Just Jack: Everything laid bare

by K. L. Shandwick

  By the time the social worker was due we had a pretty good idea of our position and what was expected of us.

  Chapter 38 ~ Baring my soul

  I wasn’t too sure what I thought a social worker would be like, but the one sitting in front of us was actually about my age and wasn’t hostile or judgemental like I assumed she would be. She informed me that since I had parental qualification, whatever that meant, she could now begin her assessment of my suitability. There were tons of forms to fill in which asked about the ins and outs of my life, my emotional state, lifestyle, which people were in my support network and how I would provide for Ava.

  It felt weird disclosing my most personal information to a stranger when I hadn’t even told my parents that they were grandparents yet. I had to make sure that everything was a certainty before I could share that with them because I knew my mother would be buying a hat for a wedding, a wardrobe full of baby clothes and signing us all up for generational family portraits, bless her. Like me, it would break her heart to know she had a child in the family that she couldn’t have a relationship with.

  After we’d dispensed with the basic paperwork, Brenda, the social worker, asked me a lot of questions about my childhood and friendships, and how I interacted with people. Was I popular? And other stuff that seemed pretty irrelevant to parenting a child but I answered honestly and she seemed impressed that I had friends I’d had since childhood in Lily, Elle and Dave. I was thankful that I had reconnected with Maddie because she then asked if I had any friends with children, so I was able to talk about Nathan and my relationship with Maddie.

  Since Mya was going to be caring for Ava as well, she was also interviewed. I was nervous about that but it seemed to go okay because Mya and Brenda were smiling when I came back into the room.

  The most painful part of the process was talking about Rosie and what had gone wrong with our relationship and on top of that, I had to have that discussion in front of Mya. It must have been uncomfortable for her, but she was supportive and held my hand tightly throughout. When I finished what I had to say, Mya leaned in and gave me a hug. I noticed Brenda noting this on her sheet and smiling.

  When I told the rest of my friends what was going on, they were so supportive. Dave, Emily, Emma and Sam were all there for us. They took Mya to their hearts and Dave warmed mine when he punched me in the arm and told me enough was enough and I should make an honest woman of Mya because I’d never find a better match.

  After a few days and many more discussions we were told that Brenda thought we were more than adequate to meet Ava’s needs as parents, but that we’d initially have their support during the settling in period. So we started preparing for Ava’s homecoming and a couple of days later, I was finally being introduced to my daughter. I was nervous and excited.

  As with anything that is life-changing, I had periods of self-doubt during the whole process but I hid it well. Mya was amazing and constantly built up my confidence, telling me that I was going to be an incredible father and that we’d work it all out together. Something she said made a lot of sense to me and helped me greatly. We were becoming parents together. It wasn’t as if Ava was in my life before and Mya was coming in, it was almost like when a child is born. I liked the thought of that.

  It was just about dawn and I was wide awake. Instead of getting up, I lay in bed with my head on my elbow watching Mya sleep peacefully beside me and thought about how lucky I was that she was mine. She was an incredible girl with wisdom way beyond her years. She grounded me and even though there were many miles of uncertainty ahead of us, she made me feel like Superman. Not like I was just Jack. It felt like there was nothing we couldn’t do if we were doing it together.

  Fourteen weeks from the first time I laid eyes on her was all it took for us to know we wanted a lifetime together. It felt as if I’d been waiting for her all of my life and I didn’t know how I’d gotten that far without her. Lily was my best friend, but I understood Lily’s position. Although she was still important to me, my love for Mya had placed my feelings for Lily where they needed to be, still in my heart but not in the centre anymore and when my heart became swollen with love it was in reaction to Mya.

  As I was unable to sleep I got up and quietly sat in the chair facing the bed just taking stock of everything before the emotional day ahead of me. Daylight crept slowly into the room and Mya suddenly rolled over, her hand reached out, she waved it around before opening her eyes with a start. Catching sight of me on the chair, she pushed up to sit in the centre of the bed and took her weight on one hand. The sheet fell from her body and pooled around her waist. She looked perfect in the grey light of the room, with her sexily tousled bed hair and her amazing body innocently on show as her eyes adjusted sleepily.

  “Aw, Jack. Couldn’t you sleep? Come here. You should have woken me.” Mya looked concerned.

  “I’m okay, just taking some quiet time to reflect on everything. Today is the start of the rest of my life. Our lives. You, Ava and me. You didn’t have to do any of this, but here you are. I love you so much, Mya. No matter what happens from this day on, I need you to know that.” I continued to stare silently at her and prayed that everything worked out.

  When I didn’t move, Mya crawled along the bed, stepped off and positioned herself astride me, her warm behind settled in my lap. Feeling her skin rub against mine infused sexual feelings inside me. My hands immediately made contact with her legs just above her knees and I stroked up and down over her firm little arse cheeks. Mya slipped her arms around my neck and placed her lips next to my ear.

  “You do realise that you’re going to look even sexier when you’re holding a baby don’t you? So that’s another problem you’re going to have to face. Thank God we’re living in London and I can justifiably carry a golf umbrella with the weather here. It’ll come in handy for beating off all those young mothers in the park when we take our baby out for a stroll.”

  “A baby, huh? To attract women? I better get online and order myself one of those chest carrier things in that case. I think I’m going to need both hands free. And what about you? Am I going to have to join a baseball team so that I can legally carry a bat? You are going to be this hot rock chick from California with the famous uncle, truckloads of guys are going to be walking into walls at the sight of you when you start college. Just think, all those horny, hard dicks in one room for you, actually, no don’t.”

  “Jack, we all have our crosses to bear. I may need you to pick me up with our baby to warn them off.”

  “Fuck, Mya, I’m not letting my daughter anywhere near college boys. I’ve heard and seen enough of those wild parties where girls are all fucking in the same room and sometimes with the same guy. Our daughter is going to grow up thinking men only grow dicks after they’re married.”

  Mya laughed then slid her hand sexily down my abs and trailed down to my dick. Grinning wickedly she wrapped her fingers tightly around my length.

  “See this, Jack. This is the only dick that gets attention from this girl. This is the only penis invited to party with me. I know I’ll never let you down that way. I love you so much.”

  Smirking knowingly, Mya shifted to change her position on my lap to face away from me and positioned my dick at her entrance. Without another word she sunk slowly down onto me, burying my dick deep inside her. Fuck she felt amazing and I struggled for words to tell her how she felt around me. My arms instantly wrapped around her and I kneaded her breasts in my palms, rolling her nipples between my fingertips as she lay back against my chest and rocked gently.

  Moving her hair from around her neck, I bent to kiss the sensitive spot at the side of her neck. She shivered and gasped before moaning erotically and wriggling herself a little more. I tightened my grip around her and slid down the chair a little to move more freely then began to take control. It wasn’t a fast and furious session but it was one where I could feel how deeply connected we were. Mya was deliciously wet and when I thought that was how I affected her, i
t was all the confirmation I needed to know that I could take her how I wanted to.

  Afterwards I’d walked us over to the bed and laid her down then held her tightly. I wondered if, after that day, we’d still have the same connection we had, with Ava to care for.

  Two hours later we looked around our apartment, everything was neat and tidy, and we seemed more organised than I’d felt. We were going to finally be introduced to Ava and I felt sick. I’d never been so scared and so elated at the same time. I couldn’t imagine how a child would feel if they were in Ava’s position. I thanked God again that Ava was too young to remember any of this.

  The contact centre was a place where people whose kids were in care could go to meet up with them and the meetings were all scheduled by the social workers, just like Brenda had done with my visits with Ava. She had decided not to introduce Lily to Ava because I had come forward and Lily was in agreement that if my baby was to be handed over to anyone, it should be to me. We arrived in the reception area and sat holding each other’s hands. My heartbeat fluctuated between its resting rate and wildly accelerated beats. Each time the door opened my eyes automatically trained themselves to search for Ava.

  Brenda arrived and greeted Mya then went to speak with the contact supervisor who was going to be observing our visit and no doubt reporting back on how we’d done. When Brenda came back she smiled warmly at us both.

  “All set? Ava’s already here. Please follow me.”

  I stood up, my heart thumping in my chest and tugged on Mya’s hand to pull her with me. She didn’t move but squeezed my hand quickly before letting go. I turned my head to look down at her and she had a serious expression on her face.

  “Jack, we’re in this together, all the way, but I think before I meet Ava you should spend some time with her alone. This is the first memory you will have of her and I want you to savour it because this will be the last time you are just Jack. You will be Jack and Ava and when she finally comes home with us we’ll be Jack, Mya and Ava.”

  I was choked by her thoughtfulness. Where most girlfriends would be feeling insecure and even jealous that they may have to compete for attention, she was happy to give me the time I needed to experience my first moments with my daughter alone. Her understanding was incredible and I was lucky to have found someone so rich in emotional wealth. I bent to kiss Mya softly.

  “Thank you, Mya, I love you so much,” I whispered against her mouth before stepping back to look at Brenda.

  “So, Jack, are you ready to meet your beautiful daughter now?”

  I was, but my heart leapt to my throat at her question. I’d refused to accept any pictures of her by way of rejecting the fact that she was kept apart from me. I had already made up my mind that the first time I saw Ava it would be in the flesh, just like most new fathers when they saw and held their baby in their arms for the first time.

  Brenda led me along a corridor with various rooms, each with a couple of chairs and bright educational toys which obviously were meeting rooms for families or assessment rooms where children were offered some therapeutic support. My heart was racing like a train leaving a station and was gathering speed with every step I took. I wasn’t ashamed to say that I was as nervous as hell.

  At the end of the corridor Brenda pushed the door open and I saw a woman sitting on a chair with her back to me. My heart almost stopped when I saw a pair of little pink booties and some short dark brown wavy hair. Just like my hair. My pace quickened as did my heartbeat again until I was standing next to them. The small blond haired woman holding my baby turned around in her chair and my heart stopped momentarily as I saw my little angel for the first time. Happiness flooded my body as I took her in—she was gorgeous, with my eyes, Rosie’s nose, and my lips. Beautiful, perfect and mine.

  I was worried about bonding with her because of the time and circumstances but my heart had swelled to such an extent I could hardly breathe. It was love at first sight. I swallowed past the lump in my throat as I struggled to get control of my emotions. There was no way I wanted my baby to see me cry the first time we met.

  Brenda placed her hand on my shoulder.

  “Are you okay, Jack?” I nodded and blinked back tears afraid to speak.

  “Would you like to hold your daughter?”

  I could only nod for a second before I cleared my throat and a gruff sounding, “Absolutely” came out.

  Reaching down I tentatively slid my hands under my daughter’s arms and lifted her gently from her carer’s arms. I held her close to my chest with one hand under her legs and the other splayed protectively across her back. Deciding it wasn’t close enough I repositioned her onto my shoulder, hugging her tighter. Ava’s little hand immediately grabbed a chunk of my hair at the back of my head and clung on tightly. Suddenly, strong emotions and feelings washed over me and I struggled to prevent them overwhelming me. Anger, sadness and betrayal came first then as quick as they arrived they left and were replaced by a wave of love and the strongest urge to protect my daughter from anyone and anything I could have thought of.

  Brenda steered me towards a chair and I sat down with Ava, placing her on my knee so I could look at her properly. I was smiling widely with an instant feeling of fulfilment. When I’d stared down at her perfect little features, her eyes stared warily back at me for a few seconds before she suddenly gave me this huge gummy smile and I was a goner. I was completely smitten with her. I held out my index finger and she reached out to grasp it and held it tightly in her little fist. My world as I’d known it disappeared because I had a whole new one sitting on my knee.

  I’d thought for a moment whether I was doing the right thing, introducing Mya and my daughter to each other. Mya and I as a couple were amazing together, but I still took a moment to consider if I believed that she would stay in Ava’s life as her mother figure. As the thought processed I knew my answer to that without a shadow of a doubt.

  “Can you bring Mya in please? Now that Ava has met her dad I think it’s time she meets her mum.”

  Brenda nodded and headed to the door. When I’d turned towards the door I noticed that Mya was already standing just outside and had probably been watching me meet Ava. I was really glad about that for some reason.

  Mya didn’t attempt to take Ava from my knee but crouched down beside us to look at her.

  “Oh, Jack, she’s gorgeous, what an incredible gift she is, to the both of us.”

  Smiling widely, I felt relief because Mya had almost the same reaction as me, her eyes brimming with tears and I was confident we could do this.

  Chapter 39 ~ Homecoming

  We spent an hour with Ava and during that time I had literally hundreds of questions for her carer about her routines and how to care for Ava properly. Mya had almost as many question as me and hers were things I hadn’t even entered my head. I was actually in awe of how she had such an understanding of what she may need to do in the future.

  Our contact with Ava was increased daily until we were caring for her all day and had our first overnight visit. She didn’t sleep for most of the night but we loved having her at home with us.

  Finally the day came where we were able to close the door and take control of our child without anyone else telling us how they thought we were doing or suggesting that we do something differently. That feeling was both the best, and the scariest feeling in the world. Mya and I could now get on with living our lives and were free to make our own decisions without the pressure of having to conform to the thoughts of others.

  When we went to tell my parents about Ava, my mum cried and my dad almost fell out of his chair. But after the news sank in, they were incredibly supportive and couldn’t wait to meet her. They also offered to help with anything we might need in the future. It was times like that when I remembered how amazing my parents were.

  Their first meeting with Ava was precious and something I’ll never forget. Watching the instant love for the latest member of the family was touching, and it made me feel proud tha
t I had fought for my daughter. It also dawned on me when Mum and Dad saw her for the first time that they had been deprived of Ava’s first five months by that time, as well. I’d never speak ill of the dead but Rosie did Ava a terrible disservice by keeping her from all of us.

  Three weeks after Ava came home I was feeding her when there was a knock on our front door. Mya answered and when she came back to the sitting room she was followed by two people. I immediately knew who they were. The man looked like a slightly older version of Rick Fars and the woman an older version of Mya and neither of them looked happy.

  During the previous few weeks Mya had had several heated conversations with them over the phone and I felt terrible for them. Now that I was a dad, I could understand how they would feel at their daughter suddenly leaving the country and taking care of someone else’s child, but love is love. You don’t choose who you fall in love with, it just happens and it happened to us. We were really happy and so was our little girl but we still had to prove to her parents we could be young, have fun and bring up a child responsibly. You would think that no one had ever had a child in their twenties. I mean Maddie had Nathan at twenty three, her husband worked away most of the time and she had done an amazing job.

  Initially Joel and Sarah Fars were pretty standoffish where I was concerned, but they watched us with Ava and I could see their frosty attitude begin to thaw. Ava was the cutest, sweetest baby ever and she could melt the coldest of hearts. Eventually we all sat discussing the practicalities of our relationship and how Mya and I had gotten engaged before we knew about Ava. I’d felt bad that I hadn’t asked for his permission first, but the fact I had asked her to marry me beforehand helped dispel any suspicions they may have had that I only wanted Mya to be a mum to my daughter.

  Once we’d cleared the air, they were a little warmer about Mya and I being together but her dad still had some natural concerns. He asked me how I was going to support my family and provide for their future. I had always been embarrassed by the fact that I had been given money by my father, but I was so glad that I hadn’t been frivolous with it. My father gave me the apartment and I had only invested in a classic car. In truth, I was actually very well off. I had just chosen to do things on my own and when I’d told him about that, Joel’s attitude towards me changed.