by Cindi Madsen
“She was so happy this morning,” Summer said. “Last night meant so much to her.”
“But I was too late. I didn’t even get a chance to do all those things with her that I promised we’d do.”
Summer searched for the right words. “What’s important is she knew you wanted to. She knew you loved her.”
Convulsions shook Pamela, and Summer was afraid she’d pull the both of them to the floor. She moved Pamela over to a chair and sat her down in it, then sat in the one next to her. Troy took the chair on the other side of Summer.
They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity.
Chapter Thirty-One
The birds outside the window chirped, sounding way cheerier than this day deserved.
Summer groaned when she sensed Gabriella. “Not you. I’m not in the mood.”
“Well hello to you, too,” Gabriella said, her voice also sounding too cheery. “You certainly know how to make me feel welcome.”
“You’re not welcome. I wish you’d never come into my life in the first place.” She felt Gabriella’s hand on her shoulder, but she continued to stare outside at the stupid sunshine.
“I know you’re upset, but you did very well. Everything was resolved before she passed on.”
Summer whipped around. “She died. I hate you for taking her. And I hate whoever gives the orders.” She glared until tears blurred her vision.
“I know this is hard. But you made a big difference in Pamela’s and Ashlyn’s lives. I’ve been doing this for a long time, and I’ve never seen a Cipher make the connection you did. Not only did you help her resolve her relationship, but you gave her a new relationship. You take those memories with you. Your mom was amazing at the short jobs. It looks like you have a gift for the longer ones.”
Summer shook her head. “I can’t do this over and over again. I can’t get attached only to see them die. It’s too much.”
“We understand that,” Gabriella said. “We’ll give you some time before the next assignment.”
“I don’t want another.” Summer wiped at the tears running down her cheek. “Ever.”
“Well, someone is going to need you in the future, and I know you’ll help them like you did Ashlyn. By the way, even from Heaven, she’s not going to forget about your promise to her.”
“Promise?”
“She talked to her mom. You need to talk to that boy.”
Summer dropped onto the foot of her bed and stared at the spot on the wall where the paint was flaking. “I kill people. I can’t have a boyfriend.”
Gabriella sat next to her. “Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t kill people; you help people. Ciphers are perfectly capable of having good relationships. Your mom had your dad.”
“My dad lost his wife.”
Gabriella sighed, wrapped her arms around Summer in a side hug, and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll visit you later, when you’ve had a little time to recover. But you really should keep your promise. You owe it to Ashlyn. You’d hate to have any unresolved business, wouldn’t you?”
“Nothing personal. You seem like a lovely person-angel-thing and all, I’d just rather you not visit for a really long time.”
“You might find you miss me when I’m gone. And at least next time it won’t be so hard because you’ll have experience under your belt.” Gabriella stood and smoothed her hand down her skirt. “One last thing. Your mom wants me to tell you that she’s proud of you and she misses you. Then she wanted me to add one last thing.” Gabriella tapped her lip. “Let’s see, the exact wording was, ‘Be good. You’re awesome. I love you.’”
Just when Summer didn’t think she had any more tears left, fresh tears filled her eyes. “Tell her I love her back. And that I miss her like crazy.”
“It’ll be nice to deliver a message like that for a change,” Gabriella said. “Goodbye, Summer Dear.”
“Goodbye, Gabriella. I’m sorry that I yelled at you earlier, and just… Thanks for all your help.”
Now Gabriella looked like she was going to cry. As always, her outline glittered for a few seconds before she disappeared.
A growl rumbled through Summer’s stomach. Seeing people’s deaths always zapped her of her energy. The last thing she felt like doing was eating, but she knew how sick she’d get if she didn’t. So she dragged herself downstairs to the kitchen to see what they had to eat.
She found a twenty stuck to the fridge with a note from dad.
Order yourself dinner. There’s a new package of Oreos in the pantry. Call if you need anything.
Love you, kid
Dad
After the school had called and informed him Summer wasn’t in class, Dad had called her cell. When she had trouble completing a sentence, Troy took over and filled him in on all that’d happened. He’d offered to skip his meeting in LA and come home early. Summer knew he’d been prepping for the meeting for weeks, though, so she assured him she’d be fine.
Now she wished he was here.
On autopilot, she picked up the phone and ordered a pizza. Needing a distraction, she headed to the living room and turned on the television. Already Summer was dreading the nightmares that came after a vision—especially since they’d involve her best friend’s death. In honor of Ashlyn, Summer had ordered a liter of Diet Coke to go with her pizza. Hopefully the caffeine would help keep her awake as well.
Ten minutes into a show she couldn’t focus on, the doorbell rang. “That was fast.” Summer grabbed the twenty off the coffee table and headed to the front door.
When she swung the door open, Troy stood in place of her pizza. “I came to keep you company,” he said. She wanted to hug him for knowing she needed someone, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever let go if she did.
“Come on in,” Summer said, stepping aside to let him in. “Pizza should be here soon.”
As soon as they were seated on the couch, the deal she made with Ashlyn kept going through her head. It seemed like such a weird time to tell him she was crazy about him, but guilt gnawed at her, pushing her to keep her promise.
“Summer,” Troy said before she could start her speech about her feelings. “Why did you keep saying that you hate your job? And how did you know that Ashlyn was going to die in the ambulance?”
If she told him that first, there was no way she could follow it up with how she felt about him. “We’ll get into all that in a minute. First, I have to keep a promise I made to Ashlyn. I need to tell you something.” Summer bit her lip, trying to think of the right way to say it. “I like you, Troy. More than just a friend. I know you might not feel the same way, and that’s okay, but—”
Troy leaned in and kissed her, cutting off the rest of her sentence. His lips were soft, yet insistent, and there was an edge of urgency to the kiss.
When he pulled back, she blinked at him, all her thoughts tangled up in his lips instead of whatever she’d been saying. But then she remembered. Confessing. Making things clear. And as much as she wanted to keep kissing him, she had more she needed to say. “Um, like I was saying, I like you, but I can’t stand in line with all your other girls. I’m not built that way.”
“You keep talking about these other girls,” he said. “But you’re the one who kissed me then avoided me for a few days. Then you topped it off with the just-friends speech.”
“That’s because I walked out of practice the day I kissed you and saw you talking to that girl you’re always with. The one who’s on the volleyball team.”
“Cara?”
Summer crossed her arms. “Yeah, her.”
“Her brother Kevin is in the band with me. She’s been finding us places for the band to play. She books the gigs; that’s it.”
“That’s not it. I’ve seen the way she is around you. Anyone could see that girl’s all about you.”
“I don’t know how she feels.” Troy locked eyes with Summer. “All I know is that I’ve been all about one girl for a long time.” Her heart swelled, and she wanted to believe h
im more than anything.
“What about the girl on the beach? The one who needed surf lessons?”
“That was Kevin’s way of trying to get me over you.” Troy grabbed her hand and tugged it free of her cross-armed position. “It didn’t work, though.” He lifted her hand and slid his fingers between hers. “Summer, I’ve liked you since the minute I met you. I used to feel guilty because I was dating Kristen and thinking about you. By the time I decided I needed to break up with her and try to wait a respectable five minutes to tell you how I felt, you were dating Studmuffin. Why do you think I hate him so much?”
Summer shrugged, his touch, her rapid heartbeat, making her blissfully dizzy.
“It’s because he was dating my girl. I was supposed to be with you, not him. I thought I’d get over it during the summer,” he said. “That lasted until I saw you again. Then every time I tried to talk to you about it, I couldn’t say anything right and we ended up fighting—the complete opposite of what I was going for, by the way.”
“Well, ever since you kissed me in the hall, I’ve been all messed up.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “I did want to help you out there, but I’ll admit it was a little selfish on my part. I wanted to kiss you for a long time, and I decided that might be my only chance. I’ve been miserable ever since.” He ran his fingers along her jaw. “It was almost better when I didn’t know how it felt to kiss you.”
This time, Summer initiated the kiss. He didn’t take long to join in, though, slipping his hand behind her neck and parting her lips with his. Where his last kiss was urgent, this one was more of a slow build, soft kisses that merged together in a delicious blur.
The doorbell rang, and Summer hesitantly pulled away. “I bet that’s my pizza.”
“I’ll get it.”
Summer handed him the money. “I’ll grab cups and plates and meet you back here.”
A clear conscious made Summer feel a little better—especially since admitting her feelings for Troy had ended up going so well. Part of her felt guilty for even kissing Troy on a day like this. But then she thought Ashlyn would’ve been happy. If only she could see her face light up when she told her. Hear her say I told you so. The hollow ache in Summer’s chest throbbed, a reminder that life would never be the same again.
She filled two cups with ice, grabbed a couple of plates and the package of Oreos, and headed back into the living room.
Troy set the pizza on the coffee table, and they filled their cups and plates. By the time they finished eating, Summer felt like she might just survive tonight after all. She’d have to worry about all the days following later.
Troy polished off the last of the soda. He sat back and pinned her with an ominous eyebrow raise. “Okay, so tell me about today.”
Looking at him, she thought that telling him how she felt first was a mistake. This was going to be hard, and she couldn’t help worrying about his reaction. They might never kiss again. “Are you sure you want to know? You’re going to think I’m crazy.”
Troy reached out and took her hand. “I want to know what’s going on. How did you know what was going to happen before it did?”
“You know how I told you I had a bad feeling about my mom leaving that day?” Summer asked. “The day she was killed?”
“Yeah, I remember you saying that.”
“When I hugged her that morning, I didn’t just feel something bad was going to happen…” She hesitated for a second, not sure how much she should divulge. But then Troy gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, and she just blurted out the rest. “I saw her get shot. I saw her die. I tried to convince her not to go, but she went anyway. I thought maybe it was my imagination, but… Well she… I saw her death before it happened, Troy.”
“You’re saying that you’re psychic?”
“Not really. It’s hard to explain.” Summer took a deep breath. “I guess I’ll start at the beginning…” She told him about the man on the sidewalk, how it was like watching a few minutes of a movie in fast-forward. “For years I thought it was just my imagination running wild. I didn’t know it was coming true. Not for sure. Until my mom.” The pressure in her lungs grew until she was sure they’d burst. “After that day I was sure.”
Troy didn’t say anything, just continued to stare.
I knew this was a bad idea. I freaked him out. “I understand this changes things,” Summer said, wanting him to know it was okay if it was too much for him, even though she didn’t think she’d be okay if he left her.
“It doesn’t change the way I feel about you.” He brushed his thumb over her knuckles. “That must’ve been really hard. Seeing your mom…”
The burning started in her eyes again, and she clenched her jaw to try to kill the tears. “I wish I could’ve stopped her. I tried, but it didn’t matter. Like with the guy I yelled at after we left the record store. I saw him falling asleep at the wheel. That’s why I told him to wake up. To drink something.”
“Maybe he took your advice,” Troy said. “Maybe he didn’t die.”
“No. He died.” Summer remembered how mad Gabriella had been. “In fact, my advice almost killed other people.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do,” she said softly, without the anger she’d put behind it earlier today. “I guess I’m drawn to them, because it’s happening more and more. It happened again on the beach, the guy I ran into after we were surfing. That mean older guy…” The memory made her shudder. Especially when she remembered the nightmares she’d had afterward. “He broke into an old lady’s house, and she shot him when he tried to pull a gun on her. I didn’t try to stop him. Not only because he was armed at the beach, but because I thought the world would be better off. I guess that makes me a bad person.”
Troy squeezed her hand, his silver ring cool compared to the warmth of his skin. “You’re not a bad person. And it sounds like you couldn’t have done anything anyway.” He glanced down, the muscles in his jaw working. When he spoke, his voice was heavy with emotion. “How long did you know about Ashlyn?”
She breathed through the throb of pain brought by hearing Ashlyn’s name, the fact that Troy was so affected making it even harder to control her own emotions. Here was where things got tricky. It was one thing to share this so-called psychic ability; it was another to admit the Angel of Death was a frequent visitor. “I didn’t see Ashlyn’s death until today. When I hugged her, I saw her dying in the ambulance. I thought maybe if I could keep her out of it…” Her voice cracked and she couldn’t continue.
“She wouldn’t die,” Troy said.
She nodded.
He scrubbed his free hand across his face. “Wow, this is crazy.”
“I’m a little sensitive about the word ‘crazy’ right now.”
Troy pulled her into a hug. “Now I understand why your life has been so up and down. Your secret makes my secret band seem like a joke.”
“Does that mean you…believe me?”
Troy sat back, his eyes locking onto hers. “I believe you.”
“This is your chance to change your mind. If you don’t think you can handle all my baggage, I understand. We can go back to being friends.”
Troy rested his forehead against hers. “It would take a lot more to get rid of me.”
“Good, because I’ve been having a hard time just being friends.” Summer kissed him again, keeping it light because it was all she could handle right now. They settled into the couch, cuddling while watching television. Her head hurt from the hours of crying, and the ache in her chest was still there, but leaning against Troy, she felt safe. She even felt like someday she might be able to laugh again. “I don’t think I could’ve made it through today without you,” she whispered.
Troy curled her closer and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes, inhaling his familiar beachy and citrus scent. She basked in having his arms around her and listening to his heartbeat, wishing that she could stay like this forever.
Wishing th
at she didn’t have to deal with what would happen after he left.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Summer woke up and stared at her ceiling. I didn’t have any nightmares. She’d had calm, peaceful dreams. Sorrow still hung heavy in her heart, but the awful feeling she’d had in her gut for weeks was gone.
Her phone rang, and she reached over and grabbed it off her nightstand.
Kendall’s name flashed across the display. “Now that’s a name I haven’t seen in a while.” Summer answered and held it up to her ear. “Hello?”
“Hi, Summer.” Kendall was quiet for a moment. “I wanted to say that things might’ve gotten out of hand. When you chose someone over me, it hurt, and I decided to hurt you back. I never would wish this on you, though. I’m really sorry about your friend Ashley. I’m sorry about everything.”
Now didn’t seem like the time to correct Kendall on the name thing. “Thanks, that means a lot. And it wasn’t just you. I said some awful things, too, and I’m sorry. I wish it hadn’t gotten so ugly.”
“If you need to talk, you can give me a call. And I was also thinking that if you cried in front of Mr. Strider he’d let you practice a week early.”
Summer shook her head. She wouldn’t be Kendall if she didn’t throw one of her desires into the mix. “Thanks for the call, Kendall.” She said goodbye and tossed her phone back on her nightstand.
She contemplated lying in bed all day, but she knew from experience that didn’t make it better—it just left you too much time to think and re-hash everything. And cry and get more and more depressed. So even though it seemed impossible, you had to get up and go through the motions of living life. Days would pass, and, gradually, it would get a little easier. Then weeks. Months. Until one day you’d find you weren’t just going through the motions, but actually living again. Memories would still cause a dull ache, but occasionally they’d bring happiness, too.
