by Sheila Tibbs
Ben was getting more and more annoyed with what David had been telling him.
“Oh, believe me, it’s true,” David piped in.
“I didn’t mean it like that … I mean, I do believe you, it’s just…” Ben stuttered.
David laughed.
“Its okay, Ben, I know what you mean. I felt the same when Sarah’s grandparents sat me down to tell me, before we were married. They thought I needed to know everything before I committed myself completely. You see, Sarah had come to depend on me, a lot, not just as her future husband ... but almost as a father figure too. At first, I felt flattered, then almost suffocated by her. I couldn’t understand why you see, so her grandparents thought they should tell me before it was too late. You know, so I could back out, run if I wanted to. They would again be there to pick up the pieces you see, before they got too old, or worse still, had passed away and Sarah would have been left alone with no-one.”
David felt he needed to justify why he knew so much.
“From what you’ve told me so far, David ... wow! Why did you hang around? Any normal bloke would have run a mile, and I mean that in the nicest possible way, but hey, I know we marry for better or for worse, but you knew her demons before you married, not after.” Ben looked at David again, but this time it was like he was seeing him for the very first time. Admiration for this human being shone from his eyes and David could feel himself begin to blush.
“Hang on there, Ben,” David laughed, “Trust me, the thought of running did enter my head but then I saw her, in my mind. God, she was beautiful and it made a lot of what I’d been feeling make sense. I felt sorry for her, and that made me love her even more. Every man likes to feel a pillar of strength, someone for the little lady to lean on ... and here was my opportunity to be every man's dream. But, my dream was going to be reality and, to a degree, I felt like Samson or Goliath. Do you understand that? The male ego and all.”
“Yes, David, I understand perfectly well. And yes, most men at that time would perhaps envy you to some degree, but, in reality, no,” Ben said.
“Anyway,” David continued. “Sarah crept back to her room after hearing the row that night. She was happy at first that she would be living with her grandparents but then, after thinking more about the argument she had overheard, anger set in. She despised her sister and her parents and thought to herself that if she couldn’t have them, then nor could Isobel.”
“What are you trying to tell me, that Sarah killed Isobel?”
Ben said, stunned at what David was implying.
David looked at Ben and nodded.
They sat there in silence for what seemed ages. The ticking of the clock on the mantelpiece was the only noise that punctured the silence.
“Tell me, David, what happened? How did she kill Isobel?” Ben sounded exhausted.
“It wasn’t just Isobel, Ben, she killed her parents too.”
David felt sad for Ben. Perhaps he’d told him too much but there was no going back now, he couldn’t retract his words.
Ben heard what he'd wanted to hear. He’d asked for the truth and he’d had it, warts and all.
Ben just shook his head, not so much now in disbelief, as in, whatever next? 'Keep the shock waves coming. I can withstand all you’ve got.' Deep down though, he knew he couldn’t. He didn’t want to hear any more but knew he had to, needed to. For the first time that night, he regretted knocking on David’s door. Regretted accepting that first drink. He wished more than ever to be home in his untidy flat, alone and safe, safe from all these demons that his patients tended to carry around with them. He now knew he was definitely too old for all this and contemplated retiring.
“I don’t think she planned to actually kill anyone. I mean, can a seven year old actually do that? I don’t know, perhaps, but I like to believe it was just an accident,” David continued. He was turning his coffee mug around in his fingers. Suddenly he stood up and walked to the window. There he stood, pondering over the right words. The words that would make Ben believe it was an accident, just as Sarah’s grandfather had done when he had told David, all those years ago.
“You see, the day of their departing finally came. The atmosphere had been tense, very tense over the preceding days and, that day, it seemed to have lifted. It was almost like everyone was letting out a deep sigh of relief that the time they still had together was limited. After breakfast, Sarah’s parents sat her down and told her she would be staying at the Manor with her grandparents. They were going away with Isobel, and they wouldn’t be returning either. They tried to justify their actions by telling her that she was to grow and shine in her own right and not live her life in Isobel’s shadow. That people would give her a chance to come out of her shell, so to speak. The cold truth was that they just didn’t want her any more, and they never had.”
David sniffed loudly. “I mean, Ben, how could you not want your own daughter like that? Just dump then forget they ever existed, cut yourself off from your parents, brothers, sisters, everyone, how? I could never understand it but since Bethany has been born, I just can’t comprehend letting her go. I just love her too much ... and I know Sarah does too,” he whispered. “Anyway, as I was saying, they said their goodbyes and got in the car. Sarah’s face dropped and a rage never seen before on one so young, as her grandmother said, took over her pretty features. As the car drove to the end of the drive, she ran. Not towards the car but to the side field. The rest is just circumstantial, you understand, but it’s believed that Sarah jumped into the lane in front of the car by the big oak tree and her father swerved to miss her. Her mother's scream could be heard, by all accounts, back at the manor and her grandparents heard the screech of the tyres as her father stamped on the brakes. They hit the tree, her parents were knocked unconscious, or killed, no one knows which, but Isobel was trapped in the back. She was screaming and banging for help and Sarah just stood there, staring. By the time her grandparents reached them, the car had burst into flames and Isobel was trapped and couldn’t get out. She burned to death.”
David turned to Ben, who was sitting there crying, the tears were flowing freely and he felt totally unashamed for them.
“That has to be the saddest, most heart wrenching thing, I have ever heard. Poor Sarah, poor Isobel,” Ben cried.
“Sarah went into hospital, suffering from shock, and when she came out, the funerals had taken place. Her parents are buried together in the village Church yard and Isobel is buried over the other side. You see, Sarah has no recollection of her life prior to coming out of hospital. It’s like she has shut that part of her life down, not that I can blame her, but a little girl called Isobel has haunted her mind ever since. She doesn’t know who she is or why she’s there, but she scares Sarah none the less. So, you see, she must never know the truth. You must dismiss all that she says about Isobel; make her understand that she doesn’t exist, that she is just a figment of her imagination!” David pleaded.
“Hang on there, David. I can understand you all wanting to protect Sarah, when she was a child, but not now she’s an adult. Come on, David, she needs to put this ghost to rest, understand why she’s been shadowing her life for so long, mourn her if you like, release the guilt. You must tell her or she’ll never be at peace.” Ben was getting angry with David and started to raise his voice.
“Please, Ben, sit down and don’t shout. You might wake Bethany. I hear what you're saying. I said the same when I heard but you don’t understand, Ben. Sarah is still a child. I know what you’re going to say, but she is still a little girl in a woman’s body.
Mentally ... she couldn’t cope. Trust me, I know for God’s sake! I’ve lived with her long enough. Isobel isn’t real, not any more. There are no such things as ghosts and the only way Sarah will forget this, is for us to stay united in this. Do you know she hadn’t had any dreams, nightmares or thoughts of Isobel for a few years, until she had Bethany? Did you know that? Then, when Bethany was first born, she was fine. As she got more alert, she start
ed to say she looked like Isobel. From there, she convinced herself she was Isobel. What she doesn’t realise, and never has, is that
Bethany looks like her also, that she herself looks like Isobel.”
They sat there in silence. Ben thought over all David had said, until his head hurt. Weakly, and against all his medical training and moral beliefs, he said, “So, what do you want me to do?”
“Just convince her that Isobel is just a figment of her imagination. A result from the head injury she received when she fell from the balcony. That as soon as she admits there isn’t anyone called Isobel wanting to harm her, she can come home,” David pleaded.
Ben nodded in agreement, but inside he knew he was wrong to do so. Sarah was like a time bomb waiting to go off and all he knew was that he didn’t want to be around when she did. Deciding he had given enough information to Ben, David looked at the clock on the mantel.
“I don’t like to seem rude, but Bethany will be up in a couple of hours ... would you mind…”
“Of course not. How selfish of me to have kept you up this late, and after all your generosity, please forgive me,” Ben interrupted.
“Nonsense. It is I who should be apologising, Ben, for bombarding you with all that I have. Come let me show you to your car.”
They walked from the room, turning off the lights as they went.
Upstairs, David looked in on Bethany, then quietly closed the door.
Back at his home, Ben lay there, awake, mulling over and over what he had learned, and agreed to, until sleep caught up with him and won the battle again for another night.
In the nursery, Bethany’s mobile played on.
Chapter twenty-nine.
Sarah went straight back to her room following breakfast. She had told her nurse once, when asked why she didn’t go into the day room with the others, because they are all mad, insane and that she found their behaviour somewhat disturbing.
Carol, her nurse, had laughed at that comment and Sarah had been hurt by her reaction. She wasn’t mad. People just refused to believe her. Why, she couldn’t understand.
Hadn’t Father Mather been to one of these institutes in search of Isobel’s natural mother? For all she knew he might have been to this one, that though is something she will never know now. Isobel had killed him too, in the lane leading to the Manor.
Sarah sat there thinking how she could convince them all that she was sane - and that Isobel was real - when she suddenly realized that the only way she was going to be allowed back home, was to admit Isobel wasn’t real at all ... only a figment of her imagination.
Then, once home, she would find the strength to deal with Isobel herself, once and for all.
Content with her decision, she smiled and a new bounce entered her step. She would tell Ben whatever he wanted to hear today in their session and then maybe he would allow her to go home. Ben arrived back at the hospital just after nine that morning and went straight to Sarah’s room.
“Good morning, Sarah,” he said as he knocked and opened the door in one swift move.
“Good morning, Ben,” she beamed.
“How are you feeling this morning?”
“Fine thanks, in fact better than fine, I feel great,” she said.
“Good, good. Any bad dreams last night?” he questioned.
Sarah knew exactly what he was getting at. “Do you mean Isobel? No. None. But then I wouldn’t, would I?”
“And why’s that, Sarah?”
“Because I thought about what you've been saying these past few days, and I realized what you said was true. Isobel isn’t real, never has been and never will be. I don’t know where I got the notion from, or even who Isobel is. I have never known anyone by that name, so where she came from I really don’t know... maybe a film I'd watched or something,” she lied.
Ben felt a surge of relief sweep through his veins. This was going to be easier than he had imagined. The groundwork was already done. Sarah interrupted his thoughts.
“Ben, can you tell me one thing though?” she asked.
“I’ll certainly try,” he answered, a joyous tone now present in his voice.
“Why am I here? I don’t mean in hospital, I mean here in Moorlands?”
Ben thought for a moment to choose his words carefully, he didn’t want to reverse all that had been achieved.
“Well, you were on anti-depressants before your … accident,” he said. “Do you remember?”
Sarah let out a little laugh. “No I don’t. I can’t imagine why,” she lied again.
“Well anyway, you were originally taken to Southend General by ambulance. When all the tests on your head and body came back clear and you started to come round, they bought you here. You see, Sarah ... they thought your problems were going to be…”
Sarah cut in. “They thought I was mad, didn’t they? Did they think I had thrown myself from that balcony?” She could feel her temper rising and fought to control it.
'Shut up Sarah,' she thought. 'Don’t lose it now you’re doing so well.'
“I didn’t throw myself off,” she went on, “I remember going into the nursery and opening the French doors, I must have fallen, or something.”
“Or something?” Ben quizzed, raising his eyebrows.
•
“I didn’t jump if that’s what you’re implying. My baby was in that room, Ben. I have said for a long time that the balcony wasn’t safe, neither of them at the Manor are.”
The thought of Bethany made her skin crawl. She knew she was really this Isobel, whoever she really was, but she hid her feelings from Ben impeccably.
“Okay, Sarah. I believe you. We’ll have another discussion tomorrow.” He smiled and left the room.
•
Back in his office he telephoned David and told him of his conversation with Sarah.
Sarah continued to make progress over the coming days and, on Christmas Eve, Ben told her the good news.
“Sarah, would you like to go home tomorrow? Just for the day to start with, you understand.”
Sarah felt her heart lift. “Really?” she said.
Ben laughed. “Really.”
Sarah flung her arms around his neck. “Thank you.”
Ben laughed louder. Untying her arms from round his neck, he went on. “Now, I will drive you home in the morning after breakfast and collect you tomorrow evening, at 8.30. Is that understood, Sarah?”
“Yes, yes anything you say, Ben.” She was still laughing and crying at the same time.
“Then let me break the news to David”
“What? David doesn’t know?” Her laughter halted, her smile froze.
Ben giggled. “Yes, Sarah, David knows I was going to ask you and he’s as excited as you are, but I have to tell him you’ve agreed to go home for Christmas.”
Sarah skipped back to her room like a young child would do. Her spirit was dancing about inside and she felt as light as a feather.
Back in her room she sat on the bed and sighed. The smile fell from her face as she thought about going home.
“Now, Isobel, show your face,” she whispered. “Let the showdown begin.”
•
Sarah was up, dressed, and waiting for Ben, unable to contain her fear and excitement. She was not capable of sitting still long enough to eat her breakfast.
All the nurses, and even Ben, thought her excitement was due to spending Christmas day with her husband and daughter, and Sarah allowed them to think that. The truth of her excitement was that she knew Isobel would show herself at the Manor - and she would deal with her, once and for all. Somehow, she didn’t know exactly how, but she had found the strength to stand up to her.
Sarah just hoped this new found bravery wouldn’t fail her when the time came.
She paced her room, looking from the door to the clock and back to the door again.
'Where’s Ben,' she thought. She could feel the flutter of butterflies in her stomach. 'Come on Ben, before I lose my nerve.'
She started to ring her hands together. 'What if Isobel doesn’t show? What if I have to spend the day in the company of
Bethany for nothing?' The thought again made her skin crawl. Perhaps Isobel would show herself as Bethany. What then? Did she have the courage to face up to the evil in what everyone had told her was her offspring? Would David ever forgive her?
Perhaps going home was a bad idea. Isobel would wait. She would eventually be allowed home permanently. Perhaps she should wait until then.
As these thoughts where rushing through her mind, there was a knock on the door, and Ben entered.
“Well, well, well,” he said. “I see you’re ready and waiting, Sarah.”
She could only manage to smile a nervous smile.
Ben went over to her and held her shoulders so she was facing him, and then, in a kind and quiet voice, he said, “Hey, don’t look so worried, you’ll have a lovely time. I promise. But if you do find it all too much, you can phone me and I will come and get you okay? I’m only in Southend visiting my parents, so I’m not far away. You just phone if you need to leave early, okay?”
Sarah nodded.
“Let’s hit the road then kid.” Ben laughed.
Sarah picked up her bag. It contained two gifts covered in bright Christmas paper; one for David and one for Bethany.
A local shop owner came in with a trolley of gifts for the patients to buy for their loved ones - apparently he did it every year.
He was a jolly old man with grey hair and a beard, and he loved to dress as Santa to help get the patients in the Christmas mood. He would ‘HOHOHO!’ as he walked the corridors and spend time with each and every patient at Moorlands, listening to their tales of woe, finding out who their loved ones were, what they liked and so forth. If he didn’t have the right gift on his trolley, he would make a special journey back to Moorlands with the promised gift so as not to disappoint anyone - a real life Santa
Claus. Sarah had requested David bring her in some money and she had purchased her gifts.
