“Yeah, but he loves Brooke.”
“He loves you too,” Tess said. “Ethan’s not trying to play favorites,” she assured Dani. “He’s just trying to figure us all out, and figure out who he is. Don’t worry so much. I promise; he loves you too.”
“Mom?”
“Hum?”
“Was it like that for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“With your brothers.”
Tess took a deep breath. Was it? Sometimes, it was hard for Tess to remember the dynamic between them all. Tess had experienced two distinct childhoods—before David died and after he was gone. She combed her memories for a moment. “That’s hard for me to answer,” she said.
“How come?” Dani wondered.
How to explain this to an eleven-year-old? Tess smiled. Well, David was eleven. He explained things quite well to you. Dive in, Tess; maybe it’s time.
“Well, Dani,” Tess said and then took a deep breath. “My big brother was sick for a long time.”
“I know.”
“That sort of changed everything for all of us. Your Uncle Gary was only six. He remembers things, but differently from me. All I wanted was to be with David,” she admitted. “I imagine at times, that probably hurt Gary’s feelings. He’s never said that, but I’m sure that’s true.”
“What about after Uncle David died?” Dani asked curiously.
Tess sighed. “I don’t remember to tell you the truth. I was very sad, Dani; we all were.”
Dani nodded.
“It took time.”
“But you and Uncle Gary are really close now.”
Tess smiled. “We are,” she agreed. “I think that happened more when I went to high school. He was three years younger, and really quiet.”
“Uncle Gary was quiet?”
“Very much so. Until he went to college.” Tess laughed. “Then he became a loudmouth.”
Dani giggled.
“See what I mean?” Tess looked back at Dani. “People change over time. I always loved Gary. I just missed David, I guess. Maybe I felt a little guilty.”
“How come?”
“I don’t know. I was only nine when David died. I guess I felt like being close to Gary would have been betraying David somehow.”
Dani seemed to consider the response. “That’s silly, Mom.”
Tess’s eyes widened. She looked at Dani and saw a glimmer of maturity that surprised her. “You always say that you can love as many people as you want. Like, I get to love Brooke as much as you, and I get to love Ethan as much as jerk-face.”
Tess laughed. “New name for your brother?”
“Well, sometimes he is,” Dani said. “Sorry.”
Tess shook her head. “I seem to recall using some similar names for both my brothers.”
“Really?”
Tess nodded. “Yeah. Like when David threw me out of the tree that time.”
Dani laughed. “That had to hurt.”
“He was nuts sometimes.”
“Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think…”
“Do I think what, Dani?”
“Well, do you think we will have another one?”
“Another one?”
“Another brother,” Dani clarified. “Or sister,” she whispered.
Oh. Good Lord—four? I thought three was supposed to be company. Tess shrugged. “I don’t know, Dani.” That was the truth. “Why do you ask?”
“It’d be nice to have a sister.”
Tess smiled. I guess, I can relate to that. “Well, you know I could never promise you that.”
“I know, but still…”
Tess stopped walking and looked at Dani. She moved to pass Ethan to her daughter.
“What if he cries?” Dani asked.
“What if he does?” Tess challenged.
Dani frowned.
“Dani, if you want Ethan to get to know you, you are going to have to get to know him. That means letting him be who he is right now.”
Dani nodded and took hold of her baby brother. Ethan looked at her, reached out and grabbed her nose.
“Hey, that’s my nose,” she told him. Ethan laughed. “Oh yeah?” Dani took a finger and tapped Ethan’s nose. “I can get your nose too.”
Ethan seemed to frown for a second. Tess looked on without comment. Ethan’s hand reached out and grabbed at Dani’s nose again. When Dani flinched, Ethan erupted in a belly laugh. Tess smiled.
“Ouch,” Dani giggled. “Why do you want to grab my nose?” she asked the baby. Ethan let his forehead fall against his sister’s. His mouth opened on her forehead. “That’s a wet one,” Dani laughed. Ethan’s laughter followed. Dani looked at her mother and smiled.
Tess offered Dani a wink. “Seems you found some common ground,” she said.
“My nose?”
Well, it beats poop. “It could be worse,” Tess said. “Come on, let’s go find Brooke.”
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
Tess was genuinely surprised at her daughter’s declaration. More than that, she was touched. “I love you too, Dani.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Brooke wandered into the kitchen expecting to find Tess. She could smell the coffee that Tess had brewed, but there was no sign of Tess. Brooke meandered to the coffee maker and poured herself a cup. She had felt Tess tossing and turning throughout the night. Brooke hadn’t determined how she could make Tess feel better. Maybe there was no way to do that. She rubbed her brow as she sipped her coffee. The distant sound of Eli’s laughter caught her attention and Brooke set off through the house to find her wife and nephew.
“Now, what is that supposed to be?” Tess asked Eli.
“A whale!”
“A whale? How did I miss that?”
Eli squatted on the ground and tried to lift his feet in the air behind him. “See? It’s his tail!”
“Look at that,” Tess commented with astonishment. Eli did a somersault and grinned at her. “That is the best impression of a whale I ever saw.” Eli beamed.
“We have whales in the house?” Brooke asked as she stepped through the door.
“Wanna see?” Eli asked. Before Brooke could answer he was back down on all fours concentrating on his best whale impression.
“Wow,” Brooke said.
“Yep. Cool, huh, Auntie Brooke?”
“Very cool, Eli.”
Brooke leaned in and kissed Tess’s cheek, then Ethan’s head. “Morning.”
Tess smiled. “It’s so nice out, I thought we’d spend a little time out here.”
“Sounds like the perfect idea. How about I make breakfast.”
“You’re gonna make breakfast?” Eli’s eyes flew open.
“Yeah, why not?” Brooke asked.
“Auntie Tess makes breakfast. Everyone knows that.”
Tess chuckled softly.
“I’ll have you know I make a mean pancake.”
“Well, they have bitten a few people in the ass,” Tess muttered.
Brooke gave Tess a mock-glare. She had been determined to master pancakes, and Brooke was confident she had succeeded. It didn’t matter. Her family would always affectionately tease her about her first few attempts at breakfast beyond cereal.
“Just for that, I’m not putting any chocolate chips in yours,” Brooke told her wife.
“Can I have chips?” Eli asked.
“Sure,” Brooke said. She watched Eli skip off through the yard with a ball and turned to Tess. “Cereal for you.”
Tess laughed. “Why don’t you hang out here with the kids and I will take care of breakfast?”
“You really don’t trust me?”
Tess smiled. “I could use some more coffee,” she replied.
Brooke sighed. “Tess…”
“I just need to stay busy,” Tess admitted.
Brooke nodded. “I don’t mind making breakfast.”
“I know. How about
we make a deal?”
“A deal? What kind of deal?”
“You get Ethan’s chair and all the essentials, I’ll make pancakes, and we can have breakfast out here.”
“You do realize that I get the better end of all these deals you make?”
Tess laughed, grateful for Brooke’s ability to lighten her spirit. “Are you complaining?”
Brooke shook her head. “Nope.”
“Good.” Tess gave Ethan to Brooke.
“Well, little man, what are we gonna do about your mom?”
“Auntie Brooke?” Eli ran back onto the deck. “Why’s Auntie Tess sad?”
Brooke sighed. Kids don’t miss anything. “Oh, I think she’s just tired, Eli.”
“Uh-uh. She’s sad.”
“Why do you think Auntie Tess is sad?” Brooke asked.
“She was crying.”
Brooke’s heart plummeted. “She was?”
“Yep, when I woke up. She misses D.”
“I’m sure she does miss D and Dani,” Brooke agreed.
“Yeah,” Eli let out a little sigh.
“Eli? Are you missing Mommy and Daddy?”
Eli looked up at Brooke. “I miss my brother.”
Brooke smiled. Oh, Eli, you aren’t the only one. Brooke mentally slapped herself. She had been so caught up in the news about Tess’s mother that she hadn’t stopped to think how it had likely sent Tess spinning. The anniversary of her brother’s death was right around the corner—his death from cancer. Shit. Brooke. How did you miss that?
“Do you want to call Mommy and see how Devon is?” Brooke asked her nephew.
Eli nodded.
“How about we do that right after breakfast?”
Eli threw his arms around Brooke’s waist and hugged her. She laughed when he scampered off again with the ball he’d found.
“Well, Ethan,” Brooke looked at her son. “Sometimes, Mommy is kind of dense.”
“I keep telling you to lay off that nuclear stuff,” Tess’s voice replied. “Breakfast will be ready in about ten minutes.”
“Okay,” Brooke said.
Tess’s gaze narrowed, sensing that Brooke’s thoughts were somewhere else. “Brooke?”
“Huh?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just thinking about what we should do today.”
Tess nodded skeptically. “All right,” she said before disappearing back into the house.
Brooke sighed heavily. Worst timing imaginable.
***
Brooke hovered in the bedroom doorway.
“Did Eli go down okay?” Tess asked.
“Yeah; he seems better after talking to Rach. Tess?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Tess looked up at Brooke and nodded. She patted the bed for Brooke to take a seat. “I’m not sure what to say.”
“Whatever you want.”
Tess took a deep breath. “I have to tell the kids.”
Brooke nodded.
“I’m not sure how to do that.”
“Well, the truth is a good place to start.”
“But what is the truth, Brooke?”
“What do you mean?” Brooke asked.
“What is the truth? My mom has cancer. They’re going to operate, and she’ll have to have treatment after. She might recover fully. She also might not.”
“That sounds right.”
Tess looked at Brooke with surprise.
“What? You expected me to say you should tell the twins it would all be fine?”
“Maybe.”
“It might be,” Brooke said. “It’s a long road, Tess. We both know that. And, we both know a lot can happen on that road.”
“I don’t know how to tell them.”
Brooke changed the course of the discussion. “What do you think about going down there?”
“She insists she doesn’t want me there.”
“She doesn’t mean it.”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
“Well, forget what she wants,” Brooke said. Tess’s surprise was evident. “I’m serious. What do you need?”
“I think I need to see her.”
Brooke expected that answer. “Then that’s what you should do.”
Tess was still reluctant. “Brooke, what about the kids?”
“I’ve got it covered.”
Tess sighed.
“Tess, I have it covered.”
Tess shook her head.
“What is it?” Brooke asked. Tess looked up with tears in her eyes. “Tell me.”
“I don’t want to go alone,” Tess confessed in a whisper.
Brooke pulled Tess into her arms. “You don’t have to.”
“Brooke, how are we going to…”
“Do you trust me?”
“What? Of course. It’s not that I don’t trust you. But, Brooke—Ethan needs…”
“I told you; I have it covered.”
Another sigh crossed Tess’s lips.
“Tess, I don’t want you to worry about me or the kids.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
Brooke chuckled. No, I don’t imagine it will.
“What about Eli?”
“Rachel will be home Tuesday.”
“Because of this?” Tess groaned.
“No,” Brooke put the thought to rest. “There’s nothing she can do there. Mike is going to stay through the week unless something changes again. His dad is out of ICU. That doesn’t mean they aren’t cautious. She’s exhausted; otherwise, I think she’d be coming home tomorrow.”
“Work?”
“I told you; I have it covered.”
“Brooke…”
“Tess—stop. Mom will stay here with the twins.”
“What about Ethan? He needs…”
“I thought we would bring Ethan with us.”
“I don’t…”
“Your dad sounded eager to see him.”
Tess smiled. That’s the truth. “Brooke…”
Brooke took Tess’s face into her hands. “No more protests,” she said. “I mean it, Tess.”
“Thank you.”
Brooke held Tess close. “You’re welcome. You never need to thank me, though. I’d do anything for you.”
“I know.”
***
Tess took a deep breath. She met Dani and Davey’s expectant eyes with a compassionate smile. One thing she had hoped she would never have to do was deliver this news to her children. She remembered when her parents had told her about her brother’s illness—that’s what they had called it. Mary and Chris Sinclair had offered Tess something less than a truthful depiction of the future. For years, she had resented that. Now, as a parent, she understood their reasoning. She’d spent the last couple of days tossing around a million ways to explain what was happening to her children. While her mother’s diagnosis was by no means a death sentence, it carried powerful realities and inevitabilities. Treatment was a long road, not a quick fix. Tess also understood that both age and emotional wellness would factor into her mother’s recovery. She was neither confident nor was she despondent; she was hopeful—not optimistic nor pessimistic—cautiously hopeful.
“So,” Tess took a deep breath. “Brooke and I are going to head down to Florida Wednesday morning.”
“How come?” Davey asked. “I thought Grandma and Grandpa were coming here?”
Tess nodded. “They were.” She noted the fear in Dani’s eyes and smiled at her reassuringly. “The truth is; Grandma has to have surgery on Wednesday. I would like to be there when she comes out of the operating room.”
“How come?” Dani asked.
“Well,” Tess hesitated. Brooke squeezed her hand. “Grandma has a tumor in her breast,” she explained. “They have to remove it.”
“She has cancer?” Dani’s eyes began to water.
Tess nodded. “Yes, Dani; she does.”
“Is she gonna die?” Davey asked.
Brooke stepped in. “She needs to have this surgery, D. And then, she will need to have more treatments to make sure that they got rid of all the bad stuff in her body.”
“But is she gonna die?”
“I certainly hope not,” Tess said.
“But she might?” Davey asked.
Tess took a deep breath. She hated this. She had no desire to frighten the twins. She also had no intention of lying to them. As Brooke often said, there was no such thing as a “routine” surgery. And, cancer was unpredictable. Tess knew that. “I don’t think she’s going to die from the surgery, Davey,” Tess said honestly. Davey looked at her doubtfully. “That’s the truth,” Tess said. “It takes a long time sometimes to fight cancer. And, sometimes people beat it completely and never face it again. But sometimes, the truth is, cancer beats them.”
Dani looked down. Davey stared at his parents. Brooke wished that she could say something—anything different. Tess was being forthright as gently as she could be, and Brooke knew the reason why. Tess had lived through this. She’d lived through it with her brother and her grandmother. And, Tess was right. Still, Brooke felt that the twins needed to feel more hopefulness than trepidation.
“Listen,” Brooke addressed the twins. “I talked to your grandpa the other day. What your grandma has is serious but it is something that doctors have a lot of experience with.”
“Do you?” Davey asked.
“I’m not that kind of doctor, D. I do see patients who have cancer, though. They also have a special doctor who deals with that; a doctor who knows all about how cancer works and what kinds of medicine work best to get rid of it,” she explained. “I don’t want you two being all doom and gloom,” Brooke told the pair. “That won’t make anyone feel better.”
Tess smiled genuinely. That’s the truth. “Brooke’s right.”
“Yeah, but your brother died,” Dani pointed out.
Dani’s statement hit Tess like a brick in the face. While it was true, the severity in Dani’s voice shocked Tess.
“He did,” Tess replied. “He lived for three years after finding out he had cancer,” she continued. “But, yes, Dani—he did.”
Brooke stroked the back of Tess’s hand with her thumb. Dani sounded as if she were making an accusation. Brooke had experienced that more than once in her office. She’d come to recognize the reaction as fear. “Dani,” Brooke softened her tone. “Everyone is going to die,” she said honestly. She sighed when Dani’s tears started to spill over her cheeks. “But not every time someone gets sick does that mean they are going to die. You can’t go around thinking the worst. Mom and I aren’t going to lie to you either. That wouldn’t be right for us to do.”
Best Practice (Special Delivery Book 5) Page 5
