by Wade, Calvin
“Have you given any thought to how you would would feel if your circumstances changed?”
This was a relevant question, I guessed. Dr. Whiteside had probably arranged many vasectomies for men who subsequently divorced and re-married a new wife who was keen to have children with her seedless spouse. In the midst of our marital troubles, this had been relevant to me, but now with our marriage through its difficult stage and on firm ground, I knew we would never allow ourselves to experience those times again.
“Jemma and I have a strong marriage, Dr. Whiteside. I suppose like all couples, we have had our good and bad times, but we will never, ever split up. We know having a vasectomy is the right thing for us to do.”
“OK,” Dr. Whiteside said, “but what if something tragic happened? You know as well as anybody that life can deliver ill health at any time without warning.”
This seemed like a strange line of questioning. We were wanting a vasectomy not IVF treatment.
“Like what?” I asked, confused.
“I think when having a vasectomy, you have to picture the worst case scenario and ask yourself whether, in those circumstances, you would regret the vasectomy?”
“Like if Jemma died?”
“Or one or both of your children,” Dr.Whiteside helpfully added, “can you be sure that if anything ever happened to Melissa or Jamie, that you would not want more children?”
I thought this was an outrageous question.
“My children aren’t goldfish, Dr.Whiteside. If one of my children tragically died, I would not want Jemma to pop another one out, in the hope that in a few years time, nobody would notice! Irrespective of circumstances, Jemma and I would not want any more children.”
Dr. Whiteside looked relieved, like a man who was compelled to ask the questions, but was thankful that the verbal jousting had come to an end.
“I am sorry I had to ask, Richie, but before I refer you to Dr. Allison, I have to be absolutely certain that you are aware of the finality of having a vasectomy.”
I gave him an understanding smile.
“I know it’s your job to ask, but we are certain about this.”
“OK, that’s fine. My secretary will put the referral in place and Dr. Allison will be in touch. He normally carries out the procedure a couple of evenings a week.”
“How long is the waiting list?”
“It varies, it can sometimes be a couple of months, but I believe it’s not as long as that currently. I would expect you to receive a date that is in the next four to six weeks. Is that going to be OK?”
“That’s fine. The sooner the better as far as we’re concerned.” “Obviously, if you do have any second thoughts, then please make sure you cancel the appointment, as soon as possible.”
Bloody hell! Change the record!
“Honestly Doctor, that won’t be happening! The next nappies that Jemma and I will be changing, will be our grandchildrens!”
Jemma
Throughout the conversation, there was an undercurrent. I had welcomed Kelly into my home, given her a guided tour of my house and even promised she could walk down with me to pick Jamie up from nursery, but I could feel tension in the air. I thought Kelly was trying her level best to be pleasant, but she seemed to be forgetting how well I knew her, forced pleasantries were always going to be apparent to me. After an hour of slogging through our time together with niceties, apologies and tactful reactions, I tired of playing the game.
“Kelly, I appreciate you coming here today, it means a lot to me that you felt the need to put things right, but is this what we are resigned to now?”
“What?”
“Bullshit conversations where neither of us really speaks their mind in case it triggers off World War Three.”
“I don’t know how to answer that, Jemma.”
“Answer it honestly.”
“I think this is the best we can hope for. Look at the photos around your house, Jemma, it’s not as though this time you just kissed or even screwed my boyfriend…you MARRIED him! I wish I was one of those incredibly nice people, the type that doesn’t resent being double crossed, the type that can put their past behind them and move on, but that’s not me. I’m not that nice.”
“Why aren’t you? As a child you were the nicest person anyone could possibly meet, you were placid, calm, cheerful and loving, what has happened to change that?”
“Do you even have to ask, Jemma? Mum died. I killed her. The only person I ever felt truly loved by betrayed me in the most devious of ways. We are a product of circumstance, Jemma and circumstances have changed.”
“Your version of events is distorted though, Kelly. Nothing happened between Richie and I when you were together, it all only happened long after you left.”
“That’s a lie!”
“No, it’s not!”
“It was all happening between you and Richie whilst I was still around.”
“Kelly, I promise you it wasn’t!”
“Jemma, it did! Maybe not physically, but emotionally it did. Before I left, Richie told you that he had cancer, he didn’t tell me…. and neither did you.”
“That was to protect you!”
“To protect me? I didn’t want protecting! I just wanted the truth. When I saw you in the park together, you could have just said ,
‘Kelly, it’s Richie, he’s got cancer…..’, but you chose not to. You chose to rank people in order of importance to you and I came off second best. You hardly knew Richie and you put him before me, your own sister.”
“Kelly, I wish I had told you.”
“No, Jemma, don’t continue to lie to me. I have been a victim of your lies for too long. You don’t wish you’d told me at all. If you had told me that day, that Richie had cancer, we wouldn’t be sitting here in your middle class palace, sipping percolated coffee in fine china mugs, looking at photos of the offspring you conceived with my boyfriend. Keeping your mouth shut was part of your long-term strategy, don’t insult my intelligence by suggesting anything else.
If you’d have told me that Richie had cancer, Richie would never have been available, I would have helped him through that ordeal and who knows, you may have been visiting Richie and I, and our children.”
“Kelly, how much of a bitch do you think I am? None of this was pre-meditated, it just happened. Not like your visit here today, you said you came here to put things right, but that’s not what you planned at all, is it? You came to finish what you started in hospital.”
“Jemma, I came to try to get things to a level where we can be civil to each other. Having brought me up, I felt I owed you that much, but let’s not kid ourselves, we aren’t going to be best mates. That’s impossible now.”
I thought this through for a few seconds. On this point, there was no real reason to disagree.
“Do you know what, Kelly? I agree with you. To an extent I understand the point you are making and if I put myself in your shoes, I can understand why you are bitter. I mean if I’d have buggered off and you’d been the one who was jailed, then I’d come back to discover you’d married my ex, I’d feel like you do now, well and truly pissed off! I promise none of this was done to get at you though, believe me we just fell in love, but knowing how you feel about Richie, it’s probably best you don’t spend too much time around us, it’d only complicate matters.”
“Jemma, you’re right,. Looking back, I just wished I’d been aware of the whole situation before the crash. I mean when I met him, Richie wasn’t even wearing a wedding ring, so I didn’t even know he was married, let alone who he was married to.”
“I agree, Kelly. Richie should have told you.”
“Maybe then we wouldn’t have made love.”
“I beg your pardon!”
“I’m just saying, if I’d have known he was married to you, Jemma, I wouldn’t have let him make love to me on the ‘Sunny Road’.”
“Don’t even try that one, Kelly! I know nothing happened. I know you want to get back at me, but
is making up lies really the way forward? Have some respect for yourself!”
Kelly smiled sardonically.
“Is that what Richie said, Jemma? That nothing happened! Bless him! He probably didn’t count it as proper sex, I mean it probably only lasted thirty seconds. He was in and out before I could say, ‘Dick Billingham’.
I had been a fool. All this was too raw for Kelly to forgive me. I even half think she had coming looking for me to try to put things right, but the house and the photos and everything else, just allowed the hatred to bubble up inside. We needed time apart. Time for her to accept who I was married to.
“Get out, Kelly!”
“I’m sorry, Jemma! Sometimes the truth hurts.”
“The truth! This is just a pack of lies!”
“He told me his wife didn’t let him anywhere near her. He said she’d been up for it all the time before the kids, but now she came out with every excuse under the sun to get out of having sex. There was no intimacy left in their relationship. They were just like brother and sister, is what he said. That was his excuse for coming so quickly. He said he was totally out of practice. I told him not to worry. I told him together we’d put it right, teach him a bit of endurance. Back in the day, when he put his mind to it, your husband couldn’t half make me come, he was my first and still the best lover I ever had. That’s why I wrote the letter. No-one else compared. At least I got to feel him inside me for one last time!”
I should have kept my cool. I knew she was lying, but Richie had obviously been mouthing off to her about me, that was what made me so mad. Kelly was wanting to get a reaction and that’s exactly what she got. I shouldn’t have done it, but I slapped her right across the face, a real tennis backhander it was, the full stroke. Kelly was unfazed. She put her hand to her face, to feel where I had caught her, but she just smiled at me again and proceeded with the onslaught.
“Let’s just hope I bleed now, Jemma. I’m already a couple of days late. The Doctors warned I might be late, with the trauma of the crash, but who knows, it could be down to the pitter patter of tiny feet. How would that feel, Jemma? Wouldn’t it be lovely to have a little brother or sister for Melissa and Jamie, without the agony of childbirth. I mean you’re too posh to push now, aren’t you?
It’s amazing when you think about it, isn’t it? Life created from just thirty seconds of unbridled passion between YOUR sister and YOUR husband. It felt better afterwards though, I mean we both really, really needed it.”
I was starting to question my faith in Richie, but I was determined not to let it show.
“I don’t believe you.”
“I tell you what then, when he gets in tonight Jemma, tell him who popped in for coffee. Don’t accuse him but just throw in a little line about me mentioning I might be pregnant and watch his face drop. When it does, you’ll know exactly who the liar is and I can assure you, it’s not me!”
“Get out of my house, Kelly!”
“He’ll never love you like he loved me, Jemma. Whatever happens, I’ll always be his first.”
“Just get out!”
“Thanks for the coffee. I’ll pop the scan photos in the post. I’m sure Richie will be dying to see them…..I’ll see myself out.”
I let her go. I was fuming, not with Kelly as much as Richie. He was in big trouble. I vowed when he got back in that night, I was going to kill him.
JemmaI was so ready for a blazing row that I had already shipped the kids over to Richie’s Mum’s in anticipation. I just told Dot that I had a surprise planned for Richie and with her being a diamond and him being ‘favourite offspring’, she agreed without a moments hesitation. Dot was one of the only people that could handle Jamie. She was very firm with him, but he seemed to respect her for it. Dot was insistent that Richie and I should implement her strong armed methods with Jamie but would not have it that we had tried and failed. She was an interfering busy body but a lovely one at that! She wasn’t content with just knowing I had a ‘surprise’ planned that night either, but when she pressed me, I just told her I wanted to book a taxi and take Richie for a pasta and a bottle of wine. It was a Friday, so Dot said she’d keep the kids and drop them back off on Saturday afternoon.
Most nights Richie was back from the Building Society by about six, but to compound my fury that night, by seven o’clock, there was still no sign of him. I poured myself a glass of white wine and then another and by the time I heard the key in the door, I was on my third large glass. It was almost half past seven. I heard Richie put his briefcase down in the hall.
“Why haven’t you phoned to say you’d be late?” I shouted through.
“Sorry love, there was a till discrepancy. A fiver down. Stopped back for ages running through the tills trying to find it, but I couldn’t. If you give someone a fiver less than you should, they soon tell you about it, but give them a fiver too much, it just goes in their arse pocket! It’s quiet in here, isn’t it? Where are the kids?”
“At your mother’s?”
Richie came into the lounge all suited and booted. I was as mad as hell with him, but boy he looked sexy after a few glasses of wine.
“Why are they at my Mum’s? We’re not supposed to be going out are we?”
“No, I needed to speak to you.”
Richie laughed a little falsely to himself.
“Can you not talk when the kids are here?”
“Not properly, no.”
Richie failed to appreciate the level of my fury. He walked over to the television and switched it on, grabbing the remote control and putting some ‘Sports News’ channel on. He’s lucky I didn’t grab a chair and smash the TV screen into a million tiny pieces, but managing to control myself a little, I just snatched the remote contol off him and switched the TV off.
“Oi! I was about to watch that!”
“Did you not hear me, Richie, I said I needed to speak to you?”
“About what.”
“Kelly.”
Richie sighed.
“Jemma, it’s been a long day and a long bloody week. It’s the weekend, the kids aren’t here, can we not just make the most of a bit of peace and quiet, just for one night and we’ll talk about Kelly tomorrow?”
“No, Richie, we can’t. She’s been here today.”
“Kelly has? To our house? What for?”
“To tell me things.”
“Like what?”
“Things I didn’t know. Things you never told me!”
“Such as?”
“Such as you taking your wedding ring off when you met up with her!”
“Jemma! This is just a small, insignificant piece of information about that day. Why rake this up again now? It’s behind us. What good does it do dredging up tiny fragments of new information?”
The time was right to drop the bombshell.
“Tiny fragments of new information like Kelly’s pregnant?”
I watched to see how Richie would react. I had hoped he would smile or laugh hysterically, but he didn’t, he reacted just as Kelly predicted he would, the colour in his face drained away and he muttered an obscenity,
“Shit!”
My fury continued to mount. I had forgiven him for meeting up with Kelly, tried to put the incident behind us, but once again he had lied to me. It would impossible to come back from this one, my children and Kelly’s child would be siblings. I needed to lash out. I had, what I can only describe as an out of body experience. I looked down on myself for a couple of minutes and saw this crazed, demented, wronged woman. I grabbed Lladro, Nao, pottery, photograph frames, anything I could get my hands on really and threw them, as hard as I could, against the walls. I was crying, screaming and wailing language that would have made a docker blush.
Richie left me to it at first, I wasn’t throwing anything at him, I hadn’t even thought of doing that, so he just stayed on the settee looking as placid as ever. He allowed all my favourite ornaments to be smashed to smithereens, but as soon as I picked up a surviving piece of L
ladro and took aim at the television, he stood up, grabbed me by the wrist and restrained me.
“What do you think you’re doing, Jemma!”
“You cheating, no good, bastard! Get out my house!”
“Jemma, will you calm yourself down, you complete muppet! If Kelly’s pregnant it’s not my baby! Not unless my sperm have been swimming around inside her like a load of bewildered goldfish for about the last twelve years! I have heard of slow swimmers but that’s taking the piss!”
“You said you didn’t sleep with me at the Birch’s party and you did!”
“For Christ’s sake, Jemma, I didn’t! I didn’t get Kelly pregnant either, OK?”
Richie let go of me with a bit of a pissed off push.
“Why did you say ‘shit’ then, when I said she was pregnant?” “Because I crashed a car, didn’t I, with her unborn baby inside. If she loses that baby, that’s another victim I’ll have to deal with, as well as those two teenage kids.”
“Promise me you’re not lying to me, Richie. Promise me you didn’t sleep with Kelly.”
“I promise you I didn’t. I’ll even swear on our children’s lives.” I surveyed the damage .
“Why did you not stop me smashing everything up?”
Richie smiled. “Because I hate all the bloody Lladro!”
“Noticed you saved the tele!”
“I’m not soft!”
“Richie, go and grab a brush and shovel from the kitchen, seeing as though you drove me to it, you can help me tidy up!”
Richie went into the kitchen and then shouted through.
“Where is it?”
“Under the sink.”
“OK. You’ll have to do the cleaning though, Jemma! I’m still in my school uniform.”
Richie always referred to his suit as his school uniform. He thought children never really grew up, they just pretended better. I looked at the mantelpiece where my Lladro had been, I had just proved his point about not growing up, but the pretence was still in need of some work too. Richie came back in and passed me the brush and shovel. He had definitely improved around the house, but it was still not difficult for him to find excuses to pass the workload on to me. In this instance though, he had plenty of justification. I went down on my hands and knees and started brushing.
