by A M Russell
‘Yes. You are right.’ I said.
She stared at me, ‘Really? You mean that?’
‘Yes….We are trying to find a way out. And you are telling me it’s that simple…. I think you’re right. I think it is.’
‘I’m right?’ she said and smiled, ‘Well….there’s a thing.’
‘The problem is…..well as I see it,’ I looked to her and she nodded for me to continue, ‘…is that Jared has some sort of vendetta against this Mr Rimmington…’
‘Mr Rimmington? The new director Rimmington?’
‘Yes.’
‘I sense that there is a conspiracy afoot. You are going to tell me there’s more to it than that.’
'There’s definitely more to it than that.’ I said firmly.
I saw the cogs turning in her mind. Her eyes flickered as she was thinking at speed; ‘I see,’ she said, ‘I think I know something.’
‘What?’ I asked her curiosity killing me as always.
‘I can’t tell you. Really. I have to go back. I have to do something…’
‘Janey I,…..’
‘It’s alright. I know. She found the equation, not me. I know this. I see it now. But this wise woman, this Leanna, well there is more for me out there. I need to get back.’ Her face screwed up then and she turned away for a moment; ‘I have something I have to do. And then everything will make sense.’
‘What?’
‘I’m still as much of a genius as the other,’ she said, and if you are sure you want to end this then I can help from my reality. I can go back and I can do something that no one will expect. They will all look the other way. You see….Jared is not the only one with a vendetta. He doesn’t understand yet. But he will, one day. And I might ask something of you at some time in the future. You see, we all have secrets Davey.’
‘What secrets?’
She ignored my question and stared at me for several seconds, ‘Yes….secrets,’ she repeated, ‘ and some things are like a pebble dropped in a river. It just disappears. But you drop it in a pond and the ripples travel outwards until they strike something and then get reflected back. You do see what I mean don’t you?’
‘Err….’
‘You might have to ask Dr Julian Rosen for the answer to that one.’ She sighed, ‘ besides, I owe him a grovelling apology. Perhaps you can make some of it on my behalf?’
‘Yes….but what are you going to do?’
‘That, my dear is going to be one of your life’s little mysteries.’
I tried a different tack, ‘What about Jared? What will you tell him?’
‘I don't know; but we are to be invited to a feast this evening perhaps I’ll think of something by then….it has at least been a chance to say goodbye…. And for that I am grateful to you. You’re alright….. Look, I’ll see you at the big dinner. And don’t look so glum. Things being what they are, not every story has a neat well tied-up ending. Sometimes you just never do know. I would have liked to have seen the Cloud Fields for myself. But it’s just one of those things.’
She was giving me a rather unpleasant sense of fatalistic chills up my spine. What she said sound ominous and filled with shades of charcoal and dingy rain.
I opened my mouth, shut it again. There really was nothing I could do. She had come and seen another world, only to find that it wasn’t her world. It belonged to another place. If this place allowed different realities to coexist perhaps it was just a meeting like at a cross roads. Soon to divide and go their separate ways. I was still not sure what she had really meant about rivers and ponds. I would not see it for a very long time. I looked at her. And I thought of Jared again. He was going to be in a very weird state after this. I really didn’t know what to expect.
She raised her hand in a little wave, inclined her head and smiled; then turned without the slightest hesitation, and left through the nearest arched door way.
I sat down. Partly because I was grindingly tired and mostly because I honestly didn’t think I could stand up, the way my knees were feeling kind of fizzy. It was the same sensation that I had on a fairground ride. Ten minutes after getting off I swore I’d never go on it again. The interview with Janey had been highly unsettling.
Then I felt that I was being ignored and wondered where everyone had gone. It was the first time I’d actually been alone since that time out there in the cold desert near the endless rolling sea. I shivered and went to the low dais to find a blanket. I wrapped one round and curled up into it. For a while I felt hollow and exhausted.
I must have dozed off for a bit, because the next thing was that Marcia was gently shaking my shoulder.
I was so glad to see her I almost burst into tears. But seeing as how being soft and soppy had got me into this mess with the girls in the first place, I just screwed my face up and acted all cool. Well I thought I did.
‘Just to let you know; I got all the pegs up.’ Marcia said. ‘I know that Heelio said we didn’t need to. But after a cold night and a lot of trying to write the definitive chocolate cake recipe, I got bored and decided that you were: A; lost, B; Dead (and therefore really lost), or C; annoying alive, and on your way back by another route.’
‘You waited for me?’
‘Of course I did Milnes. What are friends for? But you know how my skills are not just in cooking. But there is a point when one has to be extra practical. I had a full cake box of daylight the next morning, and the weather looked like it would hold, so I took the rope back up.’
‘All of it?’
‘Look… I’ll tell you about how I did that another time ok?’ she patted my arm, causing me to wince slightly. It was the right one, ‘oh, sorry… I forgot. Is there anywhere that doesn’t hurt?’
‘Not really.’ I said, as at that moment two younger girls came in to light the lamps.
‘Heelio said to come. He has something to tell you.’
‘Well it’s not going to be much use now.’ I stood up then and hobbled over to the part of the room to where my pack had been left. I plonked myself down on a low wooden bench.
‘Janey is giving you trouble?’ Marcia had always been direct, and this time it was a relief. I shrugged.
‘She sounds like Jared on a bad day.’ I said.
‘She’ll come round.’
‘I don’t think she will.’ I said woefully, ‘she was talking about something she says she has to do. She’s going back to Base.’
‘I see.’ Marcia seemed thoughtful.
‘You don’t think she going to do something stupid?’
‘She just as smart as Jules. And just as crazy as Jared. Do you really want me to hypothesize on that one?’ Marcia shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
‘What do you know?’ I asked.
‘Only that you can’t keep two of her in the same space without someone getting hurt.’ she said; ‘this is not unusual, not for here. Jared used to meet himself all the time.’ She spoke casually as if it was nothing.
‘You’re worried.’ I said.
‘Of course I am.’ Marcia, ‘So let’s just be practical about this.’
‘But I don’t know what to do…’
Marcia came and sat next to me, ‘You really aren’t familiar with the law of sex and oppression.’
‘Are you making that up?’
‘Well… just my name for it.’ Marcia made herself comfortable on the cushioned long bench. I put my feet onto a pile of cushions laid over a large rug.
‘Confidentially,’ said Marcia, ‘there is no real secret to understanding a woman.’
‘Oh?’
‘You just have to do exactly what she wants.’
‘What she wants?’
‘Exactly. And even, and this is important… if she changes her mind!’
‘Huh? I really will not ever understand you lot at all. But we get on fine. Don’t we?’
‘Yes of course Davey! But that’s when you don’t have that terrible thing called “Love” entering the equation.’
&nbs
p; ‘I think I should have listened to Uncle Alex.’
‘Who is that?’
‘The Alex. The prefix is a term of friendly abuse. He was friends with our psychiatrist long before we came here, and I didn’t find out until all this happened. Actually, I thought you’d met before last week.’
‘I think I would remember that.’
‘Oh… of course. I know that you are the brains of the operation.’
‘I do have everything that is useful stored up here, it’s true. Maps; lists; equipment logs; the lot. Give me two minutes and I can get all the details out.’
‘Are you like this back home?’
‘Sort of,’ Marcia smiled in a cheery way, ‘they get frustrated with me because I’m a sod for not writing anything down.’
‘So how does one get round that?’
‘I issued them with Dictaphones, and told them to write down what they needed later. Staff meetings are so much shorter when there’s no paper to shuffle.’
‘That’s brilliant!’
‘Thank you. I am rather, don’t you think?’
‘Definitely.’
‘So how are you?’ Marcia was turning it all back to the Janey thing I assumed.
‘Not overwhelmingly great. I guess it would be simpler to just get my head round what was needed for tomorrow.’
‘Mostly, it would yes. But Heelio was most insistent. He said you should visit him in his own place before the evening gathering.’
‘Oh. Is there food involved?’
‘Of course. It’s a kind of farewell party. And don’t be concerned. They won’t both be there. Our Janey is with Leanna. You will see her later, after the dinner. It’s nothing heavy either. Just relax and eat and have some cheery conversation with the natives. Oh, and avoid the big white cherry things.’
‘Why?’
‘I think a stronger constitution is needed for some of the fruits they eat here. But look at the results! No teenage spots… fantastic hair and nails.’
‘I hadn’t noticed.’
‘Don’t you try to… that is definitely a girl thing.’
I waited outside the little curtained arch. A young woman came out with an empty wooden tray. I entered. The cave had the rich hangings on the walls, but was like the others and simply furnished. Heelio held out his hand waving it to bring me into his circle of lamp light.
I settled myself on the little covered bench opposite him. There was a low table next to what I took to be an arm chair of sorts. It was unusual. Heelio regarded me with bright eyes and indicated the two glasses full of an amber liquid that had been set there.
I carefully picked up the glass. I was hand-blown and had itself a golden tint that mirrored the liquid within.
Heelio looked deeply into my eyes and sipped from his glass. I tasted the drink also. It was mellow and aromatic and quite strong with the proof of a spirit like whiskey.
I had grown used to this being quietly examined and measured by the tribe. I let him look. I relaxed and tried not to resist his penetrating gaze.
My mind was unhooking. I saw those pictures in my minds eyes. Many things that were there like a flood; like a river of knowledge just beneath the surface of the conscious mind. But they were all confused, flowing and tossing like the leaves on a tree in a strong wind. My eyes refocused. Heelio was still staring at me. He sipped from the glass again and returned it to the table. I put mine down also.
‘There is no peace to be found, my son. You have broken into a divided world, and there can be no peace. Do not trouble yourself. You cannot save those who do not want your help. You cannot save yourself!’
‘It is true.’ I said quietly.
‘Son. You must let go of the other.’ At his point he took out a knife from his robes, ‘do not be concerned. Do you know what this is?’
‘It looks…. I means it might be similar to one we found out on the edge of the err place the Moon walks; a lot further east of here.’
‘Yes…’ Heelio smiled and nodded, ‘it is like that one. It was lost. And here we do not tell the tale for there is a right time for such stories. Now we could tell the tale of this blade.’
He held it out to me. I took it cautiously. It was strangely light. Of perhaps the fact that it was small and fine. I don’t know what I expected.
‘This blade is the only kind that can break the connection for one who has not their origin in this place, but has taken the water or the earth into themselves. It was once used in a circumstance where a person is two, not one. It has not happened in my time or my grandfather’s. We stay away from the mountain. We only go down into the caves now. Our people once did do that. And sometimes it was very dreadful. Not everything within you is meant to come out. Some things are designed to rest on other things. They are not meant to have their own life separate from the rest of the mind. The mountain takes a man’s soul and splits it into different parts. These are like monsters or demons in some men.’
‘What of the women?’
‘Our women do not divide themselves. They are very…. As you would say “single minded”. Here that is always true. It is the men whose minds are filled with foolish ambitions and strange desires that might go to the mountain place.’
‘Is it forbidden to enter it?’
‘No….. We do not forbid, because that would make it very desirable. We tell a story to our young people. We tell them the truth. That way, should anyone go near the place they would remember the truth we have told them and it will warn them to not go into the mountain.’
Heelio took another sip of his drink. I stared at the knife. It was dawning on me that this could be used on any of our own team. I needed to be sure.
‘How deep must be the cut? And who can it be used on?’
‘Ah! Now you see…. The cut must only break the skin. But it must be intended. This does not work accidentally. I know your Chief has sent back the soldiers with the wooden arrow heads. This is enough if they have not tasted the water or eaten the fruit. And our hunting blades will also work. We will act with mercy to send a stranger back to their origin place. But now you and the others of your whole tribe have taken into your body part of the body of this earth, the metal that does not change must now be used. And then it will only work when the desire is strong to act. Also you cannot send a friend back against their will.’
I looked at him startled, it felt as if he had seen inside my mind and knew what I was thinking.
‘But now I will tell you a secret…..’ Heelio took the blade from me and putting it in a sheath, laid it on the table, ‘drink, and listen to what I say to you.’
He waited until I had taken several mouthfuls of the spirit from the glass. In the lamplight and in the stillness of the room I felt a certainty growing. This was what we would call “insurance”, if plan A and plan B failed.
‘The knife can last in any time place. But it cannot be used by one who does not have a connection with it. The connection must be made, and only then you will have the means to sever the connection with this world for others like yourself.’
‘What must I do?’ I had that uneasy feeling again. I decided I was too easily spooked. I breathed in and relaxed consciously. I looked at Heelio again.
‘I must mark you. As the tribe have marked you before.’ He indicated the tattoo, ‘Now you know it can bring you here.’
‘You will show me how it can make me send people back.’ I said in a breathless voice.
‘Be still. The drink will make this simple. It is a moment. A calm one. Just reveal the mark of your tribe. Then we can give it greater power. You have to give your consent. And then I will make the mark.’
‘I understand.’ I pulled my sleeve back, and gritted my teeth.
‘Be calm son. Just tell me of your consent and then the pain is lost into the earth and dissolves. Do you see?’
A set of soothing images flitted in and out of my mind. I felt the handle of a fishing rod in my hand; wooden and smooth and the resistance as something pulled o
n the line and I held it firmly. A memory. Then my mother digging trenches ready for planting. I took an old spade and pressed hard with the handle into the rich earth making it ready as I had seen her do. The wood was burnished with many summers, and oiled by many hands. ‘I consent.’ I said, and then thought of the canal trip I took. A group of us winding lock gate paddles and pushing the gates open and closed. I felt the heavy wooden beam that swung the gate, and how it took three lads to push it and start it moving. It was smooth and warm under my fingers. A solid and useful thing. Something that served a good purpose that had been there for a very long time.
I looked down. Beads of red welled up. Three there were, where the point had entered in each heart except the last. The knife was laid on the table and was completely clean. I looked at Heelio. He did not appear to have moved at all. And except that the knife was not in the sheath I would not have known as I had felt nothing.
‘Do not touch it. Let the drops fall and then you will see. Out of time is the knife. Out of time is the one who takes it into their hands.’
I felt then a warmth. A strange kind of quiet that travelled all around me. It was like when Jared had spoken words over me and laid his hands on me letting the healing flow. I felt strangely light too. As if some oddly heavy bubble had been pricked and I had let a peculiar burden fall. The drops fell one by one to the ground. Heelio held a linen wrapping strip in his hands. He took hold of my hand. ‘Now I will bind this. Do not look at it at all. And when you remember tomorrow, look then if you wish. But it does not matter if you do not see. And whatever you do or not do, tell no one this while you still walk in our land. I know that your home has different ways, and the stories you tell, are not like the secrets you keep. But here it is better not to tell.’
All that evening I hardly spoke, except a few murmured words of thanks. I had sunk into myself; it seemed so deeply that even Janey came over to me and asked if I would like a yellow fruit. She was still certain she was going to leave the next day. I asked her only if she had a guide. And when she indicated one of the larger warriors who had chosen to escort her back, I just nodded. She appeared puzzled by my manner but eventually went back to her place in the great table. We were in the main hall that the family of Heelio and his sons and daughters used most days. Jared and Marcia sat next to each other and he seemed so light, so animated. They both joined in with the chatter of the younger ones. Andre in particular was lively and given to much elaborate telling of hunts and other adventures. He glanced at me a couple of times. I sat quietly by and listened to their tales. Janey edged a little closer to Jared and he seemed to relax with all the tribes people round. I sensed a hint of tension there, but it was diluted down by the cheery chatter of Andre and his friends.
