by C. A. Harms
“Whatever we do in there is up to us, it is not expected or forbidden.” Again I said a silent thank you to whoever the fuck deserved it for me being here at this very moment. I needed this. For the first time since Mandy left with Caden I was feeling in control of my life again.
“Why don’t you show me this VIP room?”
She bites her lip as she stands tall and moves toward the stairway, her hips swaying way more than natural. The short shorts she wore did nothing to hide her ass cheeks that were peeking out from the bottom. I look around as I begin to climb the stairs after her and notice that no one is actually paying attention, as if this alone was a normal action for a place like this. A place of discreet fantasy and desire.
Maybe I was being careless, or taking things too far, but I want my life back. I want that fucking feeling like nothing could touch me. I was in control, I made the calls, it was up to me.
“It’s twenty-five hundred for the room, plus the cost of drinks,” the redhead says as I step inside and she closes the door behind us. “There is, of course, the option to tip,” I allow my gaze to settle on her, “if you feel it’s worth it.”
I held up my glass of whiskey that I grabbed before climbing the stairs. “I’m good with drinks,” reaching into my pocket I pull out my credit card with a wad of cash. “Put the room on the card, and if it’s worth it I’ll consider a tip.”
I remain in the center of the room watching her move toward the bar. With a swipe of my card and a few buttons pushed she smiles back at me before moving in my direction once more. “Looks like it’s all yours for the night.”
I take my card and the cash I still held in my hand and place it back into my pocket.
“Make it worth it.”
She lifts her hands toward my shirt and I shake my head, her hands freezing mid air. “But I thought you said—”
“The only thing you need to be focusing on is my cock.” Instantly her eyes get that hazy lustful look as she purses her lips and looks down toward my zipper. “Kneel.” Those emerald eyes lock with mine just before she begins to slink to the floor.
There I stand, making no movements to touch her. This wasn’t about pleasing her, it was about taking what I needed. Call me a prick, I’d accept it without argument, because tonight was only for me.
I say nothing as she undoes the buckle of my belt, or when she lowers my zipper. I look over toward the bar, appearing as if she was dispensable. She was just a warm mouth, a means to release. I should feel bad, only I don’t, because she didn’t seem to mind being dismissed.
Even when I feel her warm lips wrap around the head of my cock or the flick of her wet tongue as she slides over me I still stare ahead.
That powerful craving—it was strong as she continues to work me over. I could feel my thighs tense, though I tried to fight the reaction.
When she started to mumble I looked down at her hoping that by just one pointed look she would realize I wasn’t in the mood to talk and she did. She looks up at me, a determined look upon her face as she takes everything I have to give and asks for nothing in return.
It was exactly what I needed.
Chapter 8
Brynn
Present day
Empty.
There’s no other word to describe what I felt when I saw Alec disappear inside the VIP room with Raine. It was like being shoved to the ground with the weight of the world resting upon me, draining every ounce of life from me in an instant. Overdramatic maybe, but I couldn’t believe he’d take the time we’d spent together over the last month and simply tuck it under the rug as if it didn’t exist.
I’d let him in. I let him be a part of my life, spend time with my sister. I trusted him just as he asked me to do. With one speed bump in the road he was ready to act as if he didn’t even know I existed. Like nothing we’d discussed had even taken place.
I’ve been on one hell of a rollercoaster with Alec. Though I tried to fight it, I found it was impossible to stay away from. Deep inside him, somewhere hidden beneath the darkness, was a man I wanted to know. No, I take that back, a man I needed to know.
There were secrets he held I know, reasons for his distance and need to remain in control. I wanted to know those secrets.
The feelings he inflicted in me, the deep hunger, that penetrating desire that almost felt crippling, were things I’ve never felt before. A rush of something that frightens me, yet I simply can’t let the opportunity to experience it pass me by.
There was a hidden side to Alec, one I know he tried so hard to hide, yet I got a small glimpse of. When he took me to dinner, or when he shared a night with Katelynn and I in our home, that side showed through. A genuine smile, a laugh that reached his eyes, it was all there. There was no denying he felt something too, though I knew he wouldn’t admit it, not now.
Everything changed so fast.
At the mention of a woman from his past that Alec disappeared and in his place was a cold callus man that showed no emotion. One I walked away from, and the moment I did, I regretted leaving. The urge to go back and fight him, force him to admit he’d seen something in me that was so much more than he played off. I wasn’t nothing to him, I knew this.
Only he fought it, he ignored the pull and chose to tarnish what he had.
Here I stood, entranced as I look up at the room where that man was. Hidden behind the darkened glass that I know from experience was the perfect lookout of the entire club. Part of me wanted to imagine he stood just behind the tinted window and looked down at me, seeing the hurt in my eyes.
But the longer I stood there, internally pleading for him to walk back out of that room, the deeper the ache inside me grew. He was attempting to prove a point. He wanted to show me I was dispensable and that he could have anyone.
I understood now, and the humiliation of the fact that I allowed myself to somehow believe I was different set in.
“Brynn.” I don’t turn around, not yet. I don’t want anyone to see the hurt in my eyes. I don’t want anyone to realize just how stupid I’ve been. “Hey,” a hand rests upon my shoulder, “are you okay?”
I don’t have to look to see it’s Lacey. That kind voice was one I’d know anywhere. She’d become a friend, one I could turn to, one I could rely on.
“I’m okay.” I breathe deeply.
“You don’t look okay, you look pale, Brynn.” Lacey steps in front of me and forces me to finally look at her.
“I guess I just don’t feel well.”
Without a word she places her arm over my shoulder and begins to lead me away from the bar and into the back room. I ignore the curious stares of those around us, guests and fellow employees. I know what they’re all thinking, that poor girl couldn’t cut it, and maybe they’re right.
“Sit here.” I allow my body to be directed by Lacey as she moves me toward the same chair she placed me in my first night here at the club. The same chair where she made me into someone I’m not, just before I stepped out onto the floor and fell into the arms of a man I should have run away from. “Talk to me, Brynn,” Lacey finally say as she kneels before me. “I know it’s more than simply not feeling well.”
I stare at her, observing the concern etched on her face.
“Please, Brynn, what happened?”
“I fell for him,” I finally tell her, “from the beginning he said it would never be more than a simple agreement between two adults. Only it was more, I know it was. He showed me a part of him I think he’s been hiding from others, but I saw it, Lacey. I saw it.”
“Brynn,” she places her hand onto my knee and offers a gentle squeeze, “who are you talking about?”
“Alec,” I whisper, and my stomach tenses just at the sound of his name falling from my lips. “And now he’s upstairs with Raine, and I,” my voice cracks, “I’m left looking like a fool.”
“Oh sweetheart, this place is nothing but a game for these men.” I could see the pity in her eyes. “You can’t fall for them.”
�
�Too late,” I confess, “I already did.”
I woke to a pounding headache, and a heartache to match. I spent the remaining part of my shift last night working the front bar that is nothing more than older men that enjoyed being served drinks by a quiet girl. They would smile and tell me things, like I looked like their granddaughter. I found that sweet and a bit creepy. After all, they were in an erotic club and though they never touched me they looked at me as if in their minds they were doing just that.
After the room cleared out I ended up leaving early to spend the remainder of my night attempting to drown out the crushing feeling I felt. The last thing I remembered was lying in bed after my glass of wine thinking over the times Alec let his guard down and allowed me to see the real him.
I roll over in bed and reach for the bottle of water on my nightstand suddenly in desperate need of a drink.
“Wow.” I freeze with the bottle pressing to my lips just about to take and drink and look toward the door. Katelynn stood, fully dressed, her hair tied back as if she’d had plans of going somewhere. “You look like hell.”
“Mouth,” I warn her just before lifting the bottle and downing half the contents in one big drink.
“Rough night?”
I ignore the mischievous look in her eyes. My sister had some romantic thought rolling through her mind, and the reality was so far off from what she was imagining. I didn’t even know how to explain to her that Alec and I were no longer an ‘us’. Hell, we never were an us, we were a fling, if you could even classify us as that.
We were a mess. Yeah, that works.
“Are you still taking me to get new jeans or—”
I lower the bottle I was holding and look up at my sister thinking to myself that she was entirely too perky this early in the morning. “Why are you so chipper and happy go lucky this early in the morning?”
“Early?” She laughs. “It’s twenty after eleven.” She crosses her arms over her chest and just looks back at me with a curious smile pulling at the corner of her lips.
“Give me thirty minutes,” I tell her, trying my best to avoid the questions I know are lingering in her mind. “Then we’ll go shopping.”
She still didn’t leave, and suddenly I felt that nervous twitch I always seem to get when things don’t always go my way. “Should we call Alec?” And there it is, that nasty unsettling feeling inside me rearing it ugly head, and strong. “He’s fun.”
“He’s out of town.” The lie stung, but avoiding the conversation I know I have to have soon just felt for now the easiest way to handle this.
I ignore the way she continues to watch me, ignore the way her eyes narrow as if she knows for sure I’m lying. Instead I climb out of bed, grab my cosmetic bag and robe, then move toward the bathroom leaving her behind.
The warm water cascading over my body felt amazing, almost like it was washing away the memories of the night before. The way Alec walked past me as if I didn’t even exist, or the way he disappeared behind the door of the VIP room with Raine for the evening. It hurt, I won’t lie. But I realized worrying over it, reminding myself over and over about how I made the worst possible mistake wasn’t going to change a thing. I need to move on.
I wasn’t surprised to still find my sister waiting when I walk into my room. She’s lying across the end of my bed, thumbing though a book I’m sure she’s read more than twice. Again I ignore the way she watches me, how her head shifts to follow my movements. She is entirely too young to be this observant.
I got my clothes on quickly, before turning on the blow dryer and flipping my head from side to side, attempting to hurry. Once I’m ready I move from the room hollering that she better get moving. I hear her feet shuffling after me and I smile, though it almost feels foreign, I was still feeling so raw inside.
Instead of taking the time to talk to Katelynn once we were inside the car, I took the cowardly way out and turned up her favorite station knowing already that she’d be singing along in seconds. I felt relieved when she released the first words, and from then on, until I placed the car in park those were the only sounds that we shared.
Chapter 9
Alec
I knew the moment I spoke Raine’s name I’d accomplished two things. One, I’d broken Brynn’s heart just a little more. Two, I’d opened up the flood gates allowing Raine and all her crazy back into my life. All the time I had taken to ensure her there was absolutely nothing between us was void. She felt again that I had this hidden thing for her, and she attempted to do all the things she could to bring out those desires she felt pooled inside me. The lingering touches and soft coos, her body language alone spoke volumes.
But even throughout all her advances and heavy purrs I couldn’t walk away from the window. Not when Brynn stared up, a look of devastation on her face, and not when another girl dragged her away toward the back.
There was the place inside me, the one that I refused to show to many that screamed out to me that I should run after her. But then flashbacks of my life after Mandy, during the time when she broke me, they all entered my mind, and I remembered that I never wanted to be that way again.
Much to Raine’s disappointment I ordered drink after drink, slowly sipping them until I found that the evening was almost over. I walked away from the VIP room, leaving behind a hopeful yet confused Raine. I know she expected more. But there wasn’t anything shared between us within that room, not even a kiss. I called for Warren, my driver, to pick me up. He was the one man that didn’t question my mood, but it could definitely have something to do with the amount I pay him to not only be my driver, but to mind his own business as well.
I was restless all night, my mind spinning as I mulled over everything. Caden, and what he’d look like now. Did he miss me? Would he even remember me? I pictured Mandy, and the times after Caden was born, how she seemed to change into someone I no longer knew.
When I finally fell asleep it wasn’t them I dreamt of.
I envisioned golden locks, and smiles that I swear I felt so fucking deep it seemed surreal. Brynn and Katelynn didn’t ask for me to come into their lives and flip it upside down. It was apparent they’d already had enough fuck-up.
But in that short time I was near them, those nights that we’d watch movies and eat ice cream together, I felt as if all the shit in my past was gone. They’d managed to make it disappear. In just a few short weeks they took everything I said I’d never do again and forced me to see that I could. Then I realized that, that was the scariest part of all. Because I could see myself falling fast for not only Brynn, but for Katelynn, too.
I woke in a sour mood.
I should’ve walked away that first night. “She’s too innocent,” I say as cover my face, and run my hands down it. But it was that innocence I craved, still, after everything, I still wanted her. More than I’d ever wanted another woman before.
Throwing the sheet off my waist, I crawled from bed in search of my pants. Walking from my room to the great room, I froze in the entryway the moment I smelled fresh coffee brewing. My heart racing with the possibilities, terror of a strange woman being here, one I was too fucked up to remember bringing home. Then a rush of excitement hit me as I allowed myself to picture Brynn standing in my kitchen wearing one of my shirts. I knew that was the last thing I would find, but the fact that it didn’t scare me when I envisioned it was the most puzzling part of that fantasy.
“Good morning, asshole.” I look toward the kitchen just in time to see Aric walking out carrying two cups of coffee. “You look like shit.”
“Fuck you,” I grumble, taking the coffee from his hand and looking into the cup assuring he’d made it the way I like.
“One sugar, two creams, fairy boy.” He chuckled when I glare at him. “Real men drink it black.”
“That right.” I arch a brow. “Do real men also get part of their body waxed, receive weekly manicures and pedicures, and wear eyeliner?”
“I do all those things for my career.”
&n
bsp; I walk away smiling for the first time since, hell, I don’t remember. “Don’t matter, pretty boy, you still do them all repeatedly.”
I may want to punch the dickhead ninety percent of the time he’s around but he did always somehow mange to make me feel a little better. Today just happened to be related to the fact that I could make fun of him.
“The ladies love my clean hands,” Aric says in a cocky, arrogant tone. “They also greatly appreciate the fact that certain areas are waxed, trimmed and clean.” When I look in his direction as I sit down at the bar that separates the kitchen and living room he is smiling wide. “I bet if you got a little trim, and wax, your girl would be grateful.”
The lightness of the morning was now gone at the mention of my girl, meaning Brynn. That knot I’d felt in my stomach as I looked down at her through the VIP room window returned.
“She was adorable, brother, way too sweet for a brooding asshole like you.”
“She’s not my girl,” I say, feeling as if I’d been kicked in the stomach by just saying that out loud. “She never truly was.”
When Aric was silent I decide not to look at him. I expected some quizzical look on his face and I didn’t want to explain. It was best if I buried the whole thing and moved on.
“What did you do?”
What I didn’t expect to find when I look in his direction is a look of irritation. “What did I do? How about what did you do?”
“Me?” He has the nerve to appear innocent.
“Yeah.” I stand once more and turn around to face him as he stood in the living room, his coffee in one hand. “You had to show up here and run your mouth about my past. A past that is none of your fucking business, yet you spewed your shit and left us in a bad place.”
He laughs as he leans forward and sets his cup down on the small table near my couch. “I left you in a bad place.” Aric steps forward and I found the anger in his eyes intriguing. He was always so cheery it seemed, until now. “The bad place you’re in, and have been in for years, is your own damn fault, no one else’s. So don’t sit here and lay blame for your inability to let any woman in. That’s on you, you’re the fuck-up here, Alec, not me. You wanna live a live of solitude, one filled with easy women and quiet times, then fine, live that life. But don’t blame me, you’re the one giving Mandy all the power.” He grabs his keys off the table near the entryway and looks at me with disappointment. “Do you think she’s out there giving you one minute of her thoughts? No, she’s fucking some guy, living the life you all should have been, but that chance is over. Get the fuck over it, Alec.” He storms off toward the elevator leaving me stunned and somewhat proud that little brother had it in him.
