His beautiful baritone voice spoke words that my heart and mind never wanted to hear or could even really fathom. When he finished the sordid story, I realized that I was curled up against his chest, his arms protectively encircling me like he was trying to shield me from my pain. I never asked a question or said a word during his monologue. It wasn’t necessary. He had the mind of a detective and he left no question unanswered while he laid out the story from beginning to end. Wracked with grief, I had no tears left to release. My well had run dry, and I felt my heart begin to turn to stone.
Piper and Kevin may have wreaked havoc in their bloody ambition to gain the upper hand in the twisted game they played, but it was a game that Olin and I started. No matter how much I didn’t want to own that thought, it was the honest truth. Olin was a vile individual that treated people as mere toys for his sick pleasure, and he deserved to finally be held accountable for his actions. But when did I become judge and jury? Yes, he destroyed a part of my soul that I would never recover, but did that give me the universal right to exact my punishment on him, as well as the others? I held my own pain up as my badge, using it to convince myself that they all deserved to pay for my broken spirit. But never, even in my worst nightmares, did I foresee the far reaching consequences of my own actions.
No wonder my mind was blocking those memories. Who the hell would want to remember those awful things? Even though I heard the words and comprehended their meaning, it was like reading a book because they seemed still like a story, not something I had experienced. None of what he just related brought back any sort of image or recall of the events. All I felt was mind-numbing shock.
“Audra, look at me,” Steve said, his hand touching my cheek while he guided my face to meet his. “I know what you are thinking, and what happened is not your fault.”
I knew he was only trying to console me, but I snapped back.
“Really? How did you come to that conclusion?” I said, pulling away from his protective embrace.
“Because the evil that caused all of this didn’t emanate from you; it came from the filthy mind of Olin. He was not only a rapist, but a murderer, Audra, and one that escaped justice for untold amounts of crimes for over thirty years. And during his reprieve, he spent his time destroying the lives of countless others that he came into contact with on a daily basis. Look what his tactics did to get what he wanted Piper to do? It drove her over the edge to a murderous insanity, even after being locked away from him for over five years. His evil tentacles reached far and wide. Plus, I seem to recall you telling me only a few short weeks ago how many lawsuits for sexual harassment the firm had been hit with since his arrest. How many other women did you save from experiencing the trauma you endured by exposing that bastard’s true colors?”
“That may very well be true, but it doesn’t negate the fact that people, innocent people, are dead, Steve. Gabby had quit and was in the parking lot when I convinced her to stay and help me take them all down. If I wouldn’t have involved her, Jeff wouldn’t have to bury his fiancé. And let’s not forget that poor doctor that held no ties whatsoever to us or that young girl at the gas station. Families are in mourning because of what I started,” I responded. My voice, hard as stone, moved from my heart to my throat.
“Audra, while your way of handling the situation that you found yourself in may not be considered the traditional, legal way, have you ever stopped to consider that all of this could have happened the same exact way had you gone to the police?”
I shook my head no, not only at the question but in response to the fact that I didn’t believe the outcome would have been the same.
“Think about it for just a moment, will you? Let’s say you had gone to the police and reported the rape and he was arrested. It would have come out in the press, which was already hungry for his blood after the truth about that merger issue, and people that had been previous victims of his would have come forth. I’ve seen it before in other cases when someone finally takes the brave stance and ‘outs’ a criminal—other victims tend to follow. When they come to terms with the fact that they weren’t the only ones that suffered at the hands of someone, they feel a great sense of relief. That relief forms a sort of a kinship with the other victims which they then use to draw strength from, giving them the grit and determination to report what happened to them.
Had you decided to go that route, Olin would still have been in jail awaiting trial and Piper would still have gone on the warpath to eliminate those of you that planned on testifying against him, which would have included Gabby. After all, it would have come out during the investigation what happened to her, and she would have been called as a witness. You know as well as I do that she would have jumped at the chance.”
I interrupted. “You don’t know that.”
“Oh, I believe I do. Recall that the parking garage’s security footage that showed the attack from Olin was obtained by her, not you. Had you not used it that day, she had every intention of taking it to the police. She would have presented it as evidence so she could file charges against him, remember?”
The intensity behind his eyes was so strong, so passionate. If he didn’t believe what he was saying or was simply trying to spew out some garble to make me feel better, he sure was convincing me with his act, whether it was real or faked.
“I hadn’t thought of that,” I said, biting on my lip while I let a new line of thought settle in.
“Either way, Gabby would have been involved, which put her in Piper’s crosshairs. The only one that might have escaped her intentions was Robert. However, I have serious doubts about whether or not even he would have remained silent. He was devastated that day he finally admitted what happened with Gina, but the relief on his face was evident as well. And, you forget, I interrogated him and helped work out the deal for his testimony against Olin, and I watched him struggle with the guilt that keeping the secret for so long had on him.
“Once he hit that pressure release and let it out, he was a different man. Of course, I don’t know for sure, but I believe that he would have finally rolled on Olin simply to eliminate his internal pain. He had never seen Olin in any other light than someone that held all the cards, but if he would have seen him arrested and behind bars, I believe he would have noticed a chink in the armor and realized that Olin was not this almighty demigod that couldn’t be touched.
“The biggest piece of the puzzle I think you are forgetting is Rosemary. You gave that woman peace after thirty three years of living in a constant state of the unknown. You gave her closure for a nightmare that no mother should ever be faced with experiencing, regardless of how that closure came about. And you have become sort of a surrogate daughter to her. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at you. I have known Rosemary my entire life and I have never seen her so at peace. That’s all because of you.”
The tears I thought were dried up began to flow again. Steve reached out and wiped them away from my face. His hands gently cupped my face, his eyes imploring my own as the setting Arizona sun framed his head with bursts of orange and yellow, the sun starting its descent behind him.
“Audra, you didn’t create this chain of events. You simply shined a light on the dark deeds of an evil man that should never have gotten away with the horrors he inflicted on others. Just as light attracts light, evil attracts evil. You were surrounded by it, and the actions of others were simply their sick way of dealing with being exposed.”
I desperately wanted to believe him, to rid myself of the overwhelming sense of guilt that had settled over every inch of my heart, but it was a struggle. Everyone that I had come into contact with was hurting—even those on the periphery. Jeff had to bury the love of his life. Robert’s family had to live the rest of their lives without him. Rosemary’s quiet home had been the setting of a brutal crime scene, and hadn’t that lovely woman suffered enough trauma and tragedy in her life? My God, more came pounding down her door and forced its way inside her life because of me.
Strangers whose names I didn’t even know had their lives torn apart from the deaths of the doctor and that poor young girl. Even Olin’s lawyer was a victim in the twisted game, caused by some other broken soul that wanted revenge of their own. When would it all end? I felt almost like a mouse on a spinning wheel, watching the same scenery pass me by as the wheel became elongated as more runners joined in. My path of revenge spread out so far and branched off in directions that I never envisioned it would, leaving a trail of bloodied corpses along the dirty road. That path was littered with the blood I shed of two people. Kevin and Piper died by my hands, and their blood became a permanent stain on my soul. Even though I killed them in defense of my own life, as well as Rosemary’s and Nicole’s, it didn’t make the deep guilt lighten any.
The only thing that was keeping me from a complete nervous breakdown was the knowledge that it was finally over and maybe all of us could start the long journey back to normalcy, if there really is such a thing.
That journey would start with saying goodbye.
“I assume Robert’s funeral has already taken place, but what about Gabby’s?”
Steve maneuvered himself over to reach for my glass and refill it with water. He grabbed a plate of food and set it before me, his way of insisting that I eat and drink something. He knew that I deprived myself of food when I was under great duress, and I could tell from the stern look on his face that he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I took a small sip of the cold water and nibbled at the strawberries on my plate, waiting for an answer to my question. He settled back next to me and took a long pull off of his beer before he responded.
“It is scheduled for Saturday at three in Phoenix.”
“At least I will have a chance to say goodbye to her, although I must admit, it will be difficult for me to face Jeff.”
“Audra, please. If you think Jeff blames you for what happened, you’re wrong.”
“How in the world can you say that? You don’t know what he is feeling.”
“Because I have talked to him, that’s how. Twice, as a matter of fact. He called the hospital to check on you when you were still unconscious, and the nurses came and got me. And yes, he is heartbroken, but he in no way blames you. His anger is placed where it should be—with Piper, and Olin.”
I felt the heavy load sitting on my shoulders lighten just a fraction. “How’s he holding up?”
“Well, he is doing the best he can. He is a typical guy, though. He wants retribution for her death—and probably with his own hands—but that isn’t to be. He is slowly coming to terms with the fact that the cosmos already handed down justice to Piper, Kevin, and Olin, and he is taking comfort in that. I do believe, however, that he would have been more satisfied had it come from him.”
“Well, if anyone can understand that process, I can. But if there is one lesson that I have learned from this whole experience, it is that the sword of justice shouldn’t be wielded without full understanding of just how heavy it is to carry.”
“It may be heavy, but you don’t have to bear it alone. Now that it’s all over, I will help you carry it, and each day, our love will make the load lighter and lighter.”
It was then that I realized how much I really loved him. Never in my life had I ever felt that type of connection with another person. What was there not to love about him?
Was he right, that truly, it was all behind us and it was time to pick up the remaining pieces of our lives and move on? And exactly what did moving on entail for me? Did I want to go back to Winscott after everything that happened? Could I walk back through those doors and try to salvage what was left of the place? Was it worth even trying? Perhaps I needed to find a new career path—something less dangerous, like working on the bomb squad.
The only thing I did not have any reservations about was how I felt about Steve. I decided that I would just take one day at a time instead of my usual route of planning with intricate detail my entire life. For once, I would just let things happen rather than steering them in the direction I wanted them to go. What was it that Rosemary said? “Let go and let God”?
“I love you, Steve Ronson,” I replied, my voice catching in my throat as I spoke the words out loud that my heart had been feeling for quite some time.
He took my plate and drink and set them on the table, then quickly stood up. Assuming he was ready for a long rest in a real bed like I was, I started to stand then watched in confusion as he knelt down on one knee in front of me.
Oh my god…..
His eyes were limpid pools of sapphire blue, shimmering from the moisture behind them. They looked straight through me and pushed their way through the stony wall I felt around my heart earlier.
“Audra Marie Tanner, the moment I met you changed my entire existence. You awakened my soul and made me feel truly alive for the first time in years. Your smile gave me something to look forward to seeing, your heart and soul something to aspire to win over. I almost lost you, but I will be damned if it happens again. I love you as well, and I promise to be here for you for the rest of our lives…if you would do me the pleasure of becoming my wife.”
His hand shook slightly as it appeared out of his pocket. In it, he held a thick band of glittering gold, his eyes never leaving my own as he awaited my answer.
How could one person handle such a wide variety of emotions in one day? Sadness, regret, sorrow, and then ecstatic joy all bounced around inside my head like a ping pong ball.
Dear God, I wanted to say yes, but how could I? How could I put him, my gift from Heaven, through the tormented world that I lived in? I didn’t even have an inkling of how I was going to cope with the burning embers of the firestorm I walked through, so how could I drag him alongside me? More importantly, why would he want to go? I was damaged goods, a pariah that seemed to have danger and death surrounding me at every turn. So many lives had been destroyed since I decided to perform the role of judge, jury and eventually, executioner.
While those thoughts raced through my head, hot tears dripped down my face as I stared into the eyes of the man I loved. My God, but he was beautiful. I knew that when I gave him my answer of no, his heart would break, just as my own would, but I preferred to leave him with a broken heart rather than a broken body.
Suddenly, the memory of my encounter with Jesse and Gina filled my mind, and I heard his sweet little voice say, “Take care of Steve.” It was then that all fear and worry about the future disappeared, the ache in my heart lessened, and I felt at peace. Regardless of the past, the future would be different. I just knew it.
Through my choking tears, I cried, “Yes, oh my God, yes!”
THURSDAY
THE WALK INTO THE office was a delightful treat. I had driven around the block a few times before I entered the parking deck, making sure that the area was free of the media roaches before I stepped out of the car. I made it all the way to the elevator bank before the annoying vermin scuttled from their hiding spots and bombarded me with questions. To their credit, the security guards intervened once we were inside the building, forming a body blockade that allowed me to slip through and escape the fiery daggers of questions. God, what a way to live! Didn’t those people have lives of their own?
I rode the elevator in silence to our floor, thankful that the reporters had yet to figure out where I lived. My house was not owned on paper by me but rather a long line of shelter companies, so my identity was well hidden. Once I had been spotted back at work, I was sure some resourceful newshound would try to follow me home, and my tranquil life would be destroyed. I made a mental note to call Eric later and have him do a drive-by and pick me up later when work was over. I doubted I would have any trouble finding someone to get behind the wheel of my Mercedes and meet us somewhere to pick it up. Of course, I could just leave it at work, since I wouldn’t be using it for much longer anyway. Eric could just chauffer me around.
The doors slid open, and I found myself in the reception area, and strangely, I felt a small rush of
apprehension ripple through me as I stepped out onto the marble floor. I had spent over half of my adult life walking those halls, and knowing that in a few short days that would cease almost made me sad.
Well, almost.
“Good morning, Ms. Simmons! Oh my goodness, I’m so happy you’re back!”
Denise, the mousy little receptionist that desperately needed a makeover, bounded out of her chair behind her desk and ran over to me and threw her twigs around my neck. The force of her unwanted affection made me want to scream to get the hell away from me, but I knew I shouldn’t. I needed to keep as low of a profile as possible before I disappeared, and a raving lunatic did not fit that bill. Still, her annoying display of emotion made me want to puke, so I pulled away from the irritating little twit, feigning pain.
“Careful, I’m still pretty sore.”
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t think about that,” Denise said as she let go. “I’m just so glad you are back. And I just can’t believe…”
I held up my hand and began the walk down to my office, fully aware the day had just begun and would be full of the same bullshit from others. “I know, I know. Difficult circumstances to come to terms with, but we must. Life goes on. Thanks again for the lovely welcome back.”
She was cut off from responding by the incessant ringing of the phones. It took me another twenty minutes to actually make it into my office as the same scenario was repeated by other employees. I smiled, played the recovering victim of a horrific crime that was thankful for their concern, but each time someone commented about “poor Audra” I felt my nerves spark with irritation.
Eviscerating the Snake - The Complete Trilogy Page 52
