by K, S
She somehow managed to disengage their lips which were stubbornly welded together, but when she turned her head to avoid the temptation of his mouth, Darrell took that opportunity as an invitation to further drive her out of her mind. He went directly to that spot on her neck that made sweet honey cream, gush, and spew directly from her core. This time, Jerra was the one who curled and undulated her pelvis against his as if it were magnetized and calling its pussy to come and feed. She placed her hand at the back of his head and brought his mouth closer to the curvature of her neck, but when Darrell's hand slipped between them and went to his belt buckle, she opened her heavily lidded eyes and forced herself back to reality. Their reality – and right now it wasn’t a pleasant one. The ugly truth was he’d actually left her to go to another woman. And not just any woman. Roni had his heart before Jerra, and possibly still did.
"No..." Her voice was husky and weak, but when an image of Darrell kissing Roni the way he was kissing her right now materialized in her mind, she stiffened and pushed at the hard wall of his chest with all her strength. "No! Darrell..."
Although the effort she was making to shove him back barely moved him, the frosty tone of her voice finally penetrated. He lifted his head and stared at her before his passion laden eyes dropped to her lips. When it seemed as if he was getting ready to kiss her again, Jerra's voice became louder.
"I said no!"
Darrell blinked several times as if to bring her back into focus. "What do you mean 'no'?"
Jerra's hands went to his arms which were still around her waist and pulled them away.
“Jerra…”
With her breathing labored and heavy, she took a couple of steps away from him to try and get her thoughts together. Even now, upset almost to the point of hysteria, her body twitched as if going through a nicotine fit and was begging for just one puff, one hit to ease the ache, but Jerra dug deep to remain where she was.
"Were you kissing me just now but thinking about her?"
Darrell stared at her for several long moments before he closed his eyes and murmured a low curse under his breath. "Jerra -"
"No. I want to know. Exactly who are you thinking about right now because I'll be damned if I stand in as a replacement for your ex-lover." Ignoring the fierce glare he directed towards her, Jerra continued. "What was it you said when you talked to Marcus? ‘If you had known she was alive, you two would still be together?’ So what have I been all this time? A substitute? A stand-in? An understudy who took over until the star of the show was well enough to return?"
"That's enough," he snarled.
"Oh, I'm just getting started. Matter of fact, I'm beginning to wonder if more happened than what you’ve told me. Was it just a kiss Darrell? Did it go further?"
"I told you what happened." The warmth began to seep out of his eyes and became wintry and piercing. "Don't mistake my actions for yours. I'm not the one who manipulated a situation in my favor so that I could use it as an excuse to keep it from you. I've always been honest with you about everything! I want us to get past this, Jerra, but I'll be damned if I let you make me out to be the bad guy while you’re portrayed as bein’ perfectly innocent."
All signs of desire were erased from Jerra's face and replaced by a white hot anger. She held up a finger. "One: Yes, I should have told you about Giselle and going to see Robert, but it wasn't as if I ran off to have a clandestine meeting with an old boyfriend. I went to try and clear a way to see my daughter." She held up another finger. "Two: Don't try and use that as an excuse for leaving your wife at the drop of a hat to fly to another country to see your ex-girlfriend. If you love me so much, love shoulda kept your ass home with your family instead of traipsing off to the got damned Caribbean!"
Darrell rolled his eyes. “What, another movie quote? Just how many men bashing shows did you and your girls watch tonight.”
Jerra ignored his condescendingly mocking tone. She knew he was trying to deflect the issue at hand, but she wasn’t going to let him do that. Jerra was a woman hurting and crying inside, but she was also a lawyer with a brilliant mind, and right now, she was in her element.
A third finger shot up to join the other two. "And three: I've never even thought about or wanted anyone else since I met you! I guess that's not the case with you, though, is it? Not only do you leave me to go to her, but you actually make out with her? Have thoughts of sleeping with her? Then you run back home like nothing ever happened! Are you crazy??"
"That's not fair, Jerra. You punishin' me for keepin’ it real with you? For being honest with how I was feeling at the time?"
"And that's supposed to make everything okay?? Newsflash: it doesn't! Wait, you know what?” She brought the first two fingers of both hands up in the air and curled them twice as if drawing quotation marks while delivering the next sentence. “Let me just ‘keep it real for you’, a’ight?” Darrell scowled when she twisted her neck and mocked him with a sneer. “I won't let you just waltz back home as if it's your right to go off and test the waters with Roni before deciding you want to be with me. What happens the next time she calls? Huh? Are you going to just drop everything again and go running off to see what you can do to ease her discomfort? If you think I'm going to sit around while you go back and forth between us, you have another 'think' coming! I refuse to be in a marriage where I have to share my husband with another woman, whether it’s physically or emotionally!"
Jerra saw the flare of anger that sparkled in his eyes and the way his body tensed, but she gave less than a damn. She wasn't backing down. She held his fierce, biting glare until he took a deep breath. When he slowly exhaled, his thick lashes dropped like long, heavy curtains, hiding whatever thoughts his mind was methodically processing. Finally, he lifted carefully guarded eyes and stared at her.
"What do you need?" Although the anger was still in Darrell’s voice, genuine sincerity could be heard as well. "What do you need me to do to fix this?"
Chapter 37
Jerra swallowed and visibly relaxed a little when she saw he was willing to make an effort to reassure her that she was indeed the most important person in his life. "I want you to just...just listen...really listen while I tell you what I was going through. I'm not making excuses for what I did, but you were so angry that you didn't really give me a chance to explain everything."
Darrell nodded. "Okay. What else."
Pain crept into Jerra's expression, but she said the next words anyway. "I want you to talk to me...about...Roni. I need to know exactly what it is you feel for her. I need to know where I stand with you…where you stand in this marriage." She held her breath, a little unnerved by the intense way his eyes stayed on her face, and waited for the explosion she was sure would follow, but again, Darrell only nodded.
"Alright..." His timbre told her he was waiting for the rest. He knew there was more.
"And...I...I, um..."
Darrell's eyes narrowed at her hesitancy. His wife was rarely at a loss for words – as she’d just proven. Granted these were circumstances they'd never encountered before in their relationship, but she'd always said what she meant without a problem, whether it upset him or not.
"You...what?"
"Until we get some of the issues standing between us settled, I think we should take sex out of the equation for a little while." The words came out in a tumbled rush, but when she finished she lifted her chin and looked him in the eye. "I need to know that I'm the woman you really want to be with."
"You're my wife. My commitment has always been to you and our family." Darrell pushed out through his teeth. "Plus, I think you understand me well enough to know if I didn't want to be here - I wouldn't be."
Jerra lifted a shoulder. "Do I?"
"Fine, Jerra, just...fine." He glanced at the bed. "What do we do, put pillows between us to keep our distance?" When Jerra only stared at him, Darrell's expression froze. "Wait...are you saying....you don't want me in our bed?"
"I think that would be best..." She continu
ed even as he unleashed a string of colorful profanity laced sentences. "Just for a little while. You know as well as I do we'll never be able to keep our hands off each other if we're in the same bed. I don't care if there's a mountain of pillows between us. But I really feel that sex shouldn't cloud the issue. Just...just for a little while," she trailed off.
Darrell snorted and slowly moved his head from side to side. "You're serious."
"Yes. I don't want to, but you asked me what I needed - and this is one of the things I need."
The seconds turned into a long drawn out minute before Darrell broke the silence. "A'ight...a'ight." He chewed at the corner of his mouth before a cunning expression covered his face. He knew his wife well and knew her sexual nature was strong. They hadn't had sex in a week. First, she'd been on her cycle and she was always horny as fuck that time of the month. Then, the events of the last couple of days happened to turn their lives upside down. She had to be wanting it just as much as he did, knew her body was aching for it the same as his. He'd give her a day - two tops - before she came to him.
Until then, he'd do as she asked. They'd talk. He'd listen. And he'd wait.
A week and a half later, Darrell and Marcus were in Marcus' home gym exercising. Darrell was on the chest press machine, grunting with each controlled motion as he drove his body to the brink. His abs tightened and contracted with the forward push of the handles as he inhaled through his nose and exhaled out of his mouth with hard puffs of air. He ignored the painful burn in his muscles as he started another set of repetitions.
Marcus was on the leg lift machine across from Darrell, staring at him and shaking his head. He slowly lowered his legs and unfolded them from underneath the bar. Groaning from the punishment he'd given his thighs, he got up and stretched before going over to stand in front of Darrell.
"Don't you think you should take it easy?" He craned his neck to look at the amount of weights Darrell was pressing and lifted a brow. "Damn. You dat frustrated??"
Darrell paused for half a second to glare at Marcus before finishing the set. Releasing a long breath, he sat back and closed his eyes. His body protested the movement when he gingerly raised one arm then the other before leaning over to grab his sports drink off the floor. His throat worked furiously as he took several, deep gulps. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he finally shifted his attention to Marcus.
"I guess that was supposed to be some kinda joke?"
Marcus laughed as he tossed a towel at Darrell then reached for his own. "Hey, I know you 'bout ready to blow a gasket because you and your wife have decided to ease up on the physical side of your relationship, but –"
"Why you sugar coatin' shit. What you really mean is I ain’t gettin' no pussy," Darrell growled.
Marcus tried to hold his laughter in but couldn't keep the chuckle out of his voice. "Hey. You said it, not me."
"Marcus, fuck you, a'ight?" Darrell's temper simmered as he hopped up off the machine. "I'on wanna hear your smart ass comments. You and Dom think this shit is funny. We'll see how got damn hilarious ya'll think it is when my foot is knee deep in ya asses."
Marcus fought to keep his lips pressed firmly together, but Darrell looked so serious, he couldn’t stop the laughter that spouted loud and boisterous. Seeing Darrell's expression darken even more, Marcus bent over, one hand on his knee and the other holding his own sore abs as he practically howled.
"Man...! You think I'm playin' with yo' ass, don't you?!" Darrell scowled and threw his towel down. He stalked up to Marcus and gave him a hard shove.
Marcus' laughter abruptly stopped as he stumbled back a step. ”Hey! You betta watch that shit!”
Darrell brought his fists up and crouched down into a boxer's stance as he bobbed and weaved. Lightning quick, he slapped Marcus on the side of the head before bringing his fists back up to protect his face. "Nah. You think this is funny mu'fucka? Huh?" When Marcus assumed the same position as Darrell, Darrell smiled and nodded. "Ahhh, yeah. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. Step into this wasp nest and get ya ass stung. You don't want none o' this, son."
They circled around each other, ducking blows and calling out taunts. Marcus landed a solid open handed smack and grinned. ”Wassup, pretty boy Monroe? You think you can take me? Huh? Better recognize who you fuckin' wit...”
They continued the lighthearted horseplay they'd engaged in with each other since they were ten years old before Darrell grabbed Marcus in a headlock. They both laughed as Marcus pushed Darrell off of him.
“Punk. You always do that when you losin',” Marcus grinned as they picked up their towels and walked out the door. “Seriously though, how are things with you and Jerra?”
Bewilderment showed heavily on Darrell's face as he scratched his head. ”Besides the obvious, it's going great, believe it or not. We been doin’ a lot of talkin' about our relationship, how we could've handled things differently, what we need to do to stop from making the same mistakes all over again...I mean, now that I've had a chance to cool down and listen to what Jerra was going through internally and emotionally, I can't fault her for the way shit went down. I didn't realize she was still dealing with some of the stuff that happened to her. Jerra still keeps a lot of her emotions inside. I didn’t even know her mother's birthday was last month on the second. She didn't even tell me."
"Yeah. Not everyone deals with circumstances the same, as we well know," Marcus commented as he thought about the death of his own parents when he was seven years old. "Jerra's gone through a lot just like we did."
Darrell nodded. "Yeah. It was almost pure instinct to try and deal with everything by herself. I took it for granted she knew she could come to me about anything. She's the one of the strongest people I know, but at the same time, she has this fragile side."
"The only thing you can do is continue to be there for her, D. What about Roni? Is she okay with that situation now?"
A sharp hiss whistled through Darrell's teeth as he lifted a cautious brow. "Okay with it? I wouldn't go that far, bruh. She's tryin' to see my side of things, but at the same time, I guess I can understand where she's comin' from, too. If the situations were reversed, I can't say I would be just as understanding if she picked up and just left me and DJ the way I did to go and see some other man she used to be in serious relationship with, no matter what the circumstances," Darrell huffed and shook his head as they rounded the corner to head to the kitchen. "I know it's a double standard, but I'm jus’ keepin’ it real."
"I hear ya, man," Marcus commiserated. "Well, I'm glad things are getting better. Looks like there were some issues you both needed to bring up and clear the air about. Keep the line of communication open, ya know?"
Darrell nodded and slapped hands with Marcus. "Fa' sho', my brutha. No doubt."
As they entered the kitchen, they saw Jerra and Aleesha sitting at the island talking over bowls of ice cream. Marcus went to the refrigerator and got a bottle of water while Darrell leaned back against the counter opposite the women. Aleesha reminded them that they were supposed to be at Dom and Keisha's house tonight around seven.
"You ladies feel like making a night of it and hittin’ Club Ecstasy later?" Marcus asked, mentioning their normal hangout spot. "It's been a while since we all went out."
Aleesha immediately cosigned the idea but Jerra's answer was noncommittal. The subject eventually turned to Dominick and Keisha, who were being secretive about the sudden dinner invitation they'd issued. Jerra glanced at Darrell and found him watching her with legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded. He'd been casually listening to the conversation with mild interest, but his eyes were glued to her face and burned with an intensity which left no doubt as to what thoughts were running rampant through his mind. He squinted as he watched her the way a cat observed a mouse it was toying with.
Jerra's gaze roamed over his muscular upper body, still damp with sweat and swollen from the punishing workout he'd inflicted on it. She dipped her spoon in her bowl and scooped up a generous a
mount of ice cream before bringing it to her mouth. She deliberately closed her eyes in ecstasy and hunched her shoulders up a little as if she were in heaven. Her tongue peeked out and licked her lips before she looked directly at him. Darrell cleared his throat and shifted from one foot to the other as if he was a tad bit uncomfortable. Holding his eyes, Jerra slowly licked the back of the spoon then turned it over and licked the front, letting her tongue glide over it before smacking her lips.
Darrell pushed away from the counter and came around the island to stand beside her. She had been subtly teasing him the last couple of days. He knew she was trying to see if he would keep his word and wait until she was ready, but his patience had grown thin and he was tired of playin' games. He needed some lovin' and wanted that connection they'd temporarily lost; he missed being with his wife on that level.
Jerra never acknowledged him standing by her, never gave any indication that she felt his thigh pressing against hers even though her flesh burned with awareness. Instead, she just dipped her spoon into the ice cream again.
"It’s good,” she commented suggestively, still not looking at him.
“Oh, I know that,” Darrell replied in the same like manner.
“Want some?" she casually asked.
"Can I have some?" Darrell's voice was a low whisper in her ear.
Jerra shivered when his warm breath blew against the delicate shell of her earlobe, but all she said was, "Sure."
She brought a spoonful of ice cream up to his mouth. Darrell's gaze held hers prisoner as he closed his lips over the spoon. This time Jerra was the one who couldn't tear her attention away. After she lowered the spoon, Darrell swallowed several times. His tongue sucked against the roof of his mouth before he licked his lips.
"You're right. It is good." He lowered his eyes to her bare thighs. "I want some more."
Chapter 38
Jerra's sat blinking up at him with a blank expression on her face. Ever since she'd suggested they needed to work on the emotional and spiritual part of their marriage and just take the physical side out of the equation for a minute, she'd made it a point to insure she didn't intentionally put herself in any tempting situations. She couldn't fault Darrell one bit. He'd done what she asked and hadn't pushed her or pressured her to change her mind. His only stipulation was that she not do anything to ease her frustration. He told her when that time came, he would take care of that.
