by Peggy Webb
She cuddled the flower to her cheek. It was symbolic of a wonderful man, a wonderful day. Turning her head, she looked in the direction of Josh’s camp. Somewhere in the dark she could feel him. She could feel his need, his powerful attraction. She half-rose from her chair to go to him. Then her common sense stopped her. Robert had tugged at her heartstrings, too, and look where that had led—to disillusionment, to loss of joy, to loss of freedom, and finally to the divorce court.
She held the flower out to the moonlight and let it dry in the night wind. Then she carefully placed it between the pages of her book.
“Forgive me, F. Scott, but this is my green light at the end of the dock. This is my way of always keeping Josh with me.”
She stored the book inside her tent and undressed slowly, thinking that her grand freedom wasn’t so grand anymore. But at the moment it was all she dared dream. The mistakes of the past were still with her. Reaching for her gown, her hand stopped. “Josh,” she whispered aloud. His name beat upon her mind, like the wings of a caged bird against its prison bars. She had to set it free.
She opened the tent flap and ran toward the edge of the lake. The cold water licked at her naked skin as she waded carefully out toward the deep. Her dogs had followed her and stood on the shore, their tails tucked under.
“Don’t worry, boys,” she called. “I know this lake by heart, even in the dark.”
They sat on the shore, still and watchful, like stone lions guarding the treasures of a library.
She swam with strong, sure strokes. The moon polished her face and arms, burnished her wet hair. Treading water, she stopped and lifted her face. The stars were thrown across the sky like careless promises, some bright and shiny and so close she could almost touch them, others fading in the distance, almost invisible.
“Star light, star bright . . .” Her voice echoed across the water. Around her there was no sound except the soft lapping as she kept herself afloat. “I wish I may, I wish I might . . .” She stopped again, listening. Goose bumps rose along her arms; prickles disturbed the back of her neck. And she knew she was not alone.
She swung her head slowly around, widening her eyes to see in the darkness. There was a wide expanse of water between them, but he seemed only a heartbeat away. The moon touched him with silver.
“Josh.”
“Don’t let me stop you, Hallie. I didn’t mean to intrude.”
“Why are you out here in the dark?”
“Why are you?”
“Running away, I guess.”
“Same thing here.”
His honesty delighted her. Her bright laughter spilled out, bouncing back to them on the waves.
Suddenly she was sober. “What are you running from, Josh?”
“You.”
“And I from you.”
Only a path of moonlight connected them. For a moment there was no sound, then Josh finally broke the silence. His face belied his lighthearted tone of voice.
“Hallie Donovan, for two dedicated loners who swore to stay on our separate sides of the cove, we didn’t do too well, did we?”
“No, we didn’t.” Across the dark waters, they watched each other, taking measure, sensing the truth and yet denying it. “Tomorrow I’m going to do better,” Hallie added.
“Yes, we have tomorrow. And then I think I’ll be moving on.”
“So will I.”
A great cold emptiness filled Hallie. She shivered.
“Cold, Hallie? You shouldn’t swim alone in the dark. You’re liable to get a cramp.”
“Neither should you.”
“I’m not alone anymore.”
They had drifted closer with the current, so close that Hallie could see the yearning on his face. He looked like a little boy who was struggling with the knowledge that there was no Santa Claus. The need to touch him was so great, she reached out her hand. Then, remembering her nakedness, she started to pull back.
Her single gesture was all Josh needed to break through his reserve and send his defenses tumbling. He took her hand and pulled her toward him. In slow motion her body drifted against his, just the briefest touch, then she drifted out of contact.
“Skinny-dipping, my wicked gypsy angel?” His voice was soft as he reached out and circled her waist, pulling her back through the water until they were touching full-length. His body was cool and hard. As he pressed against her, she realized that he was as naked as she.
Adrenaline pumped through her. She felt vibrant, joyful. His touch was all the more exciting because it was dangerous. Boldly, she tipped back her head and looked at him.
“Aren’t you afraid of freezing your charms?”
He loved her sexual playfulness. It lured him into temporary forgetfulness.
“I thought I might find something to keep them warm, Hallie.”
“Fishing, Josh?”
“Am I using the right bait?”
“Depends on what you want to catch.”
“You, Hallie.” He took her lips swiftly, sucking at their wetness. The passion erupted between them, heightened by the water licking their slick bodies. They forgot to tread. As they kissed, they slid slowly downward, lips joined, arms and legs tangled. The charitable lake spewed them back up. They bobbed to the surface, floating face up, reaching for each other.
Josh slid his left arm under Hallie’s shoulders. She turned to seek out his lips.
“Hallie . . . Hallie.” He was starving for her. Her lips weren’t enough. He wanted all of her. He wanted to feast on her, to slowly lick away every drop of moisture that clung to her shimmering, moonlit skin.
He gave a powerful kick that propelled them toward shallow water. Of one accord, they turned over and swam until they were in waist-deep water, only a short distance from the shore.
With his feet on the sandy lake bottom, he pulled her swiftly into his arms. “Delectable . . .” He touched his lips to the pulse point at the base of her throat.
Need ripped through him. His desire to have her completely—to explore her while the cool water licked them—was tempered by his desire to savor her. He bent her further backward so that she was offered up to him like goddess of the night. He tasted, sipped, then drank deeply, like a man too long denied.
Hallie tangled her hands in his wet hair, pulled him closer. The moment was a gift too precious to refuse, too beautiful to be ignored. Passion sang through her, need clamored in her, and underneath it all, the jubilee. That great joy rose until it burst into a million bright rainbows, each one circling her heart. Tonight, she thought. She’d take tonight. Tomorrow she’d walk away.
“Hallie?” In the moonlight his eyes were like deep golden pools.
“I want you, Josh,” she said simply.
“No commitments.”
She caressed his cheek. “None, my poetic trucking man. Nothing between us except the honesty of our feelings.”
Her words were a sharp reminder of the lies between them, and he knew that taking her now, under false pretenses, would cut him off from her forever. He supposed he was selfish: He couldn’t have her, but he couldn’t bear to let her go. Not yet.
He pulled her close, and she could feel the desperation in his hard hug. “Hallie.” The word was a broken plea. She almost could hear the tinkling as it shattered around them.
She drew back so she could look up into his face. Where it had been tight with passion, it was now sad with regret. “Josh?”
His hands gently explored her face, touching her eyelids, caressing her cheek, defining her lips. One night with her would never be enough, he thought. One week with her wouldn’t be enough. Instinctively he knew that he could never take her and let her go. There at Ray Hubbard Lake he might fool himself enough to believe that he could have a relationship with Hallie, but the truth waited for him back home in Florence.
With certain clarity he knew that protecting himself from further hurt was secondary to the fierce protectiveness he felt for Hallie. He could never ask her to share his family prob
lems. She was a loving, giving woman who would try to take on his entire broken family. He shuddered to think what the burden of his alcoholic brother would do to a spirit as bright and lively as hers.
“So much beauty and so much love,” he whispered. “Your heart is big enough for every broken creature in the world, isn’t it, Hallie?”
“Josh, what’s wrong? If you think I’m doing this out of charity, you’re mistaken.” She took a deep breath to calm her still-racing libido. The bright moment of passion had passed, and she knew it. Tomorrow she probably would be relieved, but tonight she felt only disappointment and a strange kind of lonesomeness. “You never would qualify as one of the world’s broken creatures. You’re so arrogant, you’re almost macho.”
He was glad she’d misunderstood. Somehow it made the parting easier. “Thank you, sweet gypsy angel.” He pressed his lips to her hair. “There’s so much you don’t know, so much I can’t tell you.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Won’t.” He held her at arm’s length and looked deep into her eyes. “Hallie, forgive me for starting something I didn’t finish.”
“Why, Josh?”
“Call it a latent attack of scruples. Call it crazy. Call it anything you like. I discovered that I can’t make you a one-night stand. You’re too important to me.”
The long look they exchanged was one of goodbye. Both of them knew it. She felt his fingers tremble on her lips, saw the regret in his face. She almost said, “Let’s give it a try anyway.” She almost begged him to stay. But she didn’t, and the moment passed.
“This is goodbye, then?” she whispered.
“This is goodbye.”
Hallie’s chin came up proudly. She knew how to make exits.
“I would have preferred walking off into the sunset, but the moonlight will do.” Her handshake was firm. “May the wind be at your back, Josh Butler.”
“Take care, Hallie Donovan.”
The moon silvered her body as she walked from the water. Venus rising from the sea, she thought, and then she had to bite back the giggles. But it wasn’t mirth she felt; it was pain. Laughter through tears, the Southern way.
Although the urge to see his face one more time was overwhelming, she never looked back. She kept on walking until she was joined by her dogs waiting for her on the shore. She walked until she reached her camp, walked until she could walk no more.
Then she sank into her camp chair, her legs weak and her body shivering.
“I never knew walking away would be so hard. I never meant for tomorrow to come so soon.”
Dry-eyed, she sat and tried to take solace in watching the stars.
o0o
Josh stood in the water and watched until she was long out of sight. The chill on his legs matched the chill in his heart. In his mind he kept seeing the proud tilt of her chin, her beautiful face, silver-kissed by the moon. “I was a fool to let you go,” he whispered. But he’d be a bigger fool to run after her. His rationale was good; his decision had been made. It was over. The sweet interlude by the lake had ended.
He headed into deep water and swam back to his camp. Tomorrow he’d pack and leave. Without the promise of seeing her bright face, hearing her happy laughter, tasting her delicious lips, there was no need to stay. He’d find another lake in another state. Everything that was Texas reminded him of Hallie, would always remind him of Hallie. He’d go to a place without bluebonnets. If he could, he’d go to a place without sunshine and moonlight.
Tomorrow he’d go. But he wasn’t fool enough to think he could ever forget Hallie Donovan.
o0o
Hallie loaded her gear early before the morning sun began to pink the sky. She couldn’t risk seeing Josh again, for if she saw him, she might change her mind. Instead of gracefully letting him go, she might throw herself at him, use every seductive weapon she knew to keep him—just for a little while, just until she could cool the fires that burned within her.
He was right, of course, she decided as she headed her El Dorado in the direction of the store. Why involve themselves in a liaison they both knew wouldn’t last? She drove fast, the wind lashing her face and whipping her hair. A little excitement was what she needed. But as she pulled into the parking lot, she realized that it would take more than a little excitement to help her get over Josh Butler.
Putting on a happy face, she entered the store.
“‘Morning, Miss Hallie. You sure are stirring early today.”
“I have lots to do today, Raymond.”
“Fishing?”
“No. I’m cutting my fishing trip short. I thought I’d stock up on supplies and head for the ranch.” She was speaking of the spread that her brother Tanner kept as a getaway for anybody in the family who wanted to use it. “My sister Hannah’s vacationing there, and I feel the need for a little rodeoing.”
“I guess Tanner will be up there too.”
“It’s not likely. He and Amanda are awaiting the birth of their second child. They’ll stick close to Dallas.”
“I always worry about you being up there. Especially when you’ve got rodeoing on your mind. You take too many fool chances.”
She patted his grizzled face. “You always worry about me, and I always appreciate it; but I can take care of myself.”
Raymond turned pink from all the attention. With pretended indifference he looked past Hallie. “Where’s that young man you had in here the other day? He’s a nice fellow. Looked as if you two were hitting it off pretty good.”
Unexpected pain Hallie with such force that she was sure Raymond could see it. She struggled to appear nonchalant. “Yes. I enjoyed his company. But it’s time for me to be moving on. I suppose he’ll be leaving too. Truckers lead a vagabond life.”
“Trucker, did you say?”
“Yes. That’s what he told me.”
“Well, I’ll be damned.” Raymond scratched his head a moment as he pondered the situation. Then a look of purpose came into his face. “You just wait right here, Miss Hallie.”
He went to the magazine rack and came back with a copy of Fortune. Without another word, he handed the magazine to Hallie. On the front cover was a picture of Josh Butler.
Hallie’s eyes grew wide as she looked up at Raymond.
“The magazine came in yesterday. I thought there was something familiar about him when I first saw him.”
Flipping open the magazine, Hallie searched until she found the story. Profile of an American businessman, the caption read. Josh Butler, owner of Silken Moments . . . Hallie gripped the magazine so hard her knuckles turned white. The phrase, owner of Silken Moments, whirled in her head until she thought she might faint. He knew her, she realized, stunned. He’d known her from the moment they met. Her most successful stint as a model had been with Silken Moments. There was no way Josh Butler could own that company and not know of her poster.
She continued reading, . . . is one of America’s top ten wealthiest men. The self-made billionaire has had a meteoric rise to wealth and fame by catering to the American woman’s voracious appetite for pantyhose and lingerie. Located in Florence, Alabama . . .
Hallie didn’t want to read any more. She felt sick inside thinking about the picnic, the bluebonnets, the sunshine kisses they’d shared. Josh Butler, the man she’d called her poetic trucker, was one of the richest men in America. He had lied to her.
For the first time since her divorce she’d been tempted to put her trust in a man, and he had betrayed her. Why? she wondered. Certainly not to win his way into her bed. He’d turned the opportunity down. Why had he pretended to be a trucker? Why had he evaded all questions about his personal life? She had no answers.
Raymond was still standing beside her, watching her anxiously. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Hallie.”
She put her hand on his arm. “You didn’t, Raymond.”
“Your face is white, and you look a little peaked. Let me get you a cup of water.”
“No thank you, Raymond. I’ll
be all right. I just need time to adjust to this . . .” She stopped and waved the magazine in the air. Words for the stunning article failed her. “. . . this news,” she finally said.
“Derned my hide. Me and my big mouth. I’m always jabbering on about things that are none of my business.” He plucked the magazine from her hands and stuffed it firmly back on the rack. “It’s just that when you’re in a position to know everything that goes on, like I am, you naturally start to feeling self-important.” He put his arm around her shoulder and guided her to a folding metal chair beside the ice-cream box. “Now you sit right there and let me try to make amends.” He reached into the ice-cream cooler and took out a chocolate- covered vanilla bar. “Your favorite. On the house. It’ll make you feel better.”
Hallie had to laugh. “Raymond, you carry on over me like a mother hen. I don’t really need all this attention.” She peeled back the wrapper and took a big bite. “But I never turn down a chance for free ice cream. Thank you.”
His grin was her reward. “That’s more like it. And as for the magazine article—why you just forget all about it. Josh Butler is a fine fellow. If he wants to pretend he’s a trucker, he must have his good reasons. It’s certainly not for me to judge.”
Hallie polished off her ice cream and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Nor for me, Raymond. Why don’t we get my supplies and forget about Josh Butler.”
“Sure as shootin’.” He led her proudly toward the chips. “If I know that brother of yours, he hasn’t got a single bag of corn chips on the whole ranch. He stopped by here about a month ago on the way to the ranch with that pretty wife and cute little daughter of his and didn’t buy a thing but staples . . . you know, meat and milk and bread and fruit. Said his family ate health food. That’s what he called it, health food.”
Hallie laughed. “He’s careful about physical fitness.”
She and Raymond chatted on about Tanner and his family as she gathered her supplies. Then she headed to the blessed oblivion of her brother’s ranch, thirty miles north. Nobody would be there except the small staff he kept on to run the place— and Hannah. She and the Danes would have acres of wide open space in which to roam and be free. And her twin sister would lend a shoulder, as she always had. It would feel good to talk to Hannah again.
