by Cameron Hart
I call Harper every night, partially for her sake, but mostly for mine. She still hasn't found a place to live, which is worrisome. I'm going to have to leave here soon whether she's set up somewhere else or not. I have a feeling she's looking for affordable two-bedroom apartments when she should really be looking for a one-bedroom or studio. I decide to give my little Harp one last nudge.
My plan is to drop out of school – thankfully we’re only a few weeks into the new semester so I can still get most of my money back for my classes. I’ll use that money to pay for a few months’ rent in a studio apartment near campus. I’ll call and let her know I set it up and that things are taking longer than expected to deal with on my end. I know she’ll feel obligated to move to the apartment once she knows it’s already paid for. Then she can use the money I gave her to buy a bed and some furniture.
I leave my car in the sketchy as fuck abandon warehouse parking lot I’ve been squatting in for the past few weeks and take a bus to campus to get my classes squared away. When I get to the registrar’s office, I run into the last person I thought I’d see.
“Levi? You asshole! You broke Harper’s heart.” I storm over to him and smack his chest. I know I’m not going to do any real damage, but I’m all sorts of stressed and frayed at the ends, and he’s a good punching bag.
“Sir, is there a problem? Want me to call security?” The woman behind the desk asks Levi.
“No, we’re good,” he says. Smart move.
“Emma, I need to see her, this isn’t what you think—”
“Oh no, mister. Not a chance. She won’t tell you this because she’s too sweet, but you fucking broke her. She lost everything, every goddamn thing, she gave it all up for you and you can’t even answer your damn phone!”
I yell. I hope I’m not going too far. I don’t really want him to leave, but I need to make sure he’s in this for the long haul. Harper deserves someone who will always be there for her, always love her, and always protect her.
“Emma. I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t know what Harper gave up for me, but I know I don’t deserve it. I am not worthy of her kindness. I swear to you, I only meant to protect her.” I almost snort. That makes two of us, buddy. “Please, please, Emma, tell me where she is.”
I size Levi up, searching his eyes for the truth. I can’t trust just anyone to take care of my Harper.
“If you fucking hurt her ever, and I mean ever again, I will not hesitate to come after you. I may be small, but I know some monsters who don’t need an excuse to fuck someone up. Do you hear me? She’s my only family and I refuse to see her as miserable as she has been since you left.”
"I know I fucked up and there's no excuse. I promise, Emma if I ever hurt her, I will gladly offer myself up to whatever nightmare you have in store for me. I love her and I plan to spend every day of the rest of our lives making up for my mistakes."
His confession seals the deal. Some small part of me feels a little jealous of Harper that she has someone who is so fiercely protective of her and is willing to fight to have her heart. But I squash that jealousy down real quick. This is perfect, he’s perfect for her. Besides, it’s my own damn fault I can’t let anyone in.
“You love her?” I ask, needing confirmation.
“Yes. More than anything. I really wanted her to be the first person I said that to, but I’ll do whatever it takes to find her again.”
“Fine. I still don’t like you right now.”
“That’s fair.”
“Take me to your car then, asshole.”
“Is that my new nickname?”
“Yeah. You’ve earned it.” I grin at Levi, letting him know he’s passed my test.
“Agreed,” he chuckles.
I hop in his car and direct him towards the motel harper has been staying at. I know he’s going to hate it, but it doesn’t matter now. I know he’ll take care of her.
“What the hell, Emma?”
Yup, he hates it.
I explain that we got kicked out and we had to do what we had to do. He asks if I’m coming in, no doubt assuming that I’ve been staying with Harper. I don’t tell him much, just that I’ve been out of town but still checking in on Harper.
I make him promise me he'll always be there for her. I can tell he's reading into my words like he knows I'm not coming back. We share a look that speaks volumes. I'm trusting my best friend, my only family to him. Levi looks confused as fuck, but he nods and assures me he's never going to leave her.
I turn around and head to the bus stop, leaving what’s left of my tattered heart in that motel with Harper. It’s for the best. I have a feeling I’ll have to be heartless to do what’s necessary to survive after this.
This is for Harper. For Roman. You can do this. You can do this. I tell myself over and over again.
Chapter 14
Emma
I make it back to the parking lot where my car is about an hour later. I gather up my shit strewn around the back seat and pack it in my duffel bag. I drive to the nearest gas station and proceed to clean out my car, making her as presentable as possible for when I sell her to the used car place down the road.
After washing her down by hand and vacuuming the seats and carpets, I stand back and admire my handiwork.
“Hot damn, Ramona. You clean up real nice. I’ll get a pretty penny out of you now!”
“I could say the same about you.”
My stomach drops down to the ground and sweat breaks out across my forehead at the sound of his voice. I slowly turn around towards the voice, squeezing my hands into fists to keep them from trembling.
“You are a tricky one to get a hold of,” he says.
It’s been five years since I’ve seen the monster. He’s handsome in the traditional sense – blonde hair with streaks of gray, brown eyes that are deceptively warm and genuine when he smiles. Even though he’s gained a bit of a belly since I’ve last seen him, he’s still muscular and domineering with his broad shoulders and huge hands.
On the surface, Craig is a well-groomed businessman. That’s how most people see him. The Craig that I know is a barely contained volcano of rage. I’ve seen his warm brown eyes turn flat and deadly when he lands blow after blow on a druggie or a dealer or anyone who pisses him off. I’ve seen those manicured hands crush the windpipes of junkies who owe him money.
“Craig.” It’s all I can manage to squeak out. I wish my voice was stronger, more confident.
“You didn’t give me a chance to finish our conversation on the phone the other day before you hung up.” His tone is pleasant, polite, even, as he takes a few steps towards me.
I back away till I hit the car.
“That was fucking rude, Emma,” he snarls, grabbing my neck and squeezing tight, catching my scream in my throat. My lungs burn as he keeps a steady hold on me. “Are you ready to listen now?”
I nod my head, my vision blurring around the edges.
“Good.” His voice is pleasant again. He drops his hand from my neck, and I slump against my car, gasping for air. “Let’s talk in my car.”
Craig grabs my arm and yanks me over to a black SUV, shoving me in the back before following me in and shutting the door.
“Airport,” he barks at the big burly guy in the driver’s seat.
"Now. Emma," he turns to me. "As I already told you, your mother stole from me. A considerable amount. I'd actually be impressed with the number of drugs she was able to get into her body if I weren't so pissed."
“But she’s dead. Don’t you think she paid the ultimate price?”
Craig laughs. It’s a cold, cruel sound. “You know, for being a little gutter rat and growing up around strung out cunts your whole life, you’re pretty naïve, aren’t you?” He raises an eyebrow and looks over at me. “Let me put it this way, Emma. Your mom’s debts did not die with her. She owes me too much to simply be forgiven. What kind of example would that set for others? And don’t think I’ve forgotten about the last time I saw
you. Even without your mom’s debt, you owe me, Emma. You and I are going to show everyone exactly what happens when someone steals from me.”
“We… we are?” My stupid voice shakes.
“Yes, Emma. You will earn back every cent you and your mother owe me. By the time the debt is paid, you’ll be too far gone to do anything else with your life.”
I swallow down the bile in the back of my throat and try to control my breaths. I think of the first time Roman pulled me over and I had a panic attack. He placed my hand over his chest and told me to keep taking deep breaths. I close my eyes and picture Roman. I can almost hear his steady heartbeat.
“I’ll get you back to Florida and break you in nice and easy, though I’m guessing you’re not a virgin?”
I snap my eyes open and narrow them at him. “What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
“A whore just like your mother, then. Still. I might as well enjoy a little bit of the goods before I toss you to the wolves.”
“Wha—”
“Shut up!” He backhands me, splitting my lip open. “No more talking. I’m tired of you. We’ll be boarding my private plane soon.”
I curl up in my seat and stare out of the window, letting silent tears stream down my face.
“No crying, girl. That shit annoys me.”
I nod, but a sniffle escapes. Craig grabs my hair and lifts my head back before smashing it against the window. Darkness clouds my vision. I’m strangely not afraid. I don’t feel anger or sorrow. I don’t feel fear or hopelessness. No. I don’t feel anything at all. I think that will be the key to survival.
✽✽✽
I wake up with a pounding headache. I feel hungover as fuck, but I know I didn’t have anything to drink. Then the day comes flashing back to me. Craig. The car. Passing out. Then Craig gave me some water to drink on the plane, though I’m guessing it was laced with something because I don’t remember anything after that.
When I open my eyes, I see that I’m in a cheap motel room, much like the one I left Harper in. I feel a twinge of pain in my gut at the thought of Harper, but I soothe myself by remembering she has Levi. She doesn’t need me anymore so it’s okay for me to do what I have to do to survive this.
I remember watching the light fade from my mom’s eyes over the years. The times she genuinely smiled dwindled from occasionally to sporadically, and eventually she never smiled at all. She became this ghost of a woman who only lived for her next high.
I don’t know about her background or what drove her to drugs in the first place, but I know I have that capacity in me as well. That’s why I never did drugs in college and rarely had alcohol. I never understood how someone could throw their life away like that.
But now…
I could see why some people would need to do whatever they could to numb the pain. I’m strong and stubborn, but I know I won’t survive this lifestyle.
The front door swings open with a bang and I jump off the bed.
“Ah, Craig said we had a new girl,” the large, older woman standing in front of me says. She’s got on a cheap silk robe, a terrible blonde wig, and heavy makeup. “You’re a pretty little thing. I think you’ll do well as long as you can handle yourself. Can you handle yourself?”
“Fuck yeah,” I say with infinitely more confidence than I actually have. I won’t be weak now. I tap into that numb feeling deep inside - one that I know will need to be strengthened with drugs sooner or later - and shove every other emotion back down into the void.
The woman snorts. “Perfect. Time to change your clothes and get you ready for work. Angelica will show you the ropes.”
“Tonight?”
“Why did you think you were here? For a fucking vacation? Yeah, tonight. You’ve got a debt to work off, and lucky for you, you’ve got the assets to bring in some money. Craig had to fly out for a business meeting, but he said to go ahead and get you on the streets without a test drive.”
I bite back my response and opt for silence instead.
“Looks like Craig roughed you up a bit before dropping you off. We’ll need to cover up those bruises before sending you out.” She grabs my chin and turns my head to the left and to the right. “Fucking Craig. He knows most Johns don’t like damaged merch. I think I can fix this up though. It’s not too bad. I’m Hannah, by the way. The girls call me momma H. And you are…” she taps her chin. “Veronica.”
I nod in understanding. She doesn’t care what my real name is. I am whoever she says I am.
Momma H grabs a large bag and sets it on the bed next to me. She pulls out a mirror, a curling iron, hairspray, bobby pins, hair ties, and every kind of makeup known to man. After testing out a few shades of foundation on the inside of my wrist to get the color right, she gets to work “fixing me up.”
After hair and makeup, momma H throws two scraps of fabric at me. One is a light blue tube top, and the other is the tiniest black skirt ever. It has a huge silver zipper that goes down the entire back of the fabric.
“Easy access,” momma H says when she sees me eyeing the skirt.
The reality of the situation finally sinks in.
I’m a prostitute.
I shoot up off the bed and promptly start dry heaving into the toilet. I haven’t had much to eat these last few weeks, and nothing at all in the last twenty-four hours or so. Nothing comes up, but my stomach tries to empty itself anyway.
“Don’t mess up your makeup!” Momma H yells from outside of the bathroom as she continues to pack her supplies away.
I get up and wash my mouth out with water, seeing as there isn’t a toothbrush or toothpaste in sight.
“Here.” Momma H tosses me a packet of Listerine strips when I step out of the bathroom. “These will become your new best friend on the job. Well, and these.” She shakes a box of condoms before setting them on top of my skimpy outfit on the bed.
My stomach rolls again, but I tamp it down. Closing my eyes, I think about how lucky I am to have had someone like Roman for the few weeks that I did. Most of these girls probably have only ever known this life. Maybe that will make it harder – knowing what it truly means to be treasured by someone – but I’d like to think that memory will be a comfort to me in the years to come.
“Get dressed and then come outside. Angelica will be waiting for you.” With that, momma H leaves.
I take my clothes off and fold them up into a neat little pile. I realize they are the only things I have of my old life. My duffel bag was left in my car when Craig found me.
Putting on my new uniform, I look at myself in the dirty mirror in the bathroom. My hair has been teased and hair sprayed within an inch of its life. My skin looks clammy from the many layers of makeup to cover up the scratches and bruises on my lips, forehead, cheek, and neck.
Momma H said the bruises on my arms aren’t that big of a deal, most men will be looking at my face and tits. Lovely. My eyes are framed in thick black eyeliner with a splash of pale blue eyeshadow to bring out the blue in my eyes. My lips are a deep, matte red color, which helps hide the cut.
Strangely enough, I like the makeup. It makes me look like a different person. I need that layer of separation. It’s not Emma doing this. It’s Veronica.
I take a deep breath and open the door, leaving Emma and her clothes in that shitty motel room.
Chapter 15
Roman
Tessa is flying in from Bali today. Thank fuck.
I’ve been in Vermont for almost two weeks. I know mom and dad needed me here, and I love that I could give back to them in some way. However, they are probably glad to be rid of me for a bit – I’ve done nothing but talk about Emma pretty much all day every day.
I've sent her a few texts, but of course, I haven't heard anything back. Tyler has been calling me almost every day to check up, and while I give him a hard time about it, I really do appreciate his friendship. He knows it too.
“You flying out today, Roman?” Tyler asks over the phone.
&nbs
p; “I am. Tessa should be here soon.”
“Ready to get your girl?”
“You know that I am. I don’t care if she’s not ready for me, I need her, man.”
“I know. I think it’s good you gave her space to miss you, but I also think you shouldn’t give her enough space to forget about you. So, you know. Show her what she’s been missing.”
I swear I can hear his eyebrows wagging through the phone line.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, you asshole.”
“Love you too, Roman. Call me when you and Emma are done with all that make-up sex.”
He hangs up before I get a chance to yell at him. Asshole.
I busy myself packing and cleaning up the house. Tessa will be great for lifting spirits around here, but she’s not one to lift a finger to clean if she can help it.
“Roman, honey,” my mom says as she enters the kitchen. She’s still a bit unsteady on her walker, but she’s making progress every day.
"Hey, mom, what are you doing up? Do you need anything? I can bring it to you."
“Stop your fussing, child.” She waves a hand in the air as if to wipe away my concern.
“I just wanted to thank you for coming here on such short notice. You always were my strong, dependable boy.” Mom pinches my cheeks in the way she knows I hate. Only she could get away with something like this.
“Ma…” I say in an exasperated tone.
“I’m serious, Roman. You are a good man. Your father and I are very proud of you and all that you’ve accomplished.”
I love my parents. They have always been supportive of me and the decisions I’ve made. In the past, I would have waved off her sentiments or made light of her words. But knowing Emma never had any of this makes me appreciate it all the more. It makes me want to snatch her up and bring her back here so I can show her off and have my parents dote on her. I swear I’ll make it happen sooner rather than later.
“Thank you, mom. You know I’ll always be here when you guys need me.”
