by P. C. Cast
CC stifled the urge to slap him away like a mosquito.
Courtesy, she reminded herself firmly. Treat him like he's a superior officer who is acting fresh.
"Thank you," she said, and smiled through a mouthful of food. His quick grimace at her unladylike behavior was worth the breach in manners. She felt the tension in her shoulders relax as he withdrew out of her personal space. The wine was thick and delicious, and she felt a satisfying warmth begin to build in the pit of her stomach.
They ate in silence, and CC took the opportunity to absorb the sight of the ocean. She had to admit that Andras had chosen well. That particular area of the shore was much tamer than the breakers below the monastery had been. Here the waves were still white-capped, but they met the beach with lazy strokes, rather than the violent crashing of water against rock. And the sea appeared more shallow, too. The water that lined the beach was turquoise, rather than the sapphire of deeper seas. There were a few bunches of coral that clustered here and there. Her full lips curved up in remembrance. Last night Dylan had introduced her to many of the colorful fish that made coral their home.
"You are so beautiful when you smile like that." Andras's voice broke into her daydream. "What are you thinking?"
"I was thinking about creatures of the sea and their beauty," she said.
Abruptly, he reached out and snatched her hand that was temporarily emptied of food. She jerked back in surprise, but he kept a firm hold on her.
"No beast of the sea could ever hope to match your beauty," he said fervently. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it passionately, leaving a wet spot in the middle of her skin.
CC's stomach jolted in a fluttery brush of fear, and she looked closely at his well-defined face, afraid she would see the frightening lust that had blanketed his features the first time he had kissed her. She drew in a shaky breath of relief when all she read in his expression was earnest and open adoration. Unfortunately for the knight, she felt nothing in response except an embarrassed sense of unease. The only urge she had to touch him was to pat his cheek and apologize for her lack of romantic interest.
"Andras," she said carefully. "I don't think it's proper for you to—"
A loud chattering interrupted her, and Andras dropped her hand in surprise. CC's attention swiveled to the water, and with a joyous laugh she jumped to her feet. Lifting her skirts, she ran to the edge of the shore.
"Hello, pretty girl," she called to the dolphin, who continued chattering while leaping and whirling in jubilant welcome. "Isn't this a beautiful day?" CC laughed again, and without thinking she did a little dance step and twirled around, loving the feel of her skirts twining around her legs.
The thunk of stone against flesh came hard and sharp, jarring CC's happiness. The dolphin's shrill cry of pain pierced the air, and the animal dove quickly beneath the waves and disappeared. CC spun around to see Andras testing the weight of another rock in his hand.
"What are you doing?" CC's voice had the sharp edge of command seven years in the air force had honed.
Andras blinked in surprise. "It is a wild beast; it could have caused you harm."
"Don't you know that wild is not synonymous with evil?" She forced her voice to be even. He had thought he was protecting her. "The dolphin wasn't going to hurt me. She was just a beautiful creature enjoying her freedom."
"Abbot William would remind us that many things are not as innocent as they appear, Undine, and that excessive beauty must be guarded against, for it can hide prurient intent," he countered.
CC could hardly believe she had heard him correctly. Prurient intent? A dolphin? She took a deep, cleansing breath and counted to ten before she spoke again.
"Andras, I really do appreciate the help you and the abbot have given me, and I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but did you ever consider that some people get power by convincing others they should constantly be fearful?" she asked.
"Abbot William gets his power from God," Andras said as if he was reciting a Sunday School lesson.
"I'm not saying that he doesn't; I'm only saying that just because something is beautiful or exotic or even wild, doesn't mean that it's dangerous or sinful," she said, forcing the knight to meet her gaze. He looked away quickly.
"I think you have become fatigued, and it is time we return," Andras said stonily. He was already busy repacking their leftovers.
"I think you're right. I am ready to return," CC said.
She stood looking out at sea like a breathing statue, ignoring the sounds the knight was making as he tossed their leftovers haphazardly into the basket. She felt displaced and alone. Her entire being ached to be a part of the waves. For an instant she thought she saw the glint of orange and gold, barely visible offshore just below the crystal surface, and she had to close her eyes. If she really saw him would she be able to stop herself from going to him? Then what would happen to them?
With her eyes still closed, she concentrated on sending two words out into the ocean. I'm sorry, she thought desperately. She wasn't sure if she was sending the message to the dolphin or to Dylan.
As she wearily accepted Andras's offered arm and trudged away from the water yet again, one thought was foremost in her mind. She had to talk to Gaea.
Chapter 14
"Shall I escort you back to your room? You just have time for a refreshing nap before evening vespers and dinner."
Andras turned to face her as they entered the front courtyard. They hadn't spoken on the walk back to the monastery, and the stiffness in the knight's voice matched his body language. CC knew that her behavior must baffle him, and she felt sorry for the tension between them, but her head was throbbing. She wanted relief from the stress of having to continually watch her words and actions around Andras, but she didn't want to be closed up in her little room.
"No, I think I'd rather explore the monastery." Andras opened his mouth and CC hurried on before he could insist on accompanying her. "And I think I need to spend some time alone in, uh, prayerful meditation before evening mass." She blinked innocently up at him.
"Of course. I would not want to intrude upon your need for prayer." His voice was smooth, but his eyes had hardened. CC was unexpectedly reminded of Abbot William.
"Didn't I see another courtyard and some gardens out past the dining room?" she asked.
"Yes. The entrance is through the hall on the other side of the monastery. You may enter it through the dining chamber. I need to take our basket back to the kitchens, so I can escort you to the entrance myself." He smiled at her, satisfied that she could not immediately escape him.
CC tried not to sigh when she took his arm. She knew the knight was well-meaning, but she could feel the pulse in her right temple beat in time with her headache. She truly needed some time alone. As they walked past the well, she was careful to keep Andras between it and her, but nothing unusual happened. She slanted a gaze at the silent rock structure. It looked innocent and mundane. Surely she hadn't imagined the image of Sarpedon?
The dining room was empty and Andras strode across it, leading her into another dimly lit hallway. At the far end of that hall there was an arched exit that opened to a large courtyard-like area. Andras pointed at the exit.
"Through there are the gardens and a pond. At the far end is the chapel." His gaze was searing as he raised her hand and pressed it firmly to his lips. "I look forward to escorting you to evening mass."
She pulled her hand free. "Thank you for lunch. I'm going to attend to my prayers now," she reminded him in case he was having second thoughts about letting her go. Then she beat a hasty retreat.
CC stepped briskly into the garden area and glanced around to make sure there was no one was nearby. Without conscious thought, she wiped Andras's lip print off her hand. She needed to talk to Gaea. Perhaps tonight she should sneak out into the woods. Maybe she would be able to find the goddess there. Absently, she continued to rub the back of her hand. She sighed, wishing she had a couple of Tylenols.
CC began to walk slowly down a little trail that curved and looped through the monastery gardens. Ornamental trees and trellises laced with fragrant flowers dotted the area. Everything was meticulously cared for—not a leaf was out of place or a branch unpruned.
"No wildness, that's for sure," CC mumbled to herself.
Stone benches were arranged strategically amidst the greenery so that one could sit and meditate with the opti-mum of privacy. CC thought it felt wrong—too contrived, too well planned. Somehow its controlled beauty came across as stilted and forced.
A delicate breeze brought the tinkle of running water to her, and automatically she followed the sound, choosing a left-handed fork in the path that turned in the direction of the outer monastery wall. The path brought her all the way to the wall, which was lined with oaks that were decidedly older than those in the rest of the garden. CC smiled up at them. These were obviously too big for the monks to cut and reshape into their idea of proper foliage. Actually, that whole area looked more natural than the rest of the gardens. Wildflowers painted the grasses with splashes of orange, violet and lace, and honeysuckle vines covered the wall, filling the air with sweetness. A little brook ran along the wall, too. It bubbled noisily over smooth rocks, pooling in a rounded area before disappearing under the wall and out into the forest. There was no orchestrated sitting area, so CC brushed off the top of a large rock that rested near the pool and sat down. She watched a frog leap from the bank to a lily pad and let the sound of running water ease away her headache.
"What am I going to do?" she whispered.
"About what, Daughter?"
CC pressed a hand against her chest like she was trying to hold down her leaping heart. The clear, beautiful voice of the goddess came from above her. CC looked up to see Gaea reclining regally along a thick branch of the largest oak. Today her transparent robes were the color of bark, except that the browns and grays in the material shimmered magically like they had been sprinkled with gold dust.
"You're going to give me a heart attack someday," CC said.
Gaea's laughter made the water reeds and grasses sway in response. CC looked around quickly, worry creasing her brow.
"Do not worry, Undine," Gaea reassured her. "I choose who can see and hear me." A brief grimace marred her lovely face. "And none here will be allowed to hear me but you."
"I'm a little surprised to see you." CC gestured around at the monastery. "In here, anyway."
The corners of Gaea's eyes crinkled with her smile. "You might be surprised, Daughter, to learn that even here I have not been completely forgotten. But that is not why I have come." She sat up. The sparkling fabric of her gown drifted sensuously around her. "You look thirsty, Daughter." She clapped her manicured hands together and ordered, "Wine, please!"
Immediately a pewter goblet, decorated with vines and flowers, appeared in her hand. CC blinked in surprise and the goddess pointed to a spot on the ground in front of CC, where an identical goblet had appeared.
"I think you will enjoy the taste. Cernunnos gifted me with this particular vintage during the last fertility festival." She sipped and sighed happily. "He certainly knows wine."
CC took the goblet and lifted it to her lips. The wine was golden in color and so cold it hurt her teeth. As she took a drink the bubbles that broke the surface tickled her nose, and she almost sneezed. Then her eyes opened wide in amazement.
"It's champagne! The most delicious champagne I've ever tasted!" She grinned up at the goddess. "After the day I'm having, I can sure use some of this."
"I thought you would appreciate it. Now, child, tell me what has troubled you."
CC sipped and talked. "Andras can't be the one."
"Andras is that tall, handsome warrior who pulled you from the water?" Gaea inquired with a purr in her voice.
CC nodded and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but he's not Mr. Hero. As a matter of fact, the more time I spend with him, the more he reminds me of Abbot William."
Gaea's face twisted in a frown. "Abbot William! That silly child. He is terrified of everything he cannot control or understand, which means he is filled with bitterness and rage, especially towards women. He is a eunuch." The goddess looked like she wanted to say more, but instead she took a deep drink from her goblet. Shaking her head as if to free her thoughts, she asked. "Are you certain the warrior and he are the same?"
"Well, I don't think Andras is exactly like him; actually sometimes he can be very charming. And I understand that it's a different world with different beliefs, but he sure doesn't respect women, and I've spent the last seven years working hard at being respected—so that's a major strike against him. The truth is, I'm just not interested in him, even if he is the classic knight in shining armor and I should swoon at the thought of him sweeping me off my feet." CC sighed and took another drink of the delicious champagne. "Is Abbot William really a eunuch?"
Gaea made a scoffing noise in the back of her throat. "Not physically—I refer to the way he has chosen to live his life. He hides behind the robes of priesthood and uses his position for selfish reasons. He is not fit to serve any God. Be wary of him. He is a desperate, lonely man, and he should be pitied, but always remember that unacknowledged despair can make men dangerous."
"I'll be careful. It was pretty easy to see that he didn't like me. And it's not that I think that Andras is the same kind of man as he is, it's just that the knight seems to parrot Abbot William's beliefs without thinking for himself."
Gaea's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "I do not like the sound of that."
"So, does it have to be him?" CC blurted.
"Explain it," the goddess said.
"You know, that whole my true love thing. Does it have to be Andras—or if it does, is it enough for him to love me without me loving him back?"
The goddess tossed back her hair and laughed again, and even though she had assured CC that no one else could hear her, CC's eyes restlessly searched the clearing for listeners.
"Daughter, how you make me laugh! True love is not a potion one person can swallow and another refuse to drink. It happens only when the souls of two join together to form one."
"Well, I don't think I'm going to be joining my soul with Andras's. I don't even like it when he kisses my hand," CC said.
"That does not bode well for true love," the goddess agreed.
They drank together in thoughtful silence.
CC cleared her throat and glanced up at Gaea. "Um, speaking of kissing, do you know anything about a merman named Dylan?"
Gaea studied the young woman who inhabited her daughter's body. She was truly coming to care for this child and not just because she felt obligated to watch over her. She was special, this young one—curious and outspoken and witty. It would be a lovely thing, to have this remarkable child live beside her as her daughter forever. But Gaea recognized the longing the girl was trying hard to mask. The goddess smiled sadly at the irony. She finally had a daughter who could be gifted with the ability to exist on land, and the child was falling in love with the sea. Sometimes life was surprising, even for a goddess.
"I know Dylan well. He was Undine's playmate of old." Gaea raised her delicate eyebrows at the girl. "What is this about kissing?"
CC felt her cheeks warm. "Well, it's just that I feel different when Dylan kisses me." Now her cheeks were practically on fire. She never could talk to her mother about sex—apparently that meant any mother, even if she was a goddess.
"So, the merman has kissed you?"
CC could hear the smile in Gaea's voice, but she didn't look up at the goddess. Instead she busied herself with drinking the last drop of champagne.
"Too bad that's gone," she said, trying to avoid the kissing subject she had bumbled into. "It was delicious."
Gaea snapped her fingers and suddenly the goblet had refilled itself.
"Thank you!" CC took another long drink. This time she did sneeze at the bubbles.
"The merman kissed you?" Gaea repeated insistently.
&n
bsp; CC nodded.
"And you found pleasure in his touch?" Gaea asked.
CC nodded again.
Lost in thought, the goddess remained silent until CC couldn't stand it any longer.
"Is that a bad thing?" she blurted, looking desperately up at Gaea.
"No, child," Gaea said. "But you must understand that Dylan is a lesser creature than Sarpedon."
The goddess held up her hand, silencing CC when she would have defended Dylan.
"I do not mean that Sarpedon is more honorable than Dylan—that is obviously not true. What I mean is Sarpedon holds a position of much greater power than Dylan. Sarpedon's father, as you know, is the great God, Lir. His mother is Morrigan, the Goddess of Battle. Dylan's mother was a simple water nymph named Okynos. Unfortunately, she committed suicide after her human lover, Dylan's father, rejected her." The goddess held her hand out to CC in a sympathetic gesture. "Dylan does not have the protection of a mother, or of a father. He is not helpless, but his gifts are much less than those of Lir's son. Dylan exists peacefully within the waters only because Lir is generous and because Sarpedon ignores him."
"But if Sarpedon thought I loved Dylan, he would destroy him," CC finished the unspoken thought.
Gaea's eyes were sharp. "Do you love him?"
CC considered the question while she stared into the little pond. She had never been in love before. She was technically not a virgin, but it was hard to count that one time, right after basic training when she had come home on leave and her high school boyfriend, Jerry Burton, had groped her in the back seat of his Impala. He had penetrated her. She vividly remembered the flash of pain, but it was over soon and everything had ended up on her inner thigh. The event had been awkward and unsatisfying—not an experience CC had been in a hurry to repeat—so she hadn't.
Since Jerry, she hadn't even come close to having a lover, let alone being in love. She thought about Dylan, and the way he made her smile. He had been so patient with her silly questions. And when he touched her he made the world dissolve into a pool of throbbing feelings.
