“Not really,” Beth said.
“Do you know why monkeys are brown?”
“I—”
“Because the Monkey King kissed Buddha's butt!” Gregor shouted. “Buddha licked him good, and the Monkey King said, 'Oh merciful Buddha, my lips do not deserve to—'”
Gregor stopped talking and winced as Michiko whacked his cage with her open hand. “Stop being so mean!” she yelled.
“Well, stop being so belittling and condescending to me!” Gregor said. “Like it or not, and I don't, I'm on your side! Show me some respect!”
“But I was just having fun!” Michiko said. “I didn't—”
“Michiko,” Beth said. “Let it go.”
“But—”
“I mean it. We have to work together with Gregor, so try to understand him. Put yourself in his place.” Michiko pouted but nodded.
“Not bad, Blondie!” Gregor said with a smirk. “Maybe she'll—”
“As for you,” Beth said, “my name is Beth, not 'Blondie'.”
“But—”
Beth pointed at the guinea pig. “I'm only going to say this once, so listen. If you ever, and I mean ever, pull that kind of crap on me or Michiko again, I will dangle you by a bungee cord over a pit full of hungry cats. Get it?”
Gregor swallowed hard. “Got it.”
“Good.” Beth lowered her arm and restrained a sigh of relief. “Michiko, let's fill Gregor in. We need to get to work.”
Ten minutes later, Michiko and Beth set off with Gregor for the alley near Leiber Lane. Michiko had her seeming on, and Beth was carrying the guinea pig in a purse she had gotten in a white elephant Christmas exchange and never used, in part because she hated purses but mostly because it was gaudy and shiny enough to blind the unwary. It was almost as big as Beth's kitchen and made of gold lame fabric inside and out, with golden sequins sewed all over in patterns that reminded people of eldritch Rorschach blots. Beth wished that she could have a seeming put on it, but she then realized it could probably repel them on its own.
When they reached the alley, Michiko checked to make sure they were alone, then snapped her fingers. Beth opened the purse, and Gregor stuck his head out. “About time, girl,” he said. “I felt like Paris Hilton's dog in there.”
“But cuter than either of them,” Michiko said with a grin. “Beth, is the barrier still there?” Beth glanced over and nodded.
Gregor stared at the entrance. “Whoever crafted this was good,” he said after a minute. “It's anchored, and very well-constructed.”
“Can you break it?”
“I don't know. Put me down and stand back.”
Beth set the purse on the ground facing the barrier, and she and Michiko moved away. Gregor stared in the distance and mumbled under his breath; it sounded half-Latin and half-Cyrillic. His muscles tensed, his fur stood on end. Then, the air seemed to vibrate, and there was a sound like a rubber band snapping. “Ha!” Gregor said. “I've still got it!”
“It does look like the barrier's gone,” Beth said.
Michiko took a penny from her pocket and tossed it towards the entrance. It flew through, hit the sidewalk, and rolled several feet before tumbling to a stop. “Nice job, Gregor!” she said, holding up the caution tape for Beth. “Let's see what's hiding here. Gregor, look for magical traps or residue. Beth, check for seemings.”
“Or,” Beth said, “we could just look for the obvious clue.” She pointed to a corner in the back of the alley.
Michiko walked over and picked up the dagger lying there; it had been concealed from view from the sidewalk by an overturned shopping cart. “Look at the hilt,” she said; it was black and thick. “It's a hobgoblin weapon.”
“It's almost too obvious,” Beth said.
“I know. If the hobgoblins did this, they're really sloppy. But I think it's time to go have a chat just the same.”
Chapter Six
The three-story warehouse was old and decrepit. Windows were broken, walls were covered in graffiti and pasted-on posters, and trash and weeds were everywhere. “This is where the hobgoblins live?” Beth said.
“Appearances.” Michiko snapped her fingers, dispelling her seeming. “They want it to look bad on the outside so they'll be left alone, but they've cleaned up and remodeled the inside.”
“Emigre gentrification, huh?”
“That's one way to put it.” Michiko walked up to the warehouse door, which had been boarded up and padlocked. “Try not to wreck their seemings if you can.” She knocked on the door.
After a moment, a bolthole opened in the door. “What do you want?” a scratchy voice asked.
“We're investigating a kidnapping,” Michiko said.
“And you are?”
“They call me the Monkey Queen.”
The bolthole slammed shut. There was a brief but loud discussion inside. Then, the door creaked open, even though the seeming held, making it look like the boards were still in place. Michiko and Beth quickly stepped in.
They were in a waiting room; another door to the side led to the main warehouse. Two hobgoblin guards were there, pointing their pikes at the women as the front door closed. “What brings you here, humans?” one guard said.
“I got lost,” Michiko said. “I thought this was Costco.” The guard swore in the hobgoblin tongue, which made it sound even angrier.
“Guards! Stand down!”
Beth turned and saw a hobgoblin woman standing in the doorway to the warehouse. Her skin was a softer red, her hair was short and gray, and she wore a brown toga-like robe with a black sash and a red belt. “So you're the Monkey Queen,” she said.
“I am,” Michiko said. “And these are my companions, Beth McGill and Gregor.” Beth nodded; Gregor stuck his head out of the purse but kept quiet.
“I am called Amitya,” the hobgoblin said. “I am the Speaker for the hobgoblin Emigres. I understand that you have urgent business to discuss.”
“We do,” Michiko said. “Is there an office?”
“This way.” Amitya led them out of the waiting room.
They stepped into a large room with high ceilings, lit by a handful of windows and a few spotlights. A dozen hobgoblins were gathered there, sitting at tables or crossing the stone floor. Off to one side, a makeshift skylight let the sun in on a small stretch of grass and bushes. A handful of children were playing there, running madly about as an elderly hobgoblin matron tried to calm them down. On the far side of the room was a maze of crude plywood partitions, with many hallways and doors; Amitya led the humans to a door and waved them in.
The office was simply furnished, with a small desk and several rickety chairs. There was another hobgoblin sitting there; he was wearing a black tunic and trousers with a red belt and trim. “This must be the famous Monkey Queen,” he said as he got to his feet.
“It is!” Michiko said. “Did you want my autograph?”
“Not particularly.” He still extended a hand. “I am Vrech. I'm on the Hoblands Council.”
Michiko's eyes widened. “Puck speaks highly of you,” she said as they shook hands. “Maybe I should be asking for your autograph.”
“Hardly.” Vrech smiled slightly.
“So what brings you here?”
“I came to discuss the Emigre situation with Amitya. Who's your friend?”
“Beth McGill,” she said. “I'm helping with this case.” They shook hands.
“The Monkey Queen mentioned a kidnapping,” Amitya said as they sat down.
Michiko nodded. “Puck's been abducted. All the evidence we have so far points to a hobgoblin gang as the culprits.”
Amitya gasped. Vrech's expression darkened. “Tell me what you know, Monkey Queen,” he said.
Michiko related her two earlier encounters with hobgoblins, Tierra's account of what happened, and their findings in the alley. She finished by pulling the hobgoblin dagger from her pocket and laying it on the desk.
Vrech stared at the dagger. “Monkey Queen…I know what the evidenc
e shows. But I'm ready to swear, here and now, that we are being set up.”
He stood up and began to pace the small room. “I have worked for decades to bring my people out of the darkness. We took the Hoblands by force centuries ago, and we'd lived by the sword and by treachery, but many years ago, leaders with foresight and will took the first steps towards ending that by signing the Compact with the Courts. We're trying to overcome our bad reputation, to be an example for the Outlands and beyond. But now…this…” He sat down hard.
“Could there be some mistake?” Amitya asked.
“I disrupted their seemings,” Beth said. “They were deliberately disguising themselves as humans.”
“And that would mark them as Emigres,” Michiko said.
Amitya shook her head. “I can't imagine who here would do that. We've had troublemakers here, but they've never bothered anyone outside.”
“I hate to say this,” Vrech said, “but are we sure it wasn't Krexx?”
“Who?” Michiko asked.
“He's our resident sorcerer,” Amitya said. “He specializes in mechanically-based magic. His devices help keep us powered and protected.”
“Unfortunately, his behavior lately has been eccentric at best and belligerent at worst.” Vrech shook his head. “He's become more frustrated with our conditions, both here and in the Hoblands.”
“Maybe we should talk to him?” Beth said.
“He's not fond of strangers or humans,” Amitya said, “but if it will help clear our names, we'll take you to see him.”
They walked deeper into the warehouse. The partitions there formed a long hallway, and Beth could see hobgoblins walking along or going into their little rooms. “How many hobgoblins live here?” she asked.
“More than a hundred,” Amitya said. “We've had a few new arrivals and a few babies lately.”
They reached a door at the far end of the hallway. Amitya knocked on it. “Krexx?” she said. “We need to speak to you. It's official business.”
There were footsteps, and then the door flew open. A hobgoblin in a long, stained and torn blue robe stood there, a triangular blue cap on his head, an odd-looking brass contraption in his hand. “Speaker Amitya! Councilor Vrech!” he said. “What brings—”
His gaze landed on Michiko, who grinned, and Beth, who smiled and raised a hand in greeting. “Humans!” he shouted, and he ducked back inside and slammed the door.
“That could have gone better,” Beth said, lowering her hand.
“Of all the nerve!” Amitya threw the door open and stormed in, the others following.
The room was dimly lit, with tables and workbenches everywhere, all piled with spare parts, half-finished devices, and the occasional smoking or bubbling flask. Krexx was in a corner, one arm raised to shield his face. “Why are the humans here?” he shrieked. “Are they here to evict us? Or destroy us?”
“They're here to talk to you,” Vrech said. “There was a kidnapping last night.”
“Who?”
“Puck, the faerie Emigre.”
Krexx lowered his arm. “Why should I care if a faerie was kidnapped?”
“Because it was apparently done by hobgoblins using seemings,” Amitya said.
“Oh.” Krexx calmed down. “Wasn't me. I don't do seemings. And I've been here for at least 24 hours. Gears don't reset on their own, you know.”
“Are you sure?” Michiko asked. “They say you're good at whipping up devices that mimic spells.” She pointed to a belt with a glowing brass buckle on a workbench. “Like that belt. What does it do?”
“Typical human,” Krexx said with a sneer. “Always quick to assign blame.”
“I just wanted to know—”
“Could have been new arrivals,” Krexx said. “Could have been agents paid by Faerie. Could have been shapeshifters. But you're blaming me, after all I've done here!”
“She wasn't blaming you,” Beth said, raising her hands as she took a step towards the sorcerer. “We just want to find our friend, that's all.”
“That belt helps me levitate to the rafters to fix lights!” Krexx shouted, anger in his eyes. He pulled a brass rod, adorned with wires and crystals, from his robe and pointed it at Beth. “Why don't we see what this does?” he screamed. Beth stepped back and raised her arms to shield her face.
Michiko sprung across the room and knocked the rod from Krexx's hand. She grabbed him by his collar and glared at him. “You may have heard of me,” she said. “I'm the Monkey Queen. And if you ever threaten Beth again, I will make you regret it.”
“Monkey Queen.” Amitya laid a hand on her shoulder. “I'll talk to him. I'm sorry about this.”
Michiko nodded and released Krexx; he fell to the floor and covered his head. “We should probably go,” she said.
“Shapeshifters?” Beth asked Michiko and Vrech as they walked back down the hall. “Would that mean werewolves or something?”
“Not this time,” Michiko said. “Shapeshifters tend not to get along with each other. I can't imagine three of them working together.”
“And why would they go through the training and the trouble to just take a hobgoblin form?” Vrech said. “I don't think they'd be willing to take on a weakness just for that.”
“A weakness?” Beth asked.
“Yep!” Michiko said. “A shapeshifter has to take a weakness before they can learn how to take a new shape. It's a required part of the ritual. If that shape is a specific sentient being, they have to take a weakness related to that person's tastes.”
“That still doesn't rule out some of the other possibilities Krexx mentioned,” Beth said. “Like a band of rogues from the Hoblands.”
“I know,” Vrech said as they reached the door to the guard room. “I will make some inquires. But I hope both of you will keep an open mind on this, and not blame us unless there's solid proof that hobgoblins were behind the abduction.”
“We will,” Michiko said as the door opened. “We'll be in touch.”
They walked away from the hobgoblin shelter in silence as the daylight faded. Michiko pouted as she stared at the ground. “So how many ways did I blow that one?” she said.
“Huh?” Beth said.
“Krexx wasn't a threat,” Michiko said. “That rod wasn't charged. He just wanted us to go away.”
“You didn't know that.”
“She should have,” Gregor said, sticking his head out of the gaudy purse. “Anyone with any sense could have seen that it was a bluff.”
“Gregor!” Beth said.
“Beth, he's right.” Michiko shook her head. “I should have known. What if I've pushed Krexx over the brink? The hobgoblins need him.”
“Michiko…” Beth stopped and looked at her partner. “What's done is done. We can go back later and apologize if we need to. But you did what you thought you had to do to protect me, and I'm glad you did. Thanks.” She smiled.
Michiko tried to return her smile. “You're welcome. I just wish—”
“Monkey Queen!”
She and Beth turned and saw a group of faeries, their seemings already removed, heading their way. One faerie walked ahead of the others. He was older and taller, and carried himself with a noble, arrogant air. His robe was red and gold, like the others, but shone as if real gold had been woven into the fabric. His ornate jewelry matched, right down to the diamond and ruby studded diadem he wore.
“Well, if isn't Duke Wrexham!” Michiko said. “What brings you to our sleepy little town? Slumming?”
“How droll,” Wrexham said. “No, I came on a Court-related matter. But I bring good tidings!”
“You're leaving already?” Michiko said.
“Ah, another example of what humans mistakenly call 'humor'. No, I have come to tell you that your search is over.”
“Thanks, but I'm not looking for a date tonight.”
“Enough of your jokes!” the Duke shouted. “Behold! I have accomplished what the Monkey Queen could not!” He stepped aside and gestured. His m
en parted—
And Puck stepped out of the crowd, appearing to be none the worse for wear.
“Professor!” Beth ran past Michiko and Wrexham, but before she could reach Puck, two faerie soldiers cut her off. “Hey!” she said as they pushed her back.
“You'll have to forgive my men,” the Duke said. “Puck has been through quite an ordeal.”
“Aye,” Puck said. “I am thankful that the Duke's men rescued me when they did.”
“The kidnappers escaped,” Wrexham said, “but we will track them down.”
“And we won't need the help of an overrated, egotistical, self-proclaimed hero—”
“Huh?” Michiko said, blinking in surprise.
“—or a confused girl in way over her head—”
“What?” Beth said in a small, stunned voice.
“—to have our vengeance,” Puck said.
Wrexham nodded. “We'll discuss this more tomorrow,” he said to Puck. “Tonight, we feast to celebrate your freedom!”
The faeries turned to go. Wrexham looked back at Michiko and smiled cruelly. “Goodnight, Monkey Queen,” he said. Puck also looked back; he said nothing, but his smile matched the Duke's.
Beth stared at him as they left. “Professor?” she said. “What happened to you? What happened?”
Michiko scowled. “I don't know, but I don't like it.”
“Funny how that all worked out,” Gregor said with a shrug. “Ah, well. You'll be taking me back to the pet store now, right?”
Beth and Michiko glared at him. “No,” they said at the same time.
Chapter Seven
It was after dark by the time they returned to Beth's apartment. By then, Michiko had asked about staying there overnight again, and Beth had quickly agreed, still quietly worried about the ogre and the shadow bird from the night before. They had an extra-large Hawaiian pizza delivered, and Beth broke out and shared another dark chocolate bar from her stash. They talked all the while about Puck, but got no closer to understanding the change in his behavior.
Of Introductions and Abductions Page 5
