Rick looked satisfied with my answer and slapped his hands on his knees pushing himself to stand.
“All right see that you do, Jack. Now get the fuck out of my space, I need to get laid and catch a nap before the gig later.”
Turning away from me he headed into his bedroom and I had to smile at his blunt list of chores for the afternoon. He’d said it like it was the most natural thing in the world to say. But then again both of those things were probably the most natural things in the world.
Avoiding people wasn’t really my style so I left Rick’s suite and headed straight for Mya’s. I had no idea what I was going to say and walking down the corridor transported me back in time to when I went to see Rosie. I knocked on her door and Mya opened it with red rimmed eyes making my breath catch in the back of my throat.
“Jeez, Mya, what’s the matter love?”
Covering her face with her hands, Mya bent her head towards the floor in her effort to hide it from me.
“Sorry, I was watching a weepy chick-flick on the TV.”
I called bull on that particular excuse because I couldn’t hear the television and Mya looked like she’d been bawling her eyes out.
“From your appearance, I’d say you were watching the same movie that’s playing out in my mind and fucking with my head. I miss talking to you, love. Where did we go wrong? I’m really sorry we slept together if this is the outcome.”
Glancing up at me through her tearstained eyes, Mya gave me a weak smile and I immediately wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into my chest. She felt like she belonged there. I didn’t care how old she was or that she was leaving to go to California in four days. I wanted her so badly.
Mya broke down and started crying again. Her body was racked by her shaky breathless sobs and my heart bled for the pain she was in.
“Hey, nothing’s this bad, love. Tell me what’s upsetting you and we’ll work it out.”
Suddenly Mya pushed me away and walked into the bathroom closing the door behind her. That irritated me because Lily had done that to me once and instead of talking to me she just shut me out, but then I heard the toilet flush and the water running in the sink, so I relaxed and sat on her bed waiting for her to return. When she did I saw that she had washed her face but her eyes were still tear-stained and puffy.
“Sorry.” Wiping her nose on a tissue she placed a knee on the bed and folded it underneath her as she sat facing me. “I didn’t mean to do that, it just…overwhelmed me.”
“What did, Mya?”
“The sadness of our whole situation. I really like you and the thought that in a few days…”
Mya’s voice trailed off and in my mind all I wanted to do was tell her how I felt, but the chances of us surviving a relationship so far apart was a major barrier. Plus she had everything ahead of her. Maybe if I hadn’t studied music at the retreat and grew up knowing how important music was to Lily it would have felt simpler. But I had and I knew how time consuming and emotionally absorbing it was. It would be unfair to try to make her share her time between that and me, never mind try to maintain it with the distance between us.
“I know, I feel the same but I’m not going to come between you and your studies.”
Mya glanced at me and took another deep shuddery breath.
“Uncle Rick said that I can study music anywhere but it’s too early, we’re too early to know… I mean, I don’t want to move to London to find that you don’t want me a month later.”
Fuck. The dilemma facing me was tricky. Did I care enough for Mya to commit to a relationship of that kind that early on? Was it sustainable enough for her to give up her college place and relocate to my city to be near me?
I knew I really liked her to the point where I thought about her a lot, loved being with her, loved the closeness of minds we shared and we had a lot of chemistry, but it was very early days. Was what we were both feeling that early infatuation one feels for someone when it’s all very new or could this be the beginning of something special?
“Mya, if it makes you feel any better this isn’t easy for me either. I like you a lot as well. I have since day one, and I’ve loved the time we’ve shared during the tour, but think about it sweetheart, being in this environment we’ve kind of been thrown together. We’ve been travelling, sleeping, and eating in the same places, and us both working with the band, none of that provides normality does it?”
Mya looked like she was going to cry again at any second and I could see tears welling in her beautiful big blue eyes as they searched my face, waiting for me to say something that would make everything okay for her. From my own perspective, since I had her in my arms again I knew that I couldn’t just let her go.
“You’re not throwing away everything you’ve got planned because you met me. I won’t allow it. I think we both feel enough that we want to see each other again after the tour, right?”
Nodding slowly, Mya wiped a stray tear away with her sleeve and looked at me intensely. A sob tore from her throat and I pulled her to me for another hug. Rubbing her back, I lowered my head to kiss the top of hers and stroked her hair before speaking.
“All right, love, we’ll work something out, but the plans for your college stand. I agree that we both need some time to see how we work in a normal setting. How does that sound?”
Mya leaned back to look at me with a weak smile, her eyes slowly brightening with hope.
“Sounds like a great plan. I’d like that Jack.”
Leaning forward, I pressed my lips against her wet cheek and tasted her salty tears before pressing them to her lips.
“No more tears. If we’re supposed to be together we’ll find a way.”
Chapter 30 ~ Honesty
The following three days were incredible. Mya and I spent as much time with each other as possible and I had definitely put the smile back on her face again. Slipping away from the others, we stole intimate moments together and although my head kept telling me she’d be leaving soon, my heart was behaving as if I was a love struck teenager. I was elated with every moment we were together and yearned for her when we had to spend time apart.
Obviously, neither of us was looking forward to that final goodbye when the tour ended and we had to go back to our regular lives. The mere thought of it gave me a horrible ache in the pit of my stomach. Life was unfair because I’d finally found someone that could mean everything to me and we were being torn apart by circumstance.
During the last night of the tour, I stood watching Rick on stage performing with boundless energy rocking out in all his glory and wondered how the hell he did that year in, year out. Playing to millions, filling their heads and their hearts with joy from his ability to make music and write songs that struck a chord with his fans, as well as spreading himself so thinly that his own life seemed owned by everyone else. I no longer envied him his position.
I understood why he had sex with so many women. I believed it was Rick’s way of having no time to commit to one person. He was transient, constantly leaving people behind or there was the expectation for anyone that became involved to basically give up their own dreams to allow him to follow his. My opinion used to be that Rick had become a selfish man-whore because of his fame and that his lifestyle was incredibly self-centred. But actually, the fact that he hadn’t attached himself to a woman that could give him what his life was lacking was pretty selfless, because he already knew his ability to return their devotion was extremely limited.
When the concert finally finished and the last song rang out, the crowd went berserk, cheering and screaming. The band made their exit into the blacked-out people carrier I knew was waiting for them. As they disappeared into the night the hall was still full of people, who were only just coming down from the enthralling performance they’d just witnessed.
As the lighting was turned on in the auditorium, my eyes were drawn to the small familiar figure that had appeared on the stage and a sharp pang hit me square in the chest. Reality dawned that w
ould be the last time I’d see Mya tending to the band’s guitars. Tomorrow we’d both be going home, alone.
Depression was no excuse for not getting my final article written so I sat in the family and friends seating area and punched my article out on my tablet, my feet resting on the seat in front of me. I was fulfilling the last of my work obligations while I waited for Mya to finish doing what she had to do as well. My heart wasn’t really in the final assignment but I knew once it was done we could go back to the hotel and I could devote the rest of the night to spending time with her.
I’d called ahead and ordered room service and bought some things that would make it feel more romantic and less like we were in a work-related hotel room. I wanted that night to be intimate and special so that I could show her that this wasn’t the end of us. I’d bought fifty-one candles, a cheap guitar and an iPad.
During the journey back from the concert venue Mya was quiet and deep in thought and I knew she had to be feeling the same ache about this as I was. When someone was grieving the loss of something it’s so easy to say, ‘Everything’s going to be okay’. And at that early stage of our relationship, I didn’t know that for sure, so I kept quiet and hoped that one day I would be able to.
Entering the lift, she went to push the button for her floor. We’d spent the past three nights in her room, but that night I pushed her hand gently to the side and pressed the button for my floor.
“Tonight I want you in my bed if that’s okay with you? Tonight is going to be a good night for us. I won’t have it any other way, understand? This is the beginning not the end, right?”
Staring up at me I could see my three questions being digested and their effect on her. She pursed her lips in an effort to bite back her emotions that were just below the surface. Mya nodded quickly then dipped her head because her eyes had started to fill with tears. She wasn’t quick enough though and I saw her trying to blink them back rapidly before her hair fell in front of her face.
Bending my knees, I crooked my finger under her chin and lifted her face to make eye contact with me. When her gaze met mine I swallowed hard when I saw the vulnerability of her youth in the way she looked at me. I know it sounded like there was twenty years between us but with her going to college on the other side of the world, there may as well have been. There and then I vowed silently I’d never intentionally hurt her. The lift arrived on my floor and I smiled warmly, kissed her forehead, wrapped my arm around her shoulder and led her to my door.
When we’d entered the hotel, I’d nodded at the receptionist and they had lit the candles I had arranged along the dresser in front of the mirror as we made our way up. The small table by the window was set with two places for dinner and also lit by a single candle. The hot food trolley was already in place. When Mya saw my small efforts her breath caught in her throat and her hand gripped mine tightly as she walked ahead of me into the room.
Turning to face me, her face was in the shadows but I could see her expression was very different to when we’d left the lift. A wide smile had spread across her face and when she leaned into me and extended her neck, the flickers from the candles reflected in her eyes.
“You did all of this just for me, Jack?”
“Not at all, you have the first hour. There are three more girls after you. Candles aren’t cheap these days, you know.”
Mya giggled and smacked her hand against my chest and I instantly caught her wrist turning her quickly to press her against the wall by the side of the bed. Lifting her arm above her head I kissed her neck while she squirmed against me before meeting her lips with mine. She reached around my back and started to pull my shirt from the waistband of my pants but I grabbed a hold of her hand and lifted it. I held them both together above her head while my lips wandered down to her neck again.
Groaning loudly, she shivered at the sensation and sagged against my body, her head rolling to the side while her back arched her groin closer to my raging hard-on. Responding to my every touch, kiss, lick and soft nibble, Mya continued to express the pleasure she was feeling through a series of soft moans and sighs. Each erotic sound she made turned me on more than the last, but I was determined not to treat her like all the others by throwing her on the bed and simply having my wicked way with her. I didn’t want our last evening to be purely about sex. If we were trying to go forwards I wanted her to know things about me, the Jack that no one else knew.
Kissing her again, I brought her hands down by her side and stepped away, stretching her arms out in front of her as I continued to hold them.
“Come here and sit with me, Mya. I want to feed you first. You’re going to need as much energy as you can muster for later.”
I was being humorous but distracting her at the same time as I led her to the table. Mya rolled her eyes because, I thought, based on the last few days in bed she had me pegged as a sensual lover rather than a passionate one. So far my willpower had held out. Mya had to survive dinner to find out about the other side of me.
If I had allowed myself to get fully lost in her before it would have made it more difficult for both of us and I was being careful in case I was experiencing rebound feelings after Rosie, but the last few days taught me that I was becoming more and more drawn in by her. That was the saddest part. The follow day, I imagined, we would both be emotionally drained by the separation and that would be our ground zero for whatever happened next for us.
Mya glanced over at the candles and smiled affectionately at me.
“So, candles, Jack? I never had you down as a romantic guy.”
My eyes flicked to the melting array of wax shapes and their flames dancing gently with the low air condition, and then looked back at their reflection in her eyes.
“I didn’t think I was either, until now.”
“Lots of candles. They made a good job of the display, don’t you think?”
“Thank you. I picked them out, bought them myself then arranged them here like that especially for you.”
Mya leaned forward then turned to look at me again then began to chuckle as her gaze changed to one of disbelief.
“You almost had me there, Jack. You should consider acting as a career.”
Her words stung because I had really thought that out and for a second I wondered whether I should just let it go, but I decided honesty was a necessity in this relationship. I’d seen too many people play with each other and ruin their relationships.
“Actually, Mya, I’m serious. What you see was all me. Fifty-one candles. Forty-nine marking one for each day since the first time I saw you tuning those guitars in the pit.”
Inclining my head in the direction of them I added, “Look closely at them love, each candle is different just like every day has been on this tour.”
I could see Mya wondering about the remaining two. Her brow was furrowed in question and I thought my spur of the moment romantic gesture sounded cheesy, I hesitated about saying it out loud, but the sentiment was genuine.
“That leaves two candles I haven’t mentioned. Those two are the same and are standing side by side. They represent us. Similar people with a burning desire to be together. If you look at the dresser they are at the centre surrounded by the flames and melting wax of all the others. That makes them fragile. If we choose to do this it won’t be easy, Mya, and it’s going to mean constant separations and trusting each other. I’ll do my best as long as it’s what we both want. If it isn’t, we have to be honest with each other. You’re young and just beginning to live your life and I know I’m only five years older, but I have done so much in the last five years that have shaped the person I am today. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want you to regret your decision.”
Mya looking into my eyes like she was searching my soul then she sighed and the sound was like her heart was heavy. She stood up and walked over to my side of the table, wrapped her arms around my neck and sat on my lap.
“Jack, I know you’re worried about my age and I don’t understand that
it’s only five years. I’m a woman and I’m as sure about this as I have been about anything in my life. This isn’t an adolescent crush I’m experiencing it is much deeper and more life changing than anything I ever expected to feel about another person. My heart feels hollow and my focus is patchy when you’re not in the room.”
Looking at me in desperation she took a deep breath and tried again.
“Look, I know now isn’t the time and that you probably don’t want to hear it but, I’ve fallen in love with you. The best way I can describe it is that, being with you is like watching a new born baby grow day by day. Each day when I look at you, or when I hold you, I love you a little more.”
All I could do was stare back at her. She’d just told me she loved me, but I wasn’t sure it was love for me yet. I was still in the honeymoon stage of our relationship. If I was being truthful, I was crazy about her but being crazy about her didn’t mean it was going to last a lifetime. So I hugged her and mumbled something about loving someone being a wonderful gift or something just as shitty.
I had to be honest with Mya, it had only been a few weeks since we moved the relationship on and she had bolted the morning after. With everything I’d been through with Rosie, I couldn’t tell her the same back. I needed to protect myself as much as I needed to protect her.
Chapter 31 ~ Bathroom
Declaring she loved me was a brave move on her part and I wanted to respect her feelings, but Mya’s admission was almost a conversation killer. I quickly recovered the moment by asking her to tell me something about herself that I didn’t know which caught her off guard and she rolled her eyes upward in thought.
“I have a Vintage Volkswagen Beetle called Stanley who’s the same age as me. My father bought him for me when I was sixteen. Your turn.”
Not wanting to focus on material things I tried to share something personal about me.
Just Jack: Everything laid bare Page 22
