“No! Dad, sit down. I don’t mind running out to the store. It won’t take me long to go there and back. It’s too late to start unpacking things. I have enough things to keep us going for a few days other than the diapers and maybe his formula. It makes sense not to unpack everything until I can see if I can sort us some place to live. I love that I can stay here with you guys, but I think we all need to get settled as soon as possible,” she reasoned with him. “I’d actually appreciate a bit of time out anyway. Now the kids are asleep it would be nice to have a drive around and take a trip down memory lane.” She contemplated taking the opportunity to drive out to Glen Springs. It was only about a fifteen-minute drive away and she knew of at least one twenty-four hour store on the way there. Now she was back permanently, she felt a pull to go back and whether it was for her to seek some closure on that part of her life or just genuine curiosity, she didn’t know.
“I don’t mind running out either love.” He replied still standing by the closet and reaching for his jacket.
“Sit down dad and relax. You’ve done so much for me these last few weeks as it is. Besides, I need to get myself re-acquainted with places around here and it will give me a chance to take a car out before I have to drive with the kids in it. It has been a long while since I’ve been behind the wheel,” she practically begged.
“Okay, love, take my car and be careful then and we will gladly watch the sleeping beauties. I’ll go grab the baby monitor from over there in case we miss them.” She smiled at how serious her dad was when it came to his babysitting duties. He walked over and took the monitor from the sideboard and headed to the main room where he joined her mom on the couch and flicked on the television.
She grabbed her dad’s car keys and her jacket, and walked out of the door and to the vehicle sitting on the middle of the driveway. Another item on her ever-growing list was to buy her own car. Her dad had the van he used for work and he rarely used his SUV unless he needed to travel longer distances or the weather was bad. Her mom had her own compact car so her dad declared that she could keep the SUV until she could find the time to go shopping for her own.
Chapter Twenty-Four
She took the time to familiarize herself with the vehicle before she backed out of the drive into the quiet street. She headed out on the main route to town that intersected a few miles up the road with Route 66. She knew that there was a twenty-four hour convenience store just of that road a little way the other side of town so she headed along there. Curiously, the same route 66 was also the road that led to Glen Springs and she had already decided that it was going to be her destination for the evening drive. The weather wasn’t bad for the time of year and it was a pretty clear night. The days had still been reasonably warm but the evening and particularly late at night this time of year the weather could be a little chilly.
The traffic was light, which wasn’t surprising with it being late evening on a weekday shortly after the mad rush hour of the day had ended. It was a good time to be out and as the night had fallen, she took a minor detour and drove down the main street in downtown Edmond. She had loved the town as a child and the older part still remained really quaint. The main street was lined with older red brick buildings, all kept in really good condition. The avenues were wide and the town had more recently had a full reconstruction of its road networks. The parades down this part of town were amazing and during the Fourth of July and thanksgiving the town really came alive.
Since she had lived here, several large malls had been built, increasing its attraction. The town was constantly winning spurious contests, but had been voted one of the leading places in America to raise a family in several polls over the years. The sign that the city council had installed on the route into town even declared ‘Welcome to Edmond. A Great Place to Grow’. After driving around for a few minutes to familiarize herself with where she needed to be coming in the next few days she then found the all night store. Pulling into the parking lot she was surprised to see it was still reasonably busy even at this time. She found the diapers and formula easily and was out and on her way within a few minutes.
She began to feel nervous as she headed down the road to Glen Springs. She hadn’t been back since the fateful night of the big tornado. The same night that she and Charlie had spent together in the shelter. She often wondered what he was doing and as she entered the town limits, she could see the landmark water tower illuminated in the distance. It appeared to have had a fairly fresh coat of paint and as with most of the other towers in the area it was a defining part of each town.
The tower had been visible from her old bedroom window. As she drove past it she saw her old road. Curiosity took over, and she turned left, heading towards her old childhood home. Within a few hundred yards she arrived at the spot where her old home used to be. There was very little sign of it now as after the tornado the land was bought for development that never went ahead. The water tower glowed from its position on the highway as it had years ago. She drove a little further down the road and saw the old Fitzgerald place on her right. As she continued to the gate, a fresh wave of sadness hit her. The grief she had felt at waking up alone and being found by the police officer all of those years ago hit her hard. Life after that point had been hard and even deciding to stay away and live in New York still hadn’t filled the void that Charlie left her with that day.
She pulled the vehicle over to the gate entrance and jumped out. Peering curiously through the gap in the padlocked fence, she saw that in place of the old Fitzgerald monstrosity, someone had recently started to build a beautiful huge log home. It had been floodlit to showcase its clean lines and beautiful workmanship. The place was far from finished, but she could see that a lot of care and attention had obviously gone into its creation. The outline of what someone had created was breathtaking. It was over two floors and in the style of a modern Swiss ski chalet. The shingle roof was pitched off center to allow for one long sloping side and a shorter but more pitched side on its opposite. The second floor boasted huge picture windows that complemented the view. Although the first floor was unfinished, it appeared to incorporate a complete wrap around porch that looked to ending a huge wooden decked area overlooking the fields to the rear. A few of the older twisted trees had either been taken away or blown away in the tornado, and a large open lawn area had been added complete with the shape of what she assumed would be an exquisite pool area. It had gone from being the most outrageous home she had seen to what she could only describe as the most beautiful. Whoever lived here was extremely lucky to have the talent and ambition to create a home like this. She was glad she had visited; and although her painful memories had been resurrected, she had also found some peace in seeing the future home someone was carving from the mess she left behind.
Jumping back into the vehicle, she headed back towards the center of Glen Springs and was beginning to really feel nervous as to what she might find. She had never wanted to ask her parents anything about the area because, as far as they were concerned she had left it all behind. She had kept her feelings to herself and after vowing to move on from the Charlie mess after losing the baby, she tried her hardest to forget everything. As she drove toward Hanks Autoshop on the Route 66, she noticed that a lot in the small town had changed. Main Street had been demolished by the storm, and in its place a wide avenue lined with low rise modern buildings had been created. They had also made the old recreation area at the center into a small garden, complete with a fountain that tapped into the fresh water ‘spring’ that had inspired the town’s name. She had to admit it was a lot nicer than the old nineteen sixties style buildings that had been destroyed and it felt like a whole new town to her. Nothing was particularly familiar anymore and she was okay with that.
Turning at the traffic lights the other side of town from her old home, she was stunned to see that Hanks Autoshop was gone and in its place she saw a vaguely familiar vision she was not expecting at all. There in all its illuminated glory was an M’s
Place. She drove to the diner and saw that it was almost a carbon copy inside of the one she had left behind in New York. It appeared to be a diner by day and a popular eating-house by night and as with the diner in New York it was pretty busy now with an evening service. Taking stock of the place in front of her, she drove carefully into the busy lot and pulled into a space. She took a moment to compose herself and just as she was about to get out of the car to go inside and grab a few treats, she felt a sudden change in the air.
She slowly looked up and saw the rear door of the diner open and a broad muscular figure dressed in chef’s whites exited the door carrying two overfilled trash bags. As the man approached the trashcans a little way in front of the car, he stopped and turned to face her. Dropping the trash bags he was holding the figure took off his hat and ran his hand through his long wild, hair and down the straggly beard that now adorned his handsome face. Emma froze as the piercing blue eyes of Charlie Haart met her own across the dark lot. Minutes passed and both of them were frozen like statues just staring at each other in disbelief and bewilderment. Neither made a move but just focused on one another, Emma drank in the sight before her. She started to shake and the emotions of the last few months and the heartbreak of what Charlie had done all of those years ago crashed over her like a waterfall.
She could barely think, and even though everything was screaming inside her to go running to him and take hold of him and never let go, her body wouldn’t comply. She instead found herself robotically reaching for the key and starting the engine of the car, throwing it into gear and driving away. She needed to get away and process what had just happened. As she reached the car park exit she stopped and in the rear view mirror she could see Charlie was still frozen to the spot and just staring right at her in the car. His breathing was coming in erratic bursts and the warring look that crossed over his face left her feeling confused. She took one last look in the mirror as she pulled out of the lot and drove home.
Her mind was awash with a million things floating in and out of her subconscious as she drove the route back to Edmond. He was in Glen Springs, still working at the same spot he was years ago when she had left. His overalls appeared to have been swapped for kitchen attire. Although she had hoped he would finish his high school diploma and work hard, she couldn’t help feeling a pang of disappointment that he was still working a menial job and that he hadn’t come good on his promise in his letter to make something of himself. It was yet another thing she would now shoulder on her conscience, failing Charlie, too. She hoped he was happy, but judging by his bedraggled appearance, she doubted he was taking a great deal of care of himself.
She was still reeling at the fact she had seen him when she arrived back at her parents’ house. Her anger had turned to frustration, though as she was regretting the fact she hadn’t gotten out and approached him. It was a missed opportunity for her to talk to him and find out what had happened to him over the last few years. He would be haunting her dreams tonight. After she entered the house, she made her excuses to her parents and went straight to bed.
As she had predicted, neither of the children slept particularly well that night. Adie kept waking during the night and being frightened of her new surroundings and Leo needing his usual feeds. She barely slept a wink after being woken a few times coupled with the fact she was plagued with the sight of Charlie at the diner. By the time morning came around she was exhausted.
She was up fairly early with the kids, but to her surprise when she came down the stairs her mom already had breakfast ready to go. After feeding them all her special chocolate chip pancakes and fruit, her mom then took Adie to give her the guided tour of her new ‘awesome’ home as she had excitedly announced. Mike made a second batch of hot coffee and took a now wide-awake Leo out to inspect the latest planting he had done in the garden. Emma relaxed on the couch with her laptop, enjoying the peace that her parents had afforded her that morning. She busied herself sorting through the copious ‘to do’ lists she had written and within an hour had arranged to visit the local pre-kindergarten class with Adie and found a handful of potential offices to visit. Clearing her email inbox and firing a few brief responses back to Bruce she was ready to start on the days tasks.
Her mom walked back into the main living area minus the excited Adie as she was packing her laptop away.
“Hey Mom, where’s Adie? It seems awful quiet in here without her.” She chuckled.
“She decided your dad needed help with Leo in the garden, that or the new kids play frame and sandbox he’s had installed by the summerhouse might have helped swing it,” Nicky said cheerfully. “Your father has been so excited about these little guys coming home with you and because of … well, you know… their dad not being here anymore, I think he feels he has some pretty big shoes to fill in their little lives, too,” she stated with pride.
“He’s been amazing, well, you both have, Mom, and I’m so grateful.” She managed a weak smile.
“Honey, is everything all right? You seem a little subdued this morning?”
“I saw Charlie last night. I drove out to Glen Springs and he was there, standing right there in front of my car in the doorway of the diner over there,” she said quickly as if getting it off her chest would stop the constant churning in her stomach.
“Oh my. And how did that go?” her mom answered. She hadn’t been a huge Charlie fan after the fallout she had dealt with after he left her daughter that morning in the shelter.
“Well, it didn’t. I froze when I saw him and literally just drove away and left him. But mom it has really unsettled me. I’ve never got over him you know? I have thought about him so much this last few years and he’s the reason I’ve never settled down. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get me over him,” she confessed sheepishly as her mom listened intently.
“I know, honey, and although I wasn’t his biggest fan a few years ago after he did what he did, I can also see why he felt he had to do it. And don’t forget he never knew about the baby. So it’s unfair to tar him with that heartbreak, too. Besides, you never came back, and I guess he probably just thought you had moved on.”
“You really think so? I hated him for years after I left, but you’re right. I did stay away. I’m not sure whether I was too scared to come home in case I saw him or whether I wanted to somehow prove to him that I could make something of myself, I also stupidly thought he might see through on his promise and come for me, but he never has as far as I’m aware, anyway.” She was amazed at how she was finally opening up to her mom. It felt good to find a way to offload some of the burden she had been carrying all these years. Nicky was listening patiently and Emma knew that this conversation was long overdue. She had kept so much bottled up over the years it was a big relief to finally be able to talk to her mom and let some of the heartache go.
“Why have you never tried to contact him? I know from just asking around here that he came back pretty quickly after you’d left, but I’ve not really asked beyond that. I just assumed after the baby you’d want to forget him and move on. That’s why I haven’t mentioned him to you. I never realized you were still feeling this way about him after all these years. Oh, honey, it must have been so hard for you. Why don’t you go back sometime and try speaking to him?” Nicky wrapped her arm around her shoulders and kissed her on her temple like she used to do when she was upset as a child. After looping a few stray strands of hair back round her ear, she encouraged Emma to carry on.
“I don’t know. I guess I thought I was getting over him after college so when I was offered the job in New York and I realized I wasn’t going to come back, I just never bothered. I dreamed a lot that he would come and find me again, but he never did. Maybe I was wrong about us and it really was his way of letting me down nicely and moving on himself.” She sighed deeply and turned to her mom.
“Anyway, who would want me right now? I’m a mess and I have two far more important people in my life to deal with talking of which, are you coming with
me to pre-k with Adie this afternoon?”
“Of course I will, honey, and when you’re more settled, it might do you good to go talk to Charlie, you know? He might be able to bring you some closure on all of this.”
“I will. I don’t think I can move on with anyone else until I do. Thanks for listening, though. I’ll try not to bottle things up in the future. I feel so much better for offloading already.”
“You’re welcome. Now let’s go find your dad and those two little angels and get Adie ready for her afternoon trip,” she said before planting another kiss on her daughter’s temple. She stood and began ushering her in the general direction of the garden and the peals of laughter and squeals that were now emanating from outside.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The next couple of weeks flew by in a flurry of appointments and settling the children into childcare. Today she had finally dropped Leo off at the local daycare center for his first full day. When it was time she head to the airport to collect Bruce who was heading over for a week to help search for an office. Lou was due to fly in for the following weekend, as it would be Adie’s fourth birthday. They were going to stay with them through Thanksgiving the week after. Now the children were settled, she was feeling more at home than she had in a long time. Things felt like they were coming together for her for the first time in her life. Being back in Oklahoma was the best therapy she could have ordered after Lily’s death; and although her and her parents still battled daily with dealing with Adie and her grief, things were definitely settling down for her.
As she headed down the freeway towards the arrivals terminal, her excitement to see Bruce rose. He had become a close confidante since she had been home and his and Lou’s unwavering support had meant so much. She spoke to them both daily and Adie insisted on Skype calls at least twice a week with ‘Uncie Wou and Bwucie’. They had fast become a second family for them all. She was also grateful for his help in sorting the office.
Steeling My Haart Page 18
