by K, S
Jerra felt as if he'd literally taken a knife and sliced her heart out. "But...not me? Is that what you're saying?"
Darrell made a sound of irritation. "That's not what I meant! Don't put words in my mouth!" He threw up his hands as if surrendering the conversation to her. "You know what? I don't have time for this right now. Maybe there are things in both our pasts we need to confront before we can move on with our future. What was it you said when you went on this journey to find your daughter? It was something you felt you had to do. Well, this is something I feel I need to do. After everything you told me, you can't say you don't understand that." He stared at her, daring her to contradict her explanation from earlier.
"I understand that if you want to use my mistakes as an excuse to be with someone else, be man enough to say so."
The look Darrell leveled at Jerra was cold enough to make an Eskimo's piss freeze in mid-stream. He picked up his duffel bag and walked to the door, calling out over his shoulder. "Take care of my son. I'll call you when I land."
After he was gone, Jerra turned around and sat down on the bed. She still couldn’t believe he would just leave like this so she held her breath until she heard the roar of his Range Rover speeding out of the driveway. Feeling as if a part of her had died, Jerra grabbed the pillow and brought it up to her face to stifle a painful scream.
She didn’t know how long she sat crying. When someone called her name, at first she thought she was hearing things, but she lifted her head and turned swollen eyes to the doorway of her bedroom.
Keisha dropped her purse and rushed over to put her arms around Jerra. "Shhh. It's okay. Everything's going to be okay. I promise."
"H-how...how did you..." Jerra could barely talk as the pain in her chest became almost unbearable.
"Aleesha called me."
"I've lost him, Keisha."
"Sweetie, we tried to tell you to talk to him, but you haven't lost him. Darrell loves you. He's coming back."
Jerra shook her head in denial before Keisha even finished talking. "You don't understand. Keisha, he was so, so angry. And now...now that he knows Roni is alive....you didn’t see the look on his face. He didn’t hesitate to leave me to go to her."
Keisha grabbed Jerra's face and turned it around to look at her. "Jerra, Roni is Darrell's past. They're not the same people they were."
"He still loves her, Keisha," Jerra sniffed. "He all but said so. He told Marcus that if he'd known she was still alive..." Jerra covered her face with her hands and broke down all over again.
"Honey, you have to stop," Keisha begged as her own tears ran down her cheeks. "You have to think about your son - and your daughter. You're meeting her in just a few hours, aren't you?"
Jerra nodded, taking deep breaths. "We're going to take this one hour, hell one minute, at a time. I'm getting ready to make you some tea and you're gonna try and get a little rest. I'll stay here with DJ while you enjoy your daughter. Those are your priorities right now."
When Jerra looked at her and slowly nodded, Keisha smoothed her hair away from her eyes. "Jerra, Darrell is a grown man. I personally don't think for one minute he's going to leave his family, but if he does, you have no control over anyone but yourself. You have to be strong for your children. The rest, you'll deal with as it comes. Okay?"
Jerra wiped her eyes and nose. She inhaled then exhaled before nodding again. Keisha was right. She remembered something Darrell mentioned when he told her about losing Roni. He said everything has a season, and everything happens for a reason. Maybe they'd served their purpose in each other's lives.
Maybe their season had come to an end.
Darrell pulled his Range Rover around the circular driveway of Bryan's home and came to a stop. He practically killed the ignition and jumped out of the truck in one movement before hurrying to the front door. However, before he had time to ring the doorbell, door swung open.
Time stood still as Bryan and Darrell stared at one another before Bryan stepped aside for Darrell to enter. "I've been expecting you."
Darrell walked into the large foyer, never taking his eyes off Bryan. He wanted to see his face when he verified what he'd come here to find out. "So it's true? She's alive?"
Bryan didn’t answer for a long moment then slowly nodded. "Yes."
Until that exact moment, a small part of Darrell still hadn’t believed it, but hearing Bryan confirm what Marcus told him made it all too real. He looked around him as a myriad of expressions crossed his face. Confusion, hurt, resentment, anguish, grief...he finally settled on anger because that was the only thing getting him through this and he directed it full force towards Bryan.
"Why! Why would you...!" He advanced on Bryan with a heaving chest and clenched fists, but stopped a few feet away. He blinked angry tears away as he stared at the man who'd been his friend and mentor. "Bryan, why??"
"Darrell, you don't understand." Bryan tried to put his hand on Darrell's shoulder, but Darrell roughly shoved it away.
Fury overcame the hurt and coursed through his veins like a shot of adrenaline flowing through his blood stream. Darrell’s voice was deadly quiet. "I'm not gonna ask you again. Tell me now.” His words were uttered slowly and distinctively. “Why did you lead me to believe Roni was dead all these years? Why did you fake her death? Why didn’t she come to me? Who...who the fuck ashes did we spread the day of her service if it wasn’t hers?"
"Darrell -"
"How could you do this, Bryan? How could she??"
"Don't blame Roni. I did what I thought was best at the time. Look, Darrell, let's go to my study. We can sit down and talk –"
"I don't wanna fuckin' sit down and talk! I..." Darrell turned and took a few steps away, but when Bryan's statement sunk in, he spun around. "You...you did what you thought was best? What you thought was best?!! And WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! Huh??" Darrell stood with his face inches away from Bryan's. All it would take was for Bryan to blink the wrong way and Darrell would be all over his ass. "Who the hell are you to play God with my fuckin' life?! And Roni's??"
"There are things you don't know –"
"THEN TELL ME, GOT DAMMIT!!" Darrell yelled. He hit himself in the chest twice with balled up fists. "I'M RIGHT HERE!! TELL ME!"
The air surrounding them was tense and highly charged. Bryan's left eye twitched as he held Darrell's. "When I found out Roni had been shot – and how – it was carried out execution style. I thought somebody put a hit out on her."
"That doesn’t make sense. Why would you think someone put a hit out on her? Roni never did nothin' to nobody. She had no enemies. Rhakeem and Luther intended that hit for me."
"I didn't find that out until later. Darrell...." Bryan let out a low breath and stepped around him to sink down into an upholstered, high back chair. He looked up at Darrell in resignation. "I assume Roni never told you what her husband, Frank, did for a living."
"I don't know, not really. She didn’t like to talk about Frank. I know she was devastated by his death."
"When the two of them met, Frank swept Roni off her feet. She fell for him instantly, but he was living a double life. He'd been in a loveless marriage for almost twenty years. By the time Roni found out, she was already deeply in love with him. Frank was just as crazy about her. He divorced his wife and married Roni."
Darrell hunched his shoulders. "Okay. So what. What does that have to do with what we're talking about now?"
"Frank and his ex-wife's family were Sicilian. His ex's family had ties to one of the biggest crime families on the east coast. That's how they met. Frank was born into that life. You could say they didn’t take too well to him divorcing his wife and marrying another woman - a black woman at that. It was one thing to keep her as a mistress, but to marry her was another entirely. Once you're part of something like that, there's no getting out. But Frank did. He just...walked away. He was under someone's protection - someone the Sicilians didn’t wanna fuck with. When I met who it was, I understood why they decided to let it go. This
guy's protection covered Roni as well, even after Frank passed away."
"Who is he?"
"That's not important. What is important is that you have to understand that I thought the syndicate had finally made good on the threats they'd made to Frank all those years ago. Why they would’ve waited so long and at that particular time was beyond my comprehension, but didn’t matter. I was sure of two things. One: Roni wasn’t gonna die. Two: she had to be protected at all costs." Bryan met and held Darrell's eyes. "The only way we could do so beyond a shadow of a doubt was to make it appear as if she were dead."
"You should’ve told me."
"We couldn't. I wanted to but I wasn't willing to risk Roni's life by telling anyone. Not even you."
"Man, this is crazy," Darrell muttered. His hostile eyes went back to Bryan. "You knew what I went through. I thought you understood because you were goin' through it too. You pretended to grieve right along with me knowin’ she was still alive."
"I was grieving! Don't ever think I wasn’t! I don't expect you to understand that, but in a way I'd lost her too!"
"Bullshit! You know it's not the same mu'fuckin' thing!" Their eyes warred with each other's until Bryan's fell away. Darrell ran his hand along the back of his head. "What happened after she was revived?"
"She still wasn’t out of the woods, nowhere near. She was barely holding on and in a coma. The doctors we'd flown in told us there was a small chance of Roni surviving, but we’d have to fly her to Switzerland to be treated. The medicine and experimental procedures they used there were not sanctioned here in the United States. The entire cost was astronomical...enough to feed a third world country - but she survived."
"After you discovered the Sicilians weren't responsible for trying to kill her and after she got better...she never...why didn't either of you let me know then?"
Bryan hesitated. His next words were said gently and with as much kindness as he could muster, but it did nothing to soften the blow "She didn’t want you to know, Darrell."
Chapter 33
Darrell shook his head in denial. "I'on believe you. You lyin' to me now the same way you have all these years."
Bryan stood up and held his hands palm side up. "I'm not. I know how much you loved her, Darrell. I had no reason to try and keep you two apart. In her defense, you have to understand, the road to her recovery was a long, slow, painful one. She had to relearn everything. Until she was able to speak, she communicated by blinking her eyes. Before you came home, I told her I thought it was safe to tell you she was alive. She became extremely upset and had to be sedated. Later, when she was a little stronger, I broached the subject again, but…the answer was the same."
Darrell looked as if he wanted to say something, but turned away in disgust.
Bryan reached towards him then hesitated before putting his hand on Darrell's shoulder. "Darrell, I don't think she wanted you to be burdened with the problems that came along with her condition. She needed constant care. She felt like you were young - too young - to have to put your life on hold for her."
"That wasn’t for her to decide, Bryan. Roni was the first person in my entire miserable life to care about me," Darrell muttered, almost to himself. "Why would she think I wouldn’t have wanted to be there for her?"
The silence stretched between them before Bryan quietly said, "She knows you're married and you have a child; I've sent her pictures. She thinks your family is beautiful. I think her words ran along the lines of 'DJ is adorable and looks exactly the way she imagined a son of yours would look'", Bryan smiled. "She also thinks Jerra is very lovely."
Darrell turned around to face Bryan. "I need to see her. I need to see her for myself."
Bryan nodded. "I figured as much. So did she. She understands you need closure. As soon as you think it’s a good time, just let me know and I'll make the arrangements."
"I'm leaving in the morning."
Bryan's eyes narrowed as Darrell's meaning sunk in. "To go to Aruba?"
"Yeah. I need to know how to find her."
Bryan held up a hand. "Wait, just hold on a minute Darrell. I understand this has come as quite a shock, but I think it would be better if you wait a little while, give both you and Roni time to come to terms with all of this."
"I didn’t ask for your opinion, Bryan. I don't need it and I damn sure don’t want it. I think you've made enough decisions when it comes to my life. The only thing I need right now is an address." When Bryan remained quiet, Darrell's voice lowered. "You owe me."
Bryan rubbed his hand over his mouth and studied Darrell. "And what about Jerra? How does she feel about you running off to see a woman who would've more than likely been your wife if the circumstances had allowed."
Darrell's eyes flickered as he remembered the look on Jerra's face when she heard him talking to Marcus on the phone, but he pushed the image out of his mind. "The address, Bryan."
Fifteen minutes later, Darrell was pulling out of Bryan's driveway. He had no doubt Bryan was probably calling Roni now. It didn’t matter to him one way or the other. He would be in Aruba in less than twenty-four hours. Darrell couldn’t explain exactly what was compelling him to fly to do this, but the only thing he knew for certain was that he had to see Roni for himself. He wouldn’t get any peace until he did.
Marcus and Aleesha were in the airport waiting for Darrell to come through the gate. His flight landed about five minutes ago and the passengers were now debarking.
Marcus glanced at the tight set of Aleesha's lips as she continued to ignore him. She wasn’t happy with him at all. She'd talked to Jerra and Keisha and found out things weren't good between Jerra and Darrell, and now that he’d flown out to Aruba to meet with Roni, the situation had gone from bad to worse.
In so many words, Aleesha told Marcus he was responsible for making the rift between their friends even wider. They'd stayed up half the night arguing, and for the first time in a long while, they’d gone to bed without making love.
"You're still not talking to me?"
Aleesha glanced at him and quickly looked away. "There's really nothing to say, is there?"
"Leesh, I don't want this to be an issue between us. Jerra's upset and I'm not saying she doesn’t have a right to be, but you don't honestly expect me to have kept this information to myself, do you?"
"Of course not, but it isn't fair to Jerra either. You could've just waited and –"
"No. He couldn't have waited."
Marcus and Aleesha turned around and saw Darrell standing behind them. He dropped his duffel bag and sighed before putting his arms around Aleesha until she returned the hug. "Don't be upset with Marcus about this. Things will work themselves out."
Aleesha pulled back to look in Darrell's eyes. "Yes, but somebody's going to get hurt in the process of 'working it out'; I don't want it to be my sista."
Darrell knew Aleesha wanted reassurances from him, but this was so much more complicated than just Roni being alive. He turned to Marcus without replying and gave him a quick hug before they left out of the terminal. The two men made small talk until they got back to the hotel room. Aleesha was quiet because she knew they were waiting until they were alone to talk about the reason for Darrell's sudden trip.
Marcus had reserved a room for Darrell next to his and Aleesha's. The minute Aleesha walked into their suite, she went to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Marcus’ first instinct had been to kick it down and make her talk to him, but he forced himself to remain calm. Sighing roughly, he went to Darrell's room and sat down in a large, overstuffed chair by the window and looked at his boy.
"So...this thing with Jerra. Wild, huh? How are you dealing with it?"
Darrell leaned his palms on top of the dresser and stared at his reflection. "I'on know, Marcus. I just...I'on know."
Marcus was quiet, letting Darrell gather his thoughts. Aleesha had already told him Jerra's side of things, and after a minute, Darrell began talking and telling Marcus his. When Darrell paused, Marcus a
sked him a question. "Do you love her?"
Darrell cut his eyes at Marcus and then hissed in frustration. "Who, Jerra? You already know the answer to that, Marcus, but..."
"But what? You not upset about Jerra giving the baby up for adoption, are you?"
"Nah. Nah, man, I understand that."
"But you feel like she should've told you about it."
Darrell nodded slowly. "I've been there for her in every way I've known how to be. I thought we could tell each other anything." Darrell closed his eyes and tightened his jaw. "Man, when I saw her in that restaurant with Giselle's father, I wanted to kill him. It took me to a place I hadn’t gone in years. And then to find out she flew over to see him twice and came back home like nothin' ever happened...?" Darrell turned to look at Marcus. "What was goin' on in her head? Did she think I'd be okay with that shit??"
"I think that's just it: she wasn’t thinkin', D, or at least the only thing she was thinking about was tryin' to make contact with her daughter. I agree she may have gone about it the wrong way, but all of us make mistakes. You gotta forgive her."
"It's like all of this shit has hit me at once. I find out about a whole other side of Jerra I never knew and now Roni. Man, I swear to God, if anyone had asked me if I thought either of these two women would've done something like this I would've bet my life the answer was 'no'. Guess I woulda been one dead muthafucka, huh?"
"What are you gonna say to Roni?"
"I have no idea. I still can't wrap my mind around it."
"Tell me about it." Both were quiet, caught up in their own thoughts for several moments before Marcus eyed Darrell. "So...I asked you if you still loved your wife, and you said 'yes'. What about Roni? Do you still have feelings for her?"
Darrell sat down on the bed and dropped his head in his hands. He opened his mouth to answer Marcus, but just as he did, his cell phone rang. He pulled it out and stared at the number for a second before answering.
"Hey."
