by Lucy Gage
The days flew by in a flurry of fun and excitement. It was the most normal things had felt since they spent time together with Rob's family over Christmas. Unlike in L.A., where things were so celebrity-obsessed Rob couldn't leave the house without attracting attention, they walked the streets of San Francisco with the guards and seemed completely normal. Unless someone was looking for Rob, they'd just assume that the four people were two couples enjoying the city. Rob joked that Liam and Brian should hold hands to keep cover, but they laughingly refused.
The gallery profiles – there were 4 of them in various locations in and around San Francisco – felt more like enjoyable excursions than work. The photographer on the job was a local artist whose own work featured in the spread this trip covered. Rob stayed out of the shots and insisted it was Em's gig.
It was nice to act like a regular couple, albeit with an odd set of companions. While she missed Rick, Brian wasn't as imposing and attracted less attention.
The trip to wine country was breathtaking – rolling, green hills, serenity – and Em vowed that she would return again when she had more time to fully appreciate it. Rob promised to take her when they could find the time. He had only been once before himself, and it was a work trip as brief as this one. He declared multiple times that it was wonderful to truly savor life for a change.
By the time they said goodbye at the airport, Em was beside herself. She missed Rob before she was even gone. She knew they'd be together again soon, but it was hardly consolation when he had been a solid presence in her life for nearly a month. She knew she was in love with him, but she hadn't realized until that moment just how deep it had gotten.
Emily and Rob both knew it would be difficult the next day, so they said their real goodbyes in bed at the hotel the night before. They made love half the night and tried to store up for the time they would be apart. It wasn't enough.
The guards stepped out of the car first and gave Emily and Rob a few minutes alone while they removed the bags from the trunk. Rob held her and Em started to cry.
“Hey, it's okay. We'll be together again soon. You'll be so busy this week, you won't even realize you miss me.”
Em sniffed. “How can I forget when the bed will be empty every night and I'll have Liam with me all the time? I'm going to be lost without you.”
He planted a tender kiss on her lips. “I know. I'll probably cry like a baby tonight. But we can talk and text all the time. And we can Skype.”
“It won't be the same.”
“No, but we knew this would happen eventually, right? Unless you're going to quit your job and come live with me full time, we're going to have time apart. And I wouldn't even dream of asking that. You've worked hard to get where you are. We've been really lucky to have this time. I couldn't have asked for more, honestly. The only thing that's going to get me through this week is knowing I'll see you again when it's over. I love you so much, Emily.”
She wrapped her arms around him. “Ditto,” she whispered. She pulled back just as Liam rapped on the door to indicate it was time to go.
They stayed together as long as they could, but their gates were far apart – Rob was flying locally and Em was heading cross country. Fortunately, there wasn't a paparazzi contingent ready to pounce when they kissed a final time. Liam cleared his throat to indicate they should wrap it up. Given how passionately they kissed, they were sure to attract attention even if Rob wasn't famous. And if they didn't separate, they'd need a room.
Em promised to call as soon as they landed in Portland, even though they were taking the red eye and by the time they arrived on the east coast, it would be very early morning in L.A.
With it being only Em and Liam, they were ignored and traveling was uneventful. There were a few times she started to cry and Liam had to console her. He turned out to be a great traveling companion and it made the trip less awful than it could have been.
As they touched down in Portland, sudden anxiety about coming back to her old life overtook Emily. She didn't feel like Old Emily anymore, and to step back into those shoes was nerve-wracking. Would New Emily disappear without Rob around to make her feel like she deserved to exist? Would her old life feel completely foreign?
Liam must have sensed her concern, because he looked at her and said, “You okay?”
Em shook her head. “I don't know how to do this, Liam.”
“What's the matter? Are you worried about the photographers following you here?”
“No. Not really. I just...I'm not the girl who got on that plane before Christmas. I know who I was with Rob. And I know who I was before I met him. I'm having a hard time reconciling the two. They're...they're very different.”
“They're both you, Em. You just have to trust your instincts. You don't think Rob changed you, do you? Made you into someone you're not?”
“No! Not at all. He...awakened a part of me I'd been ignoring for a long time.”
“Sex addict?” Liam joked.
She punched his arm. “No, you big jerk. My life here, Liam, it was...it was very orderly. Very organized, not particularly spontaneous. I lived by a schedule. That girl you met the first day, that wasn't even close to as rigid as I was before.”
“Em, I don't think you're seeing yourself objectively. When I look at you now, I see a girl who is more relaxed, more at ease in her own skin. You spend a little less time on your hair, but you still look put together. And I like your hair better curly. But you're still the girl with the to-do list and the need to organize her day.”
“I like my hair curly too. I had forgotten that. While I was with Rob, it seemed I was rediscovering a part of me that had been lost. But I'm afraid that without him, it'll feel fake. Like I was putting on a show for him.”
“I think you're wrong, Em. You've been happy the last month. That girl I met at the museum had a hardness to her. I don't think letting Rob help you soften those edges means you've changed and for the worse. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're still you.”
Emily sighed. “I guess we'll see, right?” They took down their carry-on luggage and headed up the ramp into the airport. “Nothing fancy here, my friend. We'll go to baggage claim and then we have to pick up my car in long-term parking. I think you're going to be glad I got a garage spot. Otherwise, we'd have been scraping a lot of snow. It looks like they got a ton while I was gone.”
Liam smiled and they made their way downstairs to baggage claim. While Liam waited for their bags at the carousel, Em stepped outside to call Rob. He picked up before it was even done ringing once. “Hi.”
“Hi yourself. You sound awfully awake for 6 a.m.”
“I didn't sleep well. I got used to you being next to me. It didn't really hit me until around midnight, when I remembered you weren't coming home.”
Emily's breath caught. “I missed you, too. Liam had to console me a few times.”
“As long as he was just giving you hugs.”
“Stop. Of course it was only that. And listening to me whine about how much this sucks.”
“Yeah, Brian wasn't inclined to let me cry on his shoulder.”
Em laughed. “Oh, I needed that. You always make me laugh and it instantly makes things better.”
“You headed to the hotel?”
“Yes. Liam is waiting for the bags while I talk to you outside.”
“You gonna make him carry all of them?”
“I can see him from here, Rob. You've never been to the Jetport, I take it. The place isn't that big. There are really only a couple carousels and the gate area is small enough that you can basically see from one end to the other without straining your eyes.”
“I like that idea. Sounds so much more friendly than LAX.”
“Among other things. Look, I should go. He's got everything off the belt and I should help him get them out to the car. I'll call you once we're settled. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. I love you.”
“Ditto. I'll talk to you soon.”
Em
helped Liam bring the bags out to her car and they drove to the hotel. Rob had arranged for a suite in downtown Portland so that Emily could walk to work while she was home. She had originally planned to stay with a friend until she came back long enough to find a new apartment and options were limited. Rob didn't want her friend to be stuck with Liam, too.
Once they settled into their rooms, Em called Rob again and then took Liam out to a real breakfast. Then they walked to her office, where she checked in with Marcus and introduced Liam. Amy had already discussed the security issue with him, so Marcus was on board, provided Liam wasn't a liability or a pain. She wasn't back officially until the next day, so they returned to the hotel, changed into moving clothes and headed to her old apartment.
It was best to move stuff while Josh was at work if they could. Josh had preliminarily packed for her by moving Em's stuff into the spare bedroom and moving his stuff out of there. She walked around with boxes in case he missed anything, then Liam helped her pack. Em apologized so much for Liam getting stuck helping that he threatened to kick her ass if she didn't shut up. He wasn't about to sit there and watch. Besides, they were friends and friends help one another move.
Em still felt guilty.
With extra hands, it was a quick effort. Furniture would wait until Josh moved out or until Em got a new place. Nonetheless, even though they only took a short sandwich break for lunch, they were still at the apartment when Josh came home from work.
“Em? You in here?” Josh yelled as he walked up the stairs.
“Up here, Josh,” she replied.
“Did you need help moving the boxes...” Josh began as he stepped into the room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Liam. “This your boyfriend?” he asked, strain and a slight tinge of annoyance in his voice.
Liam looked at Em funny. He wasn't used to anyone not knowing who Rob was. Emily knew Josh paid very little attention to the who of the guy in the video. He just knew that Rob was an actor and that he had brown hair. The fact that Liam was a good five or six inches shorter than Rob wasn't something Josh would have bothered to register.
“No, Josh. Rob is in California. This is Liam. He's my friend and my bodyguard.”
Liam stuck out his hand and said hello and Josh responded in kind.
“You have a bodyguard?” He sounded concerned, just as her mother had.
“The photographers can be pretty aggressive.”
“Have they bothered you that much?”
“Sometimes. You get used to it to some extent, but Liam is around to keep them from bothering me if I don't want anything to do with them. Which I never do. Today was uneventful, thankfully.”
Josh shook his head. “Just doesn't sound like you, Em.”
“Having a bodyguard? I didn't ask for one. No offense, Liam. You know I adore you.”
“None taken,” Liam replied.
“No, I meant saying that you get used to that crap. I wouldn't have guessed you'd be all about the celebrity,” Josh said.
“I'm not. That's why Liam is here. Because I don't want to talk to them. I meant that you get used to the new white noise, not that I liked them stalking me. It's like the difference between being in the city and being in the country. Both have sounds that are weird if you don't hear them all the time, but once you're used to them, you don't really notice anymore. The photographers are sort of like that, like the sound of firetrucks or a woodpecker. Although,” Em looked at Liam, “we had such a good week, I'd hate it if they showed up here in droves. It was nice to walk down the street again.”
“You can't even walk down the street?” Josh asked.
“It's complicated, Josh.”
“Seems pretty simple to me. Ditch the new boyfriend and all his drama and go back to your old, normal life.”
Liam twitched. “It's okay, Liam. Look, Josh, we're just here to pack up my stuff. If you want, we can come back tomorrow while you're at work again. I shouldn't need more than another day or so. Then I'll be out of your hair.”
“No, it's fine. I've got plans to go out, anyway. Just lock up when you leave. It was nice to meet you, Liam. Bye, Em.”
And with that, he turned and left to go to their old bedroom, presumably to get changed for his night out. That in and of itself was a surprise; he'd never gone out with Em unless he had little choice.
“What do you want to do?” Liam asked.
“Let's just seal these two boxes, load the car and then head back to the hotel. I'll take you to my favorite sushi place for dinner. They have cooked food, too.”
Liam nodded and in a few minutes, they were carrying boxes to Emily's car. Everything but the necessities were headed to storage and she didn't plan to rent a truck.
When they brought the last packed boxes downstairs, Em heard Josh call her name. Liam hesitated. Em told him it was fine, she'd meet him in the car. He reluctantly complied. She went to the kitchen, where Josh leaned against the counter, dressed in jeans and a nice shirt she had bought him two years ago, one he'd never worn.
“Did you need something?” she asked.
“Emily, what are you doing?”
She sighed. “What do you want, Josh?”
“I'm concerned about you. This isn't like you.”
“Breaking up with you and not wanting to live with you afterward?”
“No, this whole thing. Crisscrossing the country to be with your boyfriend, attending high-profile parties and events, riding in limos instead of walking or driving your own car. And what's going on with your hair?”
That did it. “Look, Josh, this isn't about you. This isn't even about Rob. This is about me. I was ready to move on a long, long time ago but I had no idea how to do that. Meeting Rob isn't what sent me over the edge. I was already there, hanging on by my fingers. Rob just helped me see that I'm more than what my mother wants me to be. I knew that once. He just reminded me. So stop passing judgment.”
“It's just not like you.”
“How the hell would you know? You never knew me! Not the real me. You just knew the me my mother showed you. Somehow, you liked her enough to stick around. God knows why, I sure as hell am glad to see her leave.”
“So, what, your whole life before loverboy was crap?”
“No! But there were so many parts of it that were not me. I've got a lot of sorting to do before I figure out which ones were me and which ones were my mother's creation. And that has nothing to do with Rob. Meeting him was a happy coincidence.”
Josh winced. “Thanks.”
“I didn't mean it like that, Josh. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad or to tell you that you meant nothing to me. But the truth is, you and I were probably a big mistake from the beginning.”
“You honestly think that?”
“Yes. I do. What did we ever really have in common?”
“I don't know, I thought at least between the sheets we had it good.”
Emily didn't say anything. Before she met Rob, she would have agreed with him. It had been good. Relatively speaking, it had been great. Until she knew that it could be better. She couldn't look at Josh, Em knew that he'd know.
“Em. Look at me.” She reluctantly looked at him. “You're telling me we had a bad sex life? That you were, what, faking it for five years?”
“No.” What more could she say that wouldn't hurt his feelings?
Josh shook his head. “Right. Once you've slept with a movie star, everything else is second rate.”
“It has nothing to do with his job, Josh.”
“Keep telling yourself that. Keep telling yourself that how you've changed has nothing to do with him and his fame.”
Emily sighed. “I don't know why you can't all just try to see him the way I do, that he's more than his job! How I feel about him, how he makes me feel, it has nothing to do with his profession! You know what, I don't need to justify any of it to you. Stop asking it of me! I'm going to go before I start saying things I can't take back. I care about you. I want you to be happy. But I don't love
you anymore. You and my family just need to get over it, sooner rather than later. I'll be back tomorrow. I'm taking the morning off to finish packing. And if you want me to get my furniture out, too, I will. Just send me an email. Goodbye.”
Em turned on her heel and was nearly out the door when Josh's voice stopped her.
“He'll break your heart.”
Without turning, she said, “It's a chance I'm willing to take.”
They avoided Josh the next day and finished packing. Josh emailed Emily to let her know that the furniture could stay there until the lease was out or she got a new place. They'd deal with divvying up the furniture whenever one of them was ready to move big items again.
The rest of the week was quiet. If there were ever photographers around, Em didn't see them. She talked to Rob occasionally during the day and they Skyped every night. A couple of times, they made sure to have complete privacy so their time could be a little more intimate. It wasn't a good substitute for being together, but it was better than nothing.
A couple of days in, Em received a midday text from Rob that said:
Miss you terribly. Now I know why people are dumb enough to send racy texts and pix. Hope this gets you through the week...
She was afraid to look at the photo, in case it was something that shouldn't be seen by anyone but her. Curiosity won and she closed her office door before she opened the photo. What she saw was a beautiful picture of the two of them on the beach in Malibu. Their foreheads touched and Rob had his arms around her. She replied:
Who took the picture? I love it. I miss you, too.
Rob responded immediately:
Not sure. Either Liam or Rick. Found it on my phone. At least I have a pic of you in a bikini...
That made Em smile. She desperately missed him and needed that boost.
:) And now I have one of you shirtless. I can imagine the rest. ;)
