by Terra Deason
“Okay,” I shrugged and lead the way into the mall. “Who does your hair, Saw? I need to do something different with mine. It’s a mess.” Excitement lit her eyes.
“I go to a place down from the shop, I’ll set you up an appointment.” She clapped her hands excitedly and I was glad to have made her happy.
“What do you want to do with it?” June asked.
“At this point, I’ll consider anything. Maybe even chopping it off,” I shrugged. “I’m just sick of dealing with it.”
“Don’t you dare! Your hair is beautiful!” Saw exclaimed. I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, well I’m just tired of it. Maybe I’ll dye it blue.” I was only joking, but I had to admit I wouldn’t mind an out of the box color. Saw always had a different color and her hair was always hair goals.
“Oh! Black and blue ombre,” She said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. I could almost see the wheels turning in that little head of hers.
“Sounds good,” I laughed.
“You guys are so brave,” June sighed. “I’ve never colored or gotten more than a trim before.”
“If my hair looked like yours, I wouldn’t either.” Her hair was naturally beautiful. Perks of her native american heritage.
Saw nodded in agreement.
“Not to dwell on past events or people,” Saw started. My guard flew up and I braced myself for what she might say next. “Things with Alex seem to be non existent.” My shoulders relaxed and I let out a steady breath.
“No. I think he finally got the message. He hadn’t even been around campus.” I pondered that for a moment trying to think back to the last time I had seen Alex. Was it when I bumped into him on campus? It didn’t matter. I was just glad I don't have to worry about him anymore.
First Josh, then Alex, and now Jensen. I was the worst at this guy thing.
“Well, maybe all this guy trouble is behind you,” June said ever the optimist.
“I sure hope so,” I sighed.
“Maybe not just yet.” I heard Saw mutter under her breath.
I turned to arch an eyebrow at her and she nodded behind me. I should have suspected danger when June shot me a panicked look, but that didn’t stop me from turning around to see what Saw had been talking about.
Jensen was standing in one of the many food shop lines, a few yards in front of us. My stomach fluttered at the sight of him and my body yearned to go to him. He looked so different from the last time I had seen him and it broke my heart a little more.
All his beautiful hair was gone. The sides were faded, and the top was ruffled into a mess at the top. As much as I loved his long hair, this style also suited him. His beard was now close shaved instead of the full beard that was the envy of all beards. It was as if he was a whole other person.
“You’re not the only one who stopped trying and needed a change,” Saw said from beside me.
My breath caught, and I had to look away. “Let’s go, okay?” I started towards him, intent on just walking past him, not waiting to see if the girls followed me.
I was almost in the clear when he lifted his head and those beautiful eyes landed on me. My eyes went wide and I imagined I looked like a deer caught in headlights. He opened his mouth to say something and I sucked in a breath and bolted.
Logic escaped me and I ran the wrong way, away from the closest exit. It was stupid and foolish but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. Seeing him rattled the protective walls I had built and I had a feeling seeing him would send them tumbling down.
When I felt I had gotten far enough away, I ducked into the nearest store and hid behind the racks. The sales ladies gave me questioning looks. I shrugged at them and pretended to browse as I kept an eye on the door. A few seconds later he jogged past not giving this store a second glance.
I waited a few more minutes, then decided the coast was clear. As I headed out of the shop, I searched through my bag looking for my phone. Saw and June were probably looking for me and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue this disastrous shopping trip. Not after I had just made a complete fool of myself.
“Got something you want to tell me, luv?” My head shot up to find a smirking Jensen looking down on me.
“W-what?” I stammered, and he pointed up at the store I just left. It was a maternity clothing store.
The memory of the last night Jensen and I had been together flashed in my mind, then to a few weeks later when my period was late. I had worked myself into such a panic that Saw wanted me to go see someone. It turned out to be a false alarm and I chalked it up to the stress of everything.
“That was a false alarm,” I snapped without thinking.
“What was?” he asked, confused.
“Nothing,” I mumbled and to my relief he didn’t press the issue.
His eyes roamed over me and I shifted nervously. It was bad enough I was getting shit from Saw but it looked like I catch it from him too. He looked blessed than pleased with my new appearance. Not everyone could still look amazing after a hard breakup.
“Saw said you had lost weight, but she never said it was this bad.” His voice dripped with anger. “When was the last time you ate something, luv?” He had some nerve scolding me like I was a child.
I crossed my arms over my chest and narrowed my eyes.
“That’s none of your business but if you must know I ate this morning.” It was a banana and the only thing I’d eaten today but he didn’t need to know that. The way he was looking me was making me self conscious not to mention it was hard to tell what was going on behind those eyes.
“I gotta go,” I said, backing away.
“They can wait. I want to talk to you.” His voice was harsh.
“Well I don’t want to talk to you.” My voice was equally harsh.
“Freya please,” he pleaded. The pain in his voice tore at the old wounds that were still raw.
I backed away shaking my head and gave him a weary look. This was not the place nor the time. Things were still too sore to get into right now. Maybe in time I could sit with him if he still wanted but no. Not right now.
He didn’t stop me this time as I disappeared into the crowd. Once I reached the nearest exit I dialed Saw.
“Freya! Where are you?!” She said when she answered.
“I’m at the west side exit. I think I’m just going to clear out.”
“No, you can’t leave!” I could hear June scoff in the background. “We haven’t hung out in forever. I’ll tell him to leave you alone. He won't bother you.”
“Fine,” I groaned. Being a good friend won out. Plus, I wanted to hang out with them. “I’ll meet you guys inside.”
“Good. We’re headed that way now.” She said, then hung up.
When I found them, I prepared myself for the questioning that was sure to ensure but it never came. They lead me to the nearest department store and to the women’s clothing. Looks like I would be doing all my shopping here today.
We browsed for an hour getting lost in the clothes. No one spoke a word about Jensen and I was grateful. My mind was too busy over analyzing as it was. The mindless browsing was nice and I was happy to have found a few items that I liked. At least the trip wasn’t a complete bust.
After we finished clothes shopping, the girls talked me into going to June’s favorite Chinese buffet for an early dinner. The food was amazing and we are until we were stuffed. They did a terrible job at hiding their surprise when I ate more than both of them. I couldn’t help but be a bit smug.
Too soon, I was pulling into my apartment complex. I sat in my car staring disgustedly at the building. This place was the worst place, and it killed me to have to go inside. After spending time with the girls I didn’t feel like being alone right now. But work loomed near and I had to get inside to get ready. Mack may have been lax on my appearance but my new manager would have a fit if I looked less than stellar.
I took my time getting ready. Really putting effort into it. It would be a nic
e change if I didn’t have to hear it from my manager about how I was bringing down the place with my depressed look. He really was an ass. Maybe I should look for a new job.
Thirty-One
Work was a madhouse when I walked in. It didn’t matter than it was still early. This place was always teeming with people. I tried not to think of it as a bad omen, just enviable. This place was known for the loose waitresses.
I shook my head in disgust and headed for the bar where Conor stood taking orders and making them as fast as he could. He smiled when I rounded the bar.
“Hot damn. I might actually get some help around here.” His texas accent was thick and all the girls swooned.
“Been that kind of night, huh?” I chuckled.
“Sugar, it’s always that kind of night.” He gave me a wink, and I went to work.
It everyone's surprised I picked up bartending pretty quickly and when Conor and I were working together we ran like a well-oiled machine. Bartending was the only good things about this place. The waitresses sucked, and the patrons were mouthy.
“Whiskey neat,” someone shouted. The English accent caressed the words and had my head snapping up. Heated eyes bore into me and knocked the breath out of me. “Hello, luv.”
“What are you doing here?” I breathed.
“I came for a drink.” His face was all innocence, and I narrowed my eyes.
“Conor will have to get you. I’m busy.” I wasn’t but I didn’t want him at my end of the bar.
“I can wait.” Oh, I’d make him wait all right.
I continued to take orders from the surrounding people, ignoring him. When a seat because available, he took it and waited patiently for when I could get to him. My nerves were on end as he watched me work. It made me cautious.
“Who’s the stalker?” Conor whispered in my ear as he passed.
“My ex,” I grumbled shooting a look to Jensen.
“Problem?” Conor asked, arching an eyebrow.
All I had to do was say the word and Conor would have him tossed out. Though I knew Jensen wouldn’t be so easily removed. I wasn’t too keen on making a scene so I shook my head.
“No. He’s fine.” I went to move around Conor, but he pulled me closer his hand resting above my ass. It was my turn to arch an eyebrow at my friend.
“Just giving him something to think about,” he breathed in my ear. A giggled escaped me and I leaned into him more.
This was why I liked Conor. He always had our backs no matter the situation. I slapped his ass and winked at him before turning back to my station. I sneaked a peek at Jensen and couldn’t suppress the grin when I noticed him glaring at Conor. I sighed and made his drink just as the last call bell rang.
“It’s on the house,” I said, sliding it in front of him. When I made to move away he reached out and grabbed my wrist. “Excuse you!” I tugged on my hand but he didn’t release me.
“We need to talk,” he demanded and I rolled my eyes.
“No, we really don’t.” His hold wasn’t tight, and he rubbed a gentle thumb over my throbbing pulse. The movement caused goosebumps to break out across my skin.
“Please, luv.” God, why did he have to sound so sad? It was hard enough dealing with my own sadness. I couldn’t cross that bridge.
“Jensen,” I sighed. “I’m at work. I have to go. Maybe I’ll see you around.” I hoped I wouldn’t. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. The old wounds were gaping now and I was sure I would bleed out.
“Freya…” My name was a curse on his lips.
With all the willpower I had left, I pulled out of his grasp and got back to work. I surprised myself with the level of calm I felt but I couldn’t help but think of the calm before the storm. I had a feeling later would be awful.
Conor walked me to my car after work and he seemed to be in an unusually good mood. I couldn’t help but wonder why.
“You’re awfully chipper tonight,” I noted as we came to a stop beside my car.
“Got myself a hot date,” he informed me.
“That’s awesome! I hope you have a great time.” I grinned at him, but his face fell a little. “What?”
“Just wonderin’ when you’re gonna give me the time of day? I know you just got out of somethin’. June told me, but whenever you’re ready to get back in it, come find me.”
My mouth dropped open in surprise.
“That’s really sweet, Conor, but I’m afraid that will be a long wait,” I said, once I recovered.
He didn’t seem bothered by my rejection.
“Friendzoned,” he chuckled. “For now.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and gave me a light squeeze. “I’ll see you later, sugar.”
“Later.” I watched as he headed to his car and took the time to appreciate him. He really was a good guy and maybe if my heart was ever mended I might give him a shot.
Just as I was about to step into the shower, there was a banging on my door. My shoulders hung and I stared longingly at the warm, inviting spray, contemplating on just ignoring whoever was out there. The banging sounded again and sounded louder. I cursed whoever was on the other side.
“Who is it?” I called, coming to a stop in front of the door.
“It’s Derek, let me in,” he grunted.
I pulled the lock and opened the door to find Derek supporting a very drunk Jensen on the other side.
“Um, what are you doing?”
Jensen’s head rolled to the side and he mumbled something that sounded like “bloody talk to you”. My eyes widened on Derek and he rolled his eyes. He pushed past me and into my apartment, hauling Jensen with him. When he was inside I shut the door and turned to face them.
Derek looked to me in confusion. “Where’s your couch?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Then where can I put him?” He shifted uncomfortably.
“Back in your car,” I deadpanned. “He’s not staying.”
“Look Freya, he insisted on coming here. He didn’t care how either. By the time I caught up with him he was walking down the highway. In the wrong direction. I had to call Saw to get your address. Please don’t make me cart him back down them stairs. Just let him sleep it off here and I’ll come back in the morning to collect him.”
“I don’t know, Derek. That doesn't sound like a good idea,” I said, unsure. His eyes pleased with me and I groaned. “Fine! Put him in my bed.”
He hauled Jensen across the room to my bed. I moved ahead of him and pulled back the covers, dragging the comforter and a pillow off, holding them in my arms. They were essential for the pallet I would make later.
Derek grunted as he placed Jensen onto my bed. Lucky for him it was low to the ground. Derek lost his grip and dropped him and Jensen’s head bounced off the mattress. He didn't even wake up. He just rolled to his side and hugged a pillow to his chest.
I turned to frown at Derek. “I should make you stay and take care of him while I go to your house and get a good night's sleep. It would serve you right for bringing him here.”
He gave me a sheepish smile. “Come on, Freya. You know I had to help a brother out.” His smile turned serious and he walked over to me and wrapped me in a hug. “How’ve you been?”
“Like shit. If you can’t tell.”
“I can tell,” he said pulling back. “But I figured it would be rude to say so.”
“Jerk,” I chuckled, but hugged him tighter.
“I worry about you two. He’s not doing much better, babe.” My eyes flickered to Jensen, then back up to Derek.
“He did this to us.” I frowned.
“Did he though? We’ve all talked to him. He is adamant he was never at a bar or with other women. He would have at least told one of us the truth. But my man was never one for games. I believe him, Freya. We all do.”
I leaned into him for support. I was just so tired. Tired of feeling so miserable and trying to defend my reasons for doing all of this. It sucked being the only who had seen those pictur
es. I was starting to second guess everything. Maybe I was to rash in my decisions.
With a sigh, I pulled away, running a hand through my hair, trying to ignore the tightening in my chest. I turned on my heel and headed for the living room area to make my pallet.
“You know, Freya. One day he will get tired of waiting for you to believe him. Are you sure whatever you think he did will be worth it?”
That was a fantastic question.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. I dropped my comforter and pillow to the floor but didn't move to make a pallet. Instead, I turned back to face Derek. “I have a class at eight. Be here to get him by seven-thirty.”
“Sure thing, Frey.” He reached out and pulled me back into his hulking body. “It’ll work out, girl. I’ve never met two better who belonged together.”
Tears clouded my vision, and I gave a watery chuckle. “You’re one hell of a wing man.”
He shrugged. “He would do the same for me.”
My head was a mess and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do anymore. Derek gave me so much think about and I wanted more than anything to just forgive and forget. But I wasn’t sure if it would be that easy.
What if I was wrong? What if Jensen was telling the truth and somehow those pictures were a misunderstanding? Could I get past this and move on? Would he forgive me for accusing him of something so awful? There were some many questions that needed answers and they terrified me.
I frowned down at the pile on the floor and cursed the drunken idiot on my bed. I dreaded the coming morning, and I had a feeling Jensen would be a pain to get rid of. It’s a good thing I was used to lack of sleep because there wasn’t any hope of getting any tonight.
My shower was quick and once I was dried off and dressed, I tiptoed into my room to check on Jensen. He had kicked off his shoes and was now curled into a ball in the middle of my bed. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and snuggle with him. God, how I longed for his warm embrace.
I backed away, afraid that I might give in and crawl into bed with him. Hurrying to the living room I made my pallet and crawled in. This was going to be a long, sleepless night.
