by Theresa Kay
My first instinct is to say no, that it’s a family thing—and babies make me nervous. But before I can answer him, Rym pops up beside me and throws an arm around my shoulders.
“Of course she is!”
Sometimes I wonder where he gets all his energy from. My body is a mass of aches and pains, and I’m utterly exhausted while Rym is bouncing around like a little kid.
I shrug. “I guess I’m going then.”
Rym winks at me, and Lir smirks at his cousin’s antics. The three of us walk back together.
Trel beams when she sees us—well, more like when she sees Lir and her brother. I just happen to be next to them, but whatever. She’s sitting up on a clean pallet of blankets looking tired and absolutely exhilarated at the same time. Vitrad’s slumped against the wall next to her, staring at his daughter with open affection.
It’s weird to see him like that. Soft. Attentive. Caring even. I hadn’t doubted his love for his children, or at least for Trel, but seeing it in action feels different. I’ll never forgive the guy after all he’s done, but I guess I can emphasize with him… a little. He wanted to protect his family. He didn’t go about it in the right way, not by far, but I understand his motivations. Kind of.
“Where’s the baby?” I blurt out.
Trel looks toward Gavin of all people, who’s holding a tiny bundle. A little hand appears and grabs the finger he’s wiggling, and Gavin grins.
“Gavin, the others would like to see her,” says Trel, with none of her typical anti-human animosity.
Gavin’s cheeks go pink. “Oh. Of course.” He withdraws his finger and angles the bundle to face us.
I wrinkle my nose. She’s a little wrinkly and smushed-looking, but I guess she’s cute. The blanket slides away from the baby’s head, revealing a shock of raven black hair sprinkled with gold. It looks like a night sky dusted with stars. And when she opens her eyes, they’re pure gold, just like her mother’s.
Now I’m kind of impressed.
The baby screws her face up and lets out an angry cry. Gavin immediately turns her back to face him, one dark-haired form bent over another, and he returns his finger to her grasp, cooing something under his breath.
I’m thoroughly confused. I glance back and forth between Trel and Gavin. She’s looking at him with admiration, gratitude, and something that looks a whole hell of a lot like… longing.
It’s the hair, says Rym. Color reminds her of Kov. And it probably helps that he seems to be utterly captivated by the baby. I shoot him a skeptical look, and he shrugs.
Then he steps toward Gavin. “Any chance I could steal my niece away for a bit?”
Gavin reluctantly hands the baby over, and Rym starts babbling and cooing at her. It’s as if I’ve entered another world. Has everyone gone crazy? Am I the only one who feels awkward?
Beside me, Lir chuckles under his breath. You do not shy away from skinning animals or throwing knives, but an infant makes you uncomfortable?
Well, you all have had practice. You have a little sister. I’m sure Rym spent time with Stella too. I have no experience with babies, so, yes, they make me nervous. She’s so fragile. What if I break her or something?
Another chuckle, then his fingers wrap around mine and tug me forward, closer to his cousin and the bundle in his arms. Lir peers over Rym’s shoulder. “She is beautiful, Trel. Have you chosen a name?”
Rym nods at something, probably a comment from Trel, and hands the baby off to his sister. She cradles the bundle and smiles down at the tiny face inside. “I am not sure…” She pulls her lower lip between her teeth and looks at Lir. “I would like to honor Kov’s adoptive family—yours—but it does not feel right to not use Kov’s family name.”
Lir crouches next to her. “Name her as you wish. My family will take no offense.”
Trel smiles. “Thank you. For your blessing. I shall call her Teskalla…Kalla.”
“That is lovely. May I?” Lir holds his arms out for the baby, and Trel places the bundle in his arms.
He settles back against the wall, baby Kalla held close to his chest, and beckons me closer with one hand. I sit down next to him and study the tiny face. Her golden eyes study me in return. Mimicking Gavin, I extend my index finger over her, and she grabs hold. I stroke her fingers with my thumb. Wow. This is a whole new person, a whole new life… It’s kind of amazing.
A steady flow of contented warmth flows across the bond from Lir, and he watches me from the corner of his eye, smiling as I study the baby’s tiny, perfect fingers. His eyebrow rises in a silent question. Do I want to hold her?
I shake my head. Maybe when she’s bigger, when she doesn’t look so… breakable.
Vitrad speaks up for the first time since we entered the room. “She is part of the Linaud line no matter what her family name is. That will give her the protection of…” He trails off, looking around the room uncertainly. “I do not know anymore.”
“She’ll have my protection,” says Rym, glancing at his sister and then at Lir, who grins back at him. “Our protection. No matter what else happens, she’ll have her family.”
Vitrad smiles warmly. At his son. Rym’s return smile is weak, but hopeful.
Lir passes Kalla to Rym and takes hold of Trel’s hand. He bows his head and begins speaking softly in the E’rikon language. Trel breaks into a smile, and her eyes shimmer with tears.
What’s going on?
It’s an oath of sorts, says Rym without taking his eyes off his cousin and his sister. A pledge of family, friendship, and… support? It doesn’t translate well.
Oh.
Lir tilts his head first to Rym, then to Vitrad, and continues speaking. He pauses, and Rym repeats what he just said… I think. Another string of words from Lir, followed by a similar-sounding one from Vitrad.
Trel acknowledges each of them with a tip of her chin, places a hand on Kalla’s head, and says something else. I wish I understood E’rikon. My only available translators, Rym and Lir, are too focused on Trel to help me out.
It’s all very formal, like the greeting in the city, but more…
I squirm, and my gaze strays to Gavin, who’s watching the whole thing with as much curiosity as I feel. He catches my eye and shrugs.
As the ceremony continues and the lyrical sounds of the E’rikon language echo in my ears, a growing sense of emptiness and loss fills me. For all the drama and pain between them, Lir, Rym, Trel, Kalla, and even Vitrad… they’re family in a way I might never have again, no matter what Lir and I are to each other.
I never knew my mom.
I’ve never had any extended family.
My only sibling is…
And my dad…
It’s all too much.
My throat is clogged, and my breath comes faster. “I… I… I’ve gotta go.”
Jumping to my feet, I rush from the claustrophobic room. The larger main room is no better. The weight of everything is only compounded by the roof above my head and the walls closing me in. I need out. Halfway across the room, I speed to a jog and then to a run, and then to an all-out sprint. I don’t slow or stop until I’ve reached the open air. Leaning over with my hands on my knees, I gasp for breath through my sobs.
Everything is hitting me at once. It’s “later,” and now my grief is asking for what’s due.
My brother’s dead, my twin, my other half.
I left his goddamn body behind. He’s going to rot there… alone.
I’ll never see him again.
And Peter… the solid, steady priest who saved me from myself. He took a bullet meant for me. He died because I was too busy taking my vengeance on Daniel to pay attention to anything.
And Emily, whose death I can barely feel because it came so quickly after.
Who else is going to die before this is over? How many people can I stand to lose? Haven’t I lost enough?
Frost spreads through my limbs and ice forms in my lungs, stripping me of breath and freezing me in place. My heartbeat pounds in
my ears, and blackness trickles in along the edges of my vision. I gasp, and my hand flies to my throat as if that will help me breathe. It doesn’t. My mouth opens and closes like I’m a fish flopping on the bank. My throat is shut. No air’s getting through.
And underneath everything, that darkness chants inside my head. Jace is dead. Flint is dead. Peter’s dead.
Over and over and over until it finally fades away with one last whisper from the darkness: You will fail. They will all die.
My throat thaws enough to push up the contents of my stomach, as sparse as they are. When was the last time I ate? I dry heave twice before my lungs stutter into motion again and pull in a single breath.
Yes. That’s what I need. Air. I need to breathe.
My heartbeat slows to a more normal rhythm. And I take three more slow breaths.
So much for not having a panic attack recently.
A harsh laugh bursts from my mouth.
Guess I should’ve knocked on wood or something.
This time it’s a giggle.
None of this is the least bit funny, but I break into laughter anyway, a choked, maniacal laughter that’s closer to crying than anything else. But at least I can breathe again. I plop my butt on the ground and lean my head back against a tree, chuckles leaking past my lips and tears leaking from my eyes.
I’m mostly back together. There might be a piece or two of my sanity scattered around somewhere, but I’m functional. I close my eyes. I don’t know if I can go back in there and face everyone.
“You’re fast.” My eyes fly open as Dad steps into view. He rakes a hand through his hair and rubs at the back of his neck. “I know I might not be the person you want to see, but—”
I jump to my feet and wrap my arms around him. He freezes for a split second before returning the hug.
In this moment, I don’t care about where he’s been for the last four years. He’s here now. I’m only eighteen, and I’m scared out of my mind about everything ahead of me, all the expectations of me… and I just want my dad—my family, the person whose job it is to protect me from the world, and my last true link to Jace.
IT TAKES ME ABOUT TWENTY minutes to fully calm down and get everything out, but by the time I’m done, I don’t feel quite so alone. Dad and I… we’re okay. I cried on him, smacked him in the chest more than a few times, dumped all my feelings and fears and resentments on him and… he stood, listened quietly, and accepted all my criticisms—some of which he might not have fully deserved. He even apologized again—or more like three more times.
He told me more about what he was doing in the time we were apart—the research, the experiments, the careful way he avoided giving Carter any more information than was absolutely necessary. Once he was forced back “into service” such as it was, he knew Carter wouldn’t ever let him go. The information he knew about the E’rikon was too valuable—even if he didn’t tell Carter most of it. If he tried to escape, someone would have been sent after him and maybe could have ended up stumbling across me and Jace.
So Dad stayed. He did his job. Befriended President Taylor. Gradually found people within the base he could trust—like Matt. Eventually word got back to him that Jace and I were in Bridgelake and that Jace… wasn’t quite the son he’d left behind. He hates himself for not questioning that information, for not finding out more about Jace’s situation before he wrote my brother off as a lost cause, but… he didn’t. That’s tough for me to swallow and something I won’t ever fully forgive him for, but it’s not like he can go back and change it now. It will have to be enough for me to know that if he could, he would.
Knowing Carter was planning to take over Bridgelake, Dad got Matt assigned as part of the initial reconnaissance team. The idea was that Matt would get me out of there, not only because Carter was eventually going to show up there, but because Dad wanted me out of Dane’s reach, too. He hadn’t planned on my… not trusting anyone, least of all some random guy at the market, no matter how many birds he had.
And then Lir came along and everything went a little crazy.
The fact that he tried, that he had a plan, helps quash my anger. I don’t know if we’ll ever completely go back to the way we used to be, but I’d like to try.
“You ready to go back in there?”
“Yeah.” I wipe my sleeve over my eyes one last time and force my lips into a smile. Dad slings an arm over my shoulders and leads me toward the factory.
Lir’s sitting on the ground just outside the door with his back resting against the wall. He leaps to his feet when Dad and I walk out of the trees. Anxiety leaks from him as his gaze darts between the two of us.
“I’m okay,” I say. I glance at my dad. “We’re okay.”
The tension drains from Lir, and his shoulders drop. I step toward him and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. I’m sorry for running off. Everything kind of came at me all at once and I didn’t really think—
Lir tilts my chin up. You have nothing to apologize for. He smiles. Except worrying me half to death. That I could have done without.
Dad clears his throat. “I hate to interrupt, but I think we should probably get back in there and start planning.”
In other words, take your hands off my daughter, says Lir, humor flowing through the bond.
“That’s not…” I shoot a glance over my shoulder at Dad, who appears to be trying very hard not to scowl. Okay, so maybe it is. He missed out on a few years of parenting. I guess he feels like he needs to catch up.
Is he going to forbid you from seeing me? Lir’s eyebrow quirks up in amusement.
I grin back at him. I’d like to see him try.
“Okay guys, you don’t have to find this so funny. I know how the whole bond thing works and about the telepathy. Doesn’t mean I need to see it.” He gives Lir a stern look that morphs into a resigned grin. “I’m happy for you two. I really am. But I still have to get used to the fact my little redtail isn’t so little anymore. Take it easy on me.”
Lir removes his hands from my waist and intertwines his fingers with mine.
“And then there’s the fact she’s practically married,” Dad continues in a huff half under his breath.
Lir jerks and straightens his shoulders. His hand releases mine. “Sir, I, um, realize that traditionally… or by human tradition… well… with the E’rikon there’s a sort of ceremony and, um… but the bond is not the same because… well…”
“Are you trying to ask me for her hand or something?” Dad asks after a beat, finally making sense of what Lir’s trying to say.
“I suppose…?”
I have to cover my mouth to hold back a laugh.
“A little late for that, isn’t it?” Dad shakes his head, smiling. “Besides, it’s not up to me. It’s up to her.” He claps Lir on the back. “And I think she’s already made her choice. Yeah?”
Lir nods, a quick lowering of his chin.
“Then don’t worry about me. Worry about keeping my little girl happy.”
Another nod, but this time Lir finally cracks a smile. “I will, sir.”
I grab Lir’s hand and give it a squeeze. “Freakouts and family bonding aside, we do need to get in there and start putting together that retrieval plan Gavin talked about.”
Dad pauses, his brow furrowed in thought. “You said Ethan’s enhancement can counteract the shikiza, right?”
“Yeah. He’s helped me once before.”
Dad rubs his chin. “That’s definitely part of why Jastren wanted him so bad, but he took an awfully large risk in coming here to pick the kid up himself.”
“But it wasn’t that big of a risk was it? Not when Carter was on his side.”
“And that’s another thing.” Dad pulls his lower lip into his mouth. “Carter hates—hated the E’rikon. I still don’t understand why—”
“Jastren promised him super soldiers, or at least that’s what Carter said before…” I let my words trail off.
“Super soldi
ers?” Dad’s eyebrows rise.
“Carter said Jastren promised to enhance his men if he turned over Ethan.”
Lir and Dad share a look.
I glance back and forth between them. “What?”
They both start talking at once.
“Unless there’s something—”
“It is not possible—”
Lir gestures at Dad. “Go ahead.”
“Unless there’s something I’m missing, there’s no way for Jastren to have enhanced Carter’s men. They’re all human.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m pretty sure Jastren simply lied to him. That’s what he does. Also, Jace had met Carter sometime before, so that means he’s been involved longer than any of us thought—long enough for Jastren to have some influence over him. I’m sure things happened that made Carter more inclined to trust Jastren, or something like that.”
“Jace had met Carter before?” Lir’s eyebrow shoots upward.
“I have no idea. That’s all Jace told me.” I hold up my hands. “To save us the trouble of going over this multiple times, why don’t we go in and get everyone together? The more people we—” A slight chill runs down my back as if a burst of wind had traveled over my spine. What the…?
Above us, a bird—no, a hawk—screeches and flies down toward the tree line, circling closer to where we’re standing. It glides over the treetops, then dives down to perch on one of the upper branches of a nearby evergreen. It cocks its head back and forth a few times before releasing the branch and lofting down to land on the ground near my feet.
It’s Tiercel.
Lir arches an eyebrow. “Is this one yours as well?”
I nod mutely, too stunned to clarify that it’s actually the exact same hawk he saw before.
“Yours…?” Dad looks back and forth between me and Tiercel.
“I suppose you could say he belongs to me, though I have no idea how he got all the way out here from…”
Lir studies Tiercel more closely. “Is this the same one? From Peter’s cabin?”
I nod again.
Dad holds up a hand. “Wait a second. Are you telling me this hawk tracked you a few hundred miles?”
