her heart cracked a little more when the phone’s screen remained dark.
She typed another text, then stared at it. Her finger hesitated over the Send button. She swallowed hard and finally sent it on its way.
Because we love you.
It wasn’t the way she wanted to tell him, in an impersonal text. She’d wanted to tell him in person. But if her admitting it to him now would make him consider coming home, then she needed to jump on the opportunity. Not later and risk losing him forever.
Paige dropped her head back down and sighed, her eyes burning enough that she rubbed them.
Maybe she should have just left it alone like Connor had said. Let Grae come home when he felt ready.
She was fucking stupid for pushing him.
“Do you?”
Paige gasped and leaped off the couch.
Grae leaned against the entrance to the living room. His face looked solemn and serious.
She didn’t know if she should run up to him to hug him and hold him tight because he was home to stay. Or if he was here to pack what was left of his stuff in the house.
He pushed off the wall.
Now Paige noticed the suitcase in the hall. She hoped it was the one he’d taken on his trip. And not one he came to fill. “Is that suitcase empty or full?” she asked, cautiously.
Dare to be Three (Dare Menage Series Book 3) Page 15
