by Grae Lily
Grim Love
by
Grae Lily
Copyright 2014 by Grae Lily
All Rights Reserved
Smashwords Edition
Chapter 1
Evangeline had been warned not to wander, but still coming to terms with what she'd lost, she couldn't help herself. Even though she’d never felt the urge to travel in life - in death, she wanted to travel more than anything. Death wasn’t going to stop her. She knew that. Dying at nineteen meant it would be inevitable that she'd spend eternity behaving as she had in life.
Being chosen as a reaper didn't fit into that equation. How it came to be that the often elusive, but terrifying nonetheless, Lucius, would need assistance, still baffled her. Three in all had been chosen. Evangeline, the only female and the only one to be of such a young age. The other two were much older than she and had no time or interest in the girl they deemed as too young in death and too inexperienced in life.
As she walked through the streets, she tried not to think about the others and their cold eyes. During their choosing ceremony, they stared at her as though they knew she'd let their master, Lucius, down. Maybe they were right, but always having been a rebel, she'd do her best to ensure she wouldn't fail. He'd chosen her when there must have been others who were better suited. She struggled with that, knowing that she'd be expected to prove herself at every turn.
Being allowed to walk the Earth would be a privilege she never felt possible. Although her new position strictly prohibited any such notion, having the ability to move as she had in life, gave her something to hold on to and that eased her transition into this new realm. Death changed everything. She’d been chosen by Lucius for reasons she hadn’t quite gotten her head around yet, but she hoped with time she would. Although, time would be an item she'd soon discover she wouldn't have anymore because of the job she’d been chosen to do.
How did anyone get chosen to be a reaper? Had Lucius wandered through the afterlife choosing people he thought would be best for the position? She couldn’t ask him. When he looked at her, she could see more than she wanted to see. He’d been alive for a millennia in the afterlife, working as the reaper until it'd been decided that the world had changed and he could no longer do it alone. He had to choose three people to help him. She’d been assigned to North America and told not to go anywhere near the places she’d known in life. Given her personality, that wasn’t an easy rule to follow.
At least, her first job had been easy enough. Evangeline could be grateful for that because she knew each subsequent death would be more difficult than the last.
It would have been easier for her to have turned down the position, but that wasn’t possible, not when Lucius looked at her with eyes that had seen all the ages of man. She’d wanted to run in the opposite direction, but found herself agreeing to help him. The smile he’d given her told her he knew what she'd been thinking. That, made him more terrifying than he'd been before in her mind. She hoped he couldn't read minds, telling herself that, if he could, he wouldn’t have asked her in the first place. He'd know she'd be terrified of him and he would have chosen someone else. Someone who could do the job without hesitation. Someone unlike her.
Evangeline knew there had to have been a reason she’d been chosen, but she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer as to why. Lucius must have seen something that made him think she'd be the right person. That, in itself, made her uneasy and caused her to question all she'd said or done in life. He’d chosen her above all the other spirits available to take on the job of gathering souls.
Kane and Brick were obvious choices. Their Earthly lives ended decades ago and they'd earned the right to serve Lucius. They were just as taken aback by Lucius' choice to bestow this coveted position to her. Why her, they wondered. What's different about her? There were too many questions that no one had answers to and no one felt it'd be their place to ask.
Evangeline wondered if Kane and Brick were having the same difficulties. Were they trying to figure out why they’d been chosen? She shook her head. It seemed unlikely. Both of them had stepped into the role as though they were meant to be reapers, while she tried the impossible task of understanding the motivations of those in power.
Being confused proved more irritating than anything because it would have been so much easier if she could just accept what happened the way everyone else appeared to be accepting it. Her curious nature and penchant for rebellion didn't allow for her to take things in stride.
How could they have done that? How could Kane and Brick look at the immortal Lucius and think they're qualified to be reapers? Perhaps, because they were chosen? Could it be as simple as that for them? Evangeline wished it could be that simple for her, but it wasn’t. Dying had been difficult. She hadn’t been ready for it and she remembered screaming at the unfairness of it all as Lucius stood there grinning at her. The first words he’d said to her had been: “Life isn’t fair, so why did you expect death to be?” Quirking his eyebrows up, he added, “You made a stupid choice and you ended up dead. Deal with it.”
It didn't surprise her that the reaper responded with cold words. She’d expected him to be evil, but she didn't expect to look into his eyes and see time passing. In them, she could see the souls of the dying calling out to him to guide them to their eternity. No words could describe those images and the haunted feeling they gave her.
She couldn't help but stare. She allowed her mind to delve into the abyss and see pieces of what he’d experienced and what others were experiencing. Perhaps a newly dead had more insight or maybe it boiled down to the fact that her destiny called for her to be a reaper. Lucius had never been one for answering questions. She thought she caught a glimpse of him smirking as she bombarded him with her questions. Evangeline wondered if there had ever been a time when he asked the same questions of the one that came before him. Did they leave those same questions unanswered?
Lucius knew he shouldn’t, but he watched Evangeline as she walked through the city she'd been told to avoid. The look on her face told him she'd been replaying recent events in her mind. He knew she had questions – they all did in the beginning. The answer as to why such a young soul had been chosen would be one Evangeline would have to figure out in time. For now, allowing her to become familiar with her new role would be his only concern. He couldn't explain to her that some spirits were meant to be reapers and she, by her choices and the lessons she'd not learned in life, had been chosen to fulfill a destiny in order to come to terms with her own mistakes in life.
Her young soul would prove to make her transition difficult. It hadn't been long since the beautiful girl once lived. She'd spent an insurmountable amount of time worrying about petty things like keeping her red, curly locks coiffed to perfection and maintaining an ever-expanding social calendar. Her life had been one filled with one raucous adventure after the next. Nineteen years had been filled with egocentric behaviors that became more risque with every new year. While most toddlers learned to crawl and walk, Evangeline became adept at sprinting and jumping. When girls her age were taking ballet lessons, she spent her evenings giving chase to prepubescent boys, hoping to win their affections. As her nineteenth year approached, her once slender build transformed into a voluptuous figure that garnered the attention of men and boys at every turn.
It wasn’t going to be easy for her to come to terms with what her calling meant. Young reapers, as Lucius knew from experience, would always do the unexpected. That explained why he felt it necessary to watch her. He waited to see what would happen on her first mission, so he’d have some idea of whether or not death had changed her.
In life, Evangeline lived on the edge. Never being one to follow any set rules or standards, she'd often
be found engaging in questionable behavior with equally questionable companions. Deeming herself a free spirit and throwing caution to the wind paled in comparison to most of the activities she allowed herself to partake in while amongst the living.
Reapers of legend were rare. Lucius wondered if it could be possible for her to be one of the legendary. Reaping souls wasn't for the faint of heart. It required patience and a certain discipline to accomplish. While the existence of Grim Reapers made for fascinating myths and mystery, the true calling is far less sinister.
Lucius had his doubts as to whether or not Evangeline could tone down her self-indulgent inclinations in order to act as a spirit guide. He wondered how she'd separate the myths from the reality of her new position. Given her rather minimal life experience, he considered the inevitable and waited for her reaction to what would now remain hidden under a red cloak. In his experience, the newly dead always had difficulty recognizing themselves, but reapers often had more trouble identifying with their shadowed existences. When he'd been chosen, his predecessor warned him of the marginal numbers of the living that, for reasons unknown to them, did have the ability to see the reapers in a life-like form. He'd not yet encountered one and had no definitive plan to explain any such occurrences if that were to happen.
For now, he'd wait and hope that when the former reigning beauty queen of Blue Grove City did see her reflection, she wouldn't let it distract her from her mission. Lucius knew how taken aback others had been and he had hope that some of Evangeline's infamous feisty nature had followed her into the afterlife, considering how angry she’d been at her own death.
Realizing all the years she'd never have, devastated her. No one believes their lives will come to a complete stop at the age of nineteen. Everyone lives with the delusion that time will never cease. Procrastination had become a way of life for the living. Lucius spent days on end watching the pitiful souls on Earth rest on their laurels, waiting for a gentle push from the universe before moving forward to take the next step.
She thought she had her whole life ahead of her when her final moment as a member of the living came. Lucius wondered if her last fateful decision would cause her to be someone who tried to save those destined to die? That wasn't unusual, but he always grappled with how to set firm boundaries for those not well-suited for this role. Through the centuries there had been occasions when others would be called to action, especially in times of famine and clashes between the peoples and countries. Those called to serve would have difficulty allowing certain souls to pass.
Knowing people as he did, Lucius believed the young reaper would fit right into that obscure category. As he'd stared into her eyes, he’d seen the compassion she didn’t realize had been a part of her. Had she lived longer, she might have seen it herself and wouldn't have been one of the chosen. A life lived to extremes clouded much of the good that Evangeline possessed.
Even though Lucius always told himself not to have favorites, he couldn’t help it sometimes. When he compared the rambunctious Evangeline with Kane and Brick, he knew she'd be the one. He believed her to be the special one who came along once in an infinite number of lifetimes. Something told him she would turn his eternal life upside down before moving on to the next step in her journey.
His eternity had been determined long ago. He'd reached the last leg of his journey. He’d been created for one job, long before the population of the Earth had exploded, and until life on Earth came to an end, he was expected to remain in that position. With so much change in the universe, he did harbor hope that he’d be able to pursue other interests in time. All things changed in time.
“Ah, there it is.” Lucius smiled. There, stumbled a homeless man about to be run over and he knew that Evangeline's death sense wouldn’t have kicked into full gear yet. She looked between the man and the car, uncertain as to what she should do, and in that moment, Lucius walked away. He didn’t want to know what her decision would be, but he’d be able to find out. His status allowed him to see all the goings on in the world of those who's lives hung in the balance. Committing the homeless man's face to memory, he let Evangeline wrestle with her decision.
“Come on.” Evangeline looked between the man and the car, wishing her death sense would do something, but it didn’t tell her whether he'd been meant to be dead or alive.
“To hell with it.” She made a decision. Without stopping to think of her own safety, after all she'd already met her own death, she dragged the man out of the road, not sure how she managed it until he fell on top of her. A horn blasted at the two of them, but the driver, lucky for her, didn’t stop. Her heroic efforts saved the drunk. He hadn’t seen the car when he stepped into the road and now she found herself stuck underneath him, unable to move. “Okay, up you go.” She knew he wouldn’t hear her, but thought it'd be worth a try as she attempted to lift his whiskey-laden, sozzled body off of her.
“I don’t think I can, without help, love. Give me a shove to get me going.” Evangeline gave him a slight shove, before realizing he’d heard her. Did he hear me? As he stood, she tried to do the same, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. Fighting to stand, she found herself wrapped in his arms. “Thank you for helping me.”
“You’re welcome.” Her voice shaky, Evangeline continued, “I’m sorry, but I need to…”
“My life's been a mess since my wife died. I fell off the wagon, you know? Now, I can't get through a day without a drink in my hand.” He stepped back, looking like he might fall, before tipping the last of the drink he had down the sewer drain. “Well, from this day forward, I'm going to live my life the way my wife would have wanted me to. I promise.” Evangeline tried to walk away, but he grabbed hold of her wrist. “Thank you, guardian angel, for saving me. I’m sure that car would have run me over.”
Guardian angel? I'm a reaper, not an angel. How could he look at me and see anything else? As she stood there, trapped by his grasp and drunken ramblings, Evangeline tried to find her reflection in his eyes, wanting to know what he saw when he looked at her. What she found surprised her. Her reflection showed the girl she'd been before she died.
Evangeline had been certain that her appearance had changed and didn't dare look in a mirror. To find herself staring at the person she'd been in life, shocked her. As much as she always took great pride in her appearance, it troubled her that she hadn't changed. She couldn't put her finger on why being allowed to spend eternity looking like she remembered bothered her. A part of her wanted to look different her entire life. While most girls spent good money to have alabaster skin and long, curly hair, she always knew that her outward appearance didn't reflect her inward struggles.
Living life on the edge of reason had been a calculated maneuver meant to irritate her uptight, elitist parents. She relished in wreaking havoc on their lives for wrongs that, now in hindsight, were tactics meant to keep her safe from harm. When her behavior didn't elicit the response she'd hoped to receive, she'd up the ante and do the unthinkable. Her final act proved just how far she'd been willing to take things in order to solidify the bad girl image she'd tried to create her entire life.
Wanting to be alone, she tried to pull herself free, worried he might fall on her again if she pulled too hard. “I need to go.” She tried to smile at him, but it came out more like a grimace. “Can you please let go of me?”
“Sorry, love.” He smiled in return, letting go of her wrist. “It’s just been such a long time since someone cared about me and I’m so grateful to you. I want to be able to give you something when I get back on my feet. You know, to say a proper thank you…”
“It’s fine.” She took several steps backwards, not wanting to take her eyes off him until she'd moved far enough away so that he couldn’t grab hold of her again. “Your appreciation's more than enough.”
Evangeline turned and ran. It'd been a long time since she’d run anywhere, but somehow being dead had done good things to her stamina. She kept going until she felt like she'd moved mil
es away from him. The only reason she stopped had been her death sense slamming into her and telling her he'd been meant to die.
Leaving him to die wasn’t something she felt comfortable doing, not when she could help him. She liked that she’d helped him. Helping him meant that she’d screwed up, though. Lucius would be angry with her if he found out and she didn’t know what a reaper did if their helpers screwed up. Would Lucius kill him? Is that how things worked? If I screw up, he dies? Could that be the way things were meant to be? With her back to the wall, she let herself cry, knowing she needed to let the unfamiliar emotions she felt out, otherwise next time she saw Lucius, he'd know.
No matter what, she didn’t regret the decision she’d made. It'd been the right one. She couldn’t let anyone be killed while she stood there doing nothing to prevent it. Since she didn’t regret it, she shouldn’t be letting it affect her the way it had, but she knew it wasn’t what she'd been charged to do. Evangeline had a role - reaper. She took souls to the afterlife and that should have been the only time they were meant to be able to see her. How could he see her?
She figured helping him made that possible and she'd have to remember that. Did that create some sort of connection between the two of us? Would he have been able to see me before the car hit him? More questions without answers and she knew she couldn’t ask Lucius for answers because that would mean admitting she did something wrong and she'd had her fair share of that already. Debating right from wrong with the Grim Reaper wasn't something Evangeline wanted to do.
Walking had been one of her stress relievers in life. Figuring it'd be harmless in death, Evangeline readied herself to walk and clear her head. The tears had stopped, but she didn’t think the confusion she felt would ever fade. It didn’t help that no one else could see her - well, at least she thought they couldn't. Maybe they could and just didn’t think to say anything because she looked like every other girl on the street. Maybe they could only see her if they were near their hour of death, and when they weren't, they couldn't see her. She shook her head. She decided she'd get the answers to all of her questions even if it meant spending months badgering Lucius.
