by Cindi Madsen
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay. I’m dealing.” Not always the best, but what else do you say when someone says they’re sorry for something they couldn’t do anything about? Summer might’ve been able to, but it was too late now.
One of Summer’s darkest periods was a couple months ago, around the anniversary of Mom’s death. It was when she’d been mean to Cody and fought constantly with Dad. Mostly because she hated herself so much she couldn’t even deal with life and wanted everyone to just leave her alone.
Not wanting to think about that, Summer turned her focus to Ashlyn’s room. The purple mini lights strung along the top of the walls gave off a soft glow; curtains made from vinyl records hung over the window; and the shelves and dressers were covered in knickknacks, including bright-colored candles and vases.
Ashlyn draped the clothes she’d picked out over her arm. “So, do you have brothers and sisters?”
“Nope. Just me and my dad. We get along pretty well most of the time. I’m kind of annoyed with his new girlfriend, though. She tries so hard, and even though she is nice, I want to yell at her to get away from me. I’ll never be close to her, I’ll never consider her my mom, and I don’t know why she doesn’t just leave me alone.” Summer let out a long breath. It felt good to get that out, though guilt immediately soured her insides.
“Funny. That’s how I feel about my mother.” Ashlyn moved into the adjoining bathroom. She stepped out of view, but kept the door open.
Summer shook her problems out of her head. She needed to help Ashlyn and her mom, not make it worse. “Your mom loves you, though. She probably just has a funny way of showing it.”
“I’m a disappointment. The woman who whips people into shape can’t even get her own daughter to be skinny.” Ashlyn sighed. “It’s not like I haven’t tried. It’s hard for me to go to the gym, but I surf, skate, walk—I even eat healthy for the most part. And I still can’t lose weight.” She came out of the bathroom, wearing a blue top and dark jeans. “You wolf down fries and you’re still crazy skinny. Life’s so unfair.”
Summer wasn’t sure to say to that. “I got my dad’s metabolism. He eats horrible but never gains a pound. I guess I’m lucky.”
“No guessing about it. I would kill for your thighs. But I’ve got these” —Ashlyn squeezed her legs—“and that’s just the way it is.”
“You’re really pretty, you know. And your hair is so shiny and straight. Mine doubles in size when I’m near the beach, blond frizz sticking out all over the place.”
Ashlyn glanced in the mirror and ran a hand down her hair. “Mother doesn’t seem to care about hair, though. She cares about pants size, that kind of thing.”
“What about your dad?” Summer thought maybe he could somehow help her.
“Oh, my sperm donor?”
“He’s not around much, then?”
“No. He literally was a sperm donor.”
Summer laughed. “Sorry, it’s not funny.”
“No, it is. And Mother’s disappointed I somehow got the fat gene. When she chose a donor, his profile specifically said he was in shape. So either he lied, or I’m dysfunctional.” Ashlyn pulled out her phone and glanced at the display. “You want to see when the next show is, or you wanna hang out here? I do have an awesome music collection, if I do say so myself.”
Hanging out here would definitely be the way to get to know Ashlyn better. “Let’s kick it here then.”
With any luck, Summer might also be able to get a better read on Ashlyn’s mom. After seeing how they interacted, she started to think this job was going to be more difficult than she expected. Open communication already existed—a little too open.
She and Ashlyn listened to music, laughed and talked, and had way more fun than they would’ve in a movie theater where they would’ve had to be quiet.
At the end of the night when Summer drove home, one thought kept running through her head: How in the world am I going to repair a relationship when my first instinct is to yell at Pamela for being so mean to her awesome daughter?
Chapter Nine
The next day, Summer found herself back in Ashlyn’s room, sitting on the bed and listening to a chill mix of The Weeks, Jimmy Eat World, and Silversun Pickups. Ashlyn stacked magazines in the corner of her bedroom.
“Wow, that’s a lot of fitness magazines,” Summer said, eyeing the giant pile.
“My mother reads through them, then brings them up to my room so I can read all the tips.” Ashlyn picked up one of the glossy magazines. Like all the others, a bikini-clad girl graced the cover. “You know what they all say?”
“What?”
“All the celebrities say they don’t believe in denying themselves anything. Then they go into detail about how they eat salad and non-refined foods, but they still splurge once in a while. Their splurges are like three bites of ice cream. Or one cookie. Someone should tell them that’s called denying themselves. Instead, they’re, like, in denial of their denial. Who would choose to eat three bites of ice cream once a week?”
Summer rolled onto her stomach, feet dangling off the edge of the bed. “Definitely not me. I’m a sugar junkie. I believe that eating salad only makes you hungrier. Same with rice—basically anything that’s supposed to be healthy.”
“I’ve tried all the diets, and I was always hungry. Then I never lost weight either, so I was hungry and fat.”
“You’re not fat.” Summer gave Ashlyn a stern look. “And don’t talk about my friend like that. Now, what’s next on your to-do list?”
Ashlyn smiled. “I’m glad you came over again. I can’t believe you want to help me.”
“Chores are always more fun with help.” When Summer had called and asked Ashlyn if she wanted to hang out again, Ashlyn said she had to do her chores. So Summer offered to come keep her company.
Ashlyn grabbed the list her mom had left off the dresser. “Room’s clean, so now we need to walk the dog.”
“Whenever I think of walking dogs, I think of when my dad and I first moved here and we wanted to go to the beach. We followed the freeway to the end, not really knowing where we were going. We were walking along the beach, and everywhere we turned people had dogs. I was like, ‘What is this? Dog Beach?’ Then we saw the sign. It really was Dog Beach.”
Ashlyn laughed. “Well, we could go down to Dog Beach to walk Buddy if you want. I’m always down for a trip to the shore.”
Summer pushed off the bed. “Cool. Wait. Your dog isn’t a big, mean dog is he?”
“Nope. He’s a big, friendly lab.”
“Let’s hit the beach then.”
* * *
“Get off my butt, dude,” Ashlyn said, glancing in her rearview mirror. Her eyes moved to the car in front of her. “And what’s your deal? The speed limit is twenty-five, not five.”
Summer smiled. “You talk to the other drivers?”
Ashlyn switched lanes, passing the brown clunker they’d been following. “Yeah, I know it’s silly. My mother always looks at me funny when I do it.”
“I do it, too. So what if they can’t hear you? It makes you feel better to tell them how it is.”
“Exactly.” Ashlyn grinned. “It’s so nice to be around someone who gets me.”
“I totally know what you mean.” Summer meant it, too. Spending time with Ashlyn the last few days had made her happier than she’d been in a long time.
After finding a parking spot and leashing Buddy, Ashlyn and Summer headed to the beach. Other dog owners were walking their pets, enjoying the perfect Sunday afternoon. Buddy pulled Ashlyn along, and Summer tried to keep up.
The water came in, covering their feet. The ocean was cold, no matter what time of year, but before long it’d turn numb-your-skin icy.
“Do you surf?” Ashlyn asked as the foamy water covered her ankles.
“No, but I’ve always wanted to learn. I kept putting it off all summer, never finding the right time to try it out. I guess I’ll have to l
earn next year. You said you do, right?”
“It’s one of my favorite things. You don’t have to wait until summer, though. Just put on a wetsuit and it doesn’t matter how cold it is. No, Buddy,” Ashlyn said, but it was too late. The dog charged for a group of seagulls, jerking her forward. She set her feet and tugged on his leash, managing to get him back under control.
Summer took in a deep breath of salty ocean air. “This is nice. And I’ve had a really fun weekend. I hope you’re not getting sick of me.”
“No way. I hang out with The Misfits at school, and they’re all nice, but I don’t do much with them away from there. In fact, I’ve been hanging out with me, myself, and I for a long time. I’m actually surprised at how easy it is to chill with you.”
Summer lowered her eyebrows. “Thanks, I think.”
Ashlyn wrapped the leash around her hand. “I guess it just proves you shouldn’t judge people before getting to know them. I assumed you’d be stuck up and superficial like the rest of the pretty people you’ve been hanging out with.”
“They’re not all bad. Sometimes they’re just…” Summer tried to think of the right word. Before she could find one, she saw Lexi coming their way, leading a Chihuahua through the sand. Both looked annoyed to be at the beach.
Lexi slid her large sunglasses up, pushing her highlighted blond hair off her face. “What are you doing here, Summer?” She looked at Ashlyn. “And random person.”
“Hi, Lexi. This is Ashlyn. Ashlyn, Lexi. We’re walking Buddy.” Summer gestured to the dog, as if that clarification was needed.
Lexi’s Chihuahua barked at the Lab, regardless of the fact that Buddy was about five times his size. If dogs could roll their eyes, that was totally what the bigger dog was doing.
“Be quiet, Gucci.” Lexi scooped up the little dog, and he stopped yipping. “So, did Troy say anything about me? I thought we had a good time, but he hasn’t called me, and I only saw him for a few minutes at school. Does he not like me?”
Summer bit her lip, hoping Lexi didn’t see the panic in her eyes. “Oh, I don’t really know. We don’t talk about that kind of stuff.”
“Can you ask him for me?”
“Sure,” Summer said, although the last thing she wanted to do was get involved.
Gucci started to squirm, and Lexi readjusted her grip on him. “Have you talked to Kendall? She’s kind of pissed about you ditching us yesterday. We waited for, like, ever, and you never showed. It was your loss, though, because there was a killer sale on shoes that was a one day only thing.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I was busy yesterday.” Summer smiled at Ashlyn. “We were hanging out. We were going to catch a movie, but…” The image of Ashlyn with soda all over her came to mind, and Summer giggled.
“But we got into a sticky situation,” Ashlyn said, and then they both burst into laughter.
Lexi’s gaze moved from Ashlyn to Summer, and she arched her perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Okay, well, I’m going to let Gucci finish his walk. Summer, I’ll see you at school.”
“Bye, Lexi. See you tomorrow.”
“So, that’s one of your friends?” Ashlyn asked when Lexi was out of earshot. Summer could practically hear the quotation marks around the word friends.
She tried to think of the best way to describe her and Lexi’s relationship. “That one’s more like a frenemy. We’re surface friends, but if given the chance, she’d love to take me down. She thinks I stole Kendall from her.”
“Sounds nice.”
“That’s Lexi. She begged me to set her up with Troy, and for some reason I thought it would make things better between me and her. I think it’s going to make things worse, because I already know he doesn’t like her.”
“I wonder why,” Ashlyn said, her voice full of sarcasm.
“Yeah, damn him for actually having some taste.” Summer threw her hand over her mouth. “Oops. I shouldn’t have said that. It was mean, and I’m trying not to be like that.”
“Last I knew, there was no crime in telling the truth,” Ashlyn said. Buddy whimpered, and Ashlyn reached down and scratched his head. “Looks like Buddy’s done, and if you have time, I’d like to play a few more albums for you.”
“You better be careful tempting me with music. I might never leave your house again.”
Ashlyn’s eyes lit up. “Fine by me.”
* * *
By the time Summer got into her car to head home from Ashlyn’s, Kendall had left a couple voicemails and several texts. Apparently Lexi had called Kendall and told her all about seeing Summer and Ashlyn on the beach. Kendall wanted to know why she’d been ignored all weekend. Scrolling through message after all-caps message, Summer wondered how she was going to balance everything without losing all her friends in the process.
Chapter Ten
“Hey Baby,” Summer heard. She told herself to be strong. She knew Cody would come crawling back, asking for forgiveness, and she decided it would be okay to forgive him. But she could not—would not—take him back.
She took a fortifying breath and spun around. Just in time to see Jenna lean against Cody and stick her tongue down his throat. His hand slid down, into the back pocket of her jeans. Apparently they didn’t care about the fact that they weren’t the only two people in the hall.
Summer’s heart squeezed into a tight knot. She’d been told they were a thing now, and she thought she was okay with it. But she wasn’t. No matter how badly she wanted them to, the six months she’d spent caring about Cody didn’t just go away. If he’d cared about her at all, though, it would’ve taken him more than a day to move on. That stung worse than watching it happen. Actually, watching it happen hurt pretty damn bad, too.
Oh, holy crap, don’t start crying. Don’t start crying. Summer hugged her books to her aching chest and headed to chemistry.
Troy glanced up as she neared his desk. “I parked next to your car today. What happened to it?”
Her stomach dropped. “Did someone hit it? My dad will never believe I didn’t do it, and I’ll never get to drive anywhere ever again.”
“I meant that it’s got something brown all down the passenger side.”
“Oh, that.” Summer sank into her desk with a sigh of relief. “Ashlyn’s soda had some issues, and I didn’t get a chance to clean it off.”
“Sounds like you two hit it off,” Troy said. “And you thought she hated you.”
“She did. I had to use my awesome personality to win her over.” The memory of the hours she and Ashlyn spent laughing and talking this weekend helped chase away some of the pain she felt over seeing Cody and Jenna in the hall.
Then she remembered the incident at the beach. “I ran into Lexi over the weekend.” Summer ran her thumbnail across the edge of the desk. “She, uh, wants to know why you’re not calling.”
“Did you tell her what I said about her?” Troy asked with a wicked grin.
“Of course not! You think I’ve got a death wish?” She shook her head, trying not to smile, since it’d only encourage him. “Can I just tell her that you’re interested in somebody else?”
“I am interested in somebody else.”
“Even better. I won’t have to lie.” Summer picked up her pen and doodled on the front of her notebook. “So, how was the rest of your weekend?”
“Nothing to brag about. As usual, it ended too quickly.”
“I’m actually looking forward to today.” Seeing her ex and his new girlfriend in the hall sucked, but at lunch, she planned on hanging out with her new friends and forgetting about all her other drama.
* * *
Kendall stepped in front of Summer, blocking her path. “Okay. I don’t know what’s up, but this is an intervention.”
“What are you talking about?”
Kendall put her arm around Summer and sat her down at the table she used to frequent. From here, she could see Cody and Jenna. Jenna sat on his lap, feeding him his food like he couldn’t do it himself. What were they, birds?
<
br /> “We’re all worried about you. I know you’re going through something, and I know it’s hard since Cody moved on so fast.” Kendall looked over at him and Jenna, wrinkling her nose at the grotesque display of affection. She turned back to Summer and lowered her voice. “But it’s social suicide to be hanging out with that Reject Group all the time. They’re odd people.”
Summer glanced toward The Misfits’ table, noticing the empty space next to Marcie—her place. “I guess I’d rather kill my social life than ignore the cool people I met. I don’t understand why it has to be one or the other. I should be able to hang out with both. In fact, you should give them a chance. They’re cool.”
“Ew. The nerdy twins are so weird.”
“Yes, they’re a little…unconventional. But Aaron and Darren are two of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.” In fact, she felt bad she’d ever thought of them as nerds. Although, she was starting to think nerds were the new cool.
Kendall threw up a hand. “Look. You need to remember the people who’ve been your friends since you got here. You didn’t even call me back yesterday.”
“I was busy.”
“I know. Hanging out with your new friend at Dog Beach.”
“I don’t see why I can’t be friends with everyone.” Summer’s attention accidentally drifted to Cody again. With him right there, it was hard not to look at him. “I can’t be over here with that going on.” She jerked her chin toward the making out duo. “I’ll catch up with you at practice.”
“Then go to the other side of the table.” Kendall lowered her voice, so only Summer could here. “Trust me, you need to hang with us at lunch today. People are starting to think you’re turning your back on us, and I can’t keep sticking up for you. Don’t mess everything up now.”
Not wanting to piss anyone off, Summer decided she should spend some time with Kendall. She moved to the other side so she wouldn’t have to witness Cody and Jenna making out.
“So guess what?” Lexi asked. “I heard Allie McKay’s dad is sleeping with her little brother’s nanny.”
