Then very quietly, Barry, the youth minister, came forward with his guitar. Melinda, his wife, slipped in next to him and began to sing one of Christina’s favorite contemporary hymn with her youthful angelic voice. It was “Surely the Presence of the Lord Is in This Place”.
Christina wondered how the couple knew it was her favorite. She shot a glance upward and thanked the Informer, then let the melodic words flow through her soul. She could hear rush of the angel’s wings and could see the glow on everyone’s faces in the room, just as the lyrics said.
Her husband leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Want me to bribe them to sing hymn number 645 next?” That was the song in their hymnal called “The King of Love My Shepherd Is”. Her Dad’s favorite Irish hymn, it always brought tears to her eyes..
“No, make it ‘Silent Night’,” she parleyed back. That has been his Dad’s favorite—the one he’d sung at every Christmas Eve Mass when Jeff was a child. It still caused Jeff to get misty-eyed.
“Truce.” Her husband raised a mental white flag and kissed her cheek.
Chapter 48 Aftermath
That evening Christina sat curled up on the couch in the den with a steaming cup of Earl Grey and box of Kleenex next to her. She carefully flipped through her album nestled in her lap and one by one read the cards, looked at the artwork and cherished the old photos. Jeff canceled the reservations for dinner. They’d eaten so much at the party, they were still stuffed to the gills. Besides, a quiet evening at home seemed more in order.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Christina asked.
“No, I don’t. I ‘m still full. That cake was way too good. Had three pieces.”
“Hers always are. And so was the rest of the food.” She puffed out her cheeks, indicating she too felt stuffed.
“I called. The restaurant has an opening next Saturday so we can go then. Besides, I think you’d much rather just sit here for now.”
She grinned at him, tilting her head. “For now.”
“And later, we’ll lock the cats from the bedroom?” Jeff winked. Christina blushed. But for now he was satisfied to putter around or sit in the recliner and just watch her expressions. Every once in a while, she looked up to show him something and he nodded and grinned.
“Several more people who could not make the reception mailed back cards. Jean put them in an envelope.” He reached in his jacket pocket. “She slipped these to me to give to you later. Guess this is later.” He suspected they might need to buy another album for the overflow. Note to self. Find out where Carrie ordered the first one from, the one brimming with my wife’s life.
Jeff noticed his wife’s eyes were brimming again, too. She held up his card. He knew he could have talked until he was blue in the face about how much she meant to him and everyone else, that her life really did matter. He could tell her she represented her Lord to so many and always had as long as he’d known her. But without showing her, she would have waived it off. What better way to show her than what happened today. He hoped it thoroughly knocked her out of that “turning fifty” slump and dispelled all the unpleasantries of the past several months.
“After all, when I was in that I’m-turning-fifty sag, you snapped me out of it by throwing a kiddies’ party in the backyard complete with clown, piñatas and Pin the Tail on the Donkey,” He reminded her. “Pay backs are tough, girl.”
Jeff never had a formal birthday party growing up because his parents could never afford it. She had knocked his socks off on his fiftieth. “You did good, hon.”
Her tribute had turned out more wonderfully than he could have ever conceived it could, thanks to all the helping hands. Still, he admitted that he relished the thought of less calls while he was at work. The boss had been very understanding, but . . .
“Jeff?” her quiet voice said and he refocused his attention from an imaginary spot on the wall back to her face. He got up and walked over to her, hands in his pockets. She set the album down and patted the sofa cushion by her side. He plopped down on the couch, his arm around the back.
“Now do you get it?” he asked quietly. “Do you see how much you do for others as a second nature without even thinking about it? You are way too hard on yourself, Lady. You always have been. You keep looking at what you could have done better or should have done instead that you didn’t do. I hate that 20/20 hindsight of yours.”
She turned to face him more. Her eyes glistened with new tears.
He brushed a strand of hair from her brow and continued. “It’s about time you see what you have done for me and everyone else. These index cards are proof of your worth. It hasn’t been all you focusing on you. Not at all.”
Jeff patted the album then sighed. “It’s the blooms from the seeds of Christian kindness you have been sowing for as long as I have known you and before. After all, being a Christian is part of your nature as well as your name. It’s about time you saw that. You do it well.”
He leaned forward and picked up her tear-smudged glasses. Wiping them off on his pocket handkerchief, he held them up to the light.
“You said these made you realize that you needed to focus on your life. But I don’t think God gave you that message so you could take yourself out to the woodshed and mull over your shortcomings and mistakes. Forget all of your past hurts and fears. He forgave you for those a long time ago, so it’s time you forgave yourself. And while you’re at it, please forgive me.” She opened her mouth to speak, but he put up his hands. “I know you were brought up to always be conscious of what others might think. Well, guess what? Your Mom was wrong. You let God take care of that, and you just keep opening your heart up to those He puts in your path. That’s what you are best at. He gave you a sixth sense of knowing what people need before anyone else even has an inkling.”
He slapped her hand mockingly and continued, “So quit putting yourself under the microscope and use these new glasses to look out there and see for me, too. Okay? I need your vision and guidance, too you know.” He gently placed them back onto her face.
Grabbing a new Kleenex because the one in her hand was a twisted and tattered, Christina laid her head on her husband’s shoulder and said, “I just don’t know how to thank you.”
Jeff pulled away, turned her towards him and laid his forehead against hers. She felt the warmth of him. That familiar warmth she thought she’d lost, now newly found.
“You ninny,” He whispered with emotion, “That’s the point. All your life, you already have.”
Chapter 49 Rest in Peace
Around 3 a.m., she laid staring at the reflective patterns of the ash’s branches as they danced on the ceiling of their bedroom in the moonlit night breeze. She felt exhausted, but not tired. Or was it the other way around?
“Heck if I know,” she muttered to herself, sighed and slipped out of bed.
She tiptoed down the dark hall so as not to waken Jeff. Not that a marching band coming down the hall would. That man could sleep through an atomic bomb attack.
Christina sat on the back porch, reflecting over the day. She reeked of lemongrass, from the new bottle Jeff gave her, along with a pair of diamond stud earrings. His scent lingered on her as well like a cozy cloak.
She tried to find the words to tell her Lord she was so very sorry she had not seen things clearer much sooner, but her efforts fell short. It transformed into awed silence. She felt far too humbled, far too small to have her words reach to the heavens to someone so All Knowing and All Loving. But her faith assured her they did, even though she so often didn’t deserve it.
Her dad could finally rest in peace. She cherished his memory, the lessons he taught her and the love he had for her, but in her sorrow she’d almost lost the love of a good man, the one her dad had given her to at the altar twenty-five years ago. Her mom could rest as well. Up at the cabin, Christina finally saw her mother’s inner wisdom. She also discovered how much she was like her mom, and found out that was Okay. God had blessed her with two good people as parents. They were not perfect. Ce
rtainly their kids had not turned out perfect. But heck, who was? Perfection was overrated.
Jeff ‘s words rang true. She was too hard on herself, and on him. “Guess you’re never too old to learn, right?” she asked the marmalade cat rubbing against her back. She picked him up and nuzzled his fur. “Not mad because we locked you out, are you?”
The soft continuous purr let her know the answer. She gave the cat a squeeze and gently set him down, stroking his back.
With eyes closed, Christina returned to her prayer. She vowed to try better and then stopped herself. No, she did not have to try. The overwhelming guilt that she was just not doing enough to be a good person followed by the angst over what others might think— feelings she had lived with for way too long—dissipated for now.
She knew they would come back. She knew she would battle them the rest of her life. But she had that album now. It was proof God had worked through her after all. She had it as a weapon to dispel those negative thoughts when one of them raised their ugly head. Knowing she could dispel them, half the battle was already won.
She possessed new ways to see things now. When she allowed herself to be open to doing and seeing things His way, those were the times He blessed. The times which were celebrated today. Now she saw that, thanks to Jeff, Bud and all of her dear friends and family. All she could promise now to herself, to them and to her God was to keep on striving to concentrate less on herself so He could do more through her. After all, He died on the cross and sent His Spirit for just that reason.
Then she heard her husband’s voice echoed by all the people who’d made up those cards, “…you already have.” Words resounded in the heavens to be etched in her soul. God had used her all along in spite of her self-worrying, doubting, goldfish bowl making ways. God plopped her down into an American suburban lifestyle for a reason and He could darn well use her where He put her. After all, He was God.
Today she discovered that even through years of such a misconstrued view of her own self worth and others opinions of her, and in spite of her intentions or failings, He already had used her over and over. That was the best gift of all, though it took her fifty years to open it.
Fifty years old. It no longer seemed so daunting.
Christina pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped the hem of her nightgown around her bare feet. She rested her chin on her knees and interlaced her fingers under it. Then, she closed her eyes and just listened.
There was always such a peace and calm in the stillness of the early morning. It almost seemed as if the sky was touchable and so was God. Tomorrow, life would start again with its joys, misunderstandings, heartbreaks and miracles. Now she knew He would see her through it.
All her life, He already had.
As long as Christ was her focus, everything else would work out. She would keep trying to make that her goal and not let life get in the way. And God would keep forgiving her when she didn’t, as long as she came back with a contrite heart. Maybe that goldfish bowl had indeed smattered to smithereens.
A now-wiser Christina removed her new glasses from her nose and rubbed the tear spots off of them with the hem of her nightgown.
Somewhere in a nearby field a Chuck-wills-widow began to chirp out his song. She had never heard one here in Allensville. Up at the cabin, often. Not here.
A gentle warmth cascaded down her shoulders and relaxed the rest of her, including her mind. A small smile emerged on her lips. Was that bird calling out just for her benefit? Of course not. But the message was not lessened by that fact. God was here too, not just up on the river.
And where He was, there was love. And where love was … it was home.
* * *
Somewhere over the fields the bird stopped his song. He cocked his head as he listened to another one, not of a bird, but of a human lady.
It was a strange but pleasant, soft humming. It was the tune to “Surely the Presence of the Lord is in This Place”.
ab
Finally, brethren, whatever is true,
whatever is honorable, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is of good repute,
if there is any excellence and
if anything is worthy of praise,
focus on things.
Philippians 4:8 (revised)
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You may contact the author at www.juliebcosgrove.com
Synopsis from GROUNDED - another Christina and Jeff adventure in Allensville
A battered young black woman, a coworker of their son Josh, is thrust into Christina and Jeff's suburban empty-nest life as a tornado hits, leading both women to discover what it means to be grounded in God's protective love.
"Here's twenty. Yo' don't need mo' than that."
"Ray, what did you do? Where's the rest? Martin sent $500.00 this time." Shanice waved the stub under his nose. "He's my brother. He sent the check to me."
"I's got expenses." He leaned against the wall, confident, cocky.
"That money was mine!" She dug her toes into the tattered carpet in a futile effort to hang on to her emotions.
What's yore's is mine 'cause yo' is mine."
"I am not yours. I am not anyone's," she yelled back, thrusting her fists against her thighs. The check stub crunched into a bow tie shape under her clenched fingers.
"Say what?" He replied with a stern look that froze her nerve. That is until he lunged and grabbed both her arms. An alarm went off in her head. She'd seen her Momma's boyfriends get like this.
"Don't you talk back to me, Girl."
"Shove it!" She jerked her hands up, pushed away and gulped an angry sob.
That started it. She should've just kept quiet. The smack cracked her cheek and sent her sprawling onto the floor. Just where he had wanted her - vulnerable and dazed.
Shanice takes refuge in the apartment of a coworker, Josh Willis, son of Jeff and Christina. He leaves a cryptic message inviting his parents to his apartment, something he rarely does. Christina's maternal antenna raises.
Josh, dressed in cut offs and a T-shirt with no shoes, looked as if he had not bathed or shaved yet. "Hi Dad, Mom.” He nodded and grabbed the cardboard box.
Setting it onto the hood of the car, he said “Thanks, this will help. . .But before you go in, there is something I need to tell you.” A painful look clouded his blue eyes as he shaded them from the sun. “Can we sit by the pool?”
Christina shot Jeff an "I told you so" look.
Jeff responded with his hand on the small of her back and patted it twice.
"Let's not jump the gun, dear." He whispered in her ear as the followed their son.
The pool sat in a center courtyard. Three buildings, each housing six apartments, and the guest parking lot surrounded it. A chain link fence separated the lot from the courtyard and Josh balanced the cardboard box on one hip as he opened it's gate to let his parents pass through. The stone in Cynthia’s stomach grew into a boulder as she eyed Jeff and then began walking over to a grouping of plastic lawn chairs near the shallow end. They were slightly moldy and faded with age.
The next moments of silence felt like an hour, as the parents stared at their son, seated, hands clasped between his knees, head down staring at an imaginary spot on the pebbled pavement. His brow knitted together.
Jeff sighed and crossed his leg over his thigh. He watched a plane glide along silently just above the horizon, leaving an ice trail that glistened in the Texas sun.
In her mind, Cynthia heard the Jeopardy tune.
“OK,” Josh nodded, more to himself than them.
The break in the silence made them both jolt. Christina wiggled to the edge of her chair. Jeff uncrossed his leg.
“Here’s the thing." Josh glanced up then back down to the pavement. "There is this, uh. . . . girl in my bed."
Jeff and Christina agree to let the young battered and bitter woman rent Josh's old room. The
more they try to include her in their lives, the more she pulls away, yet sends out signals she wants their help. Until finally, through their love and prayers, she begins to bond with them, right when a tornado hits during the annual town fair, tearing the town and their lives apart.
Jeff and Christina spent the first few hours trying to help out at the fairground in any way they could. They began reuniting scouts with distressed, but relieved parents and praying with their neighbors who were waiting for medical help as the older scouts administered first aid. They did not even think of their house. Or maybe it was that they dared not to. It probably would have been more than they could handle. What was within their immediate eyesight was bad enough.
As the family and the their neighbors try to assess the damage and move on, Christina can't help but notice the promising change in her teenage renter. As neighbor helps neighbor and an impromptu exchange starts up on the Town Hall grounds. In the midst of twisted and shattered buildings, an equally torn apart life may be restored.
Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:13 NIV
Look for other works by Julie B Cosgrove
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P.R.A.Y.I.N.G - Bringing Purpose and Power to Your Prayers A step by step guide to a deeper, more purposeful conversation with the Almighty. Biblically backed techniques in this book will help surge power into your prayers as you focus on who you are and who God is. Discover how each of the letters in PRAYING represent a step towards making your prayer life richer—Praise, Recount His blessings, Atonement, Yielding to His will, Intercession, expressing your own Needs, giving God the Glory.
Focused Page 25
