by D. S. Murphy
Hate it here
Ireland sucks
Everyone hates me
Then I got on my typewriter and pounded on the keys for about an hour, until my fingertips were aching. What was it about Sebastian that made me feel so confused? What kind of kid shows up out of nowhere and goes skinny-dipping in the middle of the night? And how the hell had Ethan done that trick with the leaf? Jackie had said something about magic, but magic wasn’t real. Whatever was going on, I wanted no part in it. They wanted me to go home? I didn’t even want to be here!
Around 8pm, Aedan knocked on my door. When I opened it, he came in and set a tray of soup and bread on my desk.
“Feeling better?” he asked.
“No, not really,” I said.
“Want to talk about it?”
I sighed. “It’s stupid.” I couldn’t tell him what I was feeling. The self-pity and depression soaking into me, like inky leeches sucking the happiness out of my body. I couldn’t stop thinking about that nasty note: the second I’d received in less than a week since arrival. With all the other stuff going on, it was just so cruel. What kind of person is mean to a girl who just buried her parents?
“Now I doubt that,” Aedan said. “You’re dealing with things… nobody as young as you should have to.”
That made me feel even worse. I should be upset about my parents. Instead I was freaking out about being embarrassed in front of my classmates. I am so messed up. I was ashamed to confess I was just being teased, or having boy trouble.
“I was afraid school might be too much, too soon. Overwhelming.”
“It’s not school. It’s just, I don’t belong here. I don’t fit in. Nobody likes me.”
“It takes time to make new friends, but I don’t believe for a second that nobody likes you. You’re a kind, smart girl. When life gives you challenges, running away is rarely the solution. You’ve got to face your problems so you can get through them. Otherwise they’ll just stick with you and fester.”
I scowled at Aedan’s fortune-cookie advice. He was treating me like a normal teenage girl, but I wasn’t just dealing with normal teenage problems. He had no idea what I was going through. “This isn’t my life,” I snapped at him. “I left my life behind in America.”
“But, you’re here now…”
“Don’t you get it? I don’t belong here. Everything I’ve ever cared about—all my dreams and plans, gone. I don’t even know who I am anymore!”
A flash of sadness came over his face, and for a second he looked very old, and very tired.
“You’re so much like your mother,” he hung his head. I felt bad for yelling at him.
“Look, I know you’re just trying to help, but I really need to be alone right now,” I said. “I promise I’ll be fine. I just need a day off. Cool?”
“Cool,” he said, with a slight grin that didn’t remove the worry from his eyes. “No school tomorrow. But from next week, I’ll expect better attendance.”
***
I refused to get out of bed the next morning. I stayed under the blankets reading a fantasy novel until the early afternoon. Around 1pm I got a text from Jackie.
You OK?
I’m fine. Just didn’t feel like coming to school
At home?
Yeah
Be there in 30 minutes
Crap. I wasn’t ready to see people. I’d spent the day wallowing in self-pity. I dragged myself out of bed, and realized I hadn’t taken a shower for almost two days. I smelled my armpits to check. Yuck. I wrinkled my nose. I took a quick shower. The doorbell rang as I was scrubbing my skin.
“Just a minute,” I yelled, not sure if anybody could hear me.
I checked the clock by my bed and thought about getting dressed, but didn’t want to leave Jackie waiting outside, so I answered the door wearing a towel and dripping on the floor.
Blond hair and green eyes met me. Holy Shit.
Sebastian was standing outside wearing crisp khaki pants and a pink V-neck t-shirt; he looked like he belonged in a Banana Republic summer catalogue. Totally out of place, and yet, everything around him seemed to frame him, supporting his good looks. He was a thing of beauty.
“Sorry to… interrupt,” said Sebastian, raising one eyebrow at my towel-clad torso.
“What are you doing here?” I practically spat.
“Can I come in?” he asked, looking over my shoulder.
Shit shit shit. I was acutely aware of how little space was between us—or how little clothing for that matter. And I didn’t think Aedan would want me entertaining guys while he was at work.
“Um, nobody’s home right now. Can you… wait outside for a minute?”
I closed the door before I could change my mind, or before he could argue. I felt a little bit of satisfaction making him wait. I dashed to my bedroom and threw on a pair of jeans. I grabbed the nicest top I had—the blue one my mom always said brought out my eyes—but decided it was too formal, so I pulled on the largest sweater I owned over it. It fit like a pillowcase. I laced up my blue Docs and brushed my hair quickly.
When I opened the door for the second time, Jackie was just arriving with Derry in tow.
“Hi!” she said, giving me a hug.
“Why aren’t you guys in school?” I asked.
“Playing hookie, to check up on you,” Derry said. “Seems like we’re not the only ones with that idea.” He nodded at Sebastian.
“I was worried about her,” Sebastian said, but a little less confidently than I was used to seeing him. Apparently he wasn’t expecting a crowd. But he rebounded quickly.
“Since we’re all here—how about that tour you promised?” he nudged Jackie.
“Oh that’s a great idea. I was thinking coffee, or maybe Portrush, we have all day. And we need to make plans for your birthday dinner!” she said.
I groaned, “How’d you know?”
“Aedan called me last night,” she said. “Asked me to organize something and invite some friends.” Of course he did. He’s worried about me, after I blew up at him.
“It’s your birthday?” Sebastian said. He looked worried, almost afraid.
“Sweet sixteen,” Derry said. “Though the dinner was supposed to be a surprise.” He frowned at Jackie.
“Aedan wanted to take us out to a nice restaurant. I told him we’d rather cook ourselves, so we can drink, but we agreed to let you have the final say.”
Derry had been eyeing Sebastian strangely, and I realized he wasn’t sure whether or not to invite him. I thought about it. I couldn’t deny I was curious about him. And he’d come to my house looking for me; maybe he needed to talk to me about something important. Maybe, I thought with a start, he even had some of the answers I was looking for.
“You can come, too—if you want,” I said.
“If you’re sure I’d be welcome,” he said, with a smile that made my knees go weak.
“I don’t really have any other friends,” I said. “It wouldn’t be much of a party without more guests.”
“So we’re friends now, are we?” A playful spark danced in his eyes.
“As long as you get me a big present,” I joked. For a minute I was afraid my humor wouldn’t translate well, but everybody laughed.
It was a bright, clear day, and being outside during school hours, with the sun shining and the blue sea on the horizon, it was hard not to be happy. I thought about Aedan, and the fight we’d had yesterday. I was being childish, and he was right, I couldn’t just hide out in my room forever. So I’d made some enemies already. So what? That’s high school. At least I’d also made some friends.
“Dinner at home sounds great,” I said. “We can bring groceries home in the afternoon?”
“Perfect,” Jackie said.
Derry had brought his car—a yellow Volkswagen Golf. The boys took the front seats while Jackie and I squeezed into the back. I told them I’d already seen Dunluce Castle. I wouldn’t mind going back to see it again, but they wanted to show me somethin
g new. We decided to go to Giant’s Causeway, the other major attraction nearby. After a few minutes driving along the coastal highway, Sebastian pointed to a small exit ahead.
“Derry, would you mind turning left here?” he asked.
“You want to see the Runkerry House?”
“Something like that,” Sebastian said with a grin.
We pulled up outside an old manor house, right on the edge of a bluff looking over the sea. It was enormous. It looked like a university, with sprawling brick buildings, wrought iron gates, and gray rooftops with about a dozen chimneys poking up. The front yard was filled with wild grass and wildflowers.
Sebastian got out and took a set of keys from his pockets.
“Shut up!” Jackie said, her eyes wide. “You live here?”
“For the moment.” Sebastian unlocked the heavy iron gates so that Derry could drive through. Jackie and I got out also, while Derry parked the car.
“This place is incredible,” Jackie said as we climbed the stairs. Sebastian opened the front door and we walked into a wide foyer with high ceilings, illuminated by large sea-facing windows. On the walls were oil paintings in heavy gilded frames, and the furniture looked antique, but tasteful. I caught a glimpse of a study, with a wide oak desk and a floor to ceiling bookshelf. Derry whistled when Sebastian opened the door to his apartment.
Although the entrance had an old-fashioned, classical European feel, with decorative moldings and pillars, the inner apartment was clean and modern. The walls and ceiling were white. Wide silver couches split up the living room, and the large windows allowed an uninterrupted view of the sea. One corner of the apartment was made entirely of glass, with a comfortable reading nook in the corner. There was a marble fireplace carved with flourishes, pots with fresh flowers, hanging chandeliers and a few old leather chairs I wanted to sink into.
“I’ve lived here my whole life and never been inside. It’s not even open for tours. I didn’t know it was for sale,” Derry said.
“I didn’t buy it,” Sebastian said. “I’m just leasing it temporarily.”
“You mean your parents are leasing it,” I prompted. Sebastian avoided my question.
In the center of the room was a massive dining table, made from a solid piece of wood with eight chairs around it. In one corner was a small kitchen, and there were benches and small tables near the windows. The room opened onto a balcony, with more furniture – low white couches and swinging chairs, even a hammock.
“Who are you? Some famous actor’s secret son?” Jackie teased.
“Actually… my parents aren’t in town with me at the moment,” Sebastian said.
Alarm bells were going off in my head. He showed up in town, alone, and has enough money to rent this huge place by himself?
“Lucky you,” Derry said. “I wish I could live on my own.”
“Isn’t this place a little… excessive?” Jackie said, looking around. “Three bedrooms, right? Just for you?”
“I wanted somewhere with a lot of privacy. The owner lives abroad and the agent said I could rent it indefinitely for only 5,000 euro a month.”
He said it like he’d gotten a bargain, like 5,000 euro wasn’t a small fortune. Most college kids at home couldn’t afford to afford to pay a tenth of that on rent.
“But… where’d you get the money?” I asked.
“My father is a… he works for the military,” Sebastian said with a shrug.
Iceland has a military?
“Do you know the history of this place?” Jackie asked Derry.
“I’m a tour guide in the summer,” Derry explained. “But like I said, I’ve never been in here. I think it was built in the early 1860s. It was used by the Northern Ireland government, then converted to a retirement home. There was a controversy when it was sold; something about the moral rights of the government to sell a charitably donated property. Last I heard they were going to convert it to a 5-Star Hotel or golf club.”
The pounding surf drew me closer to the windows. All you could see was dark blue water, and the light blue sky. Then I saw my own reflection in the glass: my skinny black jeans and baggy gray sweater, my dark hair. I saw another face in the glass and turned around to catch Sebastian staring.
He looked down quickly and went into the bedroom. I gave Jackie a look. Was he just looking at my ass? She smirked but didn’t say anything. When Sebastian came back I saw him stuff something white in his pocket. “I just needed to pick something up,” he said. “Should we go?”
“Do we have to?” Derry replied, sinking into a leather bean bag chair in the all glass reading nook. Even that section of the floor was glass. A narrow strip had been cut into the rocks, leading to a manmade pool directly under the building. It was about a foot deep and filled with fish and sea creatures.
“You could have your party here, if you want…” Sebastian offered. Derry looked hopeful, but I didn’t think Aedan would be comfortable coming over. Plus he’d find out that Sebastian lived alone. I shook my head.
“Another time, then.” Sebastian gestured to the door.
“Another time, please,” Derry said.
As we were leaving I felt my shoes crunch on something. I bent down, thinking it might be broken glass. I picked up a few grains and rubbed them between my fingers. Sand.
“You need a housekeeper,” Jackie said.
“I have one,” Sebastian smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. Instead he looked nervous. “She must have missed that. I walk on the beach a lot.”
Back on the road, we saw Giant’s Causeway as we rounded the next bend in the seashore. I gasped—the volcanic rock formations were much larger and more dramatic than I’d pictured.
“Over 40,000 interlocking hexagonal blocks of stone,” Derry said, going into his tour guide spiel. “Local legend says that Fionn Mac Cumhaill built it so he could battle Benandonner, his rival across the strait in Scotland.”
“Go on,” Sebastian said, “I’d love to hear the rest of the story.”
“Well… when Benandonner showed up for the big fight,” Derry continued, “Fionn was startled by the Scottish giant’s bulk. So he asked his wife, Oonagh, to disguise him as a baby. She put him in an oversized baby’s crib, and covered him with a blanket.”
We parked the car and started walking towards the stones.
“Oonagh told Benandonner that Fionn was out hunting and would return soon. She asked him to wait nearby as she fed their baby. As soon as Benandonner saw the size of the infant, he assumed that its father, Fionn, must be a giant among giants. So he turned around and fled back to Scotland in terror, destroying the Causeway behind him in case Fionn wanted to follow.”
“That’s one story,” Jackie said, lightly hopping up the stones, one by one. “Other people call them the stepping stones of the Fomori.”
Sebastian blanched at this, but kept silent.
“Fomori?” I asked.
“From the old Irish, muire, or sea,” Derry said. “Legendary beings from under the sea. Mythological creatures of chaos and violence.”
Sebastian snorted and his eyes darkened.
“But really it’s just a natural volcanic formation,” Derry finished lamely.
“That’s natural?” I asked, incredulous that nature could churn out so many six sided columns of stone, locked together like puzzle pieces, with perfectly flat tops.
“In the 1840s, tourists would hire local boatmen on the beach. To properly see the columns of the Causeway they would plough through the breakers and then row back into the bay for the best view of the Causeway and the nearby shore caves. In 1897 a company won a court case to fence the stones off and charge admission,” Derry recited.
The boys started jumping across the rocks, trying to balance on the highest columns of stone. Jackie and I lagged behind, and then found a spot to sit, marveling at the alien landscape.
“So what’s up with you and Sebastian?” she asked, taking her sunglasses off and putting them up on top of her head.
> “What? Nothing,” I said.
“You didn’t invite him over to your house?” she asked.
“No, he just showed up…” I suddenly wondered how he knew where I lived.
Jackie shrugged, “He likes you.”
I looked at Jackie. She was wearing cute jean shorts, and tied her shirt at her waist showing off her belly button. Her hair glowed like fire in the afternoon sun, and I could see that she had very faint freckles. If he likes me, instead of Jackie, there must be something wrong with him. But he did show up at my house today. Could Jackie be right? Or was there another reason he kept showing up?
“I don’t know,” I said finally. “He’s pretty intense.”
“And hot,” Jackie said. “He can’t take his eyes off of you.” She nodded, and sure enough, Sebastian was up ahead, watching us, as if he were listening. He bent down to pick something up, pretending to ignore us. He held it up to his nose and smelled it.
“He’s a little weird though,” Jackie said, wrinkling her nose.
“You noticed that?” I laughed.
I couldn’t deny Sebastian was gorgeous. But why would a guy like that be interested in me?
“I just—I don’t know what he wants from me.”
Jackie gave me a knowing look and pinched my cheek.
“I’m sure boys in America aren’t all that different from boys here,” she said. “They just want some attention for their wee baldy fella.”
I blushed at the euphemism, and shoved her a little.
“I’m not… ready to be involved with anyone.”
She put her arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.
“Or, a good ride might be just what you need. Don’t wait too long though.”
“Why not?”
“Because if he flirts with me, even a little bit, I’m totally going to jump him. And I’ll never give him back.”
“I thought you and Derry…”
“Uh, no. He’s great, but we’re just friends. He’s more my older brother. Besides, I’m not sure whether I’m his cup of tea,” she said with a wink.
