He crossed the small room and stood behind her, a hand on each shoulder but had the conversation with them both facing the mirror.
“We got here because you had a problem, to which I was the solution.”
“I still have the problem.”
“And I’m still the solution.”
“It feels like that one lie has taken on a life of its own.” She sighed. “I’m not good at lying.”
“Chloe, it’s okay. It’ll all sort itself out.”
“People will be mad when they find out we were lying.”
He shook his head. “They won’t be. If they know why . . . or if you just tell them we broke up, people break up all the time.”
They were going to break up. She needed to remember that. Sometimes it was hard to keep track of what was real now and what was pretend. This was all pretend. Yes, Tom was standing here smiling at her, his warm hands sending heat through her core but the reason was not because he was in love with her and wanted to marry her. She needed to keep fantasy and reality way apart.
“I didn’t like lying to your parents,” she said.
“Well, me either, but I do like you, I did from the minute I saw you. None of that is a lie, Chloe. The feelings are real even if the circumstances are contrived.”
“Tom, you do not have real feelings for me,” she said firmly.
“Yes, I do.”
She shook her head. “No.”
He nodded his. “Yes. I do. I want to be with you all the time, I want to touch you, and I want to kiss you.” He leaned in, swept her hair away, and kissed her neck, just below her ear. “That is all very real.”
She didn’t know how to respond to that exactly. Her body wanted to turn around and return the kiss but her heart felt that was very possibly a very bad idea.
“That’s physical. That’s not love.”
“That, sweet Chloe, is the physical manifestation of my love. But that doesn’t make it not real,” he said.
“Well, where I come from the physical manifestation of love got a very bad rap.”
“And that, I presume, is one of the reasons you left that place, because that was forbidden.” He turned her around so she was facing him. “Being attracted to a person you really like is a very natural and normal and fun part of life and to deny that part of yourself is, well, a little bit sad. I feel such joy when you kiss me or when you touch me and I think that’s in no small part due to how I feel when you smile at me or make me a beautiful dinner or catch my eye across a room. I like everything about you and the physical is the icing on the chocolate cake or the whipped cream on the sundae.”
She sighed. “You have to stop saying that stuff to me. It is all too confusing.”
“Why? Do you not like me? Am I offending you?”
“No, it’s just . . . I’m not a girl who has casual relationships. I don’t agree with everything I grew up being told, but I still think that . . . physical relations should be based on something real.”
“This is real.” He let out a sigh. “It’s real to me. I care about you. I’m staying with you to protect you. I have my parents here getting to know you because I like you, because I want to get to know you, because I want to have a relationship with you.”
She shook her head. “The thing is . . . I don’t know how to do this.”
“What? This?” He leaned in and let a soft kiss land on her lips. He pulled back and looked at her. “Or this?”
This time his tongue swept across the join of her lips and she opened to him, letting their kiss deepen. One of his hands moved to the back of her neck, tilting her mouth so he could better reach it and the other found the small of her back and pressed her against that firm chest. She lost herself in the kiss, the moment, the sensations.
He let go of her and left her wanting.
“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. I think you’re pretty good at that, Chloe,” he said with a cheeky grin.
“Well, yes that, but also relationships. My information largely comes from television where people either seem to be all sex all the time or the other extreme.”
“It is very confusing, you’re right.” He took her hand and led her to sit down in the chair in the corner of the bedroom, the one she’d thrown his clothing over earlier and pulled her down to sit on his lap. “There’s no right way to have a relationship.”
“There isn’t?”
“Sadly, nope. There isn’t a rule book. It would be very helpful. Man, the number of times I could have used one.”
“In your relationships with other women?”
“You’re fishing,” he said with a gentle voice. “But sure, in past relationships and with you now. No one knows what they’re doing. We all feel foolish, say the wrong things, make mistakes. That’s part of the adventure.”
She felt her nose wrinkle. “Adventure?”
“Falling in love, human relationships, these are life’s great adventures.”
Tom had a feeling he was confusing Chloe; well, the wrinkled nose was a giveaway. He truly believed that falling in love was the bravest and craziest adventure of all.
“There’s no map, there’s no compass, and the route the last guy took won’t work for you. There may be a path but it’s not stable, it shifts and you have to adjust.”
“You make it sound scary, aren’t you supposed to be reassuring me?”
“I think it sounds exciting.” He squeezed her hand. “And it actually isn’t my job to reassure you.”
“Oh.” Her mouth formed a sweet O and her brow furrowed.
“Maybe I need some reassuring here. I’ve told you I like you and I’m not getting much feedback. Maybe I’m the one who should be worried,” he teased.
Her brow didn’t unfurrow, in fact, he thought some of those worry lines looked deeper. “You think I don’t like you?”
“Well, I don’t really know.”
“Tom, of course I like you.” She placed one of her soft hands on his cheek. “How can I not like someone who has been so kind to me, who has gone out of their way and to such extraordinary lengths?”
He searched her eyes and tried to see what story they told. “Oh, I know you like me as a person, but I don’t know if it’s a friendly like or . . . more.”
“Do you think I kiss my friends like we just kissed?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I assume not.”
“Of course not. I would never . . .” She licked her lips and he really wanted to kiss her again but she needed to talk. He needed to give her some control and some ownership of this situation. “I really like you but, like I said, I don’t know how to do any of this. You’re the first guy who has ever kissed me and meant it.”
“First, huh?”
That made him feel, well, lots of things. He felt very honored to be that guy, but then if he was the first guy she’d kissed, then well, wow, the list of other things she hadn’t done ran through his head. He wanted to be the first guy to do all of them but he didn’t want to rush her.
“Well, you’re the first guy who kissed me and wasn’t scamming me. I appreciate that,” she said.
“You’re welcome. And I’m sorry you haven’t had more chances to kiss a few more guys.”
That brow furrowed right up again. “You are?”
“Yep, because it would show you that what we have, and how we feel, it isn’t just physical, it’s so much more than that.”
“Because you really like me?” she said. “So I guess my mother got that part right, huh?”
“I guess everyone’s mother got that part right,” he agreed, and lifted her to her feet. “So maybe we should get this pajama party underway.”
“No exercises tonight?”
He shook his head. “Not to be indelicate but my parents would think it was strange if I left my beautiful fiancée alone to go do push-ups.”
“Because?” And then a lightbulb went off and her cheeks flashed red. She let out a small gasp before speaking. “Surely they would assu
me we wouldn’t . . . with them in there.”
“I think you’ll find, as people who have run a hotel for many years, that they will be assuming the opposite. I’m sorry if that embarrasses you, but in their world, that would be normal.”
“No, I’m being silly. I know how the world works.” He was well aware this was all new to her, newer than he might have even guessed.
“You’re not being silly,” he said, putting his hands back on her shoulders and looking down into those beautiful eyes. And then, because he couldn’t help himself, he covered his mouth with hers and pulled her in close, his large frame enveloping her small one. She leaned into him, her arms snaking around his neck as he savored her. He wanted to grab her butt and lift her up and wrap her around him but he held back. He just focused on the sweet taste of her mouth and the soft feel of her hands in his hair and the warmth of her pressed against him. It was a long hungry kiss that he didn’t want to end. He could stand here and just kiss Chloe until the end of time and die a happy man. That was how he felt and that meant he had it bad, really bad for Chloe.
When he finally came up for air, her eyes were hooded, her cheeks pink, and her lips plump from being kissed. Her body was cleaved to his and he could feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest against his. At least he wasn’t the only one their connection was affecting.
“So. How about you use the bathroom first?” he said. He needed a moment alone and that was the only way he could put any space between them.
Chloe walked dazed into the bathroom. If she had thought she didn’t recognize the version of herself she’d seen in the mirror earlier, then this woman staring back at her now, this dreamy-eyed girl who had been thoroughly kissed and wanted so much more, was like a being from another planet.
If this is what she’d been missing all these years, no wonder people went crazy for a kiss.
She brushed her fingers across her lips, where Tom’s had just been. What was going on here? He liked her, his parents thought they were having sex, he was going to sleep beside her, and he kissed her like she was the most desirable woman in the world. Her brain was a swirl of thoughts and confusion.
She peeled off her clothes and slid into some pajamas. The top was a loose baseball T-shirt and there was a pair of soft shorts. She didn’t look sexy, but at least she’d moved out of her traditional sleepwear. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and left her hair loose.
When she opened the door, Tom was standing with his back to her in a gray T-shirt and boxers. Part of her was relieved and the other part wished he was bare-chested like the other evenings. Still, that would be playing with fire.
He turned and gave her that heart-stopping smile. Damn he was cute.
“I’ll be back.” He headed to the bathroom and shut the door. She could hear the taps turning and water running as she pulled back the sheets and climbed into the bed, pulling the blankets up under her chin. She felt a buzz of anticipation and the pangs of nervousness.
“Grow up, Chloe,” she whispered to herself.
The truth was she was a woman in her twenties and this was not normal behavior for women her age. She didn’t think Tom was going to take advantage of her, in fact she was certain he wouldn’t. He had been nothing but a total gentleman this whole time when they’d been alone. She didn’t think he would choose the night his parents were on the other side of a wall to behave inappropriately, whatever that was. She could hear the low mumble of their voices through the wall.
Chloe liked them, his parents. She hadn’t expected to. When they had arrived at the ice-cream parlor unannounced, she had wanted to bolt out the back door and straight across state lines, but the first thing Felicia had done was hug her. It was a mother’s hug and oh how she’d missed that. Yes, they were smart, well-traveled people, and of course they were there to check her out, but she hadn’t felt judged. In fact, she’d felt they were as worried about Tom overwhelming her as they might have been about who she was. They were friendly and polite and genuine. Had she not known about their wealth, their interesting life, and their travels, she would not have suspected.
And they had been nothing but warm toward her. She didn’t quite understand that. She was no one from nowhere and their son had just announced his engagement to her.
She tried to imagine turning up back in Texas with Tom in tow. She pictured driving down the long dirt drive to the community where she’d grown up.
She heard the water shut off in the bathroom and waited. The buzz of anticipation turned up a notch. She was no longer thinking about Tom’s parents, every part of her was considering the man himself.
The handle of the door turned and there he was, leaning against the frame giving her that deadly smile again.
“What?”
“Just admiring the view,” he said.
“You’re nuts.”
“Yeah, nuts about you.”
“Tom, that may be the corniest line ever,” she replied, shaking her head.
“Maybe, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”
She didn’t know what to say, so she went for silence.
“You look quite tucked in there. Would you prefer I make up a bed on the floor, Chloe?” His face searched hers.
“No. It’s fine.”
He came and sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you certain?”
She nodded. “Yep. I am.”
“Okay then. I see you like the left. Good to know,” he said, standing and rounding to the other side, his side she supposed, of the bed.
Tom pulled the sheets back and slid in. The cotton was cool against his legs and that was good. He needed to cool off. Chloe still had hold of the sheets from the inside so that her fingers curled around the top. He felt bad for her because she was so nervous and so confused. He knew she liked him and wanted him, but he also knew she had no idea how to deal with all those feelings.
He pulled the blanket up his chest but lay down with his hands behind his head. At least she could see them there and wouldn’t be worried about being groped.
“So you’ve met my family now. Tell me about yours,” he asked, because he wanted to know and also because he figured all that talk about Jesus and family would help keep him well behaved.
“I don’t know, what would you like to know?”
“Whatever you want to tell me.”
“Well, I have two brothers, one younger and one older. I probably have nieces and nephews by now. And then there was my mom and dad. We joined the community when I was in third grade. My dad had always been looking for something I guess, that’s what my uncle tells me. And I guess he found it there.”
“What about your mother? Does she love it?” Tom couldn’t understand choosing a life like that. There was such a big interesting world out there, it would be a shame to miss so much of it.
“My mom loves my dad. She told me she thought it would be like all the other things he joined or followed, that we’d live there a year or two and move, like usual. Then that didn’t happen.”
“That must have been hard for her.”
“I think so.” Chloe rolled on her side to face him. “As I got older, I heard them argue a bit, mainly about me.”
“You?”
“Yeah, in our community they marry the girls to church members.”
He looked at her. “Like arranged marriages? You told me that.”
“Yeah. The elders choose who you marry. You don’t get a say.”
Holy crap. No wonder she’d run. He kept his voice calm and gentle. “And they chose someone for you?”
“Yeah, he was a widow with two little kids. He was maybe forty. I liked the kids, actually, but . . . I didn’t want to marry him.”
“What about your brothers?”
“It’s different for boys. My older brother is married. In a way, the girl who got him was lucky, at least he’s not old. But he’s also a bit of a jerk. My younger brother, I don’t know. We were close.”
“I never had brothers and sisters, but I
can imagine that in a place like that you’d be very close.”
“Yeah, he was a cheeky kid. And always in trouble. I’m not sure the community was such a good fit for him. I wonder if my mother will get him out, too.”
“So she helped you?” That was something.
“I got engaged and she knew it was time. She gave me the choice, stay or go. Going meant no more family, staying meant marrying Lyle. Neither option was great, but I chose to leave.”
Tom really wanted to pull her into a hug, but he didn’t. He knew some of the story but not all of it. “Do you think they know she helped you?”
“I guess they would have figured it out. They could have ostracized her, but she didn’t show up in Austin so my guess is she just had to atone for her sins.”
That seemed fair to him. The sin of signing your kids into life in a cult was worth some atonement. “Have you spoken to her since?”
She shook her head. “Not even once.”
He saw a slow tear move down her cheek and he rolled over to face her, leaning in to wipe it away. “Oh, honey.”
“That’s been the hardest thing of all. Some days in the beginning I missed her so much I nearly went back. I would have, but she made me promise no matter what I wouldn’t do that.”
“She’d be so proud of you.”
“When your mom hugged me today, a real mom hug . . . it was hard.”
“I bet it was, and Felicia isn’t exactly the earth-mother type but she is a hugger.”
“You’re lucky to have them. They obviously love you a lot.”
He nodded. Tom always knew he was lucky to have landed in the family he had. Sure, it wasn’t conventional but there was never any shortage of love. “I know. Do you need a hug?”
“From you?” her voice was a whisper.
“My mother taught me everything she knows in the hugging department,” he answered in a soft voice.
“Okay.”
This probably wasn’t a good idea, letting Tom pull her close and envelop her in a large hug. Her head rested against his chest and she could feel the warmth of his body through his T-shirt. Then again, it had taken her mind off the fact she was sad and missing her family because the feel of his arms around her and the warmth of the man were certainly a fine distraction.
Any Way You Want It : An Upper Crust Series Novel (The Upper Crust Series Book 5) Page 10
