“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she said, trying to sound cavalier about it and not as hurt as she was. “Well, take care. Thanks for calling me.” She hung up before she started to cry, which would have been mortifying. She sat staring into space, still holding her cell phone in her hand for a long time. She wondered if anyone would ever want her now.
And downstairs Bill had just called Penny. He felt an obligation to call her now that he was home. He had hardly spoken to her in the last two months. She sounded surprised to hear from him and asked him where he was.
“We just arrived from Boston two hours ago.” He had told her about the round of consultations he was planning, but he hadn’t spoken to her since, and that had been three weeks ago. He just never had time to call her, and he didn’t really want to. The only thing on his mind was Lily, and the miracle cure he had hoped to find.
“How did it go?” Penny sounded sympathetic and concerned.
“Not very well,” he said honestly, and she could hear the discouragement in his voice.
“I’m sorry, Bill,” she said sincerely. “What are you going to do now?”
“They’re admitting her to Craig tomorrow. She’ll be there for three or four months while they teach her what she needs to know.” He sounded near tears as he said it, and Penny’s heart went out to him. “Maybe we could have dinner sometime next week.” She wanted to ask him why, but she didn’t. There was clearly no room for her in his life. There hadn’t been much before, but there was even less now. After not hearing from him for three weeks, she knew she was the last thing on his mind, and she hadn’t been a high priority before.
“I’m actually leaving for Kenya tomorrow, for three weeks. I’ve been asked to do the PR for a new chain of hotels there, for an organization that plans safaris. It’s an exciting project. I’ll call you when I get back.” By that time she wouldn’t have seen him for three months. With Lily’s accident, their pretense at a relationship had become absurd, and he was aware of it as well.
“I’m not sure what kind of energy I have for us right now,” he said honestly. “This thing with Lily has been rough, and it’s not going to get better for a while.” She could sense that there was more to what he was saying to her, and she wasn’t surprised.
“What are you saying?”
“I like spending time with you, Penny, but you have a busy life, and I have a kid who has to adjust to the idea that she may be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. I need to be here for her.”
“You always have been,” Penny said simply. “But I understand. It sounds like there’s no room for us.”
“I think that’s right,” he said quietly. He had never been in love with her, and having to think about her now felt like too much. She had figured that out when he called to tell her about the accident, from Squaw. She knew how devoted he was to Lily, and what a dedicated father he was. Not having children of her own, it had always been hard for her to understand the major role Lily played in his life. “I’m sorry,” he said, sounding exhausted. He had never in his life felt as emotionally drained as he had since the accident.
“I expected it would work out like this,” she said, sounding adult about it. She didn’t seem very upset. “I always did, and particularly now.”
“I think it’s going to be rough for a while.”
“I’m sorry this happened, to both of you. Try not to take it too hard. There’s only so much you can do.”
“That’s not so simple to do. I just want to make it easier for her.”
“You will. You’re a terrific father,” she said, and he laughed.
“And a lousy boyfriend. Is that what you mean?” He sounded good humored when he said it, and she laughed too.
“Something like that. Take care, Bill.”
“Thanks, you too. Have a good trip.”
“I will. Give my love to Lily,” she said, and a minute later they hung up. It was over, and they both knew it, and had been for two months, or maybe even before that. Their arrangement had been convenient, and fun sometimes, but they had never been in love with each other. And as he thought about it, he wondered why “take care” always sounded like “goodbye.”
He turned off the lights in the kitchen, went upstairs, and found Lily sitting on her bed, looking dazed, with her cell phone in her hand.
“I just got dumped by Jeremy,” she said with a serious expression as her father walked into the room.
“So did I, by Penny,” he said with a rueful smile, “or maybe I dumped her. I’m not sure which. Anyway, it’s over. She said to send you her love.”
“Are you sad about it?”
“A little,” he said honestly. “But it wasn’t a big deal.” But two years was a long time, and he liked her. She was a familiar figure in his life, and he would miss her a little, though probably not too much. “What about you? Are you upset about Jeremy?”
“Kind of,” she admitted, “but I’m not really surprised. Did Penny dump you because of me, because I got hurt?” She waved vaguely at her wheelchair, and he understood.
“Not really. It was never really right. She travels all the time, and she works hard. And it’s not easy being with someone who doesn’t have kids. They never understand.”
She nodded. She knew that about Penny too. She was a lot different from her dad. “I think Jeremy dumped me because I got hurt.” It was easier to say than “because I can’t walk.”
“In that case, he’s a jerk, and you’re better off without him. Some really great guy is going to love you one day, and it won’t matter to him at all.” He hoped that would be true.
“I’m not so sure,” she said with a wistful expression. She couldn’t imagine a guy who wouldn’t care that she was in a wheelchair, despite everything Jessie had said. It sounded good, but she didn’t know if that was true. And it mattered to Jeremy. She could hear it in his voice.
“Where’s Veronica?” Bill was surprised not to see her. The two girls were inseparable most of the time.
“Studying for midterms. Her parents wouldn’t let her go out. She said she’d come see me at Craig.” Bill hoped she would and was disappointed she hadn’t come that night, after everything Lily had been through. He was worried that Lily’s friends were going to let her down. And he knew it was going to be hard for her if they did. He hated all that she was experiencing, the disappointments and the heartbreak along with everything else. It was a lot for her to face, but he also knew that kids that age weren’t sure to come through.
“Well, we both got dumped, but we have each other. It’s a start,” he said, smiling at her, and then kissed her and left the room as Jennifer walked in, suggesting they have a last game of cards. She had been a good friend to Lily and a wonderful traveling companion for the past week.
“I’m going to miss you,” Lily said sadly when Jennifer settled her for the night and turned off the lights.
“So will I,” Jennifer said with a smile. “You and your father have spoiled me forever. My miserable apartment in Truckee with three roommates is going to be hell after this. I’m going to feel like Cinderella after the ball.” She smiled as she said it, and Lily looked up at her with big eyes.
“I’m nervous about going to Craig,” she admitted.
“Don’t be. You’ll have everyone wrapped around your finger in no time, and you might meet kids your age. Maybe even cute boys.” Lily nodded, trying not to think about it, but it was like going back to the hospital again, and all she wanted to do now was stay home, in their comfortable house, and see her friends.
She lay in bed, thinking about it for a long time, and finally she was so exhausted, she fell asleep.
Chapter 11
JENNIFER HELPED LILY get ready the next morning, which was a major feat in a bathroom that wasn’t built for a wheelchair. There was no special seat for her in the shower. Angie had forgotten to order one, so Jennifer held her up, and they both got soaking wet. The bathroom was a mess by the time they were through. But Lily was a g
ood sport about it.
Her father carried her down to breakfast, and Jennifer and Lily had repacked the night before, with the kinds of things she’d want to wear at Craig. Jennifer quietly put away Lily’s ski clothes. There was a whole closet of them, with her jackets and uniforms for the Olympic ski team. She knew it would upset Lily to see those. Instead, she gave her jeans and sweaters, some warm jackets, and three pairs of Nikes. She had tried to choose things that would be easy for her to put on.
Lily ate a light breakfast, and then the cab came for Jennifer for her flight to San Francisco. She was changing planes there and taking another flight to Reno, and one of her friends was picking her up and driving her back to Squaw Valley. She had given Lily a warm hug before she left and thanked Bill for everything. And after she was gone, he looked at Lily. He had a knot in his stomach, and Lily didn’t say anything, but she had one too. She was dreading going to rehab, but she knew it was what she had to do.
Her father carried her out to the car, and put her wheelchair in the trunk with her suitcase. She had a tote bag with her iPod, some DVDs and CDs, her laptop, magazines, and books. And her father had assured her that she would have a private room. They had told him that families were expected to be involved, and there were even accommodations if he wanted to stay there, but since they lived so close by, he and Lily agreed that it didn’t make sense for him to stay at the hospital, which seemed more reasonable for people who had come from far away. And in spite of everything she’d read about Craig on the Internet and from all the literature they’d sent them, Lily didn’t know what to expect, and she was scared.
She knew that most people went to Craig anywhere from one to four months after their injuries, so she was right in the normal range, almost two months after her accident had happened. The material they had sent said that the average age of their patients was thirty-eight, more than twice her age, 75 percent of them were male, and their most common age range was eighteen to twenty-five. Half of their patients’ injuries were motor-vehicle related, only 10 percent were sports injuries, and they admitted no patients under the age of sixteen. So she was going to be at the lower age range of their patients. And a tutor had been arranged for her, so she could keep up with school. As a junior, this was an important year for her, and she had already missed almost two months. She was hoping to finish at Craig by the end of May, so she could attend the last few weeks of junior year at school. It would depend on how well she did in rehab.
She was going to have extensive physical therapy, and there was a long list of classes to help her function efficiently in the real world. But she had also read that more than half their patients had incomplete spinal injuries, which meant that they were less impaired than she was, since her SCI was complete. There were also patients at Craig with brain injuries, but Lily would be participating in groups and classes with other spinal cord injury patients. And the literature showed that she was expected to work very hard in order to achieve independence and be able to lead a productive life in spite of her injury. The medical referral had been made by Jessie, and all of Lily’s medical records had preceded her there. Although they had created a friendly rehab setting, it was a hospital above all.
Most of what she would be doing was physical therapy to get the functional parts of her body strong and healthy. They were going to teach her how to travel on an airplane alone, how to manage when she got back to school, and if she wanted it, she could have driver’s training in a special vehicle. They had swimming pool therapy and an amazing assortment of recreational activities, some of which appealed to Lily, even a special course in scuba diving. The one that had inevitably caught her attention on the list was skiing. She had no idea how they were going to pull that off, but it was obviously of interest to her. They also had field trips and outings and attended cultural events, but some of them sounded too adult to her. She was more interested in seeing her friends, hanging out, going out with them, or listening to music, like any other kid her age. She just hoped her friends actually did come to visit her, as often as they could and were willing.
Lily was silent on the ride there. Craig Hospital was in Engle-wood, five miles from downtown Denver, and very close to Cherry Hills Village, where they lived. And as far as she was concerned, they arrived there much too quickly. Her father got her chair out of the trunk and helped her into it, and a minute later he wheeled her into the lobby, carrying her suitcase. There was a sign, which directed them to admissions. Her father gave them his insurance card and his credit card and signed her in. And they gave her her room assignment, and told them where it was. She had the private room her father had promised her, and they handed her a key. The woman at the admissions desk had been very friendly, and told Lily where to go for her schedule once she had settled in. And as Lily looked up at him, she saw that her father looked as nervous as she felt. He hated leaving her there. He couldn’t bring himself to part with her even for a few weeks, and now it had come to this. At least she would be nearby, so he could visit her anytime, although it sounded like they were going to keep her busy. The whole point of her being there was that she had much to learn. And Bill realized that he had a lot to do in the house, to make it livable for her when she returned. He had seen, even in a few hours the night before, that the steps in the entrance hall, the layout of the kitchen, her bathroom, and even her bedroom were going to be too difficult for her.
Lily’s room assignment was on the second floor in the west building, which had several cafeterias, including a large one in the basement. There were plenty of places and opportunities to eat, which was the least of Lily’s concerns. Mainly she was nervous about meeting the other patients and the therapists who would be working with her, and learning what would be expected of her. This suddenly seemed a lot harder than qualifying for or training for the Olympics.
Her father lingered for a few minutes and helped her unpack her suitcase, and he noticed that everything was built at heights that worked for her from a wheelchair. The closet was easily accessible, the bathroom had everything she needed. It reminded him that he’d even have to redo her closets, since she could no longer reach anything that was hanging, and the shelves were too high for her as well.
After they’d unpacked, Lily went to the office she’d been instructed to go to, to get her schedule, and she saw that she had physical therapy that afternoon, swimming after that with an evaluation of her pool skills, driver’s ed if she wanted to take it, or alternately a massage, and she was scheduled to meet with her tutor at six o’clock. She had a full afternoon. They were allowing her the morning to look around and get situated, and they gave her a list of all the locations where she could eat, with a caveat that patients were discouraged from eating in their rooms. Socialization was highly encouraged. And there were crafts courses, movies, chess, and an assortment of activities offered at night. Bill was impressed when she showed it to him, and then reluctantly he decided to leave. She kissed him goodbye outside her room, and he promised to call her later and drop by that night. He knew that the house was going to be empty without her, and there were tears in his eyes as he drove away. He felt like he was abandoning her, but he knew that in the long run this was going to be good for her. He just wished that the accident had never happened. It was no one’s fault, which had already been determined, it was just a fluke, but a cruel turn of fate.
Lily decided to go back to her room, after her father left, and listen to her iPod. She was feeling anxious, and she knew it would relax her to listen to some music. She wanted to call Veronica, but she realized she was in school. Lily had her cell phone with her, so she could call and text her father and her friends and they could reach her.
She had her eyes closed and was listening to the music, with the door ajar, and was startled, when she opened her eyes, to find herself looking at a boy in a wheelchair in the doorway. He was watching her and was about her age. He had long, straight blond hair, and he seemed curious about her, as she took the earpiece out of her ear.
“I’m Teddy. I wondered who was getting the private room. I have one too. But that’s only because I’ve been here longer than anyone else.”
“How long have you been here?” They were curious about each other, and he looked at ease as he moved around the room.
“Since I was two,” he said nonchalantly, and she looked startled. “I’m just kidding. I’ve been here for a little more than two years. I have a C5 and 6 injury, complete. I was in a riding accident. They let me come here at fifteen, with special permission. And I’ve only been here for two years because my parents are afraid to take me home. My diaphragm is compromised,” he said blithely, “so sometimes I can’t breathe. Like when I get a cold. So that’s everything about me. Oh, and I’m seventeen. So what brings you here?” She knew from what he’d said to her that he had a cervical injury that was farther up the spine than hers, which was why his diaphragm and lungs were involved. She wondered if that was why he had the sticks on his gloves, and it made her suspect that his arms might be involved too, but she didn’t want to ask.
“I had a freak skiing accident,” Lily said carefully as she saw him glance at the CDs on her desk and nod approval. He seemed very much at home, but it wasn’t surprising after two years. It sounded sad to her that his parents were afraid to take him home. She couldn’t imagine her father leaving her there a minute more than he had to. “Where are you from originally?” She was intrigued by him, and happy that they were the same age. He had a handsome open face and gentle eyes.
“Philadelphia. They don’t come to visit me either. My mother is always running around to horse shows, and my father runs a bank. They are very important people!” he said with a Philadelphia Main Line drawl, and she laughed. “Where are you from?”
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