"You mean rob someone?" Demeter replied. "We're not doing that." She looked at me. "Are we?"
"No," I replied firmly.
"Then just shut your eyes and see what we're going to do," Ares said.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "I see the future based on what we're going to do. Right now, we have no idea what that is. So all I'm going to see is us doing nothing."
And then I spotted it.
"Problem solved," I said. "Pull over. I'll be back in five minutes with all the money we need."
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I returned to the car, Ares at my side counting a wad of bills.
"Holy crap!" Darren exclaimed.
"Poor casino didn't stand a chance," Demeter sighed.
I snorted. "Poor casino? You should have seen some of the poor people in there. Let's head to the hotel."
"Which one?" Jason asked.
"The most expensive one," I answered.
I found myself yawning as Jason drove. The setting sun made the buildings cast long, languid shadows over the city. Soon, everything was a soft blue, and I found myself struggling to keep my eyes from closing. Above us, the stars started to wink into existence.
And then there were stars everywhere. Not just in the sky, but all around. They were streaking down, shining ribbons of light unfurling from an infinite black sky.
The streets were gone. They'd transformed into perfectly still black rivers, like strips of glass. There were no buildings either. Just a vast, dark sea stretching out forever around me, flawlessly reflecting the inky sky above.
"Hera," Justin said.
My heart skipped a beat, like it always did when he said my name. A smile instinctively spread across my face. Justin smiled back. I loved seeing him smile. It lit him up, and that lit me up. When he smiled, for a second, I forgot about everything else. For a second, I was perfectly, purely happy.
But it was only a second. Then reality crashed back in. Justin was dead. The proof was right in front of my eyes. The last time I'd dreamed of him, I'd thought he looked faded, but there was no denying it now. Justin was more than just faded. He was translucent, like coloured glass.
Justin was dead, and if that weren't bad enough, now I was losing the memory of him too, this sweet dream I'd invented for myself.
Before I could say anything, Justin circled his arms around my waist, and I instinctively laid my head against his chest. He felt solid. Strong. Like nothing had changed. I closed my eyes. I wanted to believe that nothing had changed for a while.
Justin rested his cheek on top of my head. "You seem different."
"Do I?" I asked.
"Angrier," he said.
I sighed. "Angry's better than sad."
"Fair enough," he said. "It'd just be nice to see you happy for once."
"Happy's not in the stars for me," I said, nodding at the cascading lights above us.
"Don't say that," Justin chided me.
"Why? It's true," I said. I shook my head. "Sorry. I just ... I'm tired."
"Then stay here with me and rest," Justin suggested, squeezing me tighter.
"We've had this conversation before," I reminded him. "And it always ends the same way. Because it has to end the same way."
"Can't hurt to ask," he replied.
"But it hurts to keep saying no," I said quietly.
"Then I won't ask again," Justin promised.
"Yes, you will," I accused.
He smiled. "Sure will."
He paused. "So, should I be worried about all those hot young Heroes you've got following you around now? Why can't you find yourself some solid female Heroes?"
I laughed. "You're pretty jealous for a dead guy."
It was a joke, but saying it out loud cut me like knife. I shoved the pain down. I buried it before it could grab me the way it usually did and smother me in sadness. I just wanted to be with Justin. It didn't matter that it was a lie or a delusion or whatever this was. It felt real. And that was all that mattered.
"The big one's pretty buff," Justin pointed out.
"Yeah, I'm a big sucker for that," I replied sarcastically. "Manly men with muscles. How could I possibly resist?"
"Ha ha. I'm being stupid. I get it," he said. "But you can't blame me for being a little jealous. They get to be with you. I'd give anything for that. All we have is ... this. Whatever this is."
"Wishful thinking," I answered. "Wishful thinking is all we can have, you being dead and all."
Another knife to the heart.
"I died," he corrected.
"Right," I agreed. "You're dead."
His silence unnerved me.
"You're dead, Justin," I said.
"Am I?" he murmured. "I feel so alive. And I'm alive in your mind. And in your heart. Those are the places that really matter."
I considered that. "That's stupid. That's stupid dead guy talk."
Justin laughed. "So angry. All the time."
He paused. "Your mind and your heart are the places that matter to me, because only you can take me away from there. Nothing else can. Not even death."
"Unless I die too," I pointed out.
I tried not to think about it, but it was always there in the back of my mind. Ever since Athena, we were all marked for death. There'd been so many close calls already. It felt like it was only a matter of time.
"Don't you dare die!" Justin said fiercely. "I died to save you. Don't take that away from me. And if you don't die, we'll always be together."
"I doubt I'll have much of a choice when the time comes," I replied dryly.
Justin smiled. "You're a god. I thought you could do anything."
"So did I," I admitted. "But I couldn't save Athena. Or you. I guess there's some things even I can't do."
Justin sighed. "I just wish I could be there to help. Back in the real world. Fighting the good fight."
"Having the fate of an entire world on your shoulders?" I countered. "Risking your life? Risking the lives of innocent people? No time to eat or sleep or shower."
"Sounds like fun," he grinned.
"You sound just like my Heroes," I sighed. "All courage. No sense. No idea of what's at stake, what it's going to cost, even if we do win in the end."
"You'll do it," Justin assured me. "You always do."
"I always do," I said. "So far."
"All you have to do is keep making it so far," Justin told me.
"You make it sound so easy," I replied.
"I just believe in you, that's all. And I always will," he said. "Are you any closer to finding Ekhidna?"
"Finding her isn't the problem," I replied. "Stopping her from finding us before we're ready, that's the problem. She already found us once, and we barely survived. We had to run. I hate running."
"You ran so you could fight later," Justin pointed out. "Better that than dead."
"I know, I know," I answered. "But it's still ... infuriating. If the other gods could see me now. Hells, if I could see me now. A year ago, I never would've guessed..."
"Things change," Justin shrugged. "Even you changed. If you hadn't, we'd never have met or fallen in love."
I didn't say anything.
"Do you ... do you wish that'd never happened?" he asked quietly.
"Don't be stupid," I said dismissively.
"You do, don't you?" he accused.
"It's not that simple, and you know it," I protested. "Just look at me. Look at me now! What am I supposed to do? Spend my whole life asleep so we can be together? Or spend my whole life with a giant hole inside? Which is it? Or do I get to be with you here, so I can feel better just long enough to wake up and lose you all over again?"
"I ..." Justin began. But he didn't finish. He didn't know what to say.
"All out of dead guy wisdom?" I guessed. "Thought so."
"What do you want from me?" Justin asked helplessly.
I didn't say anything for a long time.
"I want you to tell me what to do," I said finally.
&n
bsp; "What?" Justin replied.
"I want you to tell me what to do," I repeated.
"I can't... you hate anyone telling you what to do," Justin said.
"So, people change, right? I changed. You said so yourself," I replied. "So, just tell me what to do."
"I ... I can't," Justin admitted. "I don't know what you should do."
"Tell me what to do, Justin," I pressed. "Tell me what to do!"
"I can't," he repeated.
"Justin," I said, tears starting to form. "Tell me what to do! Please! I don't know what to do anymore. You have to tell me what to do. Why won't you tell me what to do? Why won't somebody tell me what to do?"
Something inside me had finally snapped. Or maybe life had finally battered my walls long and hard enough to punch through.
But it all came crashing down. All the old wounds opened, all at once. Zeus. Athena. Hephaestus. Justin. All the ones I'd lost. All the pressure I'd carried for so long.
I collapsed to the ground. Justin took me in his arms, and let me sob tearlessly against him.
And for the first time I wished with all my heart that we'd never met at all.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
"Hera."
Demeter's voice. I loved my sister. But at that moment, it took all my strength not to punch her right in the face.
"Sleeping," I muttered, rolling over.
"I noticed," she said wryly. "But it's time to get up."
"Hate you," I growled.
I opened one eye cautiously. The light was so bright. I shut my eye again.
"No way. Not a chance," Demeter muttered.
She ruthlessly tore off the covers. The cold air cut into me. I swung my arms, trying to clutch at some blankets. But it was too late. Demeter had wisely thrown them onto the floor, out of reach.
"What time is it?" I grumbled, as I blinked my eyes against the painful light.
"Shower fast," Demeter advised. "We're leaving in ten minutes."
"Leaving? Where?" I demanded.
"School. It's morning. You slept all night," she informed me.
"You've got to be kidding," I said.
"You needed it," she argued.
"What about the witches? We need to stop Ekhidna from tracking us," I protested.
"We also need you not to pass out from exhaustion," she countered. "I had Ares keep guard. Darren kept him company. He's been glued to his computer all night. I think ... I think he might not need to sleep anymore. Must be his powers."
She paused and cocked her head, studying me. "No offence, but you don't really looked all that rested."
Her eyes widened. "You dreamed about him again, didn't you?"
I didn't say anything, which said everything.
Her eyes narrowed. "Spill."
"I'm just ..." I wasn't used to talking about my feelings, not even to her. "It's confusing. Being with him. Then not being with him. Then being with him again. It's like ... "
"It sounds terrible," she said.
"It is," I agreed. "And it's not. I mean, if the dreams stopped, I don't know if I'd feel better. Or much worse. I just don't know ... anything anymore."
Demeter didn't saying anything. She was at just as much of a loss as I was.
"Go get something to eat," I sighed. "Make sure the others eat something too. We're all going to need our strength. I'll come find you."
Demeter hesitated, but she obediently left. She knew I wanted to be alone for a while. When I was done washing up and getting dressed, I went into the hall. The others were already waiting outside my room for me.
Darren and Jason were ignoring each other completely. It was the best I could hope for at this point. As usual, Ares was blissfully oblivious to everyone but himself. As we walked to the car, he admired himself in every reflective surface he could find, revelling in the envious glances of men and the hungry stares of women.
As much as Ares stared at himself, I avoided meeting my own gaze. I didn't recognize myself anymore. I hated this sad version of myself, and seeing my reflection, seeing myself in this mortal body, only reminded me how different I'd become. How lost.
We were still so far from being a team. We'd never survive like this, let alone take down Ekhidna. But I didn't know what to do to repair the damage, to build the trust we needed to work together. All this tension was going to explode. It always did. It was only a matter of time. And if it erupted at the wrong time, it could cost us everything.
We drove to the school in silence. I didn't even remember telling Darren where to take us. Someone else must have filled him in on the plan. Or maybe his newly-charged superbrain had just figured out that it was our best option for filling the two remaining Hero slots in our party.
"No one goes anywhere alone," I said, before anyone could get out of the car.
"I thought you said Ekhidna couldn't attack us in public," Jason argued.
"She can't," I agreed. "At least not in any supernatural way. But there are plenty of normal ways to kill someone."
"So what's everybody's first class?" Demeter asked. "I've got Chemistry."
"English," Jason supplied.
"Me too," I offered.
"I am not going to class," Ares informed me.
"Yes, you are," I shot back.
"Why? It's pointless," he whined. "It's not what we're here for."
"Some learning might do you some good," Demeter said.
He shot her a dark look.
"I'm not scared of you," Demeter warned. "All you ever do is hit things. School might round you out."
"I don't need to be rounded out," Ares countered. "I actually like who I am, unlike some..."
He cut himself off. But it was too late. I'd already seen him looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I should have lashed out, roasted him with my usual temper. But I didn't have any energy. I was spent. It was getting harder and harder to remember a time when I wasn't running on empty.
"We're here to find Heroes," I said. "Going to class is the best way to find one."
"But we can't see even them!" Ares protested. "Not everyone has psychic powers."
I considered that.
"Darren," I said. He looked up at me, surprised. "Any suggestions?"
Everyone stared at me. Except Darren. He stared at the car roof.
"Got it," he said. "Close your eyes."
"What?" Ares replied.
"Do as he says," I said sharply.
Ares clenched his jaw, but obediently snapped his eyes shut. The others followed suit.
"Concentrate," Darren said. "Remember who you are. Who you really are. Remember being in the Heavens. Remember what it felt like to be full gods. Hold on to that feeling. Now, open your eyes."
I didn't bother participating in Darren's little experiment, but I watched the others closely.
"I feel it!" Demeter exclaimed excitedly, as she opened her eyes.
"Wait... yeah. Me too," Ares admitted.
"The divine part of you can feel Heroes like Jason and me," Darren said. "It's like resonance."
"Then it's settled," I said. "Since no one has any more reason to skip class, we're all going to go. All of us."
"Fine," Ares muttered. "I have Chemistry."
"Then you and Demeter are together," I said. "Darren?"
He flushed. "I don't remember."
"You've got English," Jason said.
"I didn't know you were in my English class," Darren remarked.
"That's because you never go," Jason snapped, as we all got out of the car.
Darren trailed after Jason and me as we headed into the school.
Jason opened the door to the class. Darren and I followed him inside.
The entire class stared silently at us, including the teacher: a fat woman with long blonde hair and startling blue eyes.
She smiled.
Uh oh.
"Since you decided to be late to my class, you'll be my volunteers," she announced.
Her eyes sparkled. I didn't like the look of th
at sparkle.
"I need someone to read the parts of Macbeth and Lady Macbeth," she continued. "And I see Mr. Williams has decided to grace us with his presence today. Will wonders never cease? Much as I'd love to hear his take on Shakespeare, I think he better sit this one out. I rather doubt he's had a chance to read Macbeth, or anything else for that matter. Books are the things with the pages, Mr. Williams."
Darren grinned, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. He sauntered to an empty desk at the back of the class.
The teacher turned back to us. "No books, I see. Disappointing, Mr. Anderson. Very disappointing."
Jason had gone white, then red. "Sorry, Miss Watsby."
The teacher went to her desk and picked up two books. She motioned us to the front of the class.
Reluctantly, Jason obeyed. I went with him. She handed us the books.
"Page 103," she instructed. "Start at 'prithee.'"
Jason opened his mouth. But no sound came out.
"Stage fright, Mr. Anderson?" she murmured. "How strange. I thought you lived for the stage."
"He had a rough night," I replied defensively.
The class burst into laughter.
"You cannot imagine how little your personal lives interest me," Miss Watsby answered. "'Prithee,' Mr. Anderson."
Snickers were coming from all over the class. Each one hit Jason like a blow.
"Prithee, peace," he stammered at me. "I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none."
"What do you know about being a man, homo?" someone muttered from the back of the class.
Jason said nothing. He just stared at me.
"It's ... you ... now," he hissed.
"Maybe she can't read," someone from the class laughed.
"How about you all shut the hell up?" Darren snapped.
"Mr. Williams, you might be new to the idea of class, but for future reference, I will not tolerate that kind of language," Miss Watsby declared. "Understood?"
Darren sighed and leaned back in his desk.
There was one way through this, and that was forward.
"What beast was't, then, That made you break this enterprise to me?" I read.
I paused.
"Problem?" Mrs. Watsby asked.
"No problem," I assured her, my eyes scanning the rest of the page and the one next to it.
I smiled.
Hera, Queen of Mortals (Goddess Unbound) Page 10
