by R. M. Walker
“So lights would have warned them off, but putting them out could lead them onto rocks?”
“Exactly, if you’re interested in reading about it, I have books you can look at. And I know Jonas has hundreds.”
“Jonas? Who’s Jonas?” she asked.
“Who? Oh, just a friend,” he said vaguely. Lily got the impression he had said something he shouldn’t and that whoever Jonas was, he didn’t want her to know about him. She let it go. It was none of her business anyway.
They slowed down in their walking, and Lily enjoyed the feel of his hand around hers and the beauty of the trees around them. In the dying light of the day, it was starting to grow darker, but the sound of the wind teasing the leaves and the birds singing their last chorus before sleep made it seem enchanted somehow. Moss, twigs, and leaves lay under foot, she could see where some of the trees were starting to change colour. Autumn was going to be early this year, and it looked like it was going to be a beautiful one.
“It’s very beautiful here,” she said quietly, soaking in the atmosphere.
“I like it. These woods go all the way behind where you live. There’s a shortcut through here to the village. I’ll show it to you when we have more light. The others use it all the time.”
“Are they meeting us somewhere?” With his help, she picked her way over another fallen branch.
“Yeah, we usually end up here most evenings.” They came to a divide in the path, and he turned them right. Lily caught the silver flash of a river up ahead, and she could hear it now as well.
“Am I honoured then?” she asked with a grin. “Or do you bring all the new girls here?” She was teasing him, but she saw him frown and then look a little surprised.
“Well, now you mention it,” he said, and scratched at the back of his head. “You’re the only person we’ve ever brought here.”
His words caught her by surprise. She looked up at him, not sure whether to believe him or not.
“Well, it’s about bloody time,” came a laugh. “We were beginning to think you’d forgotten.”
She could hear them, but she couldn’t see anyone as she looked around her, still holding Matt’s hand. She saw a flash of movement to her left and the twins came through the trees with Nate behind them. They each had flashlights in their hands.
“Where on earth are we going that’s going to need flashlights?” Lily asked in surprise.
“You’ll see, Lily May,” Nate said, walking towards the river. “Hurry up, the sun is going down, and you need to see this in the daylight if you can.”
“See what?” she tried asking one of the twins, not certain yet which was which; as per usual, they were dressed identically in black jeans and black jackets. But all he did was smirk at her.
“Get off!” Matt shouted, pulling free from her when the other twin started to stuff leaves down the back of his neck. It started an all-out war between the three of them, and not wanting leaves down her neck she rushed ahead to catch up with Nate. He shook his head, and catching her hand, he led her along the edge of the river. It was mostly clear of trees now and the sun was still high enough to make the water gleam as it flowed over rocks towards the sea.
“It’s lovely here.” Peace settled over her; in her. A peace she’d never experienced before.
“It’s good for fishing, and further down there’s a slower part that’s great for swimming in. We’ve got a couple of rope swings set up in the trees. It’s getting cold now, but next summer we can chuck you in.” He grinned at her, and she started to laugh. But then it sank in what he’d said, and she looked away hurriedly.
“I probably won’t be here next summer, Nate.” She tried to sound casual about it but didn’t quite succeed.
“Your mum will move on?” he asked quietly.
“As soon as my exams are over. If she’s finished the paintings.”
She heard him swear under his breath, and then he was turning her to grip both of her hands.
“Lily May, you’ll be eighteen, nearly nineteen, when that happens. You can’t spend your entire life attached to your mum’s apron strings. You don’t have to go where she goes. You can do whatever the hell you want to do. If you want to go to Uni, go. If you don’t, don’t.”
“Nate, I can’t be left on my own,” she reminded him, and she saw him pull a face as he’d obviously forgotten.
“But there must be hundreds of people without a family that have epilepsy. She won’t always be here, Lily May.”
“I know.” She pulled her hands free from his and crossed to pick up a stone, throwing it into the water. “Before we came here, I was fine. I didn’t question it, I just went with the flow. I never regretted leaving anywhere, and I even looked forward to discovering new places. But now?” She threw another stone in, watching the splash it made. “The other morning when I was late? She’d just told me that we were moving again. That she was going to give the down payment back to Mr Crowder and leave for Ireland.” She laughed, but it wasn’t humorous. She picked up more stones, sending them into the river. “I panicked. The thought of leaving here was awful. I’ve never felt more at home than I have here, and when she said we were going? I begged her to let us stay. This place is not good for me. I’m getting too attached; we will move and I will go with her, because there’s nothing else for me to do.”
“There’s always something else you can do, Lily.”
She turned, hearing Matt’s voice. All four of them stood together, listening to her, concern on their faces but no pity. And she was glad of that.
“Don’t say anything to your dad, please, Matt. She’s agreed to stay till she’s finished.”
“I won’t say anything,” he promised her, and she nodded her thanks. Sadness tugged at her, making her stomach hurt.
“There are a few months before you need to worry about anything. And I think being here is exactly what you need, Lily May,” Nate said firmly. “Come on, we’re running out of light.” He indicated with his head for her to follow him. The twins fell into step either side of her while Matt went ahead to walk with Nate.
“You’re going to love this place” Josh told her. She kept her hands in the pockets of Matt’s jacket, clutching the flashlight. They were all free and easy with their hand holding, and because none of them showed any reaction to seeing the others do it, it told her that they viewed her as friend and nothing more. She should protect herself from falling for them, because she was sure it would be an easy thing to do. And despite what they said, she knew that when her mother moved from here, and she would, she would be going with her. Because that was the way it had always been, and always would be for the foreseeable future.
“Here we are,” Matt called back. She looked up to see a three story, stone building at the edge of the river. It looked like an old barn, with the large windows further up for the hay bales.
“A hay barn?” she asked. The stone steps that led up the side to the third floor had no railing to hold on to. “Anyone fallen to their death from there?”
“It’s not a hay barn, Lily May, and no one has ever fallen to their death,” Nate told her as he disappeared around the corner that edged the river. “But be careful how you walk here!” he called out. “It gets close to the river in some places.”
She looked at Josh, but he just smirked at her and indicated with his hand for her to go ahead of him. She couldn’t keep the grin from her face as she went to the corner of the building. The twins fell in behind her as she picked her way through the stones and nettles, her hand on the stones of the wall for balance. She could hear a loud rumbling noise that meshed in with the rushing water of the river. She realised now that they were showing her a waterwheel. She rounded the corner and looked up.
Her head spun and her knees buckled, her hand scraped painfully against the wall as she went down. Hands caught her under her arms before she could hit the ground.
She’d seen this waterwheel before. She’d been here be
fore, of that she was certain, and it slammed into her like a hammer to her head.
“Shit, did you trip?” She was vaguely aware of Nate out of her peripheral vision, but her gaze was locked on the waterwheel ahead of her, slowly turning as water was channelled onto it via an aqueduct. Her vision narrowed to the turning of the wheel. Images slammed into her head, noises in her ears. She could hear a child screaming, two children screaming. One child being pulled towards the water that churned under the wheel, another valiantly trying to reach it before falling in himself. Both children struggled desperately but the pull was too strong for them and they were dragged beneath the ever-turning wheel. She stumbled forwards frantically, she had to get to them before they drowned. Something was holding her back, shouting in her ears as she stumbled and fell to the ground. She clawed her way forwards, desperately trying to get to them before it was too late, but something heavy was holding her down. Hands on her waist and legs refused to let her go.
“LILITH!”
She heard her name being roared, then she was lifted from the ground. She groaned as her vision went hazy and her head lolled back against someone warm.
“It’s okay, Lily. It’s okay, Lily, we’ve got you. Nate, get her onto her side!”
She felt the hard ground underneath her as she was rolled onto her side. Her vision cleared, the grass came into sharp focus. Pain wracked through her skull, making her close her eyes. She could hear voices murmuring low around her, but confusion was making her thoughts jumbled. She had seen those children, had heard the screaming. But now? Now she knew that they couldn’t have been there at all. The boys would have seen them too, done something to help them. Instead they were worried about her. That told her she’d been… what? Hallucinating? But she’d seen that waterwheel before, she knew she had. She’d seen it when she’d had a seizure on Monday. Fear filled every pore. What was wrong with her?
“It can be anything up to half an hour.”
“That was not a fucking epileptic fit!”
“We don’t know that, Josh.”
“We fucking do! They don’t try to throw themselves head first into the river screaming! They jerk about, and then are completely out of it for twenty minutes!”
“Jake!”
“We’re right! That was not normal!”
Lily heard their words clearly. She opened her eyes and nausea rose from her stomach. She took deep breaths and struggled to her knees. Pain shot through her skull.
“Hey, hey, slow down, Lily. Slow down.” Matt’s calm voice was in her ear but she shrugged off his hand on her back. She was confused, frightened. They thought she was mad, and horror filled her that they might be right.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled and stumbled to her feet, aware of his hands helping her up. “I have to go now.” She didn’t wait, didn’t look back, she just stumbled her way towards what she hoped was the path back. Humiliation warred with the fear filling her.
“Lily! Wait!”
She heard them calling her, but she couldn’t face them, too scared to even look back at them. She just kept going until her way was blocked by two identical bodies.
“Stop! Stop panicking, Lily May,” Nate’s voice was firm, and she found herself listening to him, but she still couldn’t bring herself to look at any of them.
“Just sit down for a moment.”
“I need to go home.” The pain in her head was worsening, and she still felt sick.
“We’ll walk you back in a few minutes,” Matt spoke up. “Just sit down for a moment first, Lily.”
She felt him put his hand on her arm and tug her gently to a fallen log. She sank down onto it, and hugged her arms around her knees, keeping her eyes on the toes of her boots.
“Lily, sweetheart, look at me.” She saw Nate crouch in front of her but she didn’t want to acknowledge any of them. There was too much going through her mind. She kept seeing the children by the water, hearing their screams. She shivered and closed her eyes, trying to banish the images but it just made them stronger. What was wrong with her?
“What happened, Lily?” She felt a warm body settle on each side of her, and two arms snaked around her waist. “Did you have a seizure?” It was Matt’s voice she heard; he had crouched next to Nate.
“I… think so.” She lifted a hand to rub her forehead and saw how badly she was shaking. “I think I hallucinated… or something.” It was the something that froze her heart in fear.
“Tell us what you saw,” Nate whispered. He placed his hand on her knee as Matt caught her shaking hand in his.
“I… I’ve seen the waterwheel before. On Monday, when I had the seizure.”
“And what did you see today when you saw the waterwheel?” Nate’s voice was low, calm, and it curled around her, relaxing her slightly. The body heat from the twins was helping, pressing into her tightly, arms around her waist. She was surrounded by them, and it helped centre her.
Lily drew in a shaky breath. “Two children. They fell in and were being sucked under the waterwheel.” She closed her eyes and dragged her hand from Matt’s to cover her face with both hands. She was terrified of what was happening to her now. Maybe there was a brain tumour that was causing her seizures to change. Dread made her break out in a cold sweat.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Josh lifted his hand and began rubbing circles on her back.
“No, it’s not okay. It’s not normal, you said it yourself,” she murmured. “Maybe there’s something wrong with my brain. I’ve had MRI scans and CAT scans. What if they missed something?”
“Lily.” Nate reached forward and drew her hands away from her face. He bent forward till she had to look at him. “I researched it, Lily. When I realised you had fits, I researched it in case you had one with us. We needed to know what to do. One of the things I read was that some people with epilepsy hallucinate.”
“Really?” She grasped his words, looking straight at him. It was almost dark but the blue of his eyes seemed to glow somehow. “They do?”
“Yes. I’m surprised no one told you.” He smiled at her. “The main thing is that you are alright. You’re fine, do you understand? You’re not going mad. You’re perfectly sane.”
“We didn’t mean it wasn’t normal,” Josh spoke up. “We just meant that we weren’t expecting…” He stopped when Nate looked at him, his head tilted slightly.
“Do you have a headache, Lily?” Matt asked softly, and she nodded. Relief flooded through her at Nate’s words. She didn’t know about hallucinating; she had never been told about it. But then nothing had happened before that would warrant any of the doctors telling her.
“Lily! Lily!”
Lily heard her mother calling her name, and she rubbed her hands over her face.
“Get a good sleep and you’ll be fine in the morning, Lily May. You’ll need it for swimming.”
“Are you sure you want to chance that?” She snorted, rubbing at her forehead. “I don’t seem to have a very good track record around you all.”
“I think we can handle whatever you throw at us.” Matt chuckled. “Life won’t be boring with you.”
She shook her head deprecatingly and got to her feet when she heard her mother call out again.
“Over here, Mrs Adair!” Nate called out and then turned to Lily. “Do you want her to know? Or will it just worry her?”
She frowned. She’d never hidden a seizure from her mother before, but that was because she was usually there when they happened, or was called to pick up the pieces when it happened when she was at school. But she also knew that if she told her now it would just worry her. It was unusual for her to have two seizures so close together. While Lily was sure it was just stress, she knew her mother would blame herself.
“I’ll tell her later,” Lily said. Nate smiled, and she had the impression that he was pleased with her decision.
“There you are, is everything okay?” Her mother came down the path, June with her.
&nbs
p; “Hello, boys!” June gave a bright smile when she saw all of them.
“Aunt June, Mrs Adair, we were just showing Lily the waterwheel,” Nate said. He stepped towards her and kissed his aunt’s cheek, quickly followed by the twins.
“Lynda, these are my nephews; Nate, and the twins, Josh and Jake.” June introduced them to her mother. It gave Lily a few more minutes to gather her wits about her.
“Hello, boys. It’s nice to meet you.”
The boys introduced themselves, and her mother laughed when the twins bowed to her, big grins on their faces.
“How do people tell you apart?” she asked them.
“With difficulty,” June said dryly before they could reply. “I’ve known them since they were born, and I still get it wrong, don’t I boys?”
“Yes, you do, Aunty,” Josh said and Lynda laughed, shaking her head.
“We’d best be getting on. It was nice to meet you, Mrs Adair,” Nate said. “Pick you up after lunch tomorrow, Lily, okay?”
She nodded and regretted it when her head thumped painfully making her wince.
“Are you okay, Lily?” Her mother picked up on it instantly.
“Headache,” she murmured.
“We’d best get home, Lily. We’ve only just moved in, and it’s been a stressful few weeks, June.”
“I can imagine,” June agreed, and they began to walk back towards the manor.
It was almost dark under the trees and Lily couldn’t see well at all. The boys drew out flashlights, and it helped to pick out their way, but it seemed that every twig in the path was enough to cause Lily to stumble.
Matt moved into her side and put his arm around her waist. He bent to put his mouth to her ear.
“Lean on us, Lily. We’ll look after you, I promise.” His words seemed deeper than just leaning on him to stop herself from falling, but her head was too muddled to do anything but retreat into numbness.
By the time he helped her into the car, the others had disappeared and it was just him and his mother. She was dimly aware of him sliding his fingers across her forehead as he stepped back from the car. She sank into sleep before he’d even closed the car door.
