I was plucked, waxed, massaged, moisturised, conditioned, manicured, pedicured, blow-dried, made-up, made-over and dressed.
‘OK, you can look now,’ said Nesta, removing her dressing gown from the mirror where she’d draped it so I couldn’t see.
The reflection of a brunette Barbie doll gazed back at me. I was wearing one of Nesta’s dresses, a short pale blue number and her mum’s Jimmy Choo grey strappy heels. Nesta had given me ‘big’ hair, loose and flowing over my shoulders and Lucy had made up my face with a little shadow, blusher and rusty lippie.
‘You shall go to the ball, Cinders,’ said Nesta. ‘You look fab.’
‘Yeah, a top babe,’ said Lucy. ‘Do you like it?’
I wasn’t sure. I did look good. And I had to admit that my legs looked really long. But I wasn’t sure that looking like such a girlie girl was me. Mind you, I didn’t know what was me.
‘What do you think, Izzie?’
‘Watch out boys,’ she sang. ‘There’s a new kid in town.’
Nesta’s mum gave us a lift to Hampstead High Street where we were meeting Steve to do the ‘after’ shots.
She dropped us halfway down Heath Street and as we got out of the car, someone did a long wolf whistle. I looked over to where it was coming from and there was Scott. He was with a bunch of his mates sitting at a table outside Café Nero.
‘TJ Watts. Cor bloody cor,’ he said, as he looked me up and down and then up and down again, his eyes finally resting on my legs. ‘You’re a girl.’
‘Uhyuh,’ I said, as I noticed all the other boys round the table also oggling me. I felt exposed standing there in my shorter than short dress and I wasn’t sure I liked the attention I was getting. Everyone was staring and there was nowhere to hide. Even an old bloke in his forties was gawping as he went by. Served him right, I thought, when he walked smack into a woman with her dog and got all tangled up in the lead.
Scott took my hand and introduced us to his friends. He seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. Then he was all over Nesta and acting like he’d known her for ever. All his mates sniggered when she dismissed him saying, ‘In your dreams’.
He didn’t seem to mind though. In fact, I think he took it as a come-on.
Lucy spotted Steve coming down the street and waved. He waved back and, when he saw me, he did a slow whistle under his breath.
‘See they’ve done a number,’ he said.
‘Wow,’ I said to Izzie as we walked or rather they walked and I tottered. ‘Is it really this simple? A bit of lippie, high heels, show your legs and boys turn to jelloid?’
Izzie nodded. ‘And even more so if you show a bit of cleavage. It’s amazing to watch. Hysterical. You see boys’ cheekbones twitching with the effort not to look at your chestie bits, but their eyes keep zinging back there as if pulled by an invisible magnet.’
‘Not a problem I have,’ said Lucy, ‘being a 32 triple A myself.’
‘Lucy’s bros call her Nancy-No-Tits,’ confided Nesta.
‘We can’t all be Dolly Parton like you,’ laughed Lucy, punching her arm.
We went down to the bottom of Heath Street with Scott and his mates trailing after us and sat at a table outside House on the Hill. Nesta ordered drinks and Steve took some shots as he said he wanted them to look natural rather than posed. This time I didn’t have to do much, he did all work. He was much quieter this time, not acting as loony mad as he had been in the morning. He wasn’t as much fun. In fact, he seemed to want to get it over with, as though he’d lost interest.
‘Why did you choose Hampstead for the “after” shots?’ I asked, in an attempt to get him talking.
‘Trendy place. It’s glam. Rich,’ he said, then he clamped up again.
He didn’t hang around after he’d got his photos and muttered something about having to get back to finish homework.
Something had clearly upset him since this morning. He was really subdued. I must ask Lucy if she knows.
email: Outbox (1)
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 24 June
Subject: The new moi
Hey Hannahlooloo
Had brill time today with make-over. Steve took photos on his new camera. Will send copies. Nesta made me look very girlie girl but not sure it’s me. Felt uncomfortable for a few reasons. I never realised before that you can be invisible in big baggy clothes and no one takes too much notice. It’s kind of safe. But going out in Hampstead today, everyone was staring. I felt exposed. Nesta said to ‘strut my stuff, girlfriend’, but people act differently to you if you do. Girls can be bitchy. Boys disturbed. Scott went all googly-eyed at me. But mainly people stared. I wasn’t sure if I liked it. Talking of which, we bumped into Wendy Roberts coming out of Accessorize. She did a double-take when she saw me and almost spat out her Magnum. Then she said that dressed like I was, I should go far, the further the better. I wasn’t sure what to make of her reaction.
Spika soon
Love TJ
PS Yes, yes. More book titles, as I’m definitely going to put some in the mag. Body Parts by Anne Atomy
email: Inbox (2)
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 24 June
Subject: The noo vous
Ole le noodley noodles baby
I think the word to describe Wendy’s reaction is envy. God, I wish I’d been there to see her. And you. I do miss Hampstead and Highgate and hanging out. I bet you looked the business. Don’t worry about looking girlie. You’ll find your style. Today was just the beginning of TJ as Sex Queen of North London. Remember Confucius he say, every journey start with first step. That is, unless step going sideways or backwards.
Have been to Luke’s posh pad avec pool this weekend. Some consolation for missing Ingerlandie.
May your flobbalots be mighty
HannahXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 24 June
Subject: d’oh. Steve?????
Er exscooth me?? But I just re-read your email. Have you been holding out on me? More about Steve? Details? Height? Weight? Fanciability? Etc etc.
Immediatetment.
Hannah
email: Outbox (1)
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 24 June
Subject: d’oh. Steve?????
Gordy flobbalots. I told you already. Lucy’s elder brother. Fanciability. I guess he’s nice-looking, but not in a drop-dead way like Scott, who I think I may be in love with. And at last he’s noticed I am a girl. It’s different with Steve. He’s easy to talk to. I don’t go peculiar when he’s around. He’s a mate.
TJ
Book: Strange breasts by Won Hung Low
email: Inbox (1)
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 24 June
Subject: d’oh. Steve?????
Zoot allors. Snog him anyway and get in some practice!
HXXXX
Book: Drink Problems by Imorf Mihead
Chapter 11
‘Don’t go into the woods,’ said Mum, as I got ready to take Mojo for a walk on Wednesday after school. ‘Stay on the roads where people can see you.’
‘I’m going to ask if Scott will come,’ I said. ‘Then it will be OK, won’t it?’
‘Yes, fine,’ said Mum. ‘But don’t be too late back. You’ve still got homework to do.’
I couldn’t wait to call on Scott. I’m sure it wasn’t my imagination that he’d been so flirty in Hampstead on Saturday. He’d seemed genuinely bowled over by my new look and at one point he’d held my hand and squeezed it. I’d got that lovely fluttery feeling again, like when he’d nuzzled my neck. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and what it might be like to hold his hand again and even kiss him. My
insides went all liquidy and peculiar just imagining it.
I combed my hair loose, put on a bit of lippie, then put Mojo on his lead and went next door.
Mrs Harris answered.
‘Is Scott home?’ I asked, trying my best not to give away the fact I was quaking. Mad really, as I’d been over to his house a million times and thought nothing of it.
She called up to him in his room and he emerged at the top of the stairs a few minutes later.
‘Oh, hi TJ.’
‘Er. Hi. Um. I’m taking Mojo for a walk. Do you want to come?’
He shook his head. ‘Watching “The Simpsons”,’ he said.
‘Oh. OK, cool. Another time,’ I said, hoping that I hadn’t shown how disappointed I was. He didn’t even come down to say goodbye.
As Mojo and I went up to Muswell Hill Broadway I wondered if I’d misread the signals. Had he ever held my hand before? Or squeezed it? I couldn’t remember. Maybe I was reading too much into it. Maybe he hadn’t liked my new look after all. But he seemed to at the time. He kept staring at me. I felt so confused.
I decided I’d look in a few shop windows in the hope of finding an alternative style to Barbie babe. Fat chance, I thought, as I looked at the various tops and skirts on display. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to look like, though one thing I was certain about was that I didn’t want to wear those high heel things again. Agony. They may have looked good, but there was only so far I was prepared to go in the ‘have to suffer to be beautiful’ game.
Mojo trotted alongside me happily as I pondered the great philosophical question of who was the real TJ Watts.
Is she Noola the Alien girl?
Or Miss Strop-Bossy Prefect who likes to put boys straight?
Or Arm-wrestling Champion of North London?
Or Miss Goody 2 Shoes who always does her homework?
Or Norma Know-It-All?
Or Barbie’s brunette sister?
Or on the other hand, is she a total nutter with loads of different characters living in her head?
‘What do you think, Mojo?’ I asked as we made our way past the cinema and down Muswell Hill High Road.
‘Aha,’ said a voice behind me. ‘Talking to yourself, first sign of insanity.’
I turned and there was Steve with Ben and Jerry.
‘I was talking to Mojo,’ I said. ‘But you might be right about the insanity bit. In fact, I was just thinking I might well be going bonkers.’
He laughed. ‘You going to Highgate Woods?’ he asked as Mojo, Ben and Jerry got down to the dignified business of sniffing each other’s bottoms.
‘No,’ I said. ‘Mojo would love to, but Mum said I mustn’t go on my own.’
Steve checked his watch. ‘Well, we have just been, but I’ve no doubt these guys wouldn’t object to a bit longer. Come on, I’ll keep you company.’
I gave Mum a quick ring on my mobile and, after giving me the third degree, she finally agreed.
We set off for the woods and once inside, let the dogs off their leads. They raced off excitedly, best of friends already. As they charged about, Steve and I chatted like old mates. It’s so weird, I thought, here’s me all great pals with Steve and nervous with Scott, whereas only a week ago, Scott was my pal and Steve was a complete stranger.
‘So, what’s with you and that guy?’ asked Steve after a while.
‘What guy?’
‘One outside Café Nero. You seemed to like him.’
‘God, am I that obvious?’ I was taken aback that he’d read my thoughts. ‘I hope he didn’t notice.’
‘I don’t think he did. Too busy ogling Nesta.’
My heart sank. Maybe that was it. It was really Nesta he was interested in. And he’d been doing the flirty bit to get to her through me.
‘I know,’ I said. ‘He lives next door to me. Has done for years and we’ve always been mates. Until lately. It’s all changed. I found myself . . . you know, er, well, thinking about him a lot. I don’t know what I feel, it’s all so weird. And I certainly don’t know what he thinks, but I don’t think he rates me other than someone to talk to. Oh, I don’t know . . .’
‘Any boy who doesn’t fancy you must be mad,’ said Steve. ‘And I’ll tell you one of the biggest secrets about boys . . .’
I held my breath for the great revelation.
‘They’re exactly the same as girls in that they also feel shy and awkward that they don’t always say the right thing or act the right way.’
‘Really?’
Steve looked at me closely. ‘Boys may act confident, but can be just as nervous as you underneath. Everyone fears being turned down and looking a fool.’
‘I just don’t think he’s interested . . .’
‘How do you know who’s interested or not?’ said Steve. ‘Sometimes when a boy is acting disinterested, it’s actually more frozen than cool. Frozen with fear as mostly girls call the shots. Boys fear rejection like anyone else.’
Me calling the shots? That was a laugh. But boys being nervous too, that was obvious really. I’d never thought about it before. I’d been so caught up in my own ill-ease, I hadn’t thought about theirs. Of course boys must feel that way too sometimes.
‘For instance,’ said Steve, ‘you may think a boy doesn’t want to know, but he may be too scared to say anything. I know I am sometimes, you know, if I like someone.’
Maybe that’s what Scott had been doing just now, I thought. Acting cool. Afraid I’d reject him. No. Not possible. Or was it? I felt more confused than ever.
‘In fact . . .’ said Steve.
‘How does anyone ever get together then?’ I interrupted. ‘I think I’d need someone to make it very clear to me.’
‘How?’
‘Dunno. Cards. Presents. Billboard in Piccadilly? Shout from the top of the rooftops I FANCY TJ WATTS.’
Steve laughed. ‘I’m sure there are loads of boys after you,’ he said. ‘You just don’t know it.’
‘Really?’
‘Well you saw the reaction you were getting yesterday.’
‘Yeah. But I wasn’t sure if that girlie girl look was really my style.’
Steve nodded. ‘Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, but I thought Nesta had made you into a Nesta clone. That look suits her, but I see you more as Buffy than Barbie.’
‘Really?’ Cool, I thought. I liked the sound of that. More Buffy than Barbie. I must make a note of what kind of clothes she wears.
‘So how’s the mag going?’
‘OK. But it’s brought out the competitive side of everyone at school. And some of them can be pretty bitchy. Like there’s this one girl, the one we saw in Hampstead. She’s giving me a really hard time.’ I continued filling him in on the Dog of the Week stunt that Wendy had pulled. ‘Wendy Roberts.’
Steve slapped his forehead. ‘The one outside Accessorize? I knew I knew her. Now you say the name . . . A mate of mine went out with her.’ Then he chuckled. ‘I could tell you some good goss about her.’
‘What?’
‘No front teeth.’
‘How do you know?’
‘My mate found out when he snogged her. One of them came loose. That’s how I remember her name. She’s waiting for implants but the dentist won’t do them until she’s older. So she’s got dentures. Real false teeth. Apparently she knocked both of them out in a riding accident. You could print a piece about dentists. And put in a picture of her as an example.’
I laughed at the thought of it. ‘With a caption. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.’
‘Or instead of wide-eyed and legless, you could write, wide-eyed and toothless.’
‘Don’t tempt me,’ I said.
The time whizzed by as we chatted on about ideas for the school newsletter and Steve offered to do a piece on photography.
When I looked at my watch, it said eight o’clock.
‘God, I’d better go,’ I said. ‘Mum’ll kill me.’
We rounded up the dogs, put them back on their leads and
Steve walked me to the top of our road.
‘So, bye,’ he said as we reached our gate.
‘Bye.’
He went to go, then turned back.
‘Er. Um. Do you . . . would you like to play tennis one day?’
‘Sure,’ I said. I’d enjoyed the time we spent together and was beginning to think we could be good mates. ‘If you’re prepared to be beaten.’
email: Outbox (2)
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 25 June
Subject: runs
Dear Bro
Sorry to hear about the amoebic dysentery. Have asked Mum to get you another passport and get it sent to you. Haven’t told Dad. Be careful.
Love
TJ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 27 June
Subject: movie
Do you fancy the new Julia Roberts movie on Friday? It’s on at the Hollywood Bowl. Lucy and Izzie are up for it. Hope you can come.
TJ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
email: Inbox (1)
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: 27 June
Subject: movie
Cool. I’ll be dere.
Chapter 12
To do:
1) Watch Buffy DVDs to note clothes.
2) Return Dress From Hell and swap for something the Buffster would wear.
3) Go to movie wearing new outfit.
It worked.
‘TJ, you look wicked,’ said Izzie as we walked from the bus stop towards the Hollywood Bowl the following Friday. ‘Your hair looks so much better now you leave it loose and I love the combats.’
Mates, Dates and Sleepover Secrets Page 8
