220. “The fact that nobody talks about it”: Megan Madden, “Eating Disorder Rates Quadruple at Penn,” Daily Pennsylvanian, February 24, 2005.
220. significant rise . . . among ethnic minorities: Cecilia A. Arriaza and Traci Mann, “Ethnic Differences in Eating Disorders,” Journal of American College Health, May 2001, 49.
220. Only after battling the disorder: Emily Liu, “U. Michigan Grapples with Eating Disorders,” Michigan Daily Wire, December 14, 2004.
220. “walking question marks”: Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty Are Used Against Women, 206.
221. “awareness of ideals versus our internalization”: Helga Dittmar and Sarah Howard, “Thin-Ideal Internalization and Social Comparison Tendency as Moderators of Media Models’ Impact on Women’s Body-Focused Anxiety,” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, December 2004.
222. “education appears to be more important”: Lindsay McLaren and Diana Kuh, “Women’s Body Dissatisfaction, Social Class, and Social Mobility,” Social Science & Medicine, May 2004.
226. “be a good role model” . . . “compliment your friend’s wonderful personality”: National Eating Disorders Association, http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=286&Profile_ID=41175.
11. The Real World Ain’t No MTV
230. “All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection”: Interview with William Faulkner, http://www.littlebluelight.com/lblphp/quotes.php?ikey=8.
230. “Ambition, we imply, should be focused”: Mary Catherine Bateson, Composing a Life (Grove Press, 1989), 6.
235. “I guess at the crux of it was this transition”: Author interview with Sara Shandler, July 12, 2005.
238. “Sometimes, there is so much disparity”: Author interview with Robin Stern, February 2, 2006.
239. “the medical community doesn’t even consider”: “Eating Disorders in Pregnant Women Are Often Undetected,” PR Newswire, March 22, 2005.
239. nearly one in five patients at an infertility clinic: Ibid.
239. pregnant women with eating disorders have a higher incidence: Ibid.
244. “psychology of abundance”: Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership, http://www.woodhull.org.
245 A 2002 study by the Women’s Institute for a Secure Retirement: Women’s Institute for a Secure Retirement, http://www.wiserwomen.org/pdf_files/asr_femalefact_v3.pdf.
245. a woman still makes seventy-three cents for every dollar: National Committee on Pay Equity, http://www.pay-equity.org.
247. liposuction, was performed on 455,000 Americans: Natasha Singer, “Do My Knees Look Fat to You?,” New York Times, June 15, 2006.
247. 25 percent increase since 2000 in breast augmentations: American Society of Plastic Surgeons, http://www.plasticsurgery.org/public_education/2005Statistics.cfm.
247. almost $8 billion in 2004: Ibid.
247. The American Society of Plastic Surgeons reports that 335,000 teenagers: American Society of Plastic Surgeons, http://www.plasticsurgery.org/public_education/2005Statistics.cfm.
247. BBC News reports that 40 percent of teens in the UK want cosmetic surgery: BBC News, http:///news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4147961.stm, January 5, 2005.
247. Many travel abroad for cheap cosmetic surgery: www.medretreat.com.
248. “the designer-body approach”: Natasha Singer, “Do My Knees Look Fat to You?,” New York Times, June 15, 2006.
248. “It’s liposuction for skinny people”: Ibid.
248. “Some of them are perfect 10’s”: Ibid.
248. “lunch-time liposuction”: Ibid.
12. Spiritual Hunger
250. “Lacking spiritual sustenance”: Marion Woodman, Addiction to Perfection: The Still Unravished Bride (Inner City Books, 1982), 28.
251. “They create their own rituals”: Ibid., 30.
251. “They have no sense of everlasting arms”: Ibid., 21-22.
252. “within her is an army”: Nicole Blackman, Aloud: Voices from the Nuyorican Poets Café (Henry Holt, 1994), 395.
253. “pro-ana” websites: Mark Morford, “Hideously Skinny White Girls/It’s Called the Cult of Ana: Just Another Savage, Moronic Icon to Ensnare Teenage Girls,” San Francisco Gate, June 8, 2005.
253. “Girls have anthropomorphized anorexia”: Ibid.
254. “Don’t eat/drink anything that is a red color”: http://winkin.phpwebhosting.com/~joeic/privet/thin/index2.html.
254. “Our culture is pro anorexia”: http://www.anorexicweb.com/InsidetheFridge/proanorexia.html.
254. “I have only signed up”: Ibid.
261. many bulimics remain at a normal body weight: National Eating Disorders Association, http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=286&Profile _ID=41141.
261. those in religious orders in medieval times: Rudolph M. Bell, Holy Anorexia (University of Chicago Press, 1987).
265. some women truly do eat in their sleep: National Eating Disorders Association, http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=286&Profile_ID=41141.
268. “Accompanying an underlying sense”: Lynn Ginsburg and Mary Taylor, What Are You Hungry For?: Women, Food, and Spirituality (St. Martin’s, 2002), 5.
13. Stepping Through the Looking Glass
271. “The only interesting answers”: Quoted on About.com, http://womenshistory.about.com/od/quotes/a/susan_sontag.htm.
271. “The problems that exist”: Quoted in Jon Kabat-Zinn, Coming to Our Senses (Hyperion, 2005), 62.
274. “I can’t believe that!”: Quoted on Wikipedia.com, http://en.wiki pedia.org/wiki/Through_the_looking_glass.
277. In the biopsychosocial model: National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, http://www.anad.org/site/anadweb/content.php?type=1&id=6901.
277. In the medial model: Ibid.
277. Cognitive behavior therapy: Ibid.
277. family therapy: Ibid.
277. feminist lens: Ibid.
277. Most also see nutritionists: Ibid.
277. Professionals usually incorporate a variety: Ibid.
277. Maudsley: ANAD, http://www.altrue.net/site/anadweb/content.php?type=1&id=6981.
278. “Psychology regards all symptoms”: Quoted in Rob Brezsny, “Secrets of Paranoia: How the World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessing,” The Sun, November 2005.
280. “little mini-vibe of compassion”: Author interview with Wendy Shanker, January 17, 2006.
280. “The nature of obsession”: Geneen Roth, When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy (Penguin, 1992), 197.
281. “Pain festers in isolation”: Caroline Knapp, Appetites (Counterpoint, 2003), 158.
284. Dove’s Real Beauty campaign: Lisa D’Innocenzo, “Who Are You? Is Your Brand Just a Product or a Solution?” Strategy, September 2005, http://www.strategymag.com/articles/magazine/20050901/who.html?print=yes.
285. girls exposed to average-weight model images: Suzannah Fister and Gregory Smith, “Media Effects on Expectancies: Exposure to Realistic Female Images as a Protective Factor,” Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, December 2004.
285. “In our present ‘culture of mystification’”: Kathy Davis, Embodied Practices: Feminist Perspectives on the Body (Sage Publications, 1997), 11.
Acknowledgments
I am never as happy as when I am grateful, so consider me ecstatically joyful at this moment.
Thanks to Beth Evans, at the Brooklyn College library, and my research assistant, Yeva Jermakyan. Thanks to Rebecca Watson and Girls Inc., Santa Fe, Rachel Ammon and the Renfrew Center, the Brooklyn and Hunter Colleges’ women’s studies departments, my endlessly entertaining and often brilliant students, and all of those who responded to my e-mail survey with such honesty and clarity.
If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a football stadium of supporters to make a child a writer. Thanks to all of my inspiring writing teachers over the years—you have the most important job in the world, whether society or salary indicates otherwise
: Mary Johnson, Stacy Pies, Robert Boynton, Ellen Willis, Ted Conover, Vincent Puzick, Mary Gordon, and the first author I ever knew, Donna Guthrie.
Thank you to Tara Bracco, Susan Devenyi, Wende Jager-Hyman, Karla Jackson-Brewer, Deborah Seigel, Erica Jong, Joan Finsilver, and all of the other incredible women of the Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership, who taught me how to ask, and thank you also to all of those who first said “Yes!”—New Moon, Clamor, and Women’s eNews. A special thanks to Naomi Wolf, who demystified the industry.
Thank you to Tracy Brown for making me feel like a big deal without ever making a big deal, Leslie Meredith for seeing with new eyes, and Andrew Paulson for making it all more fun.
Thanks to my mom’s crew of women who support me back home— especially Kelli, Diana, and the late and great Rosemary—and my second mom, Pam Hinton.
Thank you to all the ladies proving that feminism isn’t dead: Jennifer Baumgardner, Amy Richards, the Real Hot 100 and feministing crews, and the rest of you card-carrying third-wavers.
Thank you to my infamously named writers’ group for their wine, work, and words—especially Kate Torgovnick for her bulletin pride and southern charm, Ethan Todras-Whitehill for harmonica lessons and, yes, cognac, Felice Belle for making me laugh so hard the whole restaurant stares, and Jennifer Gandin for being the minister’s daughter who taught me about faith that had nothing to do with a ministry.
Thank you to my mentors—a girl was never so blessed with so much wisdom. Karen, your serendipitous arrival in my life seems divined; thank you for sharing yourself so honestly and expertly. Selena, your work in the world is trumped only by your presence in it—thank you for walking your talk and talking so profoundly. Janet, your generosity and vision are nothing short of heroic—you are already a mother of so many, including me. Robin, thank you for dragging me along, making me laugh, and believing in me so unwaveringly. Your spirit is infectious. D.D., you are the change.
Thanks to all those I interviewed—expert and survivor, healed and struggling, young and old alike. Your time and truth were what shaped this book. I am deeply indebted to Melissa Mannis, my favorite teenage cultural critic, and Allison Baker, my source in so many ways.
Special shout-outs to the friends who hashed over the book with me when it needed it and then dragged me away to go dancing when that was sorely in order: Dr. Z, Kate the Great, Tiffany, Yana, Jen, M.C. Coy, Becky, Ramin, and the poker boys. Mugs, thank you for fifteen years and counting. Anna, my sister-cousin, you are my spiritual adviser. Your beauty helps me understand my own. Gareth, thank you for teaching me the beauty of anger and kapusta. You are fiercely lovely.
Thank you to my families: Sam and Ben, the Kuhns, the Guthries, and the Johnsons, especially Momma J, for her macaroni and cheese and enlightening hugs.
Bub, it’s silly how much we make sense. Your kindness is your genius. With you, it’s always peanut-butter-and-jelly time. I like you.
Momma and Papa, thank you for the Santa Fe sanctuary, totally impartial editing, and interrupting each other on the phone. Papa, you are my spirit. Momma, you are my soul. Thank you both for being my best friends in the world.
Christopher, please shut up. I have something to say. You are the most courageous, big-bottom-lipped, genius big brother in the galaxy and beyond. If I were a horse, you would be a unicorn.
INDEX
abstinence
from food, 184
and sex, 104, 105, 105n, 106
abuse, 73, 113, 114, 116n, 171, 177
activism, 188, 275
Adams, Mike, 254n
addictions, 29, 116-18, 248, 251, 253n. See also specific addiction
ADHD, 116, 116n
advertising, 177, 223, 265, 280. See also media
Aguilera, Christina, 122-23
Albers, Susan, 170, 174
alcohol, 110, 112, 253n
Allison, 215-19, 224-25, 227, 228
American dream, 180, 231-33
Angelou, Maya, 53
anger, 72-75, 89, 94, 113, 185, 276, 279, 280
Anna, 262-63, 264
anorexia nervosa
alcoholism compared with, 253n
and anorexics as role models, 252
“athletica,” 208
books/writings about, 10
and breaking points, 266
during college years, 212, 214, 219, 220
and competition among anorexics, 259-60
and Daddy’s little girl, 64
death from, 212, 214
diagnosis of, 21, 23
in DSM, 22
and history of eating disorders, 26-27, 28
and men, 164
and new stories, 277
and pop icons, 123
in post-college years, 241
as power, 253
praise and support for, 53-55
prevalence of, 21
pride in being, 259-60
and race/ethnicity, 129
and rejection of mother’s life, 76-77
as religious pilgrimage, 260 “reverse,” 147
revolving-door aspect of, 200
silence about, 221-22
and spirituality, 261-62, 266
and sports, 192, 200-201, 208, 252
Antin, Robin, 124
anxiety, 4, 5, 35, 184, 196, 272, 273, 278
appearance
and attractiveness, 158-61
ideal, 160
importance of, 243, 245-48
as more valuable than intelligence, 243
in post-college years, 243, 245-48
and power, 141-43
society as putting premium on, 15-16
See also beauty; body/bodies;
fat; obesity; thinness; weight
aspirations/goals
and legacy of feminism, 41-42, 43, 45
and new stories, 278, 279, 281-82
and post-college years, 230-34, 236, 238, 249
short-term, 233-34
and spirituality, 260
and sports, 207
athletes
as sex symbols, 194
See also sports
attachment, 48, 79, 257
attraction/attractiveness
and appearance, 158-61
and beauty, 145-46, 148-49, 158, 161-65, 166
and being seen, 145-51, 166
and bodies, 150, 157, 163-65
cookie-cutter mold of, 146
and dating, 144-45
and eating disorders, 146, 147-48, 163-64
four-dimensional, 157-61
honesty/truth about, 158-61, 164-65
and “hot girls,” 154-57, 158
and “looking fat,” 161-65
and love, 165-66
and media, 146-47, 150, 151
of men, 147-51
men’s views about, 146-65
and perfection, 155, 156, 157, 165, 166
and pornography, 151-54
and sex, 155, 156, 158, 160
silence about, 161-65
and sports, 149
balanced life, 170, 180, 183, 184, 255-61
Banks, Tyra, 16
Barnard College, 3, 52, 53, 210-11, 212, 215, 217-19, 227-29
Bateson, Mary Catherine, 230-31
Baumgardner, Jennifer, 54
beauty
and attractiveness, 145-46, 158, 161-65, 166
and being seen, 145-46
during college years, 211
and competition, 90
conversations about, 161-65
definition of, 59, 146
dimensions of, 166
and father-daughter
relationship, 56, 59, 72
influences on attitudes about, 9
and legacy of feminism, 47
and media-literacy fatigue, 127
men’s anxiety about, 147
as more valuable than intelligence, 8, 216
and mother-daughter relationship, 76
and new stories, 272-73, 283
and perfect-girl talk among
t
eenagers, 94
and pop icons, 123
and power, 142
as prerequisite for perfection, 16
and self-acceptance, 258
and sports, 198
standard of, 148-49, 153, 166
and success, 16
Beauvoir, Simone de, 53-54
Becky, 256-58
beginnings, of new stories, 285-88
being noticed, 150, 166, 182, 193-94, 199, 203
being seen, 145-51, 166, 255, 269, 278
believing, 282
Bell, Rudolph, 261
Belle, Felice, 2, 177-79, 180
Berry, Halle, 139, 139n
BET, 121, 129, 139
bingeing. See bulimia nervosa
Bishop, Ronald, 25
Bitch magazine, 54
Bittington, Tania, 80
Black Eyed Peas, 125
black holes
acknowledging existence of, 275
and attractiveness, 155
characteristics of, 5, 18
and father-daughter relationship, 72
of Martin, 195
and new stories, 275
in post-college years, 249
and prevalence of perfectionism, 4
and sex, 98
and spirituality, 251, 269
and starving daughters, 21
black women, 29, 177-79, 220. See also race/ethnicity
Blackman, Nicole, 252
blame, 56, 110, 113, 171, 175-77, 238, 277
“body dysmorphic disorder,” 21
body mass index, 171n
body/bodies
and attraction, 150, 157, 163-65
as battlegrounds, 255, 262-66
betrayal by, 98, 113
and blame, 56, 113
and body preoccupation as
“brain drain,” 31
books about obsession with, 8-9
breakdown of, 260, 266, 267-68
in college years, 210-11, 214
complexity of, 64
conversations about, 161-65
as currency, 11, 103-4, 143
cut-and-paste idea of, 170
developing adult approach to, 231
as enemy, 86, 114, 253n, 260, 272
and father-daughter relationships, 56, 58, 63-65, 68, 69, 70, 72, 77
hatred of, 35, 45-46, 77, 90-91, 109, 110, 210, 218
hiding of, 137
holy war over, 262-66
as identity, 181
Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body Page 40
