by Beth Wiseman
It was so silly, yet so incredibly touching. She smiled more broadly. “Maybe so.”
Carley could see Samuel through the open door between the two small operating rooms. He turned around to face Carley, his eyes wide with wonder. Carley shrugged but couldn’t wipe the grin from her face.
“You know,” Noah said, blinking his eyes. “We might just get married someday and have a bunch of little kids.” The whites of his eyes became more prevalent as he strained to keep them from rolling backward.
Samuel twisted around again. When he did, she could see David smiling, which was nice. Samuel wasn’t smiling. He looked confused. Carley shrugged again in his direction.
“Yeah, lots of babies.” His lips were still moving as his eyes shut.
Noah’s desire to have children reminded Carley that this . . . thing between her and Noah really didn’t have anywhere to go. No matter what the future brought, children wouldn’t be a part of it for her.
“Will he remember this?” Carley asked the nurse standing nearby, who was grinning.
“If he doesn’t, we will all remind him.” She giggled.
“No, no. Don’t do that,” Carley begged, knowing it would embarrass him. “It’s just the medication.”
“It’s like a truth serum,” the other nurse said.
“And I’m telling the truth,” Noah slurred, his eyes still closed. Carley squeezed his hand. She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. Then smiled. “I’ll see you in recovery, Noah.”
She glanced over and saw that David, too, had succumbed to his own anesthesia. Samuel held his boy’s hand tightly.
Dr. Bolton walked in, scrubbed up. “Hello. Are our patients ready?”
“They are,” the anesthesiologist answered.
“Guess it’s time for us to go, then?” Carley asked. Noah’s hand went limp in hers.
“It is. The rest of the family is in the waiting room at the far end of the hall,” Dr. Bolton said as Dr. Lukeman walked through the door with another doctor Carley hadn’t seen before.
Carley eased her way toward the door, glanced back at Noah, then over to David’s room. She watched Samuel kiss David on his forehead and whisper something in his son’s ear. When she reached the door, she turned again. Samuel had exited David’s room by coming through the door connecting the operating rooms. He was standing next to Noah. His hands in his pockets, his straw hat tilted back slightly, he studied Noah as if seeing him for the first time.
“Time to go, Samuel,” Dr. Bolton said softly, gesturing Samuel toward the door.
Samuel moved quickly, obviously embarrassed when he saw Carley watching him.
She walked quietly with Samuel to the waiting room where the others were. Noah’s words, however drug-induced, floated around her head in a confusing mix of wonderment and fear.
He liked her.
He wanted lots of babies.
Three hours into the surgery, they were all becoming antsy. All of Samuel’s family was present, along with Lillian’s mother, Sarah Jane, and her grandpa, Jonas. Barbie Beiler and two other non-Amish friends were also in the waiting room, having provided rides.
“They sure been in there a long time.” Jonas tipped his straw hat back and rubbed his gray beard.
“They said it would take three to four hours, Grandpa.” Lillian sighed and shifted Anna in her arms. The waiting had taken the worst toll on Anna, who was squirming in her mother’s arms.
Samuel paced. Everyone else sat, nervously watching the clock on the wall.
“Here, let me take the boppli for a while,” Samuel’s mother offered. Esther scooped Anna into her arms and began to pace alongside her son.
“So what’s this I hear about a bedside proposal?” Lillian whispered to Carley. “Samuel told me what Noah said in the operating room.”
“Oh, it was definitely the medication,” Carley said. “The doctor said it would make him loopy.” She grinned. “And it certainly did.”
“I see.” Lillian folded her hands in her lap.
Normally Lillian would have been curious, wanting to know all the details. Clearly this was not the time for such a conversation. Plus Carley knew Lillian felt pulled between her loyalty to her husband and her friendship with Carley. For Lillian to encourage any type of friendship between Carley and Noah would go against Samuel’s wishes.
Carley wasn’t sure what she and Noah had. His affection in the corridor earlier left her confused about where things were headed. It was a road to nowhere, Carley knew. But somehow she was on the path and couldn’t seem to make herself turn back. Not now, anyway. When Noah was well, she would put on the brakes. Why set herself up for heartache? Men who wanted families didn’t stick around with women who couldn’t give them one. Dalton had proven that.
Carley studied all of Noah and Samuel’s family, particularly Esther. No one had said, but she wondered if Esther had visited with her son at all before the surgery. She knew his sisters, Mary Ellen and Rebecca, had at least spoken briefly with Noah, as had Ivan. But what about his mother? These people were extremely private, rarely allowing their emotions to show.
Carley recalled the look on Samuel’s face when they were leaving the operating room. No matter what he had said in the past about his brother, there was no doubt in Carley’s mind how Samuel felt at that very moment. But he quickly hid his emotions.
It was coming up on four hours when Mary Ellen suggested they all bow their heads in prayer again. Carley was thankful Mary Ellen had included Noah, as well as David, each time they prayed. Anything less would have been unacceptable, and Carley would have spoken up.
Even though she knew her faith wasn’t nearly as strong as that of the women around her, Carley still offered her most heartfelt prayers for Noah and David. She realized that praying for others came more easily to her than praying for herself.
The prayer time was interrupted when Dr. Bolton came through the door and into the waiting room. Carley knew by the smile stretched across his face that everything was all right.
“It all looks real good, folks.”
Lillian leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. “Thank You, God,” she whispered. Carley draped an arm around her friend.
Samuel was standing near Esther, who was still toting Anna. He extended his hand to Dr. Bolton. “Danki, Doctor,” he said with a deep sigh. Then he turned to his wife and embraced her, his eyes gleaming with relief. Carley watched Samuel and Lillian, the way they held each other, the way they gazed into each other’s eyes.
Everyone began exchanging hugs. Carley, along with the rest of the women, dabbed at their eyes. The men exchanged firm handshakes with each other.
“They are both in recovery,” Dr. Bolton continued. “Samuel, if you’d like to follow me, I’ll take you to David.”
“What about Noah?” Carley stepped forward when she wasn’t included in the invite.
“Noah’s not awake yet, but I’ll be back to get you when he starts to rouse.”
Carley nodded. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her, but no one spoke.
Forty-five minutes passed before Dr. Bolton reappeared, his expression more serious than it had been earlier. His creased forehead caused Carley to jump from her chair and walk toward him. Lillian followed.
“What? Is something wrong?” Lillian asked. She clutched Carley’s arm. “Is David all right?”
Dr. Bolton reached over and touched Lillian’s shoulder. “David is fine.”
Then it’s Noah, Carley realized as she drew in a breath and held it.
“Noah hasn’t regained consciousness yet,” Dr. Bolton stated. Carley recognized the tone of his voice. It was always the same when a doctor had bad news.
“What does that mean?” Carley asked. The rest of the family gathered to hear.
“It just means he’s taking longer than normal to wake up,” Dr. Bolton said, clearly shaken—no matter how hard he tried to guard his emotions.
“I don’t understand,” Esther spoke up. �
�Mei son will wake up, no?”
“We believe so.” Dr. Bolton glanced at each of them. “We aren’t sure why he hasn’t woken up. Would one of you like to come in and sit with him?”
As much as Carley wanted to run to Noah, this was his family—no matter how strained the relationships. She waited quietly for one of them to speak up.
Esther looked at Mary Ellen, who looked at Rebecca, who looked at Ivan. They each looked around at their spouses, at Jonas, at Sarah Jane . . . and no one spoke up. Barbie and the two other non-Amish women stood nearby, looking as surprised as Carley felt.
“What is wrong with all of you?” Unable to keep quiet any longer, Carley homed in on Esther. “He is your son.” Turning to Mary Ellen, Rebecca, and Ivan, she added, “And your brother.” She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
Mary Ellen started to say something, but Esther waved her hand at her daughter to signal silence. She approached Carley with tears in her eyes. “He is a stranger to us. We do not know him. Ya, he is our blood. He is my son. I love him. When he walked away from the Lord, he walked away from us.”
“But he didn’t,” Carley said softly. “He didn’t walk away from God. He followed his heart, followed his own calling.”
Esther stepped back, twisting her hands as she looked down.
Carley looked up at Dr. Bolton. “I’ll go.” She didn’t look at any of them as she went through the double doors.
They walked down a short hallway and into a room on the left. Dr. Bolton excused himself, and Carley walked to Noah’s bedside. She was surprised and touched by what she saw. A nurse was standing on one side of the bed, and on the other side stood Samuel. His hand was resting on his brother’s arm. His attempts to hide his emotions this time were futile.
With one hand, she touched Samuel’s arm. The fingers of her other hand found Noah’s. She squeezed. Noah’s complexion was pallid, but at least he was breathing on his own.
“I’m sure he’ll be waking up soon,” the nurse told Carley sympathetically.
“Noah,” Carley whispered. She leaned down. “Wake up, Noah.”
Samuel hurried out of the room. Carley wanted to talk to him, to tell him it was okay to feel the way he was feeling—shunning or no shunning—but he went back to be with David. And Carley wanted to stay with Noah. She wanted to be there when he opened his eyes.
“Noah, please wake up,” she begged. “Everybody needs you. Dana and Jenna need you.” She paused, swiping at her eyes, wondering if she should include herself.
Four hours later, David was resting comfortably in the intensive care unit at the other end of the hospital. Most of the family had gone home, and Mary Ellen had taken Anna with her. Carley hadn’t left Noah’s side. And Noah hadn’t opened his eyes.
Barbie, along with the other non-Amish visitors, made sure each family had a cell phone to take home. Carley supposed that in such a situation as this, use of the portable devices was allowed. Lillian had promised to call the other family members with any word on David or Noah. Twice Lillian had come into the recovery room and sat with Carley, reporting that David was doing well. Doctors and nurses continued to hustle in and out of the room where Noah remained. Carley thought she might blow if she heard one more time, “Medicine is not an exact science. We aren’t sure why Noah isn’t waking up.”
Carley was holding Noah’s hand, resting her head on the side of the bed, when she caught a glimpse of a brown dress and black apron out of the corner of her eye. She lifted her head and saw Esther standing in the doorway staring at Noah, but she didn’t move toward the bed.
Carley knew Esther to be a woman in her midfifties, but she looked much older. She had a full head of gray hair tucked beneath her prayer covering, and the lines of time feathered outward around her eyes. As she pressed her lips firmly together, the creases across her forehead grew deeper. Slowly she walked to the other side of Noah’s bed.
“Why is mei boy not waking?” Esther touched Noah’s expressionless face gently with her palm. A tear trickled down her cheek.
“I don’t know,” Carley said softly, her own eyes filling with tears.
Esther’s gaze stayed on Noah for quite a while before she looked over at Carley. “You must be thinkin’ we are not so gut a family.”
It was what Carley was thinking, but she shook her head no just the same.
Esther turned back and looked hard at her son, still cupping his cheek. “It is confusing for us, what Noah did.” She moved her hand to Noah’s shoulder and turned to Carley again. “Our ways are different from the Englisch. But we love. We hurt.” Esther pulled her hand from Noah’s shoulder, covered her face with both hands, and cried as if she’d been holding it in for years.
Carley wound around to the other side of the bed and put her arms around Esther. At first Esther did nothing but sob, her face still buried in her hands. Then, unexpectedly, she threw her arms around Carley’s neck and tightly embraced her. Esther mumbled something in Pennsylvania Deitsch that Carley didn’t understand, but her hold on Carley never lessened.
It was nearing nine o’clock that evening when Noah was moved to an ICU room down the hall from David. No one was using the word coma, but no one could say if or when Noah would wake up. Carley hadn’t left his side. Lillian had reported that David was doing so well she was going to go home to spend the night with the baby and return in the morning. Samuel was staying in David’s room in a recliner chair similar to the one in Noah’s room where Carley planned to sleep.
Several times Samuel had ventured a few feet into Noah’s room. Each time Carley shook her head, and Samuel backed out of the room. No words were exchanged. No words were necessary.
It was a strange feeling to be at this man’s bedside. This man she’d known for less than a month. And yet she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Still sitting in the chair next to Noah’s bed, she found his hand and squeezed.
“Please wake up, Noah.”
Carley heard footsteps and turned to see Dana and Jenna. She was startled, but warmly touched, when Jenna ran into her arms.
“Why hasn’t Dr. Noah woke up yet?” Jenna asked as she got comfortable in Carley’s lap. With her tiny little blue jeans, white cotton T-shirt, and white tennis shoes, she was dressed almost exactly like Carley. Her long blonde locks were pulled into a ponytail, and her eyes were wide and questioning.
“I don’t know,” Carley said. She turned her attention to Dana and prepared to lambaste the girl for her made-up tale about Noah’s girlfriend, but decided it best not to broach the matter in front of Jenna. She carefully stood up and placed Jenna on the chair. “Dana, I need to talk to you for a—”
“Have they said when he might wake up?” Dana interrupted, blinking back tears and stroking Noah’s arm from the other side of the bed.
Carley shook her head. “No.”
She’s in love with him, Carley thought. Was it love? A teenage crush? Either way, Dana’s pain seemed equivalent to Carley’s, and now wasn’t the time to reprimand her for lying.
“I don’t get it,” Dana said. “People have surgery all the time. How can he just not wake up?” She dabbed at her eyes.
“I don’t know.”
“What if he never wakes up?” Dana’s sad eyes met Carley’s, and a maternal instinct kicked in for this girl almost a decade her junior.
“He will, Dana. We have to stay positive. He’s breathing on his own, and the surgery went fine. He will wake up.”
“Is someone taking care of Chloe?” Dana sniffled, tugged at the sides of her red T-shirt, and stood a little taller.
“Noah said the boy next door is feeding and walking her. He asked me to let the glass man in tomorrow to replace the glass on the clinic’s front windows. I don’t want to leave, though.”
“What time?” Dana asked.
“At ten o’clock tomorrow morning.”
Dana pulled a piece of paper and a pen out of her purse. She scribbled something on the paper and handed it to Carley. “This is
my cell phone number. I’m sure Noah will be awake by then, but if he isn’t, call me. I can go let the glass man in.”
“Are you sure?” Carley knew her surprise was evident. She would have expected her to want to stay by Noah’s side instead. “Don’t you have work or classes to go to?”
“I’m only working part-time right now at the market, and my summer classes are over. Noah’s done a lot for me and Jenna. His clinic is important to him, and I don’t want to see things fall apart.”
Jenna tugged on Carley’s shirt. “I want Noah to wake up.”
“Me too, Jenna,” Carley whispered. “Me too.”
Carley had gotten comfortable in the reclining chair and fallen asleep sometime after midnight. If it could be called sleep; a constant flow of doctors and nurses going in and out prevented more than a few minutes at a time. She was feeling the exhaustion when she heard footsteps around five in the morning. It was Esther.
The older woman held back near the door as if afraid to approach. “Is he—?”
“He still hasn’t woken up,” Carley whispered.
“An Englisch friend brought me in her car. I knew it would not be gut news when I got here. Otherwise, the portable phone would have rung in the night.” Esther finally neared the bed and touched Noah’s arm.
“Everything is the same.” Carley hesitated. “Do you want to spend some time alone with him? I could use a break.” She didn’t need a break. If Noah woke up, she wanted to be there, but maybe it would be good for Noah’s mother to spend some time alone with him.
Esther nodded and took a seat in the chair opposite Carley. “I will stay with mei son,” she said, holding her head upward a tad, as if defying anyone who might say she couldn’t.
“Okay.” Carley stood up. She placed her hands on each side of Noah’s face and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be back,” she whispered. Esther seemed shocked. Carley didn’t care.
It feels good to stretch my legs, Carley thought as she exited the room—yet odd to leave Noah. She had been glued to his side. When her cell phone started ringing, she quickly snatched it out of her purse. It was Adam. She didn’t feel like dealing with her brother at the moment, but she answered anyway, slipping into the waiting room. Thankfully, it was empty.
