by Jade Alyse
He waited on the screen porch with Scotty, sipping slowly from a bottle of Corona.
“If you two losers looked any happier, I might be forced to throw up,” Scotty teased. Brandon stared outward into the quiet sound behind the house. The light in the day was dwindling slowly and steadily, but night was approaching swiftly, and with the darkness he would be forced to uphold his end of telling his Natalie exactly how he felt.
“Look at you,” Scotty continued. “All smug and quiet and shit...it’s as if she finally gave it up or something...”
“I wouldn’t tell you either way,” Brandon replied, placing the bottle to his lips again.
“Just like the old days,” Scotty chuckled, shaking his head. “You wouldn’t tell me a thing about that girl...like I was just going to ravage her or something...”
Brandon rolled his eyes. “Be honest, Scott...”
“Fine,” he replied, huffing. “Maybe I would have...but she’s like a sister to me now... I’d beat the shit out of any guy who thought of her that way...”
“Then you can imagine the way I felt about her then,” Brandon replied.
“She’s the only thing you did right in college,” Scotty admitted. “Don’t fuck it up this time...”
“Oh, I don’t plan on it...”
Natalie and Asha appeared a few minutes later. Brandon couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Her haircut, which now landed a few inches above the base of her neck, had grown on him to the point where he couldn’t imagine her looking any prettier. It now gave her a level of sophistication the he either didn’t notice before or simply wasn’t present. His eyes scanned her body, and it took him several seconds to notice that she was actually scowling at him.
“What’s that face for?” he asked her.
She pursed her lips and vehemently tossed his phone in his lap.
“Here,” she said. “You forgot your phone upstairs and I thought you might need it. You should really check your messages...I’m assuming they are important...with that said, Asha and I are going into Savannah to have dinner...by ourselves...”
Natalie began to walk away, Asha turned around and mouthed I’m sorry to him, and before she disappeared out of view, she yelled, “And you better not follow me!”
“What the hell was that about?” Scotty asked.
Brandon shrugged his shoulders and slowly glanced at his phone, realizing that he had three unread text messages:
I got your message from last night. It was good to hear from you. I’ve missed you.
We really should talk when you get back from the beach.
Is she with you? I can’t stop thinking about you...please don’t say it’s over between us.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he said, banging the phone into his forehead.
“What the hell is on that phone?”
“The last thing I ever wanted Natalie to see...”
“Didn’t you just say that you didn’t want to fuck it up with Natalie?”
“If he wants to break up with me then he should just do it,” Natalie said. “Why wait till tonight? I can have my bags packed and I’ll be gone in an hour...”
“You’re not going anywhere tonight as drunk as you are...”
“That’s why I have you, Ash,” Natalie replied, patting her friend on the back. “We can go back to Athens together...”
“No, hell no,” Asha said, shaking her head. “You’re dealing with this while you’re here...you and Brandon have come to fucking far for y’all to go out like this...”
“I disagree, Asha,” she replied. “I refuse to come between him and another girl...I refuse to...and if you say that him and Reina could’ve been some great one day, who am I to stop it from happening...”
“Natalie, just stop it! I was saying that to motivate you...not scare you away. Yes, Brandon is...retarded...you and I have known that for years...but that doesn’t mean he’s sleazy and deceitful...that doesn’t mean he’s trying to get back with her...for all you know she’s just crazy...”
“There you go, taking his side again,” Natalie slurred, rolling her eyes. “You’re always taking his side. Why is it that this one guy has the power to make me so miserable and happy at the same time? I don’t understand it...”
“It’s called being in love, Natalie...” “And you know what it makes me feel like, Ash? Pure shit...smelly, raw, bubbling
“How very poetic of you...”
“You-you know what...? I’ll tell you what...I’m glad...I’m so-so glad that I didn’t fuck him last night...you know why, Ash? You know why? Because I probably would’ve forgiven him...that’s what girls who sleep with their lovers do...they forgive them like fools...”
“You’re highly misinformed, Nat,” Asha chuckled. “And you’re going to forgive him... you’re a grownup now, remember?”
“Never!” Natalie yelled, banging her glass down on the table. “Because he’s never going to find me...and you better not tell him where we are, Ash...I swear to God if you do, our friendship is over...over, I tell you! You know what I’m going to do, Ash? I’ll tell you what I’m going to do...I’m going to find me a new boyfriend...and he’s not going to be white, he’s not going to have black hair, he’s not going to have big blue eyes that melt your soul, he’s not going to have broad He-man shoulders, or an infectious laugh, or great hugging capabilities or a huge penis or a melt-in-your-mouth kiss, or intelligence, and most importantly, he hasn’t fucked someone named Sophia or Reina in the past three years...I’m going to look for him right now...”
She sighed, pushed her unfinished drink out of the way, and slid off of the barstool. When she turned around, Brandon was standing right behind her, eyeing her sympathetically.
“No, no,” Natalie said, waving her hand from side to side. “Don’t give me those sad, puppy-dog eyes, Brandon...they’re not going to work, I tell you...I’m done with you...have fun with Reina...”
She began to walk away, but she quickly turned around, pointing her finger in Asha’s face. “And you...you sorry excuse for a best friend! You suck...you told him where we were, didn’t you? You bitch...”
“I’m sorry, Natalie,” she said. “I did what I thought was best...I love you both...you belong together...”
Brandon began tugging at her hand, pulling her toward the door, and she tried resist but was too weak in light of his strength and her intoxication.
“You don’t want anyone to think that we’re together, do you?”
“Yes,” he replied, quietly. “I want everyone to know. I want to shout it from the rooftops...”
“You’re full of shit,” she replied. “And you’ve always been full of shit...that’s why I’m going to find someone else...”
“I’m sure you are, Natalie...”
She pushed her hand out of his grasp and said, “Because you’re only going to leave me again...I’m going to wake up tomorrow and you’re going to be gone again...that’s what you do, Brandon...you walk away from me...”
When they returned to the house, Brandon briefly went into the kitchen to get her a glass of water then came back to her, forcing her to drink it, so that she could sober up enough to talk to him.
Once she’d finished, he took the glass from her hand and placed it back down on the counter. Scotty and Asha had left them alone minutes earlier, and he could sense her visible uneasiness about being alone with him then.
Nevertheless, he reached for her hand and laced his fingers with hers. She quickly snatched it away thereafter.
“Go ahead,” she said, waving her hand.
“Go ahead, what, Natalie?” he asked her, his impatience climbing.
“Go ahead and leave me,” she said. “I’ll close my eyes and pretend that I’m passed out..."
“I’m not going to leave you, Natalie...”
He extended his hand again, inviting her to grasp it. She only looked down at it, clicked her teeth, and looked back up at him again.
“Don’t do this right now...”
; “If I take your hand, where are you going to take me? I want to watch you leave me this time. So that I know for sure that it’s over between us...”
Brandon pursed his lips to keep from saying something that he would soon regret. He tried to remind himself of Natalie’s tainted mindset. He also tried to remind himself that it would take much longer for her to forgive him of his ultimate fuck-up than he originally anticipated. He could think of only two things that would make it alright...
“I’m taking you somewhere that I should’ve taken you a long time ago,” he told her. “I’m not going to hurt you...”
“Right,” she mumbled, faltering a little. “You’ve already done enough of that already, haven’t you?”
He took another deep breath and turned to face her, steadying her with his two big hands. “Nat...please...”
“I ought to make you kiss each of my toes and grovel,” she replied, icily. She snatched her purse off of the counter.
“Just in case I need to call the cops on you...keep your damn hands to yourself...” He rolled his eyes. He helped her into Scotty’s SUV and clicked the seatbelt secure. She shoved at him a little.
“You’re too close, Greene,” she yelled. “Let’s make this a quick trip...I have some packing to do...”
She remained silent the entire ride, even when he purposely played one of her favorite songs from a CD that Scotty had stolen from her years ago. She only stubbornly crossed her arms at her chest, shook her head and turned her eyes toward the window.
This will be harder than I’d planned, he thought.
He pulled into small lot of gravel with a small boardwalk lifted at the end. They exited the car and he extended his hand for her to grasp again. She sighed, glaring at him unbendingly. It was then that he could tell she was finally sobering up.
She took his hand.
He led her onto the boardwalk; the tiny crystals of golden sand crunched beneath their step. The air was tepid, silent, still and the skies were remarkably clear. He liked leading her again, being in control of her movement, of her overall knowledge of the situation. He was surprised at how quiet and compliant she was being. His eased mind was spoiled; he was waiting for the moment that her tranquility would cease, and she’d question their whereabouts or their future together or why she chose to love him so much instead of hate.
They stepped onto the sand together and she removed her flip-flops. He took them from her and hooked his fingers around the straps of them.
They ambled along steadily in silence; she willingly grasped his hand a little tighter. The current of the black ocean seemed just as peaceful as she was, and the moon painted a silver streak along the panes of her hair. She kept her eyes darted blankly before her; he, defiantly, couldn’t keep his eyes off of her.
They came along a series of beach houses, draped in shadows that spread along their exteriors like weeds to a sidewalk. And Natalie idled in front of one particular house, and Brandon could hear her pant as she rolled her lips in.
“I can’t believe it,” she whispered, running her hand through her hair slowly. “It still looks exactly the same...”
She wandered closer to the house with green siding and large wraparound porch, and their fingers lost their connection. Brandon only grinned to himself.
“There are the porch, and the deck,” she breathed, panting a laugh. “I bet there’s still a crack in the window from where you and Scotty tossed that football all hard...”
He chuckled. “Yea...we had a tad bit too much to drink that night...”
“And I see the hammock,” she remarked, cutting her eyes in his direction.
He nodded. “Yep...we took some great naps in that thing...”
“It was a great week,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around herself. He nodded. “I remember,” he began, taking a heavy sigh. She turned around slowly to face him.
“I remember sitting right here with you one night and telling you that I would never leave you...do you remember that, Tal?”
She nodded silently. He stepped a little closer to her.
“I remember,” he continued. “Standing right here and kissing you for the first time...I wanted to tell you so many things but I couldn’t get them out just right...”
She folded her arms again. “Well...here’s your chance, Greene...spill it...”
He took a seat on the sand and patted the space next to him. She complied.
" “I dated Reina out of spite,” he admitted. “I had sex with Reina out of spite. I don’t think I was ever really and truly ready to admit that until just now...”
“I’m glad you said something about it,” she answered, cradling her knees in her arms. "No matter how queasy I feel inside at the thought of you two..."
“I feel stupid and childish for admitting it,” he replied. “And at one point I really did try and make myself feel something significant for her...maybe out of guilt or something else...I don’t know...”
“Brandon,” she began quietly. “Just tell me those messages weren’t real...tell me you didn’t entice her...tell me I don’t have anything to worry about...”
“They weren’t real,” he responded. “Don't ask me where she got that information from. I haven't spoken to her in a few days now. That whole situation was something that I hadn’t prepared myself for and I shouldn’t have done it. I knew it was over long enough before I had the balls to admit it to her. I had just broken things off with Sophia and then she came along...and I...I fucked up...”
“Sophia,” Natalie breathed. “Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in awhile...”
“I know,” he said. “Aren’t you relieved?”
“I still sleep with one eye open,” she teased. “I’m convinced she’s going to find me and stab me multiple times in my sleep...”
“It wasn’t your fault,” he said. “None of what happened between us was your fault. Remember that...”
“I know that,” she sighed. “It took me awhile to understand, but I definitely do now...”
“Good...”
“Brandon, I,” she began. Her voice then drifted with the wind, and she got to her feet, dusting off her bottom. “I just...I just want you to be good to me,” she replied, running her fingers through her hair gingerly. “I’m sorry for the way I acted tonight but...but it came from a real place...”
He released a heavy breath and got to his feet as he grunted. She’d started to walk away, but he reached for her hand and pulled her back to him. She then sighed too, rising to her tip toes to wrap her arms around his neck, embracing him. He returned the sentiment, burying his lips into the top of her head, kissing it gently.
He wanted to tell her that he worshipped the ground she walked on, that he worshipped every morsel of her brown skin, worshipped her southern drawl, her ingenuity, her honey-dipped soul, her near-mute, pensive, elusive disposition, the silk of her black hair, her intimidating self-respect, her sarcasm, her familial compassion, her laugh, her taste in music, her cooking, her embrace, her fragility, her authenticity. She never made him feel inadequate, she never lied to him, and she never ignored him. He’d never met anyone who was more willing to sacrifice every facet of herself for the love and care and well-being of another. He’d realized a long time ago that there were so many things about his Natalie Savannah Chandler that made her so beautiful.
She pulled apart from him, and pressed her lips against the tip of his nose, smiling and giggling under her breath. She ran her thumbs along the nape of his neck.
“I knew you cared about me the night you found me crying,” she whispered. “I was sitting right here...and you came after me...I...I knew then that my feelings wouldn’t go away. I guess I should’ve figured out a long time ago that you’d never stop chasing me...I’ll always love that about you, Brandy...”
He kissed her then. She whimpered. There was no greater time than the present, he thought...
He pulled away from him, and dropped down to his knees. She looked down at him with confu
sion.
“What are you doing?” she asked him. He could feel her hand trembling in his.
He slowly reached into his pocket, murmuring, “Something I should have done a long time ago”, pulling out a small black box.
“Brandon,” she whispered, breathlessly.
“What in the hell...?” She then started to cry.
He attempted to smile through his nerves.
“Natalie, you are my life,” he began. “I can’t think of a better way to say it. I don’t want to try and imagine what my life would be like if you weren’t in it.”
“Oh, my God,” she said, placing a hand to her chest. “This isn’t happening...”
“I kissed you for the first time in this very spot,” he continued, smiling. He could feel his throat tighten. His nervousness had transcended to a sort of reflective, happy sadness. And he knew his cheeks were ruddy and hot.
“This isn’t a stuffy, pretentious restaurant,” he said. “This is our beginning...this is us, Tallie. No girl was every good enough...no girl could match you...Sophia hated you for a reason...”
They both laughed, and she wiped her tears away.
“I want you in my life every day, every night, for the rest of my life, baby,” he told her. “Will you marry me...?”
She sniffled, dropped to her knees and shook her head in disbelief.
He then remembered what it felt like the last time. She wasn’t ready to marry him then; how foolish he was.
She looked up into his eyes and smiled. “You already know what my answer is...give me that ring...”
Part Three: 2005 - 2007
Amid the Fireflies
SHE EMBRACED THE SUMMER DAYS. She allowed the heat to cover her brown skin; she loved the way the sun glowed overhead, the way the breeze bended to its lazy rhythm.
